Beautifully Broken
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: They were meant for each other, that much was obvious. But can young love survive the trials & tribulations of high school, parents & life itself? Once you find the one you belong with, is it possible to learn to live without? AU/EO
1. 1 Fifteen

_Authors Note:_

_I borrowed the title for this story from one of my reviews on another story. It was something that was suggested by Anastasia, as she read (Learning To Love With A Broken Heart.) In trying to think of a name for this one, "Beautifully Broken" kept creeping into my head and seemed to fit so perfectly. _

_Also, this is going to be a bit of a tear jerker as the relationship is tried, so grab your box of tissues! This story is different from anything else I have ever written on here before, but I figured I'd give it a shot seeing as my other AU story (Beautiful Stranger) has had such a following. Thank you all for checking it out! _

_Love it? Hate it? Hit the review button & tell me about it! ~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~_

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter One: Fifteen)**_

**The first time Elliot saw her she was sitting on the tailgate on the back of a friends truck. She had one of her blue and white pom poms in her lap and the other was on the ground below her feet. On her left cheek was a blue paw print in face paint and the blue and white ribbons holding up her brown pony tail matched the colors in her cheerleading uniform perfectly. **

**He stood and stared for a moment as she talked and laughed with her friends. He had never seen a girl like her before. She was young, a good year or two younger than him and had a glow of innocence around her. Her big smile was bright and her laugh was warm and playful. And Elliot was immediately taken by her.**

"**Dude, we're gonna be late," he heard as his friend Steve shoved him forward. **

"**I'm going," Elliot snapped as he spun around to hit his buddy in the shoulder.**

"**We still have to warm up before the game and if we're late coach is gonna kill us. I'm already on probation for getting a 'D' on that math test. If I screw up anymore I'll be cut for sure." **

"**He's not gonna cut you," Elliot replied. "You have the best arm on the team. So relax. Besides, we're not gonna be late." **

**Elliot glanced back toward the truck to catch another look at his exotic beauty. This time she shifted her eyes up to meet his and smiled at him. She was the most incredible thing he had ever seen.**

* * *

"**Who is he?" Courtney asked nudging Olivia with her elbow.**

"**I don't know," Olivia replied.**

"**So if you don't know him why is he staring?"**

"**He isn't staring. He is looking. Besides, he's kind of cute," Olivia said looking back at her friend as her handsome stranger disappeared behind the school building.**

"**Ehh, not as cute as…."**

"**Roger Halloway, I know," Olivia cut her off laughing.**

"**Hey, there was a time when you wanted him too." **

"**Roger is cute."**

"**Yeah. The why did you turn him down when he asked you out?"**

"**Because you like him a lot more than I do. And…."**

"**And?"**

"**I don't know, he just seems kind of self involved."**

"**Olivia, any guy who looks the way he looks has the right to be a little self involved."**

"**I guess so. I also heard that he only dates girls who sleep with him."**

"**That is probably because all of the girls he dates want to sleep with him."**

"**I don't want to sleep with him."**

"**You don't?"**

"**No. I don't really want to sleep with anybody."**

"**You're telling me that you wouldn't give it up for a hottie like Roger Halloway?" **

"**I just don't know many high school guys who are worth the trouble. Including Roger Halloway. I just want it to be special, you know? With someone I love and who loves me back."**

"**How do you know Roger didn't love you?"**

**Olivia laughed. "The only person Roger Halloway loves is Roger Halloway!"**

**Courtney laughed with her. "True. But I can't honestly say that if Roger asked me out and we were dating and he wanted to, that I wouldn't sleep with him."**

"**Well, what do you want?"**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**Your first time, how do you want it to be?"**

"**Someone I care about. But it doesn't have to be the man I am going to marry. Really I just want it to happen before college."**

"**You set a timeframe for losing your virginity? Courtney, there is something seriously wrong with you!"**

"**I just want to be more experienced by the time I go to college, that's all. No college guy wants to date a virgin. Besides, you're supposed to lose it in high school. It's kind of like….an unwritten rule or something."**

"**You are seriously demented! Do you know that?" **

"**Yes, but you're my best friend so you have to love me anyway!"**

**Both girls laughed as they picked up their pom poms and headed back to the football field.**

* * *

**Courtney and Olivia stood beside the concession stand waiting for the game to start. As they talked, Olivia noticed the handsome stranger as he got into the line. **

"**Talk to him," Courtney said looking in Elliot's direction.**

"**No. I don't even know him."**

"**You will if you talk to him."**

"**Court, no."**

**Both girls watched silently as Elliot purchased a pack of gum and two sodas. As he turned to walk off he dropped a five dollar bill onto the ground. **

"**Now's your chance," Courtney said pushing Olivia forward causing her to stumble and almost slam into Elliot's back.**

**She picked up the money from the ground and brushed off her skirt. She pressed her glossed lips together and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she walked quickly to catch up to him.**

"**Excuse me," she said watching him turn around to look at her. "You dropped this."**

"**Thank you," Elliot said dumbfounded as he stared into her eyes. It wasn't often the girl of your dreams just came walking up and spoke to you. In his experience most of the girls he dreamed about didn't really even know he existed.**

"**No problem," Olivia said with a smile as she folded her hands in front of her. "So, you play for the Devils?"**

"**Uhh, yeah." He said finding it hard to stare at her and focus on her words at the same time.**

"**I hear you guys are a really good team."**

"**We have only lost one game this season."**

"**I know. It was to us," she smiled.**

**Elliot laughed. "You're a Wildcat?"**

"**Well, I'm a Wildcat cheerleader. I don't play football."**

"**Oh," Elliot said with a smile. He knew he sounded completely stupid, but he didn't care. "What's your name?"**

"**Olivia Benson. I'm a freshman here," she said with a smile.**

"**Elliot Stabler. I'm a junior," he replied extending his hand to shake hers. "Quarter back for the Devils."**

"**It's nice to meet you Elliot."**

"**It is nice to meet you, too. Listen, I have to go. I have to be on the field in five minutes. Maybe we could talk again sometime."**

"**Yeah, maybe."**

**Elliot let her hand slip from his as she turned and walked toward her teams side of the football field. She was beautiful, she was incredible and with a five minute conversation, she stole his heart.**

**At halftime Elliot watched as Olivia and the other Wildcat cheerleaders did a dance. He couldn't help but notice the large smile that crossed her face each time their eyes met and she tried not to laugh. She was adorable and he had to get to know this girl.**

**After the game Elliot and Steve stood with some of their teammates in the parking lot of Olivia's high school as they discussed their second loss to the Wildcats. Some of the guys got in their cars and left. Steve and Elliot however decided it was too early to go home and were looking for something to do. They struck up a conversation with a few of the players on the other team who told them about a after game get together and they decided to check it out. **

**Elliot drove until they found the house where the party was. He pulled over a few blocks away at a gas station so that he and Steve could go inside and change their clothes and get cleaned up a bit before going on to the party. **

**Inside Elliot talked football as Steve tried his luck with some of the girls there. But the second she walked in it was like Elliot could feel her presence in the room. He turned around to see Olivia standing talking to Courtney and a few other girls. He took a deep breath and walked in her direction grabbing a few beers on his way to her. But before he reached her one of the Wildcat football players wrapped his arm around her and handed her a drink.**

"**Shit," Elliot said feeling so stupid. He had never even thought to ask her if she had a boyfriend.**

"**There you are man," Steve said as he approached Elliot. "Dude, you got me a beer. Thanks," he said taking one of the beers from Elliot's hand.**

"**Yeah," Elliot said trying not to look at Olivia.**

"**Why the long face? You see all of these hot cheerleaders around here? This place is like foot ball Heaven!"**

"**I'm an idiot."**

"**I could have told you that," Steve said pretending to punch Elliot in the shoulder.**

"**No. There was this girl. She was beautiful and she smiled at me and I talked to her before the game." Elliot turned to face Olivia again and she still had not spotted him. "That girl," he said nodding his head in her direction.**

"**She's cute," Steve said checking Olivia out. "Her friend is not bad either."**

"**She is sweet. I was going to talk to her, take her a drink."**

"**So why are you standing here with me instead of over there talking to her."**

"**Because her boyfriend just showed up and brought her a drink."**

"**Harsh."**

"**I didn't even think to ask if she had a boyfriend. What was I thinking? Girls like that always have boyfriends."**

"**Yes, they do. She looks young."**

"**She is a freshman cheerleader."**

"**A freshman? She is fifteen, man."**

"**Yeah, so."**

"**And you are seventeen. She's a kid."**

"**She isn't a kid. She's more mature than all of the girls you have dated. Besides, there is something about her."**

"**Look, I'm not gonna disagree with that you that she is hot. But you know a fifteen year old isn't gonna put out. And with a body like that, it's a real shame. I could teach her a few things."**

"**Back off man," Elliot said shoving him back a bit.**

"**It was a joke man."**

"**There are other things to a relationship besides sex. You make it sound like a wont date a girl who wont sleep with me."**

"**I wouldn't."**

"**You're a jerk."**

"**I'm not trying to be a jerk. I am trying to be honest. I worked hard to finally get past being a virgin. I like having sex with my girlfriend."**

"**What girlfriend? You have not had a girlfriend in four months!"**

"**I know. Even more reason to make sure my next girlfriend puts out. If you want to date a freshman then go for it. I just prefer to get paid to baby sit. I'm gonna go over here and check out this blonde in the corner."**

**Elliot stared at Olivia for a few more minutes. So what if she was a freshman, there are plenty of freshman girls who did have sex. And so what if she didn't. There was nothing wrong with being a virgin. Better than dating a girl who jumped into bed with every guy she met. Besides Elliot had only slept with one girl anyway, a half a dozen times or so before they broke up. And although he really liked sex, it was not a requirement for the women he dated. Infact that was when he and Ashley's relationship had gone bad, shortly after they started having sex. Then she dumped Elliot for her ex-boyfriend.**

**He exhaled and moved to the table to grab some pretzels and a soda, dropping the beer back into a cooler. He found a seat on the steps and waited for Steve to decide he was tired of being slapped for rubbing up on girls he didn't know and was ready to go home. **

**Olivia shrugged off Roger's advances. He was always trying to hug her and touch her and convince her of how badly she wanted him. The truth was, the harder he tired to date her, the more she was sure she had made the right decision not to. High school boys were so immature. **

**Courtney however was eating up the attention Roger began to pour on her after he finally realized Olivia wasn't going to give in to his childlike charm. She stood talking and flirting and drinking a beer, trying hard to look like someone she wasn't just to impress someone who was probably only after one thing. But Courtney was Olivia's best friend and although she was pretty sure the choice was not a good one, Olivia respected her wishes and gave them a little privacy.**

**She walked around the room talking to some of the other cheerleaders and drinking a diet cola. She wasn't quite as into the party scene as her friends were. **

"**Olivia," she heard Courtney call from across the room. She turned and walked back toward her friend as Courtney motioned for the door and mouthed something about leaving with Roger.**

"**What? Court, I have a big test tomorrow."**

**Courtney said something to Roger then walked back to Olivia. "We're gonna go for a walk, then Roger wants to drive me home."**

"**Are you sure that is a good idea?"**

"**Liv, it's Roger. I'm not worried. I think he's gonna ask me out."**

"**That is cool. But Courtney, how am I going to get home? I can't stay much longer, I have home work and a test tomorrow morning."**

"**Rick will still drive you home." Rick was Courtney's older brother who was also on the football team. He had driven them to the game and then to the party in his pick up truck. His best friend was Collin, the senior who was hosting the party.**

"**Rick is over there making out with his girlfriend. Please, Court."**

"**Alright, hold on a second." Olivia watched as Courtney walked over to her brother and talked to him for a minute. He handed her some money and nodded his head. "Rick said he will still give you a ride home. Or you can take this and get a cab if you want to leave earlier. He's trying to make up with Emily."**

"**I thought he was dating Crystal?"**

"**He was, they broke up. He cheated on Emily with Crystal. This could take a while," Courtney said pointing at her brother arguing with Emily in the corner of the room. "Besides, Elliot is here."**

"**He is?"**

"**Yup. Sitting over there on the steps, all alone. This would be the perfect time for you to go talk to him."**

"**I have a curfew and a test."**

"**Curfew? Please. Honey. You and I both know that your mother has passed out for the night after making love to a bottle of Jim Beam. She isn't going to notice if you break curfew."**

**Olivia stood there for a moment feeling ashamed. Courtney was right. Serena Benson probably wouldn't notice if her daughter didn't come home at all. **

"**Liv, I'm sorry. That was a shitty thing for me to say."**

"**It's fine," Olivia said softly.**

"**No it isn't." Courtney exhaled. "I know what goes on with your mother and I know how hard it is on you. I never should have said a thing like that. And I'm sorry. You are my best friend in the entire world and I love you," she said hugging Olivia.**

**Olivia laughed. "I love you too, Courtney."**

"**I have an idea," Courtney said fumbling through her purse. She slipped her a key off the key ring and handed it to Olivia. "Don't go home. Stay with me tonight. I'll be home late, but not too late. Spend the night and when I get back we can talk about Roger and Elliot until we pass out."**

**Olivia smiled again. "What about your parents?"**

"**They love you. Besides they are out of town until next Tuesday. Help yourself to any food in the house and just crash in my bed when you get tired."**

**Olivia took the key from Courtney's hand. "I will be home by one or so. And don't worry about your test, you are a straight 'A' student and you have never failed a test in your life. You have been cramming for two days, you could pass this one with your eyes closed."**

"**Thanks Court. Be careful and good luck."**

"**You, too. Go talk to him."**

"**I will."**

**Olivia made her way to the stair case where Elliot sat alone.**

"**Hi," she said in a soft voice as he looked up at her.**

"**Hey," he said standing up. "I was going to come talk to you," he said pointing to where she had been standing earlier in the night.**

"**Why didn't you?"**

"**As I started to come over your boyfriend showed up."**

**Olivia laughed. "Roger only wishes he was my boyfriend. My friend Courtney likes him. I don't have a boyfriend."**

"**You don't?"**

"**No."**

**Elliot stared at her for a moment then scooted over on the step. "Would you like to sit down?"**

"**Sure," she said with a smile.**

"**So, how do you like high school?"**

**Olivia laughed. "It's alright, I guess."**

"**Yeah, it isn't that great at my school either."**

"**It is a place to be until I am old enough to get out of here."**

"**Where you planning on going in such a hurry?"**

"**Anywhere. Anywhere, but here." **

"**I know that feeling. I get it myself sometimes."**

"**Yeah?"**

"**Yeah."**

"**So what do you do besides play football?"**

"**Basketball, baseball, work on cars. I signed up for the Marines." **

"**You did? Already? It's only your junior year."**

"**I wanted to sign up really bad. So I signed up. But I can't do my basic training until after I graduate. What are you doing after school?"**

"**College. Then, I don't know. Career, a family maybe."**

**They talked for a couple of hours there on the steps as the rest of the party continued around them. It was as is they were the only two people in the room. Elliot was secretly counting the times she smiled at him and Olivia could not stop staring into the blue of his eyes. **

**That night Elliot drove her back to Courtney's house. He pulled up in front of the big empty house.**

"**This one?"**

"**Yes. This is it."**

**Elliot opened his car door and walked around opening the door for her. Olivia smiled as she climbed out of his car and Steve climbed from the back seat into the front. Elliot walked her up the sidewalk to the door step of the house. He watched her as she slipped the key into the lock and the door opened.**

"**I should go, I have a really big test in the morning."**

"**Yeah," Elliot said gazing into her eyes. "Olivia, can I see you again?"**

"**I don't know if that is such a good idea."**

"**I'm sorry. Maybe I was reading this wrong. I thought you were interested in….I'm sorry to bother you."**

"**No, Elliot. I am interested. It's just….my mother."**

"**Your mother?"**

"**She's controlling. If she knew that I was talking to an older guy, she would freak out."**

"**So I won't call your house. Olivia, I am talking about getting a soda some day after school or something."**

"**Give me your number," she said staring at him.**

**Her suggestion caught Elliot a little off guard.**

"**My number?"**

"**Your phone number," she said with a smile. "You can't call my house. But I could call you sometime."**

"**Okay," he said with a smile. **

**Olivia opened her purse and pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen. She watched as Elliot scribbled down some numbers on the paper. He folded it up and placed it in her palm. **

"**You will call me, right?"**

"**Yes."**

"**What about this weekend? Can I meet you somewhere sometime this weekend?"**

"**Umm…" she thought for a moment then pulled out another piece of paper and wrote an address on it. "This is my address. Obviously, you can't show up there. But there is a little 24 hour café around the corner from our apartment. I will meet you there at noon on Saturday."**

**Elliot smiled. "Noon on Saturday. Okay."**

"**Good night, Elliot." Olivia leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.**

"**Good night, Olivia."**


	2. 2 Bittersweet Sixteen

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Two: Bittersweet Sixteen)_

Five months had passed since the night Elliot and Olivia had met and they were inseparable. They had been dating most of that time and keeping their relationship hidden from Olivia's mother Serena.

Olivia walked around the apartment dressed up and ready to go. She looked out there second story living room window each time she heard a car outside hoping it was her mother. Since Olivia was a very small child Serena had always made her annual birthday dinner a big event. Serena would take her daughter to a restaurant of her choice for dinner and give her, her birthday gifts. There were a lot of things Serena hadn't done quite right when it came to her daughter, but she always made sure to make birthdays a special event. And tonight was Olivia's sixteenth birthday.

Olivia grabbed a diet soda from the refrigerator and kicked her shoes back off as she plopped down on her back on the couch. She pressed her lips together and tried not to cry as she tried to convince herself that her mother would never forget her on her birthday. _**She must have had to work late,**_ she thought to herself as the phone began to ring. _**This was probably her calling form work to say that she was on her way home right now. **_

Olivia jumped from the couch and ran across the living room. She picked up the telephone receiver and smiled.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, right Liv. It's Court. I was just calling to say happy birthday! I also wanted to see if your deal with your mom was over because I want you to come spend the night."

"No, our dinner isn't over." Olivia strung the phone cord across the room and dropped herself back onto the couch again. "It hasn't even started. She isn't home yet."

"You think she stopped off at Charlie's?"

Charlie's was a bar a few blocks away that Serena frequented. She would park herself in a booth or on a stool and drink until she could barely speak. Then come home, sometimes with a man she had just met and sometimes alone. On these nights Olivia would lock herself in her room and fall asleep with her headphones onto avoid hearing the sounds of her mother and some strange man having sex in the next room. Tonight being Saturday, the thought of her mother at the bar had crossed her mind as well.

"She said she would be home. We do this every year. We have had the reservation for weeks," Olivia said looking out the window again.

"Maybe she forgot."

"She wouldn't do that." Actually Olivia only hoped she wouldn't do that. Honestly, it sounded exactly like something her mother would do.

"I'm sure you are right, honey. She probably just had to work late."

"I'm, sure that is it. She knows I have been looking forward to this for days."

"And it is your sixteenth birthday. She can't forget your sixteenth birthday."

Olivia and Courtney talked on the phone for two more hours before Olivia heard a car door. She sat up and looked out the window to see her mother climbing form the back seat of a cab.

"She's here Court, I have to go. I'll call you when we get back from dinner, okay?"

"Yeah. Have fun!"

She hung up the phone and slipped her shoes back on. She put on her winter coat and scarf and raced down the apartment stairs to the front door. As she got there the door flew open and a man she didn't know was helping her mother inside.

Olivia's eyes met the man's as she stared at him for a moment. Serena was so drunk she could barely stand, let alone walk up the flight of stairs.

"Thank you for bringing her home," Olivia said embarrassed of her mother's condition. "I can take it from here."

She took Serena's arm around her neck and shifted her mother's weight against her body as she turned to lead her up the stairs like she had done a hundred drunken nights before.

"You must be Olivia," the man said smiling at her.

"Yes, sir."

"Yeah, Serena told me she had a kid."

Olivia smiled nervously. "I should get her to bed."

"Let me take her," he said picking Serena up and carrying her up the staircase.

Olivia leaned against the wall and watched this man she didn't know as he carried her mother straight to the bedroom. Obviously this was not his first visit to their apartment. She sat for a moment at the foot of the stairs fighting off tears. Once more her mother had met a new low. Serena Benson had abandon her daughter on her birthday to have sex with a man she picked up in a bar. Olivia took her keys off the hook beside the door and went for a walk to clear her head.

Twenty minutes later she returned home. She walked through the now quiet apartment and got herself another soda. Opening the cabinet to get a glass she noticed a half empty bottle of vodka in the back. She pressed her lips together and pulled out the bottle. She twisted the cap off and smelled the liquor inside. Olivia took a deep breath and took a swig from the bottle.

Immediately, the clear liquid shot out of her mouth faster than it had gone in.

"Easy there kid, you're gonna hurt yourself."

She wiped her mouth as she looked over her shoulder at the man in his boxer shorts and an undershirt. She stared at him for a minute then turned back to face the sink as she poured the remainder of the bottle down the drain. She twisted the cap back on then placed it back into the cabinet where she found it.

"Ya got any food around here?" The man asked opening the refrigerator door. But there was nothing inside but beer and liquor bottles. "Jesus, kid what do you eat?"

"We were supposed to go out for dinner."

"Special occasion?" He asked as Olivia folded her arms in front of her and laid her head down on the table.

"No," she said softly, "just my birthday."

"Today's your birthday?" He said as he slipped back into his blue jeans and lit a cigarette.

Olivia nodded her head.

"Well, happy birthday."

"Thank you," she said with tears welling up in her eyes.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"I remember turning sixteen. What did you get for your birthday?"

Olivia sat silent for a few moments.

Then the man reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He flipped through a couple of bills and tossed five one's onto the table in front of her. "Happy birthday, kid."

Olivia watched trying hard not to cry in front of the man as he pulled his shirt back on and walked toward the stairs.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome. My name's Bud."

"Thank you, Bud."

Then he walked down the stairs and out the front door.

Olivia walked down the stairs and locked the door. She walked to her mother's bedroom and opened the door to see a naked Serena passed out across the bed sleeping it off. She got the phone and dragged it into her bedroom to call her best friend.

"Court," she said through tears.

"Liv, what's wrong?"

"She forgot."

"Honey, I'm sorry."

"She went to the bar after work. When she got back here she was drunk," Olivia cried into the phone. "She couldn't even walk and some guy from the bar carried her to her room. I knew they were having sex, so I left and went for a walk. When I came back some guy named Bud came out in his underwear. He gave me five dollars for my birthday and then left." Olivia broke down. She couldn't help it, her heart was broken.

"Liv, I'm gonna get Rick to bring me to get you. You should come over here tonight. Screw your mom. Well rent some videos and eat popcorn, something. It's your birthday. We have to do something. Give me a few minutes to talk to him and I will call you back. You pack your stuff to spend the night here."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. You are my best friend and it is your sixteenth birthday, we have to do something!"

Olivia laughed softly.

"I'll call you back in a few minutes."

"Okay."

An hour later as she laid on the couch watching television, Olivia heard a the honk of a car horn outside. She sat up and looked out the window to see Courtney waving to her from the car.

Olivia smiled and grabbed her duffel bag as she laid the note she had written for her mother on the coffee table and headed out the door. As she approached the car she realized that it wasn't Rick at all, it was Elliot driving the car.

"Surprise," Courtney said with a big smile.

"What are you doing bringing him here? If my mother sees him she will flip out."

"Just relax and get in the car, would you? Elliot called me and wanted me to call you. He wanted to see you for your birthday, but he knew he couldn't call or come over. And after what your bitch mother pulled, I figured you could use a certain blue eyed football player to help you feel better."

"You are the best friend…."

"I know," Courtney said smiling. "Now get in the car."

Olivia walked to the car as Steve opened the passenger side door and stepped out. He pushed the seat forward and motioned for Courtney to climb into the back with him allowing Elliot and Olivia to sit in the front of the car together.

Olivia climbed inside and smiled at Elliot.

"Hey," he said as his eyes sparkled at her from across the car.

"Hey," she replied with a smile.

"Everything alright?"

"It is now," she said with a warm smile as he put the car into gear.

"So where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere."

"You hungry? My treat."

"Yeah," she said with a shy smile.

"I know this great place. It's not far from here."

"Sounds good."

Olivia watched him from across the car as he drove to the restaurant. She smiled as he pulled up in front of the place her mother was supposed to take her for her birthday dinner hours earlier.

"You like this place?" Elliot asked looking out the window.

"It's my favorite. But I think you have to have a reservation to get in."

"Let me talk to the man and see what I can do."

Olivia nodded as Elliot parked in the parking lot and the four of them walked up to the doors. Elliot spoke to the host for a few minutes nodding in Olivia's direction. Several minutes later the man returned and lead them to a table in the back.

"I can't believe you got us in," Olivia said as they walked toward the table. "What did you say to him?"

"I told him that is was my girlfriends birthday and I was trying to make a good impression. And I forgot to make a reservation. He had someone cancel and happened to have a table."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

They all sat and enjoyed dinner. Steve and Courtney seemed to be hitting it off as well. After dinner Elliot decided to take them all ice skating in the park. Olivia hadn't been in a really long time, but the moon was big and blue in the sky and she was here with her boyfriend and her best friend and so far this was turning out to be the best birthday she'd had in a long time.

After a while Elliot and Olivia found a bench to sit down on and talk while they enjoyed a cup of hot cocoa to warm up a bit. Olivia stared up at the moon. The night air was crisp and it was so romantic.

"So," Elliot said staring into her chocolate eyes, "Courtney said there was some trouble at home."

"God," she said raising her hand to her forehead in embarrassment.

"Don't worry, she didn't tell me what it was. And she didn't say anything around Steve. She just mentioned it, that's all. I just wanted you to know that we can talk about it if you want to."

"I don't. I don't mean to be secretive with you, Elliot. But my life at home is not great. It is just something I have to deal with until I am old enough to move out on my own. I have been dealing with it my entire life. Nothing I can't handle."

"Alright, tough guy. I just wanted you to know that if you ever need someone, to listen. I'm here for you Olivia."

She looked into his eyes and he could see the tears building up in hers.

"Talk to me," he said softly.

"I can't. Not about this. No one knows. And I like it that way."

"Courtney knows."

"And obviously I shouldn't have told her if she cant keep her big mouth shut. But I needed someone to talk to."

"Olivia, Courtney would never do anything to hurt you. You are her best friend."

"I know. I just cant deal with people judging me. Especially not you."

"I would hope after five months of dating that you would know me better than that. Olivia, you can tell me anything. I would never judge you. You can talk to me, in complete confidence. Just between us, no one will ever know."

"You don't tell Steve everything?"

"Not something like this."

Olivia stared ahead at the skaters on the ice as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Every year for my birthday my mother and I go to dinner, at that restaurant we went to tonight. It's like a big deal. She has always made birthdays special. No other day, just my birthday. But this year she forgot."

"Olivia, I am so sorry."

"There is more. She is an alcoholic, Elliot. Bad. She doesn't go a day without a drink. Tonight after work she went to a bar around the corner from our apartment and got wasted. Then some man brought her home. Some guy I didn't even know carried her up the stairs to have sex with her. That is what my mother did for my sixteenth birthday. When they were finished and she had passed out, he came into the kitchen in his underwear and tried to talk to me like we were friends or something. He tossed five dollars on the table and told me happy birthday on his way out the door," she sobbed. "And a bad as that sounds, it was more than I got from my mother."

"Olivia, sweetheart. I am so sorry," he said brushing her hair back from her eyes.

"I felt like such a fool. I let myself believe her. I waited all week and got all excited and dressed up, just to allow her to hurt me again."

"Again?"

"She does this kind of thing all of the time. Not to this extent, usually. But the drinking and the men. I hate it. I hate her. Sometimes. I want to love her, I want her to love me. Like a mother is supposed to love her daughter. But it is like when she drinks she doesn't see me. And if she does, I am only in her way. I'm sorry," she said wiping away her tears with her sleeve. "You don't want to hear all of this."

"I am here to listen. To whatever you need to say. I am here to listen."

Olivia tilted her head to stare into his eyes.

"I don't mean to feel sorry for myself. I know there are a lot of people out there who are worse off than me. It's just that…"

"What?"

"Sometimes I feel like I am the one raising her. I pace the floor until she crawls in in the early hours of morning. I am the one who makes sure dinner is made and the house is clean and she has clean clothes for work and me for school. I clean up the broken bottles and empty beer cans. I am the one who makes sure she makes it safely into bed each night and gets her up in time for work in the morning. I am the one who is left to clean up the vomit from the floor when she has had too much to drink and I am the one who has to wonder each time she doesn't come home if I am going to get a visit from a police officer telling me that they found her body in an alley somewhere and now I really am alone in the world."

"What about your father? I know he doesn't live with you, but could you maybe stay with him for a while until she can get straight?"

Olivia was speechless for a moment. She always knew she would tell him the truth eventually, she had just always gotten by not telling him.

"I don't have a father," she said softly. "I don't know him."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"You couldn't have known. Elliot, my mother was raped. That is why she is so over protective with me and why she drinks, I guess. Anyway, she got pregnant. My father was the man who raped her. Neither of us know who he is."

Elliot looked into her eyes unsure of what to say to make this better. She was living in Hell and all she ever showed to the outside world was a beautiful smile.

"No one knows," she said shaking her head. "Just you and Courtney. I have never told anyone else."

"I won't say anything. Olivia, I am sorry things are so hard for you," he said cupping his hand against the side of her face. "I wish I could somehow make it all better."

"You do," she said with a weary smile.

Elliot leaned in and kissed her tenderly.

"Happy birthday," he whispered softly.

"Thank you," she said leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I got you something."

Olivia sat up and watched as he pulled a small box from his pocket. Olivia smiled as he handed the box to her. Inside was a silver charm bracelet.

"It's beautiful. Elliot, thank you."

"There's more in the car," he said with a smile.

Olivia laughed.

"This was all that would fit into my pocket. The rest is in the trunk."

"The trunk?"

"I didn't want you to see it until I was ready. You wanna," Elliot asked nodding his head in the direction of the car.

"Sure," she said with a smile.

Elliot slipped his hand into hers as they turned in their skates and walked back to the car. He opened the door for her to sit inside and turned the motor on so they would have a warm place to be alone for a little while. He walked around to the back of the car and got a large bag from the trunk then got into the drivers seat.

"I didn't have time to wrap it," he said with a smile.

"I don't mind," Olivia replied sweetly.

Elliot reached into the bag and pulled out a teddy bear that smelled like his cologne.

"Aww, it's cute."

"You like it?"

"Yes."

"He reminded me of you."

"He did?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, big brown eyes."

"Oh," Olivia said with a smile.

"And this," Elliot said placing a book into her hands.

"Wow."

"You don't have that one do you?"

"No."

"I always see you looking at the crime novels by this author when were are at the book store, but you never buy them. You walk around reading a few chapters then put it back."

"It's cheaper that way and the library doesn't carry them."

"Well, this is the first in the series. I figure if I get you one for every birthday and every Christmas, you should have the complete set in about….ten years."

They both laughed.

"And this," he said pulling a single white rose from the bag and handing it to her.

"Elliot, this is all so sweet. And the rose, white roses are my favorite."

"I know."

"How?"

"You mentioned it once walking past a flower shop. I paid attention. I wanted to buy the whole dozen, but I figured the one would be easier to hide from your mother."

"This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

"It's your birthday, it should be special. I had originally planned to get you a pair of sunglasses and a keychain. You know sweet sixteen and getting your license, I figured you could use them. Then I thought maybe it was lame."

"Oh, I don't have my license," she said shaking her head.

"Why not?"

"My mother was supposed to take me." She stopped her sentence there as she looked out the window.

"Can you drive?"

"I have a few times."

"Do you want to go for a drive?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, now. Get in a little practice. Show me you can do it."

"I can do it."

"Nope, you have to show me."

Olivia laughed. "Okay."

They switched seats in the car and Elliot watched with a smile as she nervously started the car and put it into gear. She backed out of the parking lot and they drove around for a little while. Twenty minutes later they pulled back in and parked the car once more.

"I told you I could do it."

"You did great. Olivia, what are you doing on Tuesday after school?"

"Umm, I don't have any plans. Why?"

"Why don't I pick you up an take you to get your license?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. If you wait on your mom it could be a while. I could take you. I don't work and I don't have practice. Then you would have a drivers license."

"You would do that for me?"

"I would do anything for you."

Olivia stared at him for a moment then smiled. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. It wouldn't be any trouble at all. Then you would be a licensed driver."

"Okay," she said with a smile.

"There is something I want to show you," he whispered softly as he opened the glove box of the car and pulled out a small Styrofoam container. Inside was a yellow cupcake with pink icing and sprinkles. Elliot dug around in the bottom of the bag she thought was empty and pilled out a box of birthday candles. Elliot smiled. "I know it isn't quite the same and I am sure I can't fit sixteen candles on here," he said placing one candle in the icing and lighting it, "but you have to make a birthday wish."

Olivia smiled as she stared at him across the candle and the little flame flickered. She closed her eyes tight and thought for a moment, then blew out the candle.

"Happy sweet sixteen," Elliot said with a smile.

"Thank you," she replied smiling back as she dragged her fingertip through the icing on the cupcake and placed it to his lips.

Elliot leaned forward and kissed her. This time slowly, but passionately. They hadn't been kissing like this for long and Olivia still wasn't even sure she was going it right. But she liked it. And he seemed to enjoy it. So it couldn't be that wrong.

She pulled back and smiled at him in the dark, then leaned forward and kissed him again. She loved the way he kissed her. He was so unlike any guy she had ever met. And she was falling for him fast.


	3. 3 Forever

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter Three: Forever)**_

**Olivia sat at the table across from her mother as she stirred her food around with her fork. To her left, the infamous Bud, who had been Serena's regular boyfriend now for about four months. **

"**May I be excused?" Olivia asked playing along with Serena's attempt to pretend they were a normal family.**

"**You didn't eat much," her mother said looking down at her plate of food.**

"**I guess I'm not really that hungry. I got some pizza with some of the girls after practice today. I have a test I really need to go study for, if you don't mind."**

"**That's my girl," Serena said placing her hand on top of Olivia's and turning to look at Bud. "Straight 'A' student. She is so smart. Always makes me so proud."**

**Olivia shifted her eyes to stare at the napkin under her fork. Serena was full of shit. She had never once in the entire sixteen years of Olivia's existence told her daughter she was proud of her. Olivia know this was some desperate attempt to impress her boyfriend, who for some reason had recently shown an interest in pretending they were a happy little family.**

"**Mom, I really need to study. May I please be excused?"**

"**Of course."**

**Olivia stood and scraped her plate then placed it into the sink.**

"**Dishes are yours," Serena said over her shoulder making it sound as if they had ever shared the responsibility.**

"**Yes, ma'am. I'll do them before I go to bed. I have a game tomorrow night. At six."**

"**How are you getting there?"**

"**Courtney and Rick. They'll bring me home. I wont be too late. Maybe around ten."**

"**Well," Serena said slapping Bud on the shoulder, "I guess we're gonna be all alone tomorrow night."**

"**I guess so," Bud said with a smile as he winked at Olivia.**

**The thought of this man having sex with her mother was enough to make Olivia want to vomit. Something about him kind of creeped her out. The way he always come back out after sex with Serena and made it a point to talk to Olivia. As if she didn't know what they had just done.**

**And the way he watched her and looked at her from across the room. Even when she couldn't see him, she could feel his eyes staring at her. Bud was a little bit strange. **

**Olivia walked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She leaned against it for a moment and exhaled. At least he kept her mother occupied so she left Olivia alone. She locked the door and walked across the room. She picked up her Walkman and slipped on the earphones pressing play. She dumped her bag out on the bed and laid across it on her stomach as she flipped through her Biology book.**

**Two hours later she woke to a thump against the window. Olivia raised her head as she looked around the room. She sat up on the edge of the bed and yawned, hearing the sound again. **

**Olivia tipped her head as she walked to the bedroom window and pushed back the curtain. She raised the blinds to look outside. She took a deep breath and smiled. Olivia raised the window and leaned out to look at Elliot sitting on the fire escape. **

"**What are you doing here?" She whispered with a big smile.**

"**I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to see you."**

"**You are crazy! Do you know that? If my mother finds you here, she'll have you arrested!"**

**Elliot leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers as her eyes sparkled back at him like diamonds. "That is what makes it so romantic," he said cupping his hand against her cheek and kissing her tenderly. I have something important I want to tell you. And I have to tell you tonight, now."**

**Olivia laughed. "Okay, what is it?"**

"**Olivia, I love you. I am in love with you. I have been since we first met. I know things, here, with your mother and….I know things are difficult and that doesn't make it easy for us to be together. But I want you to know that I am in this all the way. I love you. I really love you. I was driving around. And actually I lied."**

"**You lied?" She asked with a smile.**

"**I wasn't in the neighborhood at all. I was all the way across the city. But I had to see you. Now. Tonight. With all of this stuff about college and prepping for basic, graduation and I just really wanted to see you. I haven't seen you in five days." Elliot locked his fingers in hers. "I drove up and down your street for about….two hours. Just watching the lights in the apartment and wishing I could just see you, even if only for a few minutes. The light was on in this room and I was really hoping it didn't end up being your mother's bedroom. While I was driving around I realized that I love you. And I wanted to tell you in person."**

"**I'm glad you're here," she said with a soft smile. "Elliot, I love you, too."**

**He smiled and kissed her again. "You know, I have never told a girl that I loved her."**

"**Never?"**

"**Not when I really meant it. With Ashley, I thought I did. But that was nothing like this, Olivia. I never thought I could feel this way about someone."**

"**Neither did I."**

"**Come out with me. Just for a little while."**

"**I can't El, my mother is in the next room. And her creepy boyfriend is here."**

"**Come down the fire escape. I'll help you and they will never even know that you were gone."**

"**I would love to. But I can't."**

"**Liv, please. I have not seen you in five days."**

"**I'll tell you what. Give me two hours. I have some things I need to get done around here. By then she'll be passed out."**

"**What about him?"**

"**I don't care about him," Olivia scoffed. **

"**Okay, I'll meet you back here at this window in two hours."**

"**No. Come to the door. I'll leave it open for you," she said with a mischievous smile.**

"**Liv, I don't want to get caught. We just have to lay low a little bit longer. Once your turn eighteen, there is nothing she can do to keep us apart."**

"**I am sixteen, Elliot. I won't be eighteen for another year and a half."**

"**It will be okay. You'll see. I promise. I love you and nothing is ever going to change that. Including your mother."**

**By now Olivia was in tears. **

"**Don't cry baby," he said softly leaning in to kiss her. "You go and do what you have to do. I'll be back in two hours. Right now, I am gonna go home and finish up my homework," he said pointing to the book on her bed.**

**Olivia smiled. "I love you," she said softly leaning in to kiss him.**

"**I love you too, angel. Forever," he said kissing her forehead.**

**She watched as Elliot climbed back down the fire escape and got into his car. He waved at her just before he drove away.**


	4. 4 El's Girl

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter Four: El's Girl)**_

**Olivia finished up the dishes and pulled the phone into her room while she changed her clothes.**

"**Courtney, guess what? Elliot stopped by. It was so sweet. He climbed up the fire escape and tapped on my bedroom window."**

"**Did you let him in? Did you sleep with him?"**

"**No," Olivia laughed. "But he told me he loved me. And I love him."**

"**That is so sweet."**

"**It was adorable. He told me this story about how he drove around my street for two hours looking up at the windows in the apartment, wishing he could see me. He said he has never loved another girl the way he loves me. And he is coming back in twenty two minutes to pick me up."**

"**Pick you up? Wait, he is coming back to your house? Have you lost your mind?"**

"**No, I have fallen in love. And I really do love him, Court. I don't ever want to know what it is like not to have him in my life. I am so crazy about him."**

"**I am happy for you, Liv. Just be careful your mother doesn't catch you sneaking out."**

"**I checked, she is passed out."**

"**And the creepy boyfriend? What if he catches you?"**

"**What is he going to do? He isn't my father. He is just some guy she gets drunk and has sex with."**

"**Good point. But won't he tell her?"**

"**I am tired of caring, Court. I am trying so hard to be exactly what she wants me to be to the point that I am barely living, myself. And for what? A few cocktails or a bottle of whiskey and she doesn't even know I exist. I have a year and a half left before I can legally move out and she cant do anything about it. And you'd better believe I am going to do it. I'm just going to pack up my stuff and never look back. I am tired of waiting for her to love me. I am tired of not living my life because she is a paranoid drunk who only sees herself as a victim. I am making myself crazy and I cannot do it anymore. So tonight, after I have finished my homework and done the dishes, I am going out to have a little fun with my wonderful boyfriend."**

"**He is pretty wonderful. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something."**

"**Shoot," Olivia said zipping up her favorite pair of jeans.**

"**Steve, he's cute, right?"**

"**Yeah, I guess so."**

"**You guess so?"**

"**Courtney he is my boyfriends best friend. I don't exactly spend a lot of time checking him out. Steve is a good guy."**

"**I'm glad you think so, because Steve asked me out."**

"**Oh my gosh!"**

"**Yeah, we have our first date Saturday night."**

"**That is awesome, Courtney. I hope that things work out for you guys. Steve is a really great guy and you deserve a great guy. I have to go, Court. I'll see you tomorrow at school, okay."**

"**Yeah. Good luck, Liv."**

**Olivia hung up the phone and checked her make up in the mirror as she applied another coat of lip gloss. She pressed her lips together and smiled at her reflection as she fluffed her hair. **

**As she opened her bedroom door she realized that Bud was standing on the other side and had more than likely been listening to the entire conversation. Olivia stared blankly at him for a moment.**

"**Where do you think you're going?"**

"**Out."**

"**With who?" He asked as if it were any of his business.**

"**Friends," Olivia said pushing past him as she grabbed her purse from the desk by the door.**

"**I don't think so. It's nearly ten o'clock."**

"**You must be confused, Bud. I wasn't asking for your permission." **

**She walked into the living room and headed for the stairs. Elliot would be here in just a couple of minutes and it was obvious Bud was being an ass. She could just wait outside for Elliot to arrive.**

"**So your boyfriend is picking you up? Elliot?"**

**Olivia glared at him. "You should learn to mind your own business! That phone conversation was private and didn't concern you!"**

"**You are not going out with some guy at ten o'clock on a school night."**

**Olivia scoffed. "You have no say in what I can or can't do! You are not my father!"**

"**You're right there! Bastard children have no father!"**

"**You don't know anything about me! Don't stand here and try to pretend you do! You are just some guy my mother picked up in a bar one night while she was drunk! You are a one night stand that she decided to keep around a little longer. You're nothing. And in another month, when she gets tired of you….and she will. You will be history, just like all of the others before you and all of those who follow you. So don't stand there and talk to me like you care about me. I know this routine. You don't care about anything but keeping me out of your way so you have access to my mother. Well, your wish is granted! I don't care what you do with her! Now leave me alone!"**

"**Alright, go! I'll just have to go in there and wake her. Hey, maybe she could come out here and we could meet your boyfriend! Or maybe we could work out a little deal. I'll keep your secret, but you have to do something for me."**

"**What do you want?" She snapped sitting on the arm of the couch.**

"**A little respect would be a good place to start." Olivia rolled her eyes to stare up at him giving him her best 'that's not likely to happen' look. "I have been thinking, I have been dating your mother for over four months now and not once have I seen you in your cheerleading uniform."**

"**What are you, a pedophile? I am sixteen years old! That is disgusting!"**

"**So that's a no?"**

"**No way in Hell! You pervert! I'm a kid! You can go to jail for stuff like that!"**

"**Olivia, you are not a kid. You a young woman. A very beautiful, blossoming young woman. There is nothing wrong with a man admiring your beauty."**

"**I said no! Never!" She shook her head and crossed her arms in front of her. "You are sick if you think that is even an option! You are my mother's boyfriend. You're not supposed to look at her kid that way!"**

"**Alright, have it your way! I guess I'll just have to go wake her up and tell her about your plans for the evening."**

"**Yeah," Olivia laughed, "you do that. You and I both know after the fifth of Jack she finished off by herself that she will most likely be out until at least noon tomorrow. So go ahead! Tell her!"**

"**Na, I think you and I can work something out," he said brushing his fingertips across Olivia's cheek.**

**Olivia felt her heart racing in her chest and her breathing heavy as her brown eyes widened. She had always known the man was weird, but now for the first time she actually felt a fear of him. **

**She pulled away from him and turned to walk across the room. But Bud caught her by the wrist and pulled her back to him. **

"**Do you sleep with him? Have sex? With Elliot?"**

"**Not that it is any of your business, but no."**

"**You're lying. I can tell. It's alright. You're sixteen. By your age I was having sex."**

"**Lucky you," she said trying to blow him off.**

"**But you know, high school guys….they are just over grown boys. They don't have any idea what it takes to please a woman," he aid placing his hand on her hip. He pulled her in against him. "You need a real man to show you how it is supposed to be."**

**Olivia pushed away from him and tried to pull his hand from her arm. "I'll try to remember that the next time I see one," she said glaring at him.**

"**You disrespectful little bitch," Bud shouted as he slapped her hard against the face. **

**Olivia stumbled backward losing her balance and falling onto the couch. Before she could get up Bud was on top of her holding her down and trying to kiss her. **

"**Get off me," Olivia practically screamed as she struggled with him.**

**Bud was much bigger and stronger that her and held his weight against her pinning her to the couch so she couldn't get away. Olivia was beginning to panic. She was so afraid and knew exactly what he was trying to do. She never could have imagined something as horrible as losing her virginity by being raped by one of her mother's alcoholic boyfriends. **

"**Bud, please…" she said as she tried to fight him off.**

"**Please, what?"**

"**Please don't do this," she begged as tears streamed down her face.**

**He positioned himself over her, raising her arms over her head and pinning them against the sofa with one of his hands as the other disappeared under her tee shirt. Olivia was screaming as she tried to fight him off, until she could scream no longer. She cried and pleaded with him to stop as Bud reached down and unbuttoned his pants.**

**The next thing she knew Bud was laying across the room up against the wall groaning. She stared up through her tears to see the blue of Elliot's eyes staring back at her. **

"**Olivia, are you okay?" He asked calmly.**

**She gasped for breath as she pushed herself upright on the sofa. Her blouse was torn and she could taste blood from when Bud had hit her earlier. She knew she would be covered in bruises and probably have a black eye tomorrow, but Elliot had just saved her from being raped.**

**Olivia looked up at him and nodded her head. "I'm okay," she said softly.**

**Elliot tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gently kissed her forehead. "Pack some clothes, you're going with me."**

"**Elliot?"**

"**It's gonna be okay, Liv. I promise. But I am not leaving you here with this freak. We should call the cops," Elliot said walking across the room and picking up the phone receiver.**

"**No," Olivia said frantically. "I don't want to do that." She looked at Elliot as he hung the phone back up.**

"**What then?"**

"**Let's just get out of here. Please."**

"**Okay," he said nodding his head. "Lets pack you some clothes and we'll leave. Then we will discuss reporting this to the police," Elliot said glaring back at the man cowered in the floor across the room. **

**Elliot made his way to her bedroom to find her sitting on the edge of the bed crying. "Liv," he said kneeling beside her to looking into her eyes. "Baby, are you sure your okay?"**

**He leaned forward and hugged her tight, just holding her for a moment. "Olivia, I'm gonna take you out of here," he whispered cupping his hand against her cheek. "Do you have a duffel bag or a suitcase?"**

"**Up there," she said pointing to the closet.**

**Elliot pulled out a large duffel bag. "We don't have long before he wakes your mother up. I need you to pack some of your clothes and anything you cannot live with out. Anything that can't be replaced. But we have to hurry."**

"**Okay," she whispered.**

**When Olivia had filled the bag she grabbed a small jewelry box Elliot had bought for her a few months earlier and the teddy bear he had given her for her birthday. Elliot slipped the strap of her bag over his shoulder and locked his fingers in hers as they headed toward the front door of the apartment.**

**He lead her down the stairs and helped her into the front seat of his car. Things were quiet between them as they drove for a while.**

"**Where are we gonna go?" Olivia asked looking over at him.**

"**Anywhere. Somewhere you are safe. I am not going to just sit by and let him hurt you."**

"**I don't have anywhere else to go."**

"**You go where I go," he said taking her hand in his. "We'll go back to my place for now. You can stay with me until you have had time to think this through and make a more long term plan."**

"**Your mother wont mind?"**

"**Baby, I don't live with my mother. I did. But she moved back into the apartment in the city and Steve and I have been sharing the house. Steve wont mind a bit. Besides, he knows what you mean to me. And the house is in my name."**

**Olivia smiled.**

"**You look so tired."**

"**I have a big test in the morning."**

"**I think you should call in sick. You know your mother will show up there. Maybe it would be better if you took a few days off. Just until you have had some time to think about a few things."**

"**You're probably right."**

**Elliot drove her back to his apartment. He gave her the tour of the place and let her take a hot shower and relax a little. **

"**You hungry?" Elliot asked slipping his arms around her waist and kissing the back of her head as Olivia placed her clothes on hangers and into the place in the closet he had cleared for her. "Steve's ordering a pizza. You should try to eat something."**

**Olivia smiled. "I had pizza earlier," she said softly. **

"**I could run pick us up some burgers or whatever you'd like."**

"**I'm fine, really. I already ate. Thank you though."**

**Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed as Olivia looked at him.**

"**So how are we going to do this?" She asked pointing to the bed.**

"**You can take the bed. I'll sleep inhere on the couch. Whatever makes you comfortable."**

**She sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped her shoes off then laid back across it and exhaled softly. "I cannot believe all of this has happened. My mother is going to be so furious."**

"**I would be, too if some guy attacked my daughter."**

"**No, she's going to be mad at me. Because I am here. With you. And because God only knows what Bud will tell her."**

"**Wont she believe you over some guy she has only known a few months."**

"**I hope so."**

"**Olivia, why didn't you want me to call the cops?" Elliot asked as he laid back on the bed and looked over at her.**

"**Because, I am only sixteen. If I call the cops, they will take me away. They will place me in foster care, Elliot. They will send me away and then I really will be alone. Yes, I will be without my mother and her crap, but I wont have you, Courtney or Steve either. You guys have become my family. I don't want to lose any of you."**

"**I love you so much. You know you're my girl, right?"**

**Olivia smiled. "I know."**

"**It took everything I had in me not to kill him, tonight. But the one thing that kept running through my head was that if I went to prison for killing him, I couldn't protect you from the next jerk who came along. I don't think you should go back, Olivia."**

"**Where else am I gonna go? I can't stay here."**

"**Why not. I graduate in a few days. Then when I go off to basic I can leave you the car. You can go to school and stay here as long as you like."**

"**I am sixteen years old, Elliot. You're eighteen. If my mother finds out I am staying here with you she will have you arrested. I know she will."**

"**Olivia, she can't. We're not doing anything wrong. We're not sleeping together. I am just helping you out by giving you a safe place to crash to protect you from your mothers pedophile boyfriend. We are not breaking any laws."**

"**But she'll try. She will never accept this. She will never accept us."**

"**I don't care what she accepts as long as I know you are safe! I love you, Olivia."**

"**I love you, too."**

"**You know there are other options."**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**I have a few thousand dollars saved up. We could go away. Just you and me. Get in the car and drive."**

"**Where would we go?"**

"**We could go to Chicago."**

"**Why would we leave New York for Chicago?"**

"**Because in the state of Illinois you can get married at sixteen."**

**Olivia just stared at him.**

"**Married?"**

"**If we get married, then you can go with me when I get stationed after basic training is finished. Assuming I am stationed stateside, of course. But we can be together, Liv. Forever. I can take care of you. I love you."**

"**I love you too, Elliot. But I'm still a kid. I'm not ready to think about marriage. I am not even out of high school yet. Besides, we're not even having sex yet."**

"**What does sex have to do with anything?"**

"**Most people don't marry people they are not having sex with."**

"**That isn't always true. Some people wait until they are married."**

**Olivia exhaled and smiled. "Do you think about it? I mean with us?"**

**Elliot smiled, a little embarrassed. "Sometimes."**

"**And does it bother you that your virgin girlfriend has not had sex with you yet?"**

"**Not at all. Because I love you and you are well worth waiting for. Someday, when it's right for us both, it will happen. And I am sure it will be wonderful, but I don't think you are ready yet."**

"**Isn't that for me to decide?" She asked smiling at him.**

"**Yes. But trust me, you're not. Liv, when it does finally happen….when you are ready for it to happen, you will know. I just really don't think that time should be right now while all of this stuff is going on with Bud and your mother. You need to be able to think about you and us. Not worry about what your mother thinks."**

"**I have been thinking a lot about it, Elliot. And I have decided that I want us to have sex, soon. I want to do it. Maybe not right now while all of this is going on. But definitely before you leave for basic training."**

"**Why is that?"**

"**Because you will be gone for a really long time. And I am sure there will be girls and if for some reason we as a couple don't survive this separation, I want to know that the first time I made love was with the first man I ever loved."**

**Elliot laughed and scooted in against her. He wrapped one arm tight around her waist and kissed her gently. "You worry too much. I am not gonna leave you. I love you. And the entire time I am gone I will be thinking of you and only you. You're my girl. And I know without a doubt that someday I want to put a diamond ring on your finger and spend the rest of my life with you. But for now," he said kissing her, "I think we should both get some rest. It has been a very long and crazy day. Tomorrow I will fix you breakfast."**

"**Really?" She asked with a smile as he climbed form the bed.**

"**I'm thinking French toast."**

"**Sounds good."**

"**Good night sweetheart," Elliot said kissing her passionately. "I love you."**

"**I love you," she said rubbing her nose against his.**

"**I will be right out here on the couch if you need anything. Try to get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."**

**Olivia climbed into the bed and shut off the bedside lamp. As she closed her heavy eyes and nestled her face against the pillow she could smell his cologne on it. She smiled and reached over picking up the teddy bear and hugged it tight. Elliot really made her feel safe. Moments later, Olivia was asleep.**


	5. 5 Serena Benson

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter Five: Serena Benson) **_

**Elliot opened his eyes to see her sleeping there beside him in the bed. He had never wanted any woman more than he wanted her right now, but that would come in time. Now Olivia Benson, **_**his **_**Olivia Benson was the perfect combination of woman and child and something about that fascinated him. She held in her eyes all of the wonder and innocence of a child viewing the world of love for the first time, but she possessed the brains and beauty of a woman twice her age. Elliot had never been so in love in his entire life.**

**He watched the gentle rise and fall of Olivia's chest with each breath and thought back to the night before. The fear he saw in her eyes as he pulled Serena's drunken boyfriend off of her and tossed him across the room. He had seen that same fear during the night when a terrifying dream had pulled Olivia from her peaceful slumber. **

**Her whimpers and cries in the night had been convincing enough that hey had pulled Elliot's roommate Steve from his room worried about Olivia as well. Elliot moved quickly from his bed on the couch to her side lifting her from the bed and cupping his hand against her cheek as tears poured from her eyes. He shook her gently and softly said her name until Olivia opened her eyes to look into his.**

"**It's okay now," was all he said as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and held her for a moment.**

**He felt her tremble in his arms as she nestled her face against his collar bone and held tight to him. Elliot knew what her dream had been about. The attack from a man she had trusted, no doubt. He didn't even have to ask. **

"**Stay with me," she whispered softly as she exhaled deeply. "Elliot, please stay with me. Just until I fall asleep," she requested looking at him with pleading eyes.**

"**Of course," he answered as they laid back down in the bed. **

**Olivia laid under the blankets and Elliot above. He wrapped his arms around her tight and kissed her tenderly. And she fell asleep in his arms. This was the position they had been in when he woke this morning.**

**Olivia stirred a little as he stared at her. **

"**I can feel you watching me," she said with a smile without opening her eyes.**

**Elliot grinned. "I didn't mean to wake you."**

"**It's okay, I should probably be up anyway. What time is it?"**

"**Quarter after nine."**

**Olivia opened her eyes. Elliot watched as a worried look spread across her face.**

"**She is going to kill me."**

"**I wasn't about to leave you there."**

"**I know," Olivia replied with a smile. "And I appreciate everything you have done. Last night you prevented me from being raped. You protected me."**

"**I will always protect you," Elliot said softly. "I love you."**

"**I love you too, Elliot." She sat up in the bed and looked around the room for a minute. "But you have to keep in mind that I am only sixteen years old. And like it or not, I have no legal rights as an adult for at least another year. She calls the shots."**

"**Stay with me."**

"**I would love to. Really, I would. But you know she will never go for that. A much as I dread it, Elliot, I have to go back."**

"**You have to tell her what happened."**

"**There is no telling what he has told her by now. She is going to be so pissed."**

"**So I'll go with you."**

"**Yeah," Olivia laughed. "That will keep her from being mad."**

"**No. We will go together and talk to her. Explain this entire thing and make her listen. She can't keep that man in her house after what he tried to do to you."**

"**I hope not. But I know her and I know that somehow this will all become about her. And it will be my fault. Everything is always my fault."**

"**So call her."**

"**And say what, exactly? Hey mom, I hope you're not mad but I shacked up with my boyfriend last night because I didn't want to deal with your boyfriend feeling me up. It does not matter how I handle this, Elliot, she is going to be so angry. And she is not going to take well to the fact that we have been dating for months now and she has no idea I even had a boyfriend. And the fact that you are eighteen."**

"**What does that have anything to do with this?"**

"**I don't know. I guess that you are legally an adult and I am still legally a child. In her mind I always will be. But it isn't just that. It all goes back to her being raped, I think. She has always been strange when it comes to me and men or even boys. Like because she was raped, because she was hurt, she acts like every man in the world is out to get me. And her. Like because of the horrible things one man did, she thinks all of them are like him. It's really sad and I understand it. But then she goes out and gets drunk and brings home strangers and has sex with them. I don't understand it. I wish there was some way I could help her to get over this. I guess she will never get over it, I don't think I ever could. But some way to help her."**

"**Has she ever tried talking to someone?"**

"**Just me. I was about six when she first told me the truth about my father."**

"**At six you weren't even old enough to understand it."**

"**She made me understand Elliot. She made me understand every day of my life. How she never chose to be pregnant or to have a child. I was something she was strapped with and then she chose to keep me. Like I was such a huge burden on her. Like I owe her so much for choosing not to abort me or dump me in foster care. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't have been better off. Maybe she would have, too."**

"**No, Olivia. I don't think she could have possibly been better off without you. Infact, if she didn't have you to look out for her she probably would have given up a long time ago. I know things are hard for you, they have never been easy. But that is part of what has made you such a strong person. You are a fighter, Olivia Benson. A survivor. And you get at least part of that from your mother."**

"**You're right," she said forcing a smile. "It probably isn't going to be good and she is liable to freak out and yell a lot. But I really want to introduce you to my mother, Elliot. So that someday when I am married and send her a Christmas card with pictures of her grandchildren, she will know the amazing man who fathered them."**

**Elliot smiled. "You want to have kids with me?"**

"**I said **_**someday**_**." Olivia smiled.**

**Elliot kissed her. "I would be honored to meet your mother. Then I can try to explain to her that I have only the best intentions for her daughter. Maybe, if we are lucky she will realize that I am not some evil man who is just out to get you or hurt you or take advantage of you. I love you and all I want to do is protect you."**

"**Don't hold your breath," Olivia laughed. "You are so sweet. And the most amazing boyfriend ever."**

"**I'm glad that you think so."**

"**I'm going to call my mother and we could go meet her somewhere. She can't yell as much in public."**

"**Try not to worry so much. You never know how things might turn out."**

"**Yeah," Olivia said climbing from the bed and walking toward the living room to make the phone call.**

* * *

**Two hours later Elliot and Olivia walked into a small café just a few blocks from the apartment she shared with her mother. Olivia fidgeted nervously as she looked around the room, noticing her mother in a booth on the corner.**

**She gulped and looked at Elliot.**

"**It's going to be alright," he whispered squeezing her hand.**

**Olivia nodded as they walked toward her mother. When Serena spotted them she stood up and walked toward her daughter.**

"**Mom," Olivia began as Serena hugged her tight. For a moment it seemed almost as if her mother completely understood and was actually comforting her daughter.**

"**Are you alright?" Serena asked staring into Olivia's eyes.**

"**Yeah. Mom, this is Elliot." Olivia turned and pointed to him as Elliot extended his hand to shake Serena's.**

"**It is very nice to meet you ma'am."**

"**This is the boy you spent the night with."**

"**Mom, nothing happened. Elliot spelt on the couch."**

"**He is the reason you didn't come home last night?"**

"**Mom, no." Olivia shook her head. "Can we just sit down and talk? Please? Just let me explain."**

"**I'm listening," Serena said as she folded her arms in front of her and sat down in the booth beside Olivia, forcing Elliot to sit across from them.**

"**Last night after you and Bud went to bed I called and talked to Courtney. I took the phone in my room and when I came out Bud was standing outside the door staring at me. It was a really scary look. He was saying really strange things and acting weird. He was being a jerk and called me a bastard child. We sort of argued a little bit, then he started making comments about wanting to see me in my cheerleading uniform. I told him that was gross, because I was a kid and he is your boyfriend. Elliot had said he was going stop by and see me. He was saying things like by the time he was my age he was having sex and hitting on me. And said he could show me how a real man pleases a woman. I said something to him and he slapped me. Then he threw me down on the couch and held my arms over my head. I was screaming and crying, but you didn't hear me. He wouldn't stop. Mom, I was so scared." Olivia paused for a moment as a few tears rolled down her face. She took a deep breath and exhaled. **

"**I begged him to stop mom," she sobbed.**

"**Olivia, did Bud rape you?" Serena asked watching her daughter break down.**

"**No, mom. But he would have if Elliot hadn't come in. He pushed Bud off of me and I grabbed some clothes and left. I couldn't stay there with Bud. Mom, he, he, he tried to rape me!"**

**Serena wiped a tear from her daughter's cheek and looked at the bruises on her face and arms. "He did this to you?"**

**Olivia nodded. "Mom, I m so sorry. I know how much you liked him."**

"**Olivia, I am just glad that you are alright."**

**Olivia wiped her face. "Mom, I can't go back home if Bud is there."**

"**Of course not, honey. Bud isn't coming back. I am breaking it off with him. I will call him tonight and tell him never to come around again. Lets go home, Liv."**

**Olivia stood with Elliot in front of the café as her mother attempted to flag them a cab.**

"**I guess that went a little better than thought. She didn't kill either of us, so I guess that is good. I wish she had been a little nicer to you."**

"**She is doing what is right for you. That is the most important thing," Elliot said with a smile. **

"**I guess so," Olivia said with a smile.**

**Serena flagged a cap and Elliot walked Olivia to the waiting car.**

"**Ms. Benson, would it be alright if I called Olivia sometime?"**

**Serena stared at him for a moment. "She is too young to date."**

"**Mom, I'm sixteen."**

"**We are not going to debate this right now."**

"**Mom, please."**

"**Okay ma'am, no dates. Can I just call her? Talk to her?"**

**Serena looked back at Olivia, then at Elliot again. "I still think she is too young. Phone calls and you can come by the apartment now and then. But only when I am home and no sneaking around. Infact Elliot, why don't you come over for dinner tomorrow night."**

"**Really?" Olivia asked.**

"**I realize that you are not a child anymore. But I want to know that you are safe and I want to know where you are. Obviously he cares about you if he helped you get away from Bud. I want you to come home Olivia and I promise you Bud is no longer going to be a part of our lives. I don't want you to feel like you have to sneak around to see Elliot. If he wants to see you he can come over to the apartment, we'll see how it goes from there."**

**Olivia looked at Elliot and smiled. "So, I will see you for dinner tomorrow night?"**

"**I wouldn't miss it for anything," Elliot said with a smile. **

**He leaned in to kiss her then noticed Serena Benson watching him closely. He moved up settling for kissing her forehead. He pulled back and stared into her eyes mouthing the words 'I love you.' Olivia waved at him and closed the door as the cab pulled away and headed for the apartment.**


	6. 6 Practice Makes Perfect

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter Six: Practice Makes Perfect)**_

**Olivia set the table and pulled the lasagna from the oven. She made garlic bread and a salad to go with it. She stepped into the bathroom to check her hair and makeup. **

**She smiled when she heard the buzzer and ran down the stairs to open the door. **

"**Hi," she said as Elliot stepped inside with flowers.**

"**Hey beautiful. These are for you."**

"**Thank you," she said taking the bouquet of roses from him. "And these are for your mother," he said holding up bouquet of mixed flowers.**

"**She just called from work and is on her way home. Come on in."**

"**Are you sure? She said while she was here. I want to do this right. I don't want to give her any reason to disapprove of us."**

**Olivia smiled again. "You are so sweet."**

**Elliot leaned in to steal a kiss. "I have wanted to do that all day."**

"**You should come in. I'll get you something to drink. It will be fine. She'll be here any minute and we can have dinner." **

**She locked her fingers in his and lead him up the stairs. Elliot sat on the sofa as Olivia brought him a soda. He looked up at her and smiled, patting the couch beside him.**

"**I'd better not. Just in case. I'll sit over here," she said taking a seat in a chair across the room.**

**Just over an hour later Serena returned home from work and it was obvious she had been drinking. She came in and stared at Olivia and then back at Elliot.**

"**I made dinner," Olivia said looking at her mother. "We waited for you to get home to start."**

**She motioned for Elliot to join her at the table.**

"**It smells wonderful," Elliot said with a smile. "I brought these for you Ms. Benson."**

"**Thank you," Serena said taking the flowers from his hand. **

**They sat down to dinner and Elliot tried to make small talk with Serena.**

* * *

**Two weeks later while they were out shopping Elliot pulled up in front of the post office. "Give me a minute," he said kissing her nose as he climbed out of the car.**

"**I'll be here."**

**About ten minutes later he returned.**

"**What was that all about?" Olivia asked.**

"**This," he said holding up a beaded necklace with a key on it.**

"**What is that?"**

"**I got a P.O. Box and this is your key."**

"**Why would I need the key to your mail box?" **

"**Because I know that if you stay with your mother you are probably not going to get any of my letters. With this key, you can get them yourself. Now we can keep in touch no matter where I am."**

**Olivia smiled and kissed him.**

"**I am going to miss you so much while you're gone," she said softly.**

"**I know. I am going to miss you, too. But we still have a week, before I have to leave. I should get you home, it's getting late."**

"**But I'm not ready to go home. It is only seven thirty."**

"**What do you want to do?"**

"**I don't know, something. I only have one more week to spend with you before you have to go off to basic and I wont see you for a long time. I want to spend every minute that I can with you."**

"**So, why don't we rent a movie and get a pizza and head back to the house? I can still have you home by ten."**

"**Sounds good," she said with a smile. "But lets get something romantic."**

"**Romantic it is."**

**Olivia laughed.**

**They spent the next couple of hours curled up on Elliot's sofa watching a romantic movie, eating pizza and making out. **

"**I should take you home," Elliot mumbled between kisses as the movie credits rolled.**

"**What if I didn't go home?" She asked softly.**

"**What are you talking about?" Elliot asked as Olivia stood up and reached for his hand pulling him toward the bedroom. "Liv…"**

"**Shh," she said placing her fingertip against his mouth and kissing him once more. "I want to do this. Now. I'm ready."**

"**Are you sure?"**

"**I'm sure," she said as she began to unbutton her shirt.**

**Elliot kissed her tenderly as he smoothed his fingertips over her back above her bra. "You know, this could be much more romantic if we planed it for another night. I could get a room somewhere nice and…."**

"**Elliot, I don't need those things. You are here, that is all that matters. This is about you and me."**

"**I should have at least gotten you some roses."**

"**I don't need roses," she said softly kissing him again.**

"**Wait," he said pulling away as she laid back on the bed.**

"**What?"**

"**Condom."**

**Olivia watched as Elliot cut through the living room and headed for Steve's bedroom. She listened as he dug around for a few minutes in the night stand then came back into the bedroom with her.**

"**Did you get one?"**

"**Yes," he said holding up the little foil package.**

"**So Steve keeps a supply of condoms laying around his bedroom? I wonder how Courtney would feel about that?"**

**Elliot looked at her and smiled. "Courtney is the reason Steve got them."**

"**What? Really? When did that start?"**

**Elliot laughed. "Just a couple of weeks ago."**

"**He'd better be good to her," Olivia said. "She needs a good guy who is committed only to her."**

"**Steve doesn't sleep around if that is what you mean. He and I have shared this place for months and she is the first girl he has ever brought home. He likes to think he is a big ladies man and even acts like it, but he is really shy around girls."**

"**I never would have guessed that about him. So is Courtney his first?"**

"**No, maybe like second or third. What about her?"**

"**You guys don't talk much do you?"**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**Courtney was a virgin, too. I cannot believe she didn't tell me that they slept together."**

"**I don't really know that they have. I just know that things are kind of serious and he got them, just in case."**

"**Oh. I am so going to have to have a talk with her."**

**Elliot laughed as Olivia kissed him again. She laid back and scooted across the bed. She kicked off her shoes and unzipped her jeans slipping out of them and just laying there in her bra and panties as she stared up at Elliot.**

"**What's the matter, Stabler?"**

"**Umm, nothing. You're just…" He paused for a moment losing his train of thought as he watched her take off her bra and drop it into the floor as well.**

"**Naked?" Olivia asked with a smile.**

"**Beautiful," Elliot replied.**

**She smiled again and pulled the sheets up around her, patting the bed beside her. Elliot pulled his tee shirt over his head and tossed it across the room then stepped out of his jeans. He stood for a moment in his boxers scanning his eyes over her before climbing into the bed.**

**Olivia smiled and reached for him, pulling his body against hers as they began to kiss once more. Elliot trailed kissed down her shoulder as he stared into her eyes. Things heated up quickly and before long they laid in each other's arms completely naked and about to make love for the first time. **

**Elliot combed his fingers through her hair and kissed her passionately. He softly kissed the side of her neck and smoothed his fingers over her back. **

**Olivia moaned softly held tight to him. Elliot traced every soft curve of her perfect body.**

"**Are you ready?" He whispered softly against her lips.**

"**I'm ready," she replied with a smile as she brushed her nose against his. **

**Elliot reached for the condom on the nightstand beside the bed. He rested his forehead against the curve of her neck as he reached under the blankets and put the condom on. Olivia waited nervously as her heart raced.**

"**Okay," Elliot said softly as he kissed against her cheek. "It isn't too late to change your mind, you know? At anytime if you want me too stop, I will. Don't be afraid to tell me to."**

"**Okay," she whispered. "Elliot…"**

"**Yes, Liv?"**

"**I love you."**

**Elliot raised his hand to cup the side of her face. He traced his thumb down her cheek and kissed her tenderly. "I love you too, baby."**

**Olivia stared into his eyes and nodded. Elliot kissed her as he raised up and entered her slowly. Olivia gasped and winced as he waited for her to give him some sign that she wanted to continue. She pressed her forehead to his chest and waited for a moment, then she raised her brown eyes to look into his and kissed him.**

**The first few times he moved inside of her, Elliot could tell she was in pain. He moved slowly and tried to be gently with her.**

"**I'm hurting you," he whispered softly. "We should stop."**

"**No," she argued looking deep into his soul, "I want to do this. It always hurts the first time. I'll be okay. Stay with me. Make love to me," she said forcing a smile.**

**Elliot kissed her passionately as they made love. He was slow and took his time with her, holding her tight in his arms and breathing little **_**I love you's **_**against her ear. She moaned softly and as his cheek brushed hers in the dark, Elliot could feel her warm tears.**

"**Are you okay?" **

"**I'm good," she almost gasped. **

"**Baby, you're crying."**

"**I'm okay," she said wiping away a tear. "I just have so much emotion running through me right now."**

**Elliot smiled and pressed his forehead against hers kissing her. **

**When it was over he held her tight as she laid with her bare chest against his. Elliot kissed the top of her head as he moved his fingers gently up and down her back. **

"**You alright?" He asked softly.**

"**Yeah," she said softly.**

"**Tell me what you're thinking."**

"**Nothing."**

"**Olivia, tell me."**

"**I guess I was just wondering what the big deal is."**

**Elliot laughed. "It wasn't that good?"**

"**No, no. It was…it was…"**

**Elliot laughed again. "It was your first time. It will get better. And eventually it will be really good."**

"**Eventually?"**

**Elliot smiled and kissed her again. "Well, it takes practice. Like everything else in life."**

**Olivia laughed. "Practice?"**

"**Yes. Practice makes perfect."**

"**Right."**

**Elliot kissed her again. "I love you so much," Elliot said combing his fingers through her hair. "I should probably take you home before your mom freaks out."**

"**I want to stay here with you."**

"**What about your mother?"**

"**She's passed out by now anyway. And I am already here."**

"**I like you here."**

"**I like being here."**

"**Then it's settled. You'll stay."**

**Olivia smiled as she settled in against him for the night. **

"**I love you, angel."**

"**I love you too, El."**

**The next morning when Elliot woke up she was gone. He sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes as he remembered how good had felt to hold her all night. Just as he started to get out of bed, Olivia walked back into the bedroom wearing his tee shirt.**

"**There you are."**

"**Yeah, I just…" she smiled and crawled back across the bed to kiss him.**

**She laughed as she playfully bit Elliot's lip. **

"**Baby, what are you doing?" He asked as she laid back on he bed and reached for him.**

"**Practicing," she whispered against his ear. **

**Olivia kissed him passionately as she slipped another condom into his palm. Elliot smiled as he proceeded to make love to her for the second time.**


	7. 7 Family Ties

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Seven: Family Ties)_

Elliot opened the car door for Olivia and walked her around to the alley beside her building. He kissed her goodbye and watched as she climbed up the fire escape and waved to him from her bedroom window when she was safely inside.

Olivia kicked her shoes off. It was just after four o'clock in the morning and she was sure her mother hadn't even realized she hadn't come home the night before. She slipped out of her clothes and tossed them into the hamper. She slipped on a tee shirt and a pair of shorts then made her way into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She walked back toward her bedroom stopping for a moment to look in on her mother. Olivia looked at her mother sprawled out across the bed. The empty vodka bottle laid in the floor and the rock glass sitting on the night stand. It was obvious, Serena had not even noticed that Olivia had gone out that evening, let alone cared.

Olivia exhaled and closed Serena's bedroom door ad she headed back down the hall and into her room. She climbed into bed and pulled the blankets up around her, smiling as she picked up the teddy bear Elliot had given her months earlier for her birthday and drifted off to sleep.

Around ten o'clock the next morning Olivia was sitting on the sofa watching television and eating a bowl of cereal when she heard the buzz of the door bell. She sat her bowl on the coffee table and went to see who it was.

"El," she said with a big smile as his blue eyes appeared from behind the door.

"I missed you," he said kissing her softly.

"I missed you, too. Come on in," she said pointing to the stairs behind her.

"Actually, I was hoping you could come with me for a little while."

"Umm…" she turned her attention to the staircase behind her. "Okay, just give me a minute to put some actual clothes on and leave my mother a note. Come on in."

Elliot followed her up the stairs and sat down on the sofa. Olivia carried her cereal bowl to the sink and headed for the bedroom.

"I'll just be a minute," she said with a smile waving at him as she closed her bedroom door.

She slipped on a white sundress with little yellow flowers on it. She picked up a notepad from her desk and scribbled a little note for her mother.

'_Went with Elliot. Be back in a few hours. - Love, Olivia'_

"That will do," she said as she tore the page from the notebook and stuck a piece of tape on it.

Olivia hung the note the inside of Serena's bedroom door.

"I'm ready," she said as she entered the living room and helped him up.

They drove for a while as Olivia stared out into the sunshine and let the warm summer air blow through her fingers and she held her arm out the window.

"So are you gonna tell me where we're going?" She asked with a smile.

"Nope."

"Oh, so it's a surprise?"

"You could say that," he said smiling back at her. "Somewhere special. Somewhere I don't take anyone."

Elliot brushed his thumb across her cheek and stared into her eyes.

"You don't take anyone there?"

"No."

"But you're taking me?"

"You're different."

Olivia smiled. "I'm different?"

"Yes. You are beautiful and you smell good and I love you."

Olivia laughed as he pulled the car into a large parking lot. Elliot walked around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her.

"Where are we?" Olivia asked climbing from the car and looking around.

Elliot kissed her tenderly. "There is someone I want you to meet."

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "Who?"

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again. "My mother," he said stepping back and leading her by the hand toward the facility.

"Your mother?"

"I was just thinking," he said swinging her hand in his as they walked toward the building, "we have been together just over a year."

"Yeah," she said with a smile.

"I met your mother and I think it's time you meet mine."

"El, I thought your mother gave you the house and got an apartment in the city?"

"Not exactly. I guess I don't exactly have the best family life either."

"What do you mean?"

"My mother has been sick for years. Early onset Alzheimer's. It wasn't that bad for a while she would for get things like where she put the car keys, little stuff like that. Over the years it got worse. Some days she didn't even know who we were. A few years back, my father… I guess he decided he'd had enough. He left for work one day and never came home. I took care of her as long as I could. I thought I had it under control, until I got a call at school two years ago asking me to come pick her up at the police station."

"Was she alright?"

"She had what she used to call an episode. She went for a walk and forgot where she was going. The cops found her jus wandering around in snow and ten degree weather in her night gown with no coat on. She didn't even know her own name."

"Elliot, I am so sorry."

"They didn't leave me much choice. She needed full time care and I wasn't able to provide that for her. They suggested I bring her here."

Olivia wrapped her arms tight around him and hugged him. She laid her head against his chest and just held on to him for a minute. Elliot held her and just breathed in the scent of her hair.

"I guess we really are perfect for each other," she said softly. "We understand each other perfectly." She stared up at him and blinked her big brown eyes.

"I love you so much," Elliot said kissing her softly.

"I love you, too."

"Come on, she's going to love you."

Olivia smiled. "I hope so."

"I know so."

Olivia stopped on the way up the walk to pick a handful of pink and yellow flowers that were growing there. Elliot watched as she pulled the white ribbon from her hair and used it to tie together the little bouquet.

"What do you think?" She asked looking at him with her bright eyes.

"Beautiful."

She smiled a shy smile as Elliot locked his fingers tight in hers and lead her down the hallway.

"442, 444, 446, here," he said tapping lightly on the door to room number 448.

They walked inside. The room was dark, lit only by the sunlight pouring in through the windows from outside. 'General Hospital' was playing on the television in the corner of the room and in a chair in front of it sat a woman in her mid to late forties.

"Mom," Elliot said leaving Olivia's side only long enough to kneel beside the woman's chair.

"Elliot, it's so good to see you. Is it Sunday? I must have forgotten. I'm not dressed for church."

"No, mom. It's Thursday," Elliot said with a smile. "I have someone here I want you to meet."

Elliot looked up at Olivia and reached for her hand. Olivia smiled a warm smile and stepped forward.

"Mom this is Olivia Benson, my girlfriend. Olivia, this is my mother, Bernadette Stabler."

"It is very nice to meet you, Mrs. Stabler." Olivia stepped forward and offered her the small bouquet of flowers.

"What a beautiful girl," she said reaching for the flowers. "And how sweet of you, honey."

"Mom, I was thinking maybe we could go outside in to the garden. The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day. I brought some things for a picnic."

Olivia turned and looked at Elliot as she smiled.

"Elliot, that sounds like a wonderful idea. That will give me a chance to get to know your friend a little better."

"That's what I was thinking, mom."

They spent the afternoon sitting on a blanket under a shade tree sharing a picnic lunch with Elliot's mother. Later as Elliot walked Olivia up the sidewalk to her apartment he held her hand.

"Thank you," she said with a smile.

"You had a good time?"

"I had a wonderful time."

"She adored you. I knew she would."

Olivia smiled as they sat down on the stoop.

"She is a very sweet lady."

"I usually pick her up and take her to church on Sundays. So it threw her off a bit when I showed up on a Thursday."

"Thank you for introducing me to her."

"I figured she should meet the girl I intend to marry."

"I have to go," Olivia motioned for the apartment door behind her. "If I'm too late she'll flip out."

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure about tomorrow. But I was thinking maybe you could pick me up at the café around the corner around ten thirty."

"Really? What about your mother?"

"She'll be asleep. As long as I am back in bed before she wakes up… I only have one two more days with you before you have to leave. I was thinking maybe we could have a little time alone." She leaned forward and placed her forehead against his as she stared into his eyes. "There's something I'd like to show you," she whispered as she winked at him.

Elliot laughed and Olivia smiled.

"Ten thirty?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there."

"I love you," she whispered kissing him passionately.

"I love you."

Elliot watched until she was safe inside the apartment.


	8. 8 One More Day

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter Eight: One More Day)**_

**Olivia laid with her head on Elliot's chest and watched him sleep. Her naked body was pressed against his and a thin cotton sheet draped their bodies. Across the dark room a fan pulled a summer breeze through the window. **

**Olivia loved the smell of summer air. Living in the city, of course she couldn't leave her bedroom window at night to enjoy it. But here, at Elliot's house in the suburbs it seemed like they were on an entirely different planet. **

**Here, you could enjoy simple pleasures like sitting on your front porch at night and walking your dog down the street, even sleeping with your bedroom window open at night. Here, the world was peaceful and quiet, far from the sounds of the city and her mother's sweaty drunken stranger sex in the next room. Here, she was happy.**

**Elliot moaned a little and shifted opening his eyes to look at her.**

"**You okay?"**

"**Yeah," Olivia said with a smile. "I'm good. Just watching you sleep."**

**Elliot cupped his hand against the side of her face and gazed into her eyes. Olivia raised up to kiss him passionately.**

"**You're really starting to like this, aren't you?" He asked smiling at her.**

"**I don't mind it. It doesn't hurt anymore. And I love spending time with you," she said as she kissed him again.**

"**Wait," Elliot said sliding out from under her body and laying beside her. "You don't mind it? But you don't enjoy it either?"**

"**Elliot, it isn't that big of a deal. You really like it. And I really like knowing that I make you happy. I love you."**

"**Olivia, I love you, too. But we shouldn't be having sex if you're not…." he stared at her trying to think of a way to word this so it didn't sound so graphic, "**_**enjoying**_** it."**

**She stared at him with innocence in her eyes unsure of what he was trying to say. "What do you mean?"**

"**I mean, it should feel really good. You should really enjoy it, a lot. That is how it is supposed to be. You should….you know," Elliot stared into her eyes and it was clear that she didn't know, "orgasm, when we make love. You don't do that do you?"**

"**I don't know."**

"**That's just it, Olivia. If you did, you would know."**

"**Do you?"**

"**Yeah, baby. I do. But that isn't enough."**

"**Elliot, we have only done this like a handful of times. Maybe I just haven't gotten good at it yet."**

"**Baby, you are good at it. I think maybe I am the one who needs to work at it. There are other things that we can do."**

**Olivia just stared at him.**

"**Like before we make love. It doesn't always have to be about the actual sex. Or different positions we could try. It doesn't always have to be me on top of you. We just need to explore a bit and see what works for you."**

"**Explore? Well, what worked when you were with Ashley?"**

"**I don't want to bring Ashley into this."**

"**I didn't mean to. Its just that you have done this before and I never have. What worked for her?"**

"**This is the only way we ever did it. I don't really know anything else either."**

"**I have an idea," Olivia said climbing from the bed and pulling the sheet around her body as she walked out of the room. She returned a few minutes later with one of Steve's porn tapes.**

"**You seriously want to watch that?"**

"**It would give us ideas."**

"**Have you ever watched a porno?"**

"**No. Have you?"**

**Elliot just looked at her like he had been caught as she scratched his head. "Once or twice."**

**Olivia smiled. "I found it while I was taking his laundry in his room. He has a whole box of them under his bed."**

"**Oh, you found it while you were taking his clean laundry and putting it under his bed?"**

**She laughed. "No, actually I found this tape on top of the TV in his room. Then while I was picking up his dirty laundry from the floor around the bed I found the box with the others. He has magazines, too. But I know better than to touch those."**

**Elliot laughed. "These get pretty graphic. Are you sure you want to watch it?"**

"**If you do. The girls on these tapes moan so loud you can hear them in the other room when he is watching them. I figure, they must be doing something right."**

"**Good point," Elliot said pulling the tape from the box and putting it into the VCR.**

**They sat on the bed and watched for a few minutes as the people on the tape did some interesting things in very interesting positions.**

"**Elliot," she said as she wrinkled up her nose.**

"**Yeah?"**

"**I think maybe this is a little out of our league. Neither of us know enough about this to master any of that stuff."**

**Elliot reached up and turned off the television. "Good point," he said laying down beside her and kissing her bare shoulder.**

"**Maybe we should just stick with what we know."**

"**I know a few things we could try. I have never really done them, but I have heard from some of the guys on the team about how their girlfriends enjoy them. It helps put them in the mood. It is not as advanced as some of that stuff, but it could be worth trying."**

"**Like what?"**

"**Like kissing you."**

"**Kissing me where?"**

"**Everywhere."**

"**And that makes someone want sex?"**

"**Liv, everywhere."**

"**Oh… that isn't strange?"**

"**Or I could just start by touching you….everywhere."**

**She gave him a strange look as she considered his proposal.**

"**Then we could work up to the kissing part," he continued.**

"**I guess that is okay," she said as she laid back on the bed and pressed her lips together nervously.**

**Elliot rolled over beside her and kissed her as he began to let his finger tips explore her entire body.**

"**Does that feel alright?" He asked staring into her eyes.**

"**Yeah," she said with a smile.**

**He kissed her again. "I am going to try something different. It might feel strange at first, but let me know if it hurts you and I will stop."**

"**Okay," she whispered closing her eyes as his fingers worked their way down her body. He slipped them softly up the inside of her leg and brought them slowly up her thigh.**

**She opened her eyes to stare into his as he slowly slipped one and then two fingers inside her and massaged her clit with his thumb. At first she trembled and clutched his arm at the feel of the intrusion to her body. But soon as she had relaxed and began to moan softly as he moved his fingers.**

"**Does that hurt?" He whispered.**

"**No," she gasped.**

"**Tell me what you feel," he whispered kissing the side of her neck.**

"**Strange at first, but warm." She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes letting the heat building inside her to take control. **

**Elliot watched as she moaned softly and gripped his arm. He watched the reaction of her body as she tipped her head back and her nipples hardened.**

"**Do you want me to stop?" He asked as she moaned softly.**

"**No," she exhaled as he moved his fingers slowly. "It feels….nice," she gasped.**

"**Olivia look at me," he whispered.**

**She rolled her head toward him and opened her eyes.**

"**This is how sex is supposed to feel all of the time."**

**She gasped and smiled pressing her lips together. She stared into his eyes as he began to move his fingers harder and faster. He could feel the wetness of her body reacting to his touch as he sped his rhythm.**

**Olivia moved a bit and clawed at his arm as she moaned. This was it. Elliot was about to give his girlfriend her first real orgasm. **

"**Baby, look at me," he whispered kissing her again as he steadied the movements. **

"**El," she gasped. **

"**Yes?" He asked looking into her eyes.**

"**I feel like I am going to explode," she laughed and king of groaned at the same time.**

"**You are supposed to," he smiled. "Let go."**

"**What?" She gasped.**

"**Don't fight it, Olivia. Just let it happen."**

**She shifted her knee and arched her back as she moaned and clawed at the sheet on the bed. Elliot stared into her eyes and kissed her tenderly watching as the fireworks inside them exploded and for the first time, she realized how amazing sex could be.**

**After Elliot moved his hand back up from under the sheet and waited while she caught her breath. Olivia smiled and laid her head against his chest. **

"**What do you think?" He asked watching her for a reaction.**

"**How did we miss that all this time?"**

"**I don't know."**

"**Make love to me. Now. I want to feel like that with you."**

**Elliot smiled. "Okay," he said rolling over her and reaching to pull off his boxers.**

**That time as they made love they reached an orgasm together for the first time. They panted and gasped for air as Elliot fell beside her in the bed. He held her tight and kissed her as he stared into her eyes.**

"**I love you so much," he said with a smile.**

"**I love you, too."**

**Elliot moved to roll over and settle for the night.**

"**El, wait." **

"**What?"**

**She stared into his eyes a little embarrassed.**

"**What, Liv?"**

"**I want to see it," she said giving him a strange look.**

"**What?"**

"**We have done this, I don't know, a dozen times and I have never seen it."**

"**You know what it looks like. We just watched that tape."**

"**I have seen them on TV, but I have never really seen one. Please, El. I want to see it."**

**Elliot laughed and wiped his hand over his face trying not to feel embarrassed.**

"**Liv, it is not like it is anything pretty… or…"**

"**I just want to. You have seen me naked. Completely naked. How is this any different?"**

"**I don't know. It just seems strange."**

"**Elliot," she laughed. "Please."**

"**Okay," he said kissing her tenderly.**

**He backed up a bit and raised up on his knees in the bed. Olivia stared into his eyes, then shifted her attention down to….**

**Elliot waited for a few seconds then laid back down beside her in the bed and covered them both up. "There, you happy now?"**

"**Yes," she replied as she brought her head to rest on his chest and he kissed the top of her head. "It's strange."**

"**I told you it wasn't pretty. I don't think any of them are."**

**Olivia laughed. "No. I mean that something that looks like that and feel so good. Not that a girl's parts are attractive either."**

"**Their breasts are."**

"**El?"**

"**Or, **_**your**_** breasts are."**

**Olivia laughed, then tears began to rise in her eyes.**

"**What? You regret looking?"**

**She laughed through her tears. "No. I am just so scared."**

"**Hey, it is thirteen weeks. Then I come home. And I will be here with you."**

"**But, that is a long time. I mean, what if you meet someone else?"**

"**I won't."**

"**But, what if you do? You meet someone else and you fall in love with her. I'm going to lose you."**

"**Come here," he said pulling her tighter in his arms.**

"**That is never going to happen, okay." Elliot looked into her eyes and kissed her tenderly. "I love you. And some day I plan to marry you. And we will build all of our dreams together, baby. You and me. Okay?"**

**Olivia nodded her head. "Okay."**

**Elliot held her tight in his arms. This would be their last night together and in just a few hours he had to get her home. By this time tomorrow he would be off in some new place beginning his basic training. And tomorrow afternoon, he would have to kiss her goodbye for thirteen long weeks.**

* * *

**At noon the next day Elliot showed up to pick her up. He held her hand as they walked out to his car. Steve and Courtney were in the front and she and Elliot climbed into the back as they held tight to each other and they headed for the airport.**

"**Your flight leaves in an hour," Steve said unloading Elliot's bag and taking Courtney's hand. "We can get you checked in, then find some food or something while we wait."**

"**Sounds good," Elliot said staring at Olivia who was already fighting back tears.**

**They walked inside and Elliot picked up his ticket to San Diego, then checked his luggage. Steve and Courtney walked a few feet ahead of them holding hands to try and give them a little space. **

**They sat a little waiting area and snacked on chips and soda from the vending machines as they waited. Olivia could feel her heart slowly breaking in her chest. It felt like she was being torn apart. **

"**Let's go for a walk," Elliot said softly as the first tear of the day rolled down her cheek.**

"**Yeah," she said nodding as he took her hand in his.**

**They walked around for a while just holding hands, neither of them sure what to say. The stood near his gate and watched as other planes took off and landed.**

"**I'm going to write you all of the time," he said staring into her eyes.**

**Olivia raised her hand to her mouth and began to cry. Elliot pulled her in against his chest and just held her tight.**

"**It's gonna be alright, baby. You'll see. I am coming back for you," he said staring into her eyes. "I love you."**

"**I love you," she gasped through a knot in her throat.**

"**You gonna write me?"**

"**Yeah," she whispered cracking a smile. "Every day. I just wish we had one more day together before you had to go."**

**Elliot wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I have been meaning to talk to you about something," he said leaning against the large window. "This idea with another girl. The more I thought about it, the more I realized you really cannot help who you meet. And you never really know what might happen in thirteen weeks."**

**Olivia pulled back a bit and stared at him in disbelief. Part of her was certain he was about to break up with her. "Elliot," she scoffed as she shook her head.**

"**That is why I got this," he said pulling a small black box from his pocket. "It's for you. Open it."**

"**Elliot," she gasped.**

"**It's okay. Open it."**

**Olivia opened the box to find a small heart shaped diamond pendant on a gold chain.**

"**It's beautiful," she whispered beginning to cry again.**

"**Olivia, I love you. You and only you. There is no other girl in the world who could change that. I realize you are scared, baby I am, too. But, this is my promise to you that I am coming back for you. And someday, I'll buy you a beautiful diamond ring to go with it."**

**Olivia laughed through her tears as Elliot hooked the necklace behind her neck. She turned around and stared into his eyes. Elliot raised his fingertip to touch the pendant.**

"**I can't give my heart to another girl, Olivia. It isn't mine to give, anymore. I already gave it to you."**

**Olivia hugged him tight as he held her in his arms. As they stood there and just existed together Elliot heard the final boarding call for flight 117 to San Diego. **

"**I'll wait for you," she whispered as she kissed him. "I would wait forever for you. I love you."**

"**I love you, baby."**

**Courtney stood beside Olivia holding her hand while she cried as they watched Elliot's plane take flight. Courtney hugged her tight and combed her fingers through Olivia's hair.**

"**He's coming back to you, Liv. And some day, you are going to marry him and have a beautiful family together. He just has to get through basic training, first. Why don't you come home with me tonight. And you can start your first letter to him."**

"**Okay," Olivia whispered. "I love him, Court. And I miss him so much already."**

"**I know. But he will be back before you know it."**

"**I hope so," Olivia said placing her palm against the glass as she stared out the window into the sky.**


	9. 9 Back In Your Arms

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Nine: Back In Your Arms)_

It had been a long thirteen weeks of love letters and sleepless nights, but the day Olivia had waited so long for was almost here. She climbed into the backseat of the car as Steve placed her things in the trunk.

"Are you sure your mother isn't going to mind?" he asked Olivia as he climbed into the car.

"She probably won't even notice I am gone," Olivia sighed as she leaned her head against the window to look out into the early morning light.

"Did you even tell her?" Courtney asked looking back at her from the front seat as she slipped on her sunglasses.

"No. If she knew she would never let me go. I can't miss this. Elliot's Marine Corps. Graduation. This is one of the biggest days of his life, I can't miss it because my mother is a bitch! If I wasn't there to support him, it would crush him."

Courtney smiled. "Most important day of his life, next to the day he finally marry's you."

Olivia laughed. "What makes you think we even will?" She asked giving Courtney a serious look.

Courtney stared at her for a moment until Olivia cracked a smile, then both girls burst into laughter.

"So Steve, how long will it take us to get there?" Olivia asked combing her fingers through her hair.

"Olivia, it is nearly a three thousand mile road trip, one way. It is all the way across the country. I'm figuring just over three days, by the time we stop to sleep, eat and shower. I was planning on driving through to St. Louis tonight, get a room there and head out in the morning."

"How far is that from Manhattan?" Olivia asked.

Steve picked up an atlas from the seat between he and Courtney. "About nine hundred and fifty miles if I figured it right. Fifteen hours, if we don't stop too much."

"Whoa," Olivia said picking up book from the small duffel bag she had with her in the car and scribbling into it.

"What's that?" Courtney asked.

"A travel journal. I never get to go anywhere. I have never even been out of the state of New York. Well, except for the trips Mr. Hanzig made us take to historical battlefields in New Jersey."

"Ugg! He plans the worst field trips! I hated his class. Those were the longest most boring days of my life! I would rather serve detention every day for two months than to have to go on another one of Mr. Hanzig's field trips," Courtney announced.

Olivia laughed. "They were pretty bad."

"Do you have nail polish?" Courtney asked.

"Yeah, in here somewhere," Olivia said picking up her bag from the floor and digging through it.

Before she could find it Courtney climbed over the seat and into the back with Olivia.

"What are you doing?" Olivia laughed.

"I figured if we are looking at fifteen hours locked in this car today, we could at least get a pedicure out of the deal."

Olivia smiled as she began to paint Courtney's toenails.

Within a couple of hours both girls were sleeping soundly in the back seat and Steve was left alone with the radio and the open road. That evening Steve checked them in to a hotel and ordered them some room service.

* * *

Olivia laid her bag on one of the beds and looked around the room. She pulled a hair brush from her bag and stepped into the bathroom to straighten up her hair. She walked out and grabbed some cash from her purse, then slipped her shoes back on.

Across the room Courtney and Steve wrestled playfully on the other bed.

"Where are you going?" Courtney asked looking up at Olivia from a headlock.

"I just thought I would go down to the soda machine and maybe walk around and check out the hotel. Give you two a little time alone."

Courtney laughed. "Liv, we're not gonna _do_ anything?"

"I just figured you have been locked in a car with me all day, you might like some alone time."

"It's cool. Besides, this is St. Louis. There could be some crazy maniac out there. It isn't safe for you to leave the room alone."

"Isn't safe? Courtney, we are from Manhattan. There are more maniacs in Manhattan than there are people in this entire city. I think I can manage to walk to the soda machine by myself."

"She's right, Olivia. I would really rather you didn't go out of the room alone. If you girls want sodas I can walk down to the machine for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's no problem."

"Okay thanks," Olivia said handing him the money.

"I thought you and I could sleep in this bed," Courtney said pulling back the blankets as Olivia changed into her tee shirt and shorts for bed.

"You're not sleeping in the bed with Steve?"

Courtney stared at her, "no."

"I just assumed you would."

"I'm sure he would rather I did. But I don't trust him enough to sleep in a bed together and try anything."

Olivia smiled. "Try anything? The way you usually talk you guys have sex all of the time."

"We have sex. But I am not going to do anything with my best friend asleep in the same room. And once we get to San Diego, you and Elliot will have your own room and Steve will have me all to himself. He can wait three days."

"I guess you're right," Olivia laughed.

* * *

Two days later they arrived in San Diego just in time to check into the hotel and get ready for Elliot's graduation. Olivia took the key to the room she and Elliot would be sharing for the night and went over there to shower and fix her hair and makeup. She slipped into a turquoise colored sundress with pink flowers. The bright colors complemented her tan skin and the halter style dress had a knee length ruffled skirt and straps that crossed in the back, showing off her sexy shoulders. She misted on a bit of perfume and put on the diamond heart pendant Elliot had given her just before he had left for boot camp.

"There," she said with a smile as she put the finishing touches on her lip gloss. She tucked her clothes back into her bag and sat it on the dresser for later, then picked up her high heeled shoes and walked over to Steve and Courtney's room.

Half an hour later they were driving to the base where Elliot had lived for the last thirteen weeks of his training. Olivia's heart pounded so hard in her chest she almost felt nauseas from the nervousness and excitement of finally being able to see him again. From the moment they arrived, Olivia kept her eyes open hoping to catch a glimpse of Elliot before the ceremony began.

Steve found their seats and they all watched as the graduates filed out across a stage and the ceremony began. Olivia watched and held her breath as each graduate was called to step forward and salute the crowd.

"Private First Class Elliot Stabler," a man's voice announced over the speaker as everyone clapped.

"There he is," Courtney said pointing as Elliot walked across the stage.

"Yeah," Olivia said feeling tears rising in her eyes.

"You are a very lucky girl," Courtney said with a smile. "Look how hot he looks in his uniform!"

Olivia laughed and smiled again. "I can't wait until this is over," she said softly.

"Over? It just started," Steve replied.

"I know. I have just missed him so much and I can't wait to kiss him."

"Oh," Steve said smiling at Courtney as she raised an eyebrow at him.

After the ceremony they filed out into a large courtyard with hundreds of other friends and family members of the new members of the United States Marine Corps. A few minutes later the graduates began to file out into the crowd, roaming around until they found their visitors. Olivia waited nervously watching the group of men in uniform for his face.

"There," Steve said pointing through the crowd at Elliot standing across the courtyard.

Just as Steve had pointed him out, Elliot and Olivia's eyes had met through the crowd and she began to make her way in his direction. She pushed through parents with their sons and happy couples reunited, until she finally reached him.

"There you are," Elliot said as a large smile crossed his face and Olivia practically jumped into his arms.

He held her and hugged her tight as they kissed, her standing on her toes to be able to reach him.

"I missed you so much," she gasped as he spun her around and kissed her again.

"You are even more beautiful than I remember," he said staring into her eyes as he tucked a strand of hair behind her eyes. "I missed you too, angel."

Elliot wrapped his arm behind her as they walked back toward Steve and Courtney.

"Hey man," Steve said shaking Elliot's hand and then giving his best manly hug.

"Hi Steve," Elliot said. "Hey, Courtney."

"Hey, El. Don't you clean up nice?"

Olivia exhaled and closed her eyes as she laid her head against his chest as Elliot closed his arms around her.

"Are you guys hungry?" Elliot asked. "There are refreshments over there and the dinner is in an hour at this really nice place in town."

"Maybe we could leave a little early," Olivia said smiling up at him. "It would give us a little bit of time to catch up."

"We are all supposed to ride over together. But tonight after the dinner, I am all yours."

"All mine," Olivia repeated with a smile.

"Always," Elliot said kissing her again. "Then I have a meeting tomorrow and the ball tomorrow night. Then it is back to New York for a little while until I receive my orders."

"Orders?" Courtney asked.

"They will contact me ant tell me where I am being stationed. But I will have a week or so before that happens."

"Good," Olivia replied.

"I have to go for now baby," he said kissing her tenderly. "I will see you guys in an hour. And I want to introduce you to a few of my friends," Elliot said smiling.

"Okay," Olivia smiled. She watched as he turned to walk back to the group of graduates. "Elliot," she called to him folding her hands behind her and smiling in his direction.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Elliot smiled and walked back to her. "I love you too, Liv." He kissed her once more then continued on his way.

* * *

That night after dinner Olivia held Elliot's hand as she walked him down the hallway and opened the door to their hotel room.

"Good night guys," Courtney giggled waving at them from the next room.

"Night Court," Olivia said waving to her as she closed the door.

She leaned against the door for a few minutes and watched as Elliot reacquainted himself with life off base. He walked around the room and hung his tuxedo for the ball in the closet next to her dress. She cleared her throat as she watched him turn to look at her.

"So," she said pressing her lips together and smiling a shy smile.

"So," Elliot repeated smiling back.

Olivia laughed nervously.

"I have missed you so much," Elliot said sitting on the edge of the bed and patting the space beside him. She walked over and sat down beside him. "How are things going back home?"

"Okay. You said in your letters that you had been going to church with Steve and my mother."

"Yeah. She really likes when I go. She asks about you. She'll be glad to see you again."

"How are things at home?" Olivia stared at him for a moment. "How are things with your mother?"

"Fine."

"What did you have to tell her to get her to let you come here?"

"She thinks I'm on vacation with Courtney and her family. Elliot, I really don't want to talk about my mother."

"I'm sorry. I have had a thousand thoughts about what I would say to you when I saw you again and now that we are standing here in the same room together, I have no idea what to say."

"You know," she said slipping her shoes off and tossing them across the room, "we really don't have to _say_ anything if you don't want to."

"I figured you would have a lot you wanted to talk about."

She leaned forward and kissed him passionately. She climbed from the bed and walked across the room. "We have the entire car trip home to talk. We are finally alone," She said reaching up to unbutton his shirt. "I thought we could take advantage of the privacy."

She walked across the room to the dresser and began to dig through her bag. Moments later she felt Elliot's arms snake around her waist. He turned her around and kissed her slowly and passionately. He slipped his hands under her hips and raised her to sit on the dresser.

Olivia moaned softly as he kissed on her neck. She moved her hands up to unbutton the rest of the buttons on his shirt then traced her fingertips over the muscles in his shoulders until it fell backward onto the floor.

Their kisses heated up as Elliot slipped his hands under her skirt and pulled her body closer to his. Olivia trailed her fingertips down his chest until they reached his belt buckle and she dropped his pants as quickly as she could allowing them to fall around his ankles. Elliot moved his hands firmly over her thigh and pulled off the lacy panties she wore.

He tipped her back leaning her against the mirror, controlling that little voice in his head that wanted to just throw her down and fuck her brains out. But it had been thirteen long weeks without sex for both of them. And as much as his hormones were about to make him explode from the thrill of just being in the same room an attractive female, she deserved much more than that.

"Liv," he mumbled between kisses as he placed his hand against the mirror behind her and pushed himself off of her.

"Is something wrong?" She asked staring into his eyes. "You don't want to?" She slipped her hand down and now tugged playfully at the elastic waist band on his boxer shorts.

"I want to," he said kissing her again knowing that if she were just a bit closer she would feel how bad he wanted to.

"Oh thank God," she exhaled as she pressed her mouth to his. "I have never wanted anything like this before," she said pulling her body against his.

"You really want to do this here? Like this?"

"I really do," she said kissing him again.

Elliot picked her up and laid her on the bed. He pushed down his boxer shorts and moved slowly as he slid inside her. Olivia moaned at the feel of him inside her again. She held tight to him as they moved together, both moaning in pleasure.

Elliot watched as Olivia arched her back and moaned in reaction to him. Elliot sped up his movements inside her, moaning and gasping together until neither of them could take it anymore.

Just before falling asleep beside her, Elliot slipped from the bed.

"El? Is everything alright?" She asked.

"It's good, sweetheart. I just wanted to hang up my uniform so it doesn't wrinkle."

Olivia smiled watching him slip it into the closet and climb back into bed. She settled in against him and placed her head against his chest listening to the thud of his heartbeat.

"Courtney was right."

"Right about what?"

"She said I was very lucky because you were so hot in your uniform."

Elliot laughed.

"I know I am lucky. And you do look incredibly sexy in your uniform."

"I do, huh?"

"Oh yeah. Of course, you look pretty good out of it too."

She laughed and Elliot kissed her.

"I dreamed of this moment every night you were gone," she said softly.

"What moment?"

"The moment I was back in your arms."

Elliot kissed her tenderly, "I love you so much. And I missed you like crazy."

"I missed you, too. And I love you more than anything in the world. I am so glad that you are finally coming back home with me."

"Me too, baby."

Elliot kissed the top of her forehead as she closed her eyes and they fell asleep together.


	10. 10 Just Before Dawn

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Ten: Just Before Dawn)_

Olivia woke alone in the bed at five forty five in the morning. She sat up in the bed and looked around the dark room. Across the room was a glow from under the bathroom door and the sound of the shower as Elliot turned on the water.

"You've got to be kidding me," she mumbled to herself as she walked across the room in the dark. "It isn't even daylight yet."

Olivia opened the bathroom door and stood there watching him through the frosted shower doors. The flesh colored mass of his body as he moved behind them, leaving detail of each of the lines and curves to the imagination.

She tipped her head and smiled as he began to hum some tune, still thinking he was alone in the room. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen and he was all hers.

Olivia stepped into the bathroom scrunching up her toes as her bare feet hit the icy cold of the tile floor. She walked slowly toward the shower and pulled her night shirt over her head tossing it onto the bathroom counter. She reached forward slowly wrapping her fingertips around the handle on the shower door.

She slid it open slowly and silently, watching as steam bellowed out. She stepped into the shower behind Elliot who was facing the other direction with his eyes closed, letting the water pour over his head.

Olivia smiled watching the water as it poured down his shoulders and back. She reached out to him placing the tip of her middle finger against the space between his shoulder blades and traced a path down his spine following a bead of water that she had found there.

Elliot raised his head as his eyes shot open and he turned to look at her.

"I thought you were sleeping," he said staring deep into her eyes before scanning his over her body.

"I was. I woke up and you weren't there. It is still dark out."

"I guess I got used to getting up this early. Five thirty on the dot. We usually only get a five minute shower, though. I was just taking advantage of this. What are you doing in here?"

"Taking advantage of this," she said with a smile as she placed her palm against his muscular chest. "Have you ever had sex in the shower?"

Elliot laughed a little embarrassed.

"What?" She asked.

"Na," he said shaking his head. "I'm just not used to you being this forward. The Olivia I left behind thirteen weeks ago was all shy and soft spoken."

She smiled. "I haven't changed that much. I just know what I want. And I now know what it is like to have to go without. I guess I am trying to make up for lost time."

"I think maybe I created a monster."

She laughed.

"Maybe. But it is quite possible this monster was lying dormant inside me this whole time and you just woke it up. Now it is like this ache or a hunger, that I get whenever I think of you."

She leaned forward to kiss him passionately.

"Well, I guess it isn't that bad as long as it is when you think of me….and no one else."

"No one else. I promise."

"Come here beautiful," he said pulling her into his arms.

Elliot kissed her passionately as he backed her under the water and combed his fingers through the silky softness of her wet hair. He moved his hands over her body as the water poured over them both. He broke his lips from hers placing his finger against her cherry full lips.

Olivia smiled at him as he reached for the shampoo bottle and lathered up her hair. He massaged his fingers in her hair as she moaned softly.

"That feels so good," she said with a smile.

Elliot brushed a bit of soap suds from her nose as he kissed her softly. He placed one arm around her waist and tipped her back just a bit as he rinsed the shampoo from her chestnut hair.

Olivia backed up against the wall of the shower and smiled at him seductively. She raised her finger and motioned for him to come to her. Elliot stepped forward wrapping his arms tight around her waist as he kissed her again.

Olivia smiled playfully and bit her lower lip. "Do you have any idea how to do this?" She whispered as he brushed his nose against hers.

"I guess we just keep trying until we find a way that works," he said with a mischievous grin.

"Sounds good to me," she said pulling his mouth to hers.

Elliot moved his hand down her thigh and raised her left leg to rest on the edge of the bathtub. He leaned her back against the wall and slid his hand down between her breasts then around to grasp her ass. Olivia smiled and stared into his eyes.

He kissed her again and positioned himself to enter her body. Olivia closed her eyes and held tight to his shoulder as he began to move inside her. She slipped her arms around his waist and held his body against hers.

Elliot brushed his thumb across her forehead as he kissed against the side of her neck and under her chin. He rubbed the bridge of his nose against her cheek and playfully nipped at her earlobe.

He moved a little faster inside of her as Olivia moaned and gasped quickly approaching her first orgasm of this session. The weeks he was away were so long it was as if she hadn't felt his touch in years.

Olivia opened her eyes and placed her forehead against his staring into his eyes. She couldn't imagine ever loving any other man the way that she loved Elliot. It was as if he had lit a fire inside her the first time they made love and he were the only one who could kindle the flame. They were truly made to be together.

Her body trembled and she stared into his eyes gasping for air as they finished. She panted heavily and wrapped her arms around his neck resting her head against his collarbone as she caught her breath. She kissed him tenderly and stared into his eyes.

"I love you so much," she whispered through the sound of beating rain falling around them.

"I love you, too."

He combed his fingers through her hair as she slid open the door, once more allowing the built up steam to escape. Olivia stepped from the shower and wrapped a towel around her body as she reached for her shirt. She handed Elliot a towel as well and watched as he wrapped it around his waist and stood in front of the mirror behind the sink.

Olivia watched as he wiped the steam from the mirror with a hand towel. She stared at his reflection in the mirror as he picked up his tooth brush and began to brush his teeth. She tipped her head and smoothed her eyes over the lines of his amazing body in the mirror. From the squared lines of his chin and the smooth curve that flowed from his neck to his shoulders, each muscle of his abdomen all the way down to those two little lines just below his waist that seemed to make a V shape, directing her attention down to…. Her mind always seemed to end up here, she thought with a smile. He was so sexy and had an incredible body. And someday this man she saw in the mirror would be her husband.


	11. 11 Five Days

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Eleven: Five Days)_

It was near eight thirty in the morning when Elliot's actual alarm sounded causing them to stir in the bed. Olivia groaned softly as Elliot shifted to shut it off. He placed his arms back around her as she rested her head against his chest.

Elliot reached his hand up and combed it through her still damp hair and kissed her forehead. "I love waking up with you in my arms."

Olivia smiled. "I figured you were going to say naked," she laughed.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "I love waking up with you naked in my arms."

She laughed and kissed him tenderly. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too. And I thought about you every second I was away. I worried about you, about things with your mother and that loser boyfriend of hers. Wished I could be there to know that you were alright. I bugged the hell out of Steve about it. I got one phone call a week and I spent the ten minutes asking him about you."

"You could have called me and asked me. I would have loved to hear your voice."

"Baby, I tried. Several times. Every week. But your mother wouldn't let me talk to you. She was usually drunk and slurred something inappropriate into the phone or something I couldn't even understand. Sometimes a guy would answer. I hoped so badly that just once you would answer and I could just talk to you for a minute. But the only way I knew to make sure that you were alright was to talk to Steve. So after I tried your apartment with no luck I would call Steve. But I tried to call you Olivia, every week for thirteen weeks. Don't you think for a moment honey that I wasn't thinking of you."

"My mother is Satan and when we finally do get married, that bitch is not invited."

Elliot laughed. "Now you see why I gave you the mailbox key."

"Yeah, your letters are the only thing that kept me sane. After you left things at home just got worse. She and I fought all of the time. There wasn't a moment she wasn't drunk and I am not even going to attempt to count the random strange men she brought home. She took Bud back."

"She didn't."

"Yes, she did."

"I'll kill him."

"Nothing happened Elliot. I practically moved in with Courtney so I didn't have to deal with her shit or his creepiness. I just couldn't stay there while he was there. And when we were both at the apartment at the same time I stayed in my room with the door locked so I didn't have to deal with them. And I counted down the days until I could see you again."

"I have to get ready for my meeting," he said kissing her passionately. "Actually I have about two hours before I have to leave. Why don't we go ahead and get dressed and I will take you to breakfast before I go."

"Or we could order room service and have breakfast in bed." Olivia leaned forward to kiss him. "I can keep you occupied until the food arrives."

"That is an amazing idea," Elliot said with a smile.

After breakfast they made love for about the sixth time since they had entered the room the night before. Elliot watched her sleeping like an angel beside him in the bed. Completely naked wrapped only in the hotel sheet, the bridge of her nose nestled gently against his shoulder. He had never loved anyone so much in his entire life. He kissed her forehead and slipped quietly from the bed. He dressed quickly in his uniform and left for his meeting.

Olivia woke up alone around ten thirty. She climbed from the bed and walked to the closet to dress for the day. On the dresser beside her hair brush was a note in Elliot's handwriting and a rose he had made for her by twisting up a napkin. Olivia smiled and picked up the slip of paper as she raised the little paper flower to her nose. It smelled like his cologne. Her eyes dropped to the note in her hand and skimmed over his words.

_Olivia,_

_You are the love of my life. I have to leave your side for a few hours, but I promise you that I will be thinking of you every second I am away and will return to you as soon as I can. I will love you forever, my beautiful angel._

_All my love._

_Your future fiancé,_

_Elliot _

Olivia smiled at her reflection in the mirror. There was no way that God didn't make this man specifically for her. And she thanked him every day for doing so. She pulled her hair back into a pony tail and walked down the hall to Courtney and Steve's room to hang out with them until Elliot returned.

* * *

That evening Elliot escorted her into the ballroom rented my the U.S. Marine Corps. For the grand ball. He wore a tuxedo and looked so handsome. Olivia wore a sexy black dress, cut to the knee with spaghetti straps, it was a dress Courtney had wore to prom earlier in the year.

Because the ball was for the graduates and their dates only, Courtney and Steve spent their night out on the town catching a movie and seeing the sights. Elliot walked tall and proud with her on his arm introducing her to all of his marine buddies. Olivia had never felt more important in her life.

They sat at a big round table with several other graduates and dined on lobster tail and steak. They held tight to each other and Olivia rested her head against his shoulder as they moved around the dance floor. She was having the time of her life and couldn't imagine any being better than this night. Well, anything but their wedding maybe.

Elliot held her so tight and kissed her tenderly as he repeatedly whispered little _I love yous_ into her ear. Olivia closed her eyes tight and prayed this night would never end and she could spend forever right here in his arms.

"You okay?" She asked quietly looking up at him with her beautiful brown eyes.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

Olivia smiled. "You haven't said much since you came back from that meeting."

"Liv, I need to talk to you. But this isn't the time or the place."

"Elliot, what is wrong?"

Elliot watched the tears begin to rise in her eyes, then looked around the crowded room. "Not here," he said softly as he kissed her forehead.

"You need to talk, lets talk."

"Okay," he said taking her hand and leading her out into a courtyard behind the building and away from the crowd.

Elliot stopped and took her hands in his as he stared into her eyes.

"What is it?" She asked with a worried look.

"Olivia, I'm not going home."

"What?"

"We found out today, we are being deployed."

"Oh my God," she gasped as she began to cry. "What? There's a war?"

"Not yet. But they are sending some troops over to Iran to hopefully prevent one. We leave out in a five days. But I am not supposed to leave San Diego. Between now and then we will have a few trainings and reviews. They will prep us and next Thursday we will fly out."

"How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know. Until there is no longer a threat of war, I guess."

"This is stupid! They have kept you guys from your homes and families for thirteen weeks and now they just want to jerk you away from us again! This is awful!"

"Olivia, this is what they trained us for! To go overseas and fight in wars. To protect people and our country. Olivia from the day I enlisted this is exactly what I have been trained to do. Baby, I can't walk away from this."

Elliot looked at her and it broke his heart to see her crying.

"I just got you back," she whispered softly as he held her tight.

"I know honey. We still have a few days together. I'll pay for the rooms and I am sure Steve and Courtney wont mind staying a few more days."

"I don't want you to go."

"Liv, I don't have a choice. They own me. Do you honestly think I would rather go off to Iran and run interference than to stay here and be with you? Never."

"What if I don't want to give you up?"

"Liv, don't be this way."

"No, maybe I am selfish and childish. I just don't want to lose the best thing in my life."

"Baby," Elliot said pulling her into his arms as she cried against his chest, "you are not losing me. You could never lose me. I love you and I will come back home to you. But I made a commitment to this country, a promise. I gave those other Marines in there my word. I thought you understood how this worked."

"I did. I do. I just thought that we would have some time together before they took you away from me. It is just a shock. And this is different than boot camp. This is a real war or could be."

"I know."

Elliot hugged her and closed her tight in his arms as they slow danced. Olivia closed her eyes and settled in against his chest. They danced together there in the courtyard as it began to rain. They held each other close and moved together as the rain poured over them. Olivia opened her eyes and stared into his as she kissed him passionately. Somehow this rain seemed to wash away her fears and for now they were safe together, in love and sharing the most romantic moment she had ever experienced.


	12. 12 Change Of Plans

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twelve: Change Of Plans)_

Elliot and Olivia laid in the dark in their hotel bed with nothing between them but the Egyptian cotton sheets. She was so quiet that Elliot was sure she had fallen asleep. He shifted under her and gently kissed her forehead.

"I love you angel," he whispered softly against the top of her head.

"I love you too," she replied softly.

Elliot smiled and kissed her lips. "I thought you were asleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Baby, don't worry. I am sure everything will be just fine and then I will come back home to you," he said kissing her forehead again.

"I pray this ends up being that simple."

"I was thinking, my mothers apartment in the city is sitting empty. I want to give you the keys."

"Elliot, I am sixteen years old. I am not old enough to live on my own. I wouldn't even be able to get the power turned on in my name."

"The power is already on," Elliot laughed. "There is an account in my mother's name, the apartment and the account have my name and hers on them. I want you to have the keys so that I know that you will always have a safe place to stay when things get crazy at home. You can move in there if you want to or just hold on to the key, incase you need it."

"EL…"

"No. She took him back. You are not completely safe there. And if I can't be here to protect you I at least want to know that you have a safe place to get away. It is just until I get back. Then I will take care of you myself."

Olivia smiled. "I like it when you take care of me. No one has ever loved me like you do."

"That is because we are soul mates," Elliot said with a smile. "I love you with all of my heart and I want to take care of you and protect you."

Olivia looked up and him and kissed him tenderly as she gazed into his eyes.

"Liv?"

"Yes?"

"Marry me."

She smiled and hugged him tight. "You know I will."

"No baby, marry me now. Before I have to leave. We can get married tomorrow and have four days for a honeymoon before I have to leave out. And when you get back to New York Steve can help you move out of your mother's house. If you don't want to live alone in the apartment then move into my room in the house. Then after I get back I will get stationed somewhere and you will be right there with me. And we can start having babies."

Olivia leaned forward and brushed her nose against his as she gently kissed his lips. "Elliot, I am still in high school. Besides, I am too young to get married right now."

"We can have Steve tell them he is your guardian. Then he can sign the papers. We can go get rings in the morning and be husband and wife by the afternoon."

"I don't know, El."

"You don't want to?"

"I do want to. More than anything in the world I want to marry you and live happily ever after with you forever, but…"

"What?" He asked propping his cheek against his palm to study the look in her eyes.

"I just think maybe it is too soon. I love you, I do. But I am sixteen and you are nineteen."

"You will be seventeen soon."

"In four months I will be seventeen. But I am still in school. I cant support myself. Ideally, it is spontaneous and romantic and…."

"And?"

"And I am supposed to be talking you out of this and all I am doing is talking me into it. You are right. I pray that knighting happens to you and that you come home safe to me. But if something should go wrong, I don't want to live the rest of my life never knowing what is feels like to be you wife. Let's do it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I love you. Only you. Forever. I want to marry you. You asked me and I am accepting. Let's get married tomorrow."

"Alright," he said with a smile as he kissed her passionately. "We can look in the phone book and find the address for the courthouse. We can go after breakfast and pick out our rings, then I'll give you my credit card to buy something to wear, unless you want to wear the dress you wore tonight. You looked incredible in it."

"It is black. I can't wear black to my wedding. I would think that would be bad luck. Besides, that black dress right now it a crumpled wet pile of fabric in the corner of the room."

"Good point. You and Courtney go and find a nice white dress. And whatever else you need. I'll just wear my uniform…if that is alright with you?"

"Of course! I love the way you look in your uniform!"

"Then we will find some fancy place to have a celebration dinner and a little wine and dancing." Elliot kissed her again. "And Steve and Courtney will have to find a way to amuse themselves for the next four days, while I entertain my wife."

Olivia laughed. "I want to get pictures. Of the wedding and all of us. And you and I together. And I would like to take some scenic pictures as well. It is so beautiful here."

"Whatever you need. I want this to be the best day of your life, Olivia. I know it will be the best day of mine."

"It will be the best day of my life. And by this time tomorrow we will be husband and wife."

"Private First Class and Mrs. Elliot Stabler."

Olivia grinned. "I love the sound of that."

"So do I."

* * *

Olivia sat up in the bed just as Elliot hung up the telephone. She tipped her head and smiled at him. "Good morning."

"I have a bit of bad news."

"Now what?" Olivia asked with a look of concern in her eyes.

"The situation got worse. They are flying our group to Parris Island, South Carolina to combine us with their group and run us through a two week prep course before they send us to Iran."

Olivia stared at him waiting for the worst.

"Olivia, they want us on base at seven o'clock tomorrow morning. They are going to fly us out from the base and our flight leaves at nine. I am so sorry, honey."

She took a deep breath and tried not to cry. "Then we'd better get moving. We have a lot to get done if we are getting married today."

Elliot nodded his head with tears in his eyes as well. He slid forward on the bed and kissed her tenderly. "Let's go get Steve and Courtney. You girls go find a dress. I will have Steve help me with the rest of the details. I will meet you back here at one."

"Okay," she said with a soft smile as she brushed her nose against his. She stood up from the bed and got dressed quickly. She turned and looked at the clock on the night stand just before she left their room, it was almost ten o'clock.

Elliot took her by the hand and lead her by the hand down the hall to share their news with their friends. Steve and Courtney were still asleep when Elliot knocked on their hotel room door. Steve climbed from the bed and headed for the door as Courtney groaned and sat up to see who it was.

"Steve, get dressed man, we've got work to do."

"What are you talking about?" Steve mumbled scratching his head.

Elliot looked at Olivia and smiled. "We're getting married," Olivia said with a smile.

"Sweet. Can we celebrate after I have had a few more hours sleep?"

"We're not celebrating, Steve. We are planning the wedding," Elliot informed him.

"So you guys are wanting to do this as soon as we get back to Manhattan?"

"No. We want to do it here, today. I am not going back to Manhattan. Not now anyway. I ship out to Iran in two weeks. I leave tomorrow morning for Parris Island for a two week training before I am sent overseas. This is it. We have to do this right now. So wake up and get dressed. I need your help, best man."

Steve laughed. "Congratulations! You too, Olivia."

"Thanks Steve. Is Court still asleep?"

Steve opened the door to let Olivia past him as she ran across the room and jumped up and down on the bed Courtney was laying in.

"Courtney, come on! You have to get up," she said as she let herself fall against the pillow beside her friend. "You have to help me find a dress," she said rolling over and smiling at her best friend.

"You are really going to do it?"

"Yeah, I am."

Courtney squealed. "This is so exiting! I always knew he was the one for you."

"Get up, we only have today together. The guys are going to go find rings and you are supposed to help me find a dress and I want to pick up something for tonight," Olivia said with a devious smile. "Elliot gave me his credit card. If we have time we can get out hair, too. We want to look good for my wedding album."

Courtney laughed and hugged her. "Give me ten minutes."

* * *

Courtney and Olivia seemed to take well to shopping in California. In the first hour they had already found Olivia the perfect dress. It was spaghetti strapped and white and fell just below her knee.

"You look amazing," Courtney said as Olivia looked at her reflection in the department store mirror.

It was nothing like a traditional wedding dress, but this was not a traditional wedding. "It's perfect. Now you," Olivia said with a smile.

"Me?"

"Yes. You need something great to wear. It isn't every day your best friend gets married and you are the maid of honor."

"By default. There isn't anyone else to choose from."

"True," Olivia said with a smile. She paused for a moment then laughed. "Courtney, you are my best friend in the entire world. There is no one else I would even consider for the position. Besides, Elliot and I never would have gotten together if you hadn't talked me in to talking to him. You're the best!"

"I am pretty great."

Both girls laughed. As they began to search for Courtney's dress. Two hours later after going to a salon to get their hair and nails done and making a special honeymoon purchase at a lingerie shop, the girls returned to the hotel.

"I was thinking we could grab some lunch first then come back here to get ready, girls in one room and the guys in the other. I got the address for the courthouse from the front desk. I figure around three we can head over there and make it official. I also made a dinner reservation for the four of us at this amazing place across town. It kind of reminds me of the restaurant we ate at on your birthday," Elliot said looking at Olivia.

"Sounds perfect."

"I figured if we go now the courthouse people are probably out to lunch. If we wait a little bit they should be back."

"Good thinking," Olivia said kissing his lips. "And I am starving."

Elliot took them to an outdoor café on the boardwalk over looking the ocean. The place was incredibly beautiful. After they placed their order Elliot took Olivia by the hand and they walked together a few feet down the boardwalk to watch the seagulls dance on the wind. The mist of the ocean was cool and the entire place smelled like sand and sun.

Elliot snaked his arms around her waist and held tight to Olivia. He pressed his mouth to the side of her neck and kissed it tenderly. "I love you more than life," he whispered against her ear and kissed her cheek.

Olivia turned to look at him as Elliot took her hands in his. "Olivia, I have been head over heels in love with you from the first moment we met. Everything I do in life is for you. You are the first thing I think of when I wake in the morning and the last thing that crosses my mind at night before I fall asleep. I never believed in soul mates until I found you. Now I know that you are mine." Elliot let go of one of her hands as he pulled a little box from his pocket and knelt on one knee. "Olivia Benson, will you be my wife?"

She smiled and she was crying. She couldn't say yes, because she was so choked up she was unable to speak. Instead she nodded her head as tears streamed down both of her cheeks.

Elliot slipped the little diamond onto her hand and pulled her into his arms kissing her and holding her tight. Things were quiet for a few moments as she rested her head against his chest. The salty sea air was blowing across the beach surrounding them with the smell of a fresh ocean breeze. The sun sparkled and the water glistened. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds around them, trying to memorize this moment. She call of seagulls and the beat of his heart pounding against her ear. That was what she would remember about the most incredibly romantic proposal she had ever heard of in her life.

"So that's a yes?" Elliot asked wiping the tears from her cheeks.

Olivia smiled. "That is definitely a yes."

"I know we already had this all planned out. But I couldn't marry you without a proper proposal. It was a bit improvised."

"I loved it. It was perfect. And the ring is beautiful."

"I am glad you like it. I have actual wedding bands, also. Matching, his and hers, one for you and one for me. But we don't put those on until the actual ceremony."

"Oh, okay."

"We should get back to our table. I am sure the food is up."

Elliot locked his fingers in hers and escorted her back to the table to join their friends for lunch.

Around three thirty they all headed for the courthouse to make it official. They walked up to a desk on the first floor as Elliot spoke to a woman behind the counter.

"Who do we need to talk to about getting married?"

The woman looked up at Elliot and then back at Olivia. "How old is she?"

"She is sixteen."

"Does she have permission from a guardian?"

"This is her brother, he is her guardian."

The woman stared at Steve and then back at Olivia. "Fill out these forms and bring them back tomorrow with the twenty five dollar application fee."

"Wait ma'am, we want to get married today. You see, I am a Marine and I have to ship out tomorrow morning. I don't know when I might be back," he paused and looked over his shoulder at Olivia for a moment. He leaned forward toward the woman and whispered, "or if I will be coming home at all. We need to be married now."

"I'm sorry sir, they only do weddings here on certain days. They only did them today until two, the it is almost four now. Everyone has already left for the day. But if you come back tomorrow between ten and two I would be glad to help you."

"I cannot believe this," Elliot looked at the floor for a moment and scratched his head. "It there a chapel somewhere that we could go to?"

"Yeah, in Las Vegas. We don't have anything like that around here."

Elliot looked back at Olivia who, by the look on her face had heard everything.

"Thank you ma'am." Elliot said as he turned around and took Olivia's hand.

They sat for a while on the steps of the courthouse.

"Baby, I am so sorry. I messed this up so badly. I should have called this morning."

"It isn't your fault, Elliot. You did everything you could have done. Maybe this is some sort of sign."

"A sign of what?"

"I don't know. Maybe it is a sign that this just is not supposed to happen yet. I love you more than anything in the world, Elliot. And I always will. But maybe we are just too young. Maybe we should wait a little longer until you come back from Iran. We can just have a longer engagement and plan a wedding when you come home. This doesn't mean that we are not getting married, it just meant that we are not getting married right now."

Elliot took a deep breath and leaned forward to kiss her lips. "In my heart we are already married," he whispered cupping his hand against her cheek. I just wanted so badly to make this dream come true for both of us before I had to leave you."

"But you will be back. And when you come back, I will be here waiting for you. Your fiancée."

"At least we made that part official," Elliot said softly looking down at the ring on her left hand.

"I love you," she whispered brushing her nose against his. "And we belong together, to each other, forever. Nothing will ever change that. It's you and me, remember? We made that promise a long time ago. I am a little disappointed, too. But we can still have an amazing wedding someday. Think of this as a road, Elliot. Steps you have to take into your future. And I will be standing there at the end of that road waiting for you when you come home. And we will keep writing letters as often as we can."

"I guess that is all we really can do."

"For now."

Elliot smiled and kissed her. "You know, we still have a dinner reservation. I say we find some fun things to do around here until dinner and then go out and celebrate our engagement."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea."


	13. 13 Love Letters

_**NOTE FROM AUTHOR:**__** Things are about to get pretty rough in this story. Over the next few chapters a lot will happen to drastically change Olivia's life. Things will be pretty bad for a little while, but if you stick it out I promise it will be worth it! Remember, the title of the story is 'Beautifully Broken' you had to know that there would be trouble in there somewhere. Thanks to everyone for reading and for the great reviews! Please keep them coming! ~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~ **_

_**Now, on with the story… **_

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirteen: Love Letters)_

Olivia sat at a table in the courtyard on her lunch break munching on carrot sticks and reading over one of Elliot's letters for the hundredth time. She had flipped through the pages, this one having three, so many times that the paper was worn thin in places.

_----------------_

_Dear Olivia,_

_I think of you every second I am not by your side. I miss you so much and cannot wait until you are in my arms again. I got your letter and the pictures you sent from San Diego. I reread each word every night before I fall asleep and say a prayer that I will be home with you soon. My only regret of that weekend was that I was unsuccessful in my attempt to make you my wife, but in my heart we are already bound forever. I love you so much my angel and thinking of your beautiful face is what brings me through each day._

_Not much has gone on so far. Things are actually pretty peaceful here. The desert is blistering hot during the long days and surprisingly cold at night. Some days we see nothing but sand in all directions and that makes for extremely long hikes in the heat. We walk until we feel we cannot go any further, then we walk some more, now and then catching a glimpse of a wild dog or a mirage on the horizon. Most of the men report seeing water in the distance, only to be disappointed. My visions however, all include you. Occasionally, in a string bikini bringing me a beer. (Ha ha.)_

_A buddy of mine jokes that he would think that this was hell, only hell wouldn't be this hot. Hot does not even begin to describe it. Someone said that we are in the peak of the summer season and that by mid September it should cool down a bit. I really hope they are right. I also heard that ii is unusually hot this year. Some of the locals were saying that on average it only reaches temperatures of about 97 to 100, during the supper peak. Today it reached 104. _

_Luckily they took it easy on us due to the extreme heat. They woke us around five in the morning for our usual three mile jog, then breakfast. We took shifts walking the streets of what appeared to be a ghost town, inhabited only by those who were unable to move with their village after it was destroyed. There are now only about seven families in a village that used to be home to hundreds of people. Most of these families contain young children and elderly members who were too ill or stubborn to leave their homes. We are afraid they may come under attack again, so for now this is our post._

_I write to you each night by flashlight as my buddy Willis and I stand guard over the only road into the desiccated town. Willis or Davis Willis, Davis being his first name, often asks me about you. I showed him your picture once and he said he now understood why I referred to you as an angel. He said he has a girl back home as well, so he understands how I feel being away from you like this. _

_But I don't think anyone could ever understand. Anyone except you. My heart misses you so much that the ache has settled into my soul. I lay in bed trying to free my mind of thoughts of you long enough to catch a few hours sleep, but it is no use. When I dream, you are there as well. You are a part of me, Olivia. I carry you with me every where I go. _

_I miss the sound of your voice saying my name. You are the only one I have ever liked to call me El. I miss your pretty smile and the way your beautiful brown eyes light up when I kiss you. God I miss your kisses. And the smell of your hair and the way you feel wrapped up in my arms. I miss holding you and making love to you and watching you sleep afterward. I miss you so much sometimes I could cry. Marines don't cry. They teach you that in basic. But physical pain is nothing compared to the pain in my heart from missing you._

_I carry a picture of us in the brim of my hat. The one Courtney took of us at my graduation from basic training. You are wearing that blue sundress and look incredibly sexy. Willis' girl is pretty, but she is nothing compared to you._

_I have to go for now my love, it will be daybreak soon. But I promise to write again as soon as I can. We don't get much downtime, but I write to you every chance I get. It takes me a few days to finish a letter and they only send out letters on Thursdays. I will have a letter out to you every Thursday if it kills me. Don't ever think for a second that I am not thinking of you. _

_I love you and intend to marry you as soon as I get home._

_With All My Heart,_

_PFC Elliot Stabler_

* * *

Olivia took a deep breath and brushed away her tears. The letter was a few days old, but it still made her cry each time she read his sweet words. He was right, she knew exactly how he felt from missing her. She knew, because she felt it too. Sometimes she found it hard to breathe and it felt as if her heart were broken and a large portion were missing. She would not be able to put the pieces back together, until Elliot could make it whole again. He had to come home safe to her, because if he should perish in this new found hell, she would surely die as well.

She folded the pages neatly together and kissed the letter before placing it back into her pocket for safe keeping. She would carry this letter with her everywhere she went until she received the next.

"Liv, we're gonna be late for English. I thought you were going to meet me at the café for lunch today?" Courtney asked.

"Sorry Court, I guess I just wasn't that hungry. I just grabbed something from the cafeteria."

"You ate cafeteria food? Do you feel the sudden need to have your stomach pumped? I know you miss Elliot, but there is no need to be suicidal."

Olivia laughed. "I just got some carrot sticks from the salad bar. Everything else looked questionable."

"That is an understatement! Look, I know you are worried about Elliot. But you have to eat. Otherwise you wont have any energy for all that sex you are going to have when he comes back home."

Both girls laughed.

"I'm just so worried about him. It has been two weeks since I received a letter. He sends one out every week. He promised he would, because he knew I would worry. What if something is wrong, Court?"

Courtney brushed her thumb over Olivia's cheek and wiped away her tears as she hugged her best friend. "I am sure the mail is just slow. It must take an awful long time for a letter to travel all the way from Iran to Manhattan. And he has only been gone two months. Give it a little time. Why don't we blow off the rest of the day and go to the mall. I saw this great pair of earrings that I am sure would cheer you up."

"Well, these have been the longest two months of my life. And what if the school calls my mom?"

"Easy, just go in to the nurses office and tell them you ate a hamburger from the cafeteria and it made you barf. Then they will send you home sick. Trust me, they don't want to take the chance on having to clean up barf if it can be avoided. And I think a little retail therapy may be just what you need."

Olivia laughed. "And the note I will need from my mother to get back into class on Monday?"

"I'll write it."

"You?"

"Sure. Your mom is usually pretty sloshed anyway when she writes them, so I'll just make it all shaky. Problem solved."

"And your note?"

"Rick writes my notes every time I miss school. My mom and dad are never home to do it anyway. He'll cover for me."

"Rick will write you a note for skipping school?"

"Olivia, if my parents ever really wrote me a note for missing class, the people in the office would never buy it. Rick has always wrote my notes for me. Trust me, it will be fine."

"Alright."

"Give me a minute. I just need to visit the ladies room and take care of a few things," Courtney said with a goofy smile as she slipped the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

Olivia followed her down the hall to the bathroom and stared into the mirror as Courtney went into the stall.

"Great," Courtney growled from behind the metal door. "Do you have a tampon? I forgot to put some in my purse."

"Sure," Olivia said unzipping her purse and slipping the item under the door to Courtney.

"You know, we could be in for some serious shopping. Maybe you should umm…take care of your business while we are in here as well."

Olivia laughed a little at Courtney's delicate way of discussing personal matters. "No, I'm good. I haven't got mine yet."

"Really? I am like three days in and we are usually right in sync."

"Nope. Not yet."

"Probably just stress and nerves and stuff. Depression from Elliot being gone. You're just running a little late. Are you having any cramps yet?"

"No, but I do feel a little nauseas."

"That would be the carrot sticks!" Courtney laughed. "No see, it is probably PMS. Sometimes I am sick to my stomach just before I start. I am sure it's nothing. I mean you and Elliot use condoms, right?"

"Yes."

"Did you umm…have one…last month?"

"Yup, right on time."

"See. Stress. I am sure you will be getting a visit from your little friend any day now."

Olivia laughed. "You are so crazy."

"Yeah, but you love me."

* * *

Olivia spent the weekend at Courtney's house to avoid her mother and Bud. That night as Courtney talked to Steve on the phone, Olivia wrote another letter to Elliot.

_---------------_

_Dear Elliot,_

_I miss you so much sometimes I think I might go crazy. I have literally managed to worry myself sick about you. I don't sleep and I can barely eat. Each day I pray that you are safe and know how much I love you._

_Things here are as good as can be expected. The usual, really. I hang out at Courtney's every chance that I get so that I don't have to be at home with Bud and my mother. Sometimes I really think that I hate them both. I know she has a sickness, but I also know that she will never find treatment for her condition if she doesn't choose to change her lifestyle. She and Bud are always dating and then breaking up, so much I cannot keep up anymore. I am just sick of them both._

_Sometimes I wonder how it would have been being raised by at least one parent who believed in me. Who loved me unconditionally and told me that I could be something great. I guess I will never know. They say you can learn a lot about your own future by looking at your parents. If that is true then I am really in trouble. If my mother is a drunk and my father a rapist, what does that say about me? I know that who I am and what I am are two very different things, but sometimes the thin line between them blurs so much it is hard to tell them apart. _

_I have been kind of sick lately, I'm sure it is nothing. I am so tired, but I cannot sleep. And when I do eat I get nauseous. Maybe it's the flu. Courtney says it is just depression from missing you. Makes sense, I guess. We read about depression last year in health class and it has been known to have all of those symptoms. I guess I just miss you._

_School is going well. Courtney and I are both on student council this year. It will be nice to actually have some sort of say in what goes on in our school. We had our first meeting last week. First order of business, the disgusting food in the cafeteria. I was really having a rough day today, so after lunch Courtney and I ditched school to go to the mall. I remember when shopping could fix any problem. But even that has seemed to have lost its power. _

_I love you so much and I cannot wait for you to come home so that we can start our lives together. Courtney kind of thinks I am crazy for wanting to get married before I finish school. But Courtney just doesn't understand. I know she loves Steve, but there is no way that love is half of what I feel for you if she cannot see why I cannot wait to be your wife. _

_Besides, Courtney still lives at home with her happily married parents and amazing brother. I mean I guess they have normal family problems like every other family. Her parents work a lot and leave her and Rick at home alone. Rick parties a bit and Courtney has been known to be a little wild at times. But they are a family, none the less. She has two parents and a brother who care about her and would do anything for her. I however am raising my alcoholic mother and left with all of the responsibilities of a household at the age of sixteen. Court doesn't realize how good she has it, sometimes. _

_I went to visit your mother this weekend. I took her one of the pictures of us from San Diego. She is so sweet to me. I know she doesn't fully comprehend what is going on with you and why you are not here, but I talk with her about you each time I visit. I took her some flowers, daisies from the flower market down the street from my apartment, she really seemed to like them. I love how they made her smile. I know she likes having visitors and I try to go see her as often as I can. _

_We had tea and she showed me a photo album with pictures of you as a baby. You were adorable. As we sat talking I couldn't help but wonder if that was what our children will someday look like, that beautiful little blue eyed baby smiling at the camera. Steve and I still attend church with her every Sunday. She really likes getting out and visiting with everyone at church. Sometimes we take her out for lunch or for a walk in the park before we return her home. I love spending time with her, but it is so hard sometimes. Each time I visit I have to explain to her where you are. Each time I do, I have to fight off tears. God I miss you so much! _

_I have to go for now so I can get this letter ready to mail in the morning. I really hope to get a letter from you tomorrow. Of course I always hope to receive a letter from you. But it has been a while since I have gotten one and I am really worried. I love you so much and cannot wait to see you again. _

_I will love you always,_

_The Future Mrs. Olivia Stabler_

_xoxoxoxo_

_---------------_

Olivia closed her eyes and said a little prayer as she slipped the letter into the envelope and addressed it, then sealed it with a kiss. She fought off tears as she climbed into bed and turned off the lamp on her side of Courtney's room.

"I am sure he is fine," Courtney said as she hung up the phone.

"I hope you're right," Olivia replied softly.

"Do you want to stay up and watch television for a while? We can make popcorn."

"Not tonight, Court. I am just really tired."

"Maybe, tomorrow night."

"Yeah."

Courtney exhaled and turned off the lamp on her side of the bed as well.

"Good night, Liv."

"Night, Court."

* * *

The next morning when Courtney woke up Olivia was in the shower. A few minutes later Olivia returned to Courtney's room to get her tooth brush.

"Geez, are you alright? You look like crap!"

"Thanks, Courtney. I feel like crap. I think I am getting the flu. It's going around."

"It is? Nobody has had the flu."

"They haven't?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, it is something. Every day for the last week I have felt sick. Then this morning I woke up with the overwhelming urge to throw up."

"PMS," Courtney said with a concerned look as she closed her bedroom door. "And you still haven't gotten your period?"

"Not yet. But I am only a few days late."

"Liv, how many days?"

Olivia stood thinking for a minute. "Well, what is today?"

"The eighteenth."

"Seven," Olivia replied.

"Seven?"

Olivia nodded.

"Have you ever been this late before?" Courtney asked her.

"No. But you said it was stress and PMS."

"Liv, are you sure you and Elliot always used condoms?"

"Courtney, I'm not…you don't think I am…" Olivia's eyes filled with panic as she stared at her best friend. "I can't be pregnant. I am just a kid."

"Honey, you are sixteen and you had sex. You can be pregnant."

"But we used condoms!"

"Every time?"

"Most of the time. I never got pregnant before!"

"Shhh! You are going to wake my mother and she will freak out. You only used condoms most of the time?"

"Well, it had been a while. Thirteen weeks is a long time. I got one from the machine at a gas station the day we got to San Diego. I figured we would…well, you know. And we did. Then a few hours later we woke up and did again."

"Without a condom?"

"I only had one."

"Elliot didn't buy any?"

"Where would he get them? They aren't standard issue with the uniform, you know!"

"Apparently they should be! Hot guys in sexy uniform, what the hell did they think was going to happen?"

"Courtney…."

"You might be okay. If it was just that once."

"Well, that once…"

"And?"

"And the time in the shower."

"Wait…you had sex in the shower?"

Olivia nodded.

"Go, Liv. Kinky little thing aren't you?"

"He was in the shower and I woke up alone. So I got in there with him. But we were standing up, I guess I didn't think we would need a condom."

"Olivia, you are a very smart person. Where the hell did that idea come from?"

"I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking. I don't know this stuff. Elliot is the first guy I have ever slept with. Do you really think I am pregnant?"

"I really think we aught to at least get one of those at home testing kits. You should really find out and soon."

"How am I going to tell Elliot?" Olivia asked picking up the letter she wrote the night before.

"Don't! At least, not yet." Courtney exhaled deeply. "Mail him that letter first. We will get a test and then if by chance you are you can write him and tell him. And if not, then you don't have to worry him over nothing."

"So you don't think I should tell him at all if I'm not?"

"What's to tell? Besides, you know he is over there worried about everything. He is worried about this war situation and you back here and his mother, this would only add to the pile. Look, I am not saying don't ever tell him. I just think you should wait until he comes home and you can actually discuss it. Then maybe between the two of you will remember to use condoms every time."

"Maybe," Olivia exhaled. "So what do I do now?"

"I have an idea, come on."

Courtney walked into the kitchen and pulled a chair over to the refrigerator. She stood on it and opened a cabinet above it pulling out a coffee can and taking off the lid. Inside was a big ball of cash. Olivia watched as she flipped through the bills counting them.

"How much do you think a pregnancy test is?" She asked looking at Olivia.

"I don't know, I have never had to get one before."

"You think twenty will cover it?"

"I'd hope so. Courtney, won't your parents notice the money missing?" Olivia whispered.

"Na, it's my dad's emergency fund."

"That is for emergencies."

"Well, what do you call this?"

Olivia stared at her for a moment. "Better take thirty just in case."

"Good thinking. It might take more than one test."

The girls stopped at the post office on the way to the drug store to get Olivia a pregnancy test and mailed Elliot's letter. Olivia checked her mail box and still no letter from Elliot. She exhaled softly and locked it as they walked to the subway and took the train across the city to a part of town where they were sure no one would recognize them. Two blocks down from the subway entrance was a small drugstore run by a couple who barely spoke English.

"How do you even know about this place?" Olivia asked looking at the tiny store.

"I saw one of my brother's friends bring his girlfriend here for a pregnancy test, because they didn't want anyone to know."

"How did hers turn out?"

"Well, after she took the test he took her over there," Courtney pointed to a rundown looking place that was well known for performing cheep abortions.

Olivia shuddered. "I don't know if I…"

"Liv, you don't have to make any decisions right now. We just go in and buy the test. Just take this one step at a time."

Olivia nodded as they walked into the store. She followed Courtney toward the back wall of the store where they sold personal care products razors, toilet paper, tampons and pregnancy test kits.

"Eight ninety five," Courtney said looking at Olivia. She reached down and picked up two of the tests. "Do you need anything else?"

"Yeah," Olivia said reaching for a bottle of Pepto Bismol. "The entire thought of this is making me feel sick again."

"I know what you need," Courtney said as Olivia followed her around to the counter to pay for the pregnancy tests. "We also need….four of these," Courtney said to the man sitting bottles of soda up on the counter.

They paid for their things and the man put the items in a plastic bag. He watched as the two teenaged girls walked out the door and he shook his head.

"I hate being judged by people who don't even know me," Olivia said as Courtney used the bottle opener on the soda machine to pop the cap off one of the sodas and handed it to her.

"Exactly how thirsty are you?" Olivia asked.

"They aren't for me, they're for you. For this," she said holding up the bag. "Now get to drinking."

"Courtney, if I drink four sodas I will really be sick to my stomach."

"Yes, but you will also have to pee. Bottoms up."

They caught a bus to take them back across town to Courtney's apartment. Lucky for the girls her parents were already up and gone buy the time they got there and they had the place to themselves. Two bottles of soda down and Olivia headed into the bathroom with the first kit.

"What do I do?" She called to Courtney from the bathroom.

"Pee in the cup, then we have to use this little thing to mix the urine with this stuff."

Several minutes later Olivia sat the specimen cup on the counter and opened the bathroom door. "This is disgusting."

"Here it says to add a few drops of the pee to this…maybe you should do this."

"Why?"

"For one, it's your pee. For two, I failed chemistry."

"You're right. Give me that." Olivia took the eyedropper from Courtney and placed some of the urine into another small bottle, mixing it with another liquid.

"Now put some of the mixture on the test strip."

"Okay, now what?"

"Wait."

"How long?"

"Umm…place the tester level and wait forty five minutes for results."

"Forty five minutes!"

"Hey, I didn't make the test. I just read it off the directions."

"Should we do them both now? Or wait until we get the results of that one first?"

"Let's get it over with," Courtney said as she walked back into the kitchen and opened another soda for Olivia.

An hour later Courtney paced the floor of her bedroom looking at the results of two positive test strips. Olivia however, sat in the floor of at the foot of the bed and cried.


	14. 14 Boston

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Fourteen: Boston)_

Olivia opened her eyes and stared at the wall for a moment as her cell phone buzzed on the night stand. She groaned and reached for it.

"Benson," she growled into the phone.

She sat quiet for a few minutes and listened as Cragen rambled on.

"Actually captain, I am off today. But I am sure that Munch and Jefferies can take care of that if you want to give one of them a call."

She listened for another minute as he shouted about something then hung up.

"What was that all about?" She heard a tired voice ask from the other side of the bed.

"I don't know. I guess the father of our rape victim is refusing to give us the results. I guess Jefferies spoke to the girl's father about doing what was best for his daughter and now he is trying to make this entire rape disappear."

"Can you blame him. She will never be able to get on with her live. Not until she can put this behind her. He is just trying to protect her."

"I understand his decision, but the man that attacked his daughter also raped three other teenaged girls. She is the only one we were able to get DNA from. Without that kit, he walks."

"Which is why Cragen is so pissed off?"

"Exactly."

"So do you have to go in?"

"Nope. I took a personal day. You have to leave in a few hours, I want to spend as much time as I can with you before you go."

"Aww. That is sweet babe. Why don't you come over here and show me how much you are gonna miss me?"

Olivia laughed as Rick pulled her to him and kissed her. He raised up the blankets on their bed and she climbed back under them.

Two hours later Rick climbed out of bed and headed to the shower. Olivia got up and made some coffee and breakfast. Rick carried his bags into the living room and joined her at the table for breakfast.

"You want me to drive you to the airport?" She asked kissing him tenderly.

"No, baby. They are sending a car to take me and another to pick me up and take me to the hotel when I get to Boston."

"Wow, Mr. Big Shot. They must really want you."

Rick stared at her for a minute then took another drink of his coffee. "Did you think any more about what I asked you?"

"You didn't ask me, Rick. You made me an offer. This is not one of your business deals, it is my life. And my entire life has been in this city. I can't just drop everything and change careers. And I really don't want to have this conversation right before you leave for three weeks."

"We need to talk about it eventually, Olivia. This is a really good opportunity for me. And I think it would be a good one for us as well."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," she said standing to clear the table.

"Why not?"

"Because every time we do we fight. I only have half an hour with you before you leave. I'd like it to be peaceful."

"Liv, I don't even know if I am going to get the job. But if I do, it is better hours and nearly twice as much money. Besides, Courtney is in Boston. So you would have someone you know." He watched her as she stared into the sink trying to avoid looking at him. "I love you, Olivia. I want a life with you. And staying here in New York isn't going to bring him back."

"Don't!"

"What?"

"Don't talk about something you know nothing about!"

"I know he is gone, Olivia. Declared dead years ago. They mailed you his dog tags for God's sake! It has been over eleven years. Isn't it about time you let him go and moved on with your life?"

"Rick, you don't know anything about Elliot."

"Forget about Elliot! Okay? I am not building a life with Elliot. I am trying to build one with you. We have been together for four and a half years, Olivia. And you knew for at least the last two of those that I wanted to marry you. All I am asking is a chance. For you to let go of him long enough to give us a real shot. So that we can have a real life together."

"I'll probably never forget him, Rick! He was my first love. And the father of my son. You cannot just forget someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with. I love you, I do, but I cannot help but wonder how things would have been if…"

"I can't believe we are having this conversation. I understand to some degree, but that is all in the past Olivia. You need to be thinking about your future. And after you do….when you decide whether I am in it or not….give me a call and let me know. I have to go or I'm going to miss my flight." Rick gave her a quick peck on the cheek and grabbed his bags as he headed down the stairs and out of the apartment. Olivia sat down on the sofa and cried.

She didn't hear from Rick for the next two days. Olivia was rethinking her entire life and all of the decisions she had made in it. She loved Rick. And she understood how he would be hurt by the fact that she just couldn't let Elliot go. Even now, ten years after his death she couldn't get him off her mind.

When she had received the letter with the horrible news of his death, her world was crushed. Olivia's heart shattered into a million pieces and to this day she still was not sure it would ever be whole again. A few years later she was seated next to Rick at Courtney's wedding reception and the rest was pretty much history. Rick was the second great love of her life, but even he couldn't make the memory of her first love fade away.

Rick was handsome and successful and would be the ideal husband for any woman. But to marry him, Olivia would have to make her heart understand that Elliot was never coming back to reclaim it and she just wasn't ready for that.

The company Rick worked for was opening a branch in Boston and Rick was going there now to help get the project up and running. If he did well, there was a very good chance they would offer him the chance to move to Boston and lead the team there. This was really a wonderful opportunity for him to advance his career. But accepting the job would mean relocating to Boston.

Over the last few weeks Rick had been bringing up the topic of marriage. They had discussed it before and agreed that someday they were both interested in exchanging vows. She just figured it would be later, when she was more ready. And it would be here in New York and she would keep her job and they would be happy. But she wasn't exactly happy right now.

Olivia pulled her hair back into a ponytail and put in her ear buds. She stretched out a little and tried to clear her head. She turned her eyes to look up at the sun shining down on her as she ran along the same two mile path she took every day.

Half an hour later she climbed into the shower and just stood under the water with her eyes closed as she smoothed her hand over her abdomen.

* * *

"I should have known you would pull something like this, you filthy little slut!" Serena shouted inches from Olivia's face as she slapped her.

Olivia stumbled backward and raised her hand to her face placing it over the red mark left by her mother's palm.

"How could you do this to me? What were you thinking? DO you even know who the father is?"

"I have only been with Elliot."

Serena stormed into the kitchen and flung open the cabinet above the refrigerator pulling out a bottle of whiskey. She exhaled in annoyance and tossed a handful of ice into a rock glass. She filled it with the golden liquid and drank it as fast as she could before slamming the glass down onto the table.

"Come on!" Serena grabbed Olivia by the wrist and dragged her toward the staircase.

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"Taking care of this mess. I know a place across town," she said with a glare. "I guess I'll have to use the rent money and hope that I can pick up enough hours to make it up, later." She tugged at her daughter's arm dragging her toward the staircase.

"No! No! Mom, please don't do this! Please don't make me do this!" She screamed and cried and pleaded.

Serena grabbed Olivia by the throat and slammed her up against the wall. "What else can we do, Olivia? You are sixteen years old! You are in high school! You were supposed to have a life! Not this! You knew better than this! How could you do this after seeing the struggle I went through for you?"

"We struggled, mom, but we made it alright. I can make it with this baby. You don't have to kill it. You chose to have me," she said as tears poured down her face. "You couldn't kill me. How can you expect me to kill my baby?"

Serena grabbed her by the arm and jerked her back to her feet. "You are not having this baby. I am not raising another kid. God knows….look at the mess I made raising you. Do you really think I am going to let you make the same mistake that I did?"

Olivia's heart was breaking. Serena had always had a bit of hostility toward her and seemed to have some kind of grudge against Olivia. Her mother had all but admitted that keeping her was a mistake.

"Now, you can stand up and come with me downtown. Or I can take care of it on my own."

Olivia stood up and wiped her tears from her face.

"I am not having an abortion! I will not kill my baby! You cannot make me do it!"

"You're right," Serena shook her head. "It is a big decision. I cannot expect you to make a choice that important right now."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded her head in agreement. She turned to walk away.

"So I will have to make the decision for you," Serena snapped as she spun around and pushed Olivia backwards down the staircase.

Olivia screamed, then everything went black.

A few hours later she woke up in a hospital bed. Someone in their building must have heard the commotion, because someone called the police. When they officers arrived an unconscious Olivia was laying at the bottom of the staircase. They transported her by ambulance to the hospital.

She groaned softly as she looked around the room. The nurse who was checking her vitals, quickly moved to get the doctor.

"Olivia?" He said softly shining a flashlight into her eyes.

Olivia squinted and pulled back from him. Suddenly she remembered what was going on. "My baby?" She gasped franticly.

"Look over here," he replied pointing to a monitor. He pressed a button to turn up the volume. "Do you hear that?"

Olivia nodded through her tears.

"That is your baby's heartbeat."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Well, it is too early to know for sure if it is a he…We'll need to watch you closely over the next few days. But we did an ultrasound and an examine, so far everything seems alright."

"Thank God."

"Olivia, is there someone I can call for you? We have been trying to reach your mother…"

"No! She's…working. Umm… Can you call my friend Courtney?"

"Sure." he handed her his notepad and Olivia scribbled down Courtney's phone number. "You know, Olivia, you are very lucky that all you have suffered so far is a few bruised ribs and a fractured wrist. There is still a chance you could have complications with your pregnancy. Can you tell me how this happened?"

"I am really tired. Can we talk about this later?"

"Yeah, you try to rest and I will go call your friend."

"Thank you."

Courtney came in that evening and visited with her for a while. Olivia confessed to her exactly what had happened. Courtney spent the night sleeping in a chair next to Olivia's bed.

The next morning when Olivia woke up Serena was standing at the foot of her bed. She looked, almost terrified, up at her mother. "What are you doing here?"

Just then the doctor walked into the room. "Good morning, Olivia." He checked her machines and smiled at Serena. "So, have you remembered what happened yesterday?"

"She fell down the stairs," Serena insisted.

"Pardon me ma'am, but I don't see how you could possibly know that. Olivia was alone in the apartment when they found her."

"Tell him," she said staring at her daughter.

Olivia took a deep breath and stared at her mother. She shifted her eyes to look down at the medical tape across the top of her hand. "I fell," she whispered softly.

"She is really very clumsy. She must have lost her footing."

The doctor watched as Olivia refused to look at him. "Well, Ms. Benson, we will need to keep Olivia here for a few days. Just until we are sure she and the baby are alright."

That night as Courtney sat by her side and they were alone in the room she looked over at Olivia, "Liv, why didn't you tell him what she did?"

"I can't."

"Olivia, she almost killed you and the baby. The woman is crazy."

"Courtney, I am sixteen and pregnant. I don't have anywhere else to go. If I tell him he will call DCFS. If he does that I go into foster care and they will take my baby away. I can't let that happen."

Two days later Olivia sat in a chair near the admitting desk waiting for her mother to arrive and sign her discharge papers. As of now, Serena was over two hours late picking her up and Olivia could not leave without a parent to sign her out because she was a minor.

She took a deep breath and slumped back in her chair folding her arms in front of her.

"Olivia Benson?" A man asked as he approached her.

"Yes," Olivia said raising her eyes to meet his.

He showed her a policeman's badge and asked her to come with him, explaining that her mother had been picked up on a D.U.I. The man signed the papers and Olivia followed him to his police car.

"How did my mother get a D.U.I.? We don't own a car."

"She was with a friend. She was driving his car."

"Great," Olivia said staring out the window. "What's going to happen to me?"

"Well, they picked her up a couple of hours ago. And they are probably gonna hold her overnight and let her sober up. Do you have any family in the area?"

"I don't have any family. Just her. What about my friend?"

"How old is your friend?"

"Sixteen."

"Honey, I will need to speak to her parents first."

"Her parents are out of town until tomorrow."

"We'll think of something," he said as she followed him up the steps and into the building. She sat down in a chair across from the man's desk and watched as he sat down to flip through a file. "You hungry?"

"A little."

"Like pizza?"

"Pepperoni?"

"And extra cheese," he said with a smile as he picked up the phone. He bought Olivia a bottle of water and handed her a plate of food. They made small talk as they sat and enjoyed dinner together.

"I should call DCFS."

"No! Please."

He looked over at the girl as she began to cry again.

"Please, don't."

"Olivia, the doctor told me that you fell down the stairs a few days ago."

She was quiet for a few moments. "Yes, sir."

"But the x-rays and your injuries are not consistent with a fall." She stared blankly at him and pressed her lips together. "Honey, you need to tell me what really happened that day. Is someone hurting you?"

She sat quietly and didn't answer him.

"Olivia, did your mother do this?"

"Please, don't call them. They will send me to foster care and take my baby away."

He looked into her eyes and knew that she was right.

"I'll tell you what," he said kneeling beside her, "why don't you sleep here tonight. I'll get you something to sleep in and take you back to the cribs. I have work to do and I will be right here if you need anything. Let her spend the night in the drunk tank, she'll probably be released around noon tomorrow. This is my business card. If at any time someone is hurting you, I want you to pick up the phone and call me. I will be right there. But you have to promise me that you will call me before something like this happens again."

"I promise," she said softly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome sweetheart."

That night Olivia settled into the cribs in her NYPD sweatshirt to try to get some sleep.


	15. 15 Choices

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Fifteen: Choices)_

_Olivia listened as the doctor counted and looked up from the sheet across her knees._

"_Come on Olivia, I need a big push. You are almost there."_

_She tipped her head and looked over at Courtney with exhausted eyes. She had been in labor for nearly ten hours and pushing for the last forty minutes._

"_Almost there Liv," Courtney said with a soft smile as she locked their fingers together. _

"_I want Elliot," she gasped as a tear slid down her cheek. _

"_I know," Courtney replied kissing her forehead. "But you have to push. The baby is almost here." Courtney stared into her eyes and nodded. "You can do this."_

"_I'm so tired."_

"_It's almost over," Courtney whispered pressing her forehead to Olivia's. _

"_Olivia, you need to push right now," the doctor insisted as she looked at Courtney. "I can see the head. The baby is crowning."_

"_Come on Liv," Courtney said sitting against the edge of the hospital bed. "I'll help you. You can do this. Your baby is almost here."_

"_One," the doctor began the countdown to the next push. _

"_Two," Courtney said looking at the fear in Olivia's eyes._

"_Here we go, we need a big push. Three," the doctor announced as Olivia pushed with everything she had left in her._

_She screamed and gasped in pain as she fell back against the bed and tried to catch her breath._

"_The head is out. Okay Olivia, one more big push."_

"_Okay," she whispered just ready for it to be over._

"_One…two….three….push!"_

_Another big push and within moments she heard the baby's first cries. Olivia held tight to Courtney as the doctor cut the cord. Both girls were crying as she held the baby up for Olivia to see._

"_It's a boy," the doctor laughed. "A beautiful baby boy."_

_The doctor handed the baby off to a nurse who took him across the room to examine him. She wiped his little face and placed tiny little bands on his ankle and his wrist, then wrapped him up and carried him back to Olivia._

"_Would you like to hold your son?"_

"_My son?" She gasped through tears as the woman handed her the baby._

_Olivia took the little boy into her arms and held him tight against her chest. She kissed the baby's forehead and whispered softly to him as his cries quieted and he stared up at her._

"_He is so cute, Liv."_

"_He looks like Elliot," she gasped as she kissed her son once more. "I'm your mommy, little guy. And this is your aunt Courtney," she said handing Courtney the baby._

"_He weighs in at eight pounds, two ounces and he is twenty one and a half inches long. He is a healthy little boy. You should try to nurse him. Babies are usually ready to feed right after birth and it is good for him to get to know your scent."_

"_Oh, okay," Olivia replied looking over at Courtney._

"_That's my cue. I'll come back and see you later little guy," she said kissing the baby. "He needs a name, Liv. A cool one. I can help you with that later if you want."_

"_Sounds good. Courtney, thank you for being here."_

"_No place else I'd rather be," she said with a smile. "Liv, do you want me to call your mom and let her know she has a grandson?"_

"_No. I don't want her anywhere near him."_

"_Okay. Well, I am going to go tell Steve just how beautiful my new Godson is. You get some rest and I will come back a little later to visit you guys."_

_Courtney hugged Olivia and kissed her cheek. "Congratulations."_

"_Bye," Olivia whispered waving to her best friend as she backed out of the room._

_The nurse came in and showed her how to hold the infant to nurse him and Olivia gave it her best before finally settling for a bottle of formula._

"_It's alright. It takes a little getting used to, for mother and baby. Some women cannot breast feed at all."_

"_But it is what is best for him, right?"_

"_If this doesn't work out you can still pump your milk and put it in bottles for him. Just as effective. And we'll help you make sure he gets everything he needs. I'm going to give the two of you a little time to bond. Remember how I showed you to burp him after he eats?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Good. Then I will give the two of you a little time alone. I am right down the hall if you need anything, just push the red button."_

"_Thank you."_

_Olivia watched terrified as she was left alone for the first time with her newborn. She didn't know anything about babies at all. Infact she had never really even held one until a few hours ago when the nurse handed her little…her son. She had to do this and do it right. She cleared her throat and wiped her cheeks as she stared down at the little boy in her arms._

"_It just you and me now," she said softly as her tears began to fade away. "I have no idea what I am doing and I don't even know how to change a diaper, so I think there is a lot of this that you and I are going to have to learn together. But I love you. More than anything in the world, I love you. You are the only thing that has kept me going all of these months since you daddy….well, he died. I am so sorry that you will never know him. He was the most wonderful man. He was so brave. And he would be so proud to know that he had a son." She smiled as she baby stirred a little and stared up at her with Elliot's blue eyes. "You look like him. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I prayed that you would have his eyes. And you do. You are such a handsome little guy. And you need a name. I have been a mother for two hours and I don't even know my son's name. I'm horrible at this."_

_The baby grunted and stared up at her._

"_Tell you what, Courtney is coming back later with a book of baby names. Why don't I let you help me pick one out. Right now, let's just relax a little and enjoy being together." Olivia yawned and settled into the pillow behind her as she stared down at her son. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," she whispered as she kissed his dark hair. "Mommy loves you so much. I never knew I could ever love anybody this much."_

_Later that afternoon Courtney sat on the edge of the bed and the baby boy laid in a little basket between them._

"_This carrier thing is so cute."_

"_One of the nurses makes them. She calls it a Moses basket. Just a little cloth basket thing. She was in here when he was born and she gave it to me as a baby gift. Kind of cool since I don't even have a crib and he is going to have to sleep in bed with me until I can afford one. Did you bring my school work?"_

"_I thought the reason you dropped out was so you didn't have to go to school anymore."_

"_I didn't drop out. The school just decided that it would be better if I didn't go there anymore. I guess they thought I was a bad influence on the other girls. But I would have had to quit anyway, once I moved out of my mom's apartment to get a job. I have to study this work they gave me or I am never going to pass that test and get my GED. Then I will never get into college."_

"_You still plan on going to college?" Courtney asked looking down at the baby asleep in the basket._

"_Courtney, I had a baby, I didn't die. Besides, if I don't I will never be able to make a good life for us. I am all he has. I have to do this right. I'm almost through my classes now. I am off work from the diner for a few weeks since I had him. I figure if I study I can take the test before I go back. Then sign up for classes at the university in the fall. My grades are good enough to get a scholarship."_

"_But who is going to watch him while you work and go to class?"_

"_I don't have all of the details figured out yet. I just know I have to do it. It is what is best for us."_

"_At least you have a plan."_

"_I don't know Courtney, I don't have the first clue how I am going to do this. I live in a one bedroom, fifth floor walk up. I have no car and no money. I can't even afford formula for him. I have a part time job that works me about three to four days a week and even if I picked up every shift I can, I have no one to watch my son. My son, who is just over eleven hours old and still does not even have a name."_

"_Liv, it is okay to be scared."_

"_No Court, I am not just scared. I am horrified. I don't know how to be a good mother. I am seventeen. I don't even know what a good mother is like, I sure never had one. I want more than that for him. I want to give him everything I can. I want him to have the best. He deserves a fighting chance in life."_

"_You are right. But Liv, you don't have to have had a good mother to be one yourself. You know first hand what a bad one is like. And I know without a doubt that you will do better than she did without even trying."_

"_I just wish Elliot was here. That he could hold his son and see him and just know he existed. Or that I had more of him to show his son as he got older. This baby will never know how great he was. And that kills me."_

"_He will, Liv. He will because we will make sure he does. You and me and Steve. We will tell him all about Elliot and how brave and handsome and wonderful he was. That is how he will know his father."_

_Olivia smiled through her tears as Courtney scooted up beside her in the bed and opened the baby name book. They flipped through the pages for an hour or so discussing and discarding names. As they would find one they both liked they would repeat the name a few times aloud and stare down at the little boy resting peacefully, but nothing seemed to fit him._

"_I like Brandon," Courtney said. "I have always wanted to name my little boy Brandon."_

"_I don't want to take your name," Olivia said picking up the baby in her arms._

"_I don't mind. I am sure by the time I have kids of my own I will have thought of a dozed other names I like."_

"_I don't think Brandon really fits him."_

"_Okay umm…. What about this one?" She asked pointing to a name in the book._

"_Does it fit him?"_

_Courtney looked over at the little boy in Olivia's arms and kissed his little hand._

"_Perfectly," she said with a smile._

"_That's it then." Olivia pushed the call button for the nurse._

_The woman walked into the room as she smiled up at Olivia and cooed at the baby. "Have we decided on a name?"_

"_Yes," Olivia said proudly. "His name is…."_

* * *

A loud crashing sound caused Olivia's eyes to shoot open as she raised her head from her desk.

"Benson?"

"Yeah," she said rubbing her hands over her face.

"Liv, are you alright?" Munch asked.

"Fine, I'm just not sleeping well, that's all."

"I said, that man is going to be the death of us! He keeps piling this paperwork on us and making us review all of these old _closed _cases. This is ridiculous! We are conducting interviews with victims who's cases were closed before you were even born! The man is insane!"

"He is just trying to cover the department's back here Munch. Ease up a bit," Olivia replied combing her fingers through her hair. "They are really coming down on him over this Jefferies thing."

"Yeah, well if some of us don't stop daydreaming and start pulling their weight around here then we are all going to have our asses in a sling," Munch snapped shooting a glare in her direction.

"Hey man, back off! It wasn't my partner that got us all into this mess!" Fin interjected. "We're just stuck trying to bail your ass out of trouble because you partner decided to screw things up around here before she got pissed off and walked the hell out leaving us with a half a dozen complaining victims who's cases should have been closed months ago! We've been busting our asses to try to keep you in a job, so don't be snapping on her!"

Olivia sat at her desk watching as the two men argued across it.

"Guys! Screaming at each other isn't going to get any of us home any earlier." She split the stack of files in half. "Alright, Fin and I will cover this half. Munch you and whoever they send in until they find you a new partner can cover that half. We are all on the same team here. Jefferies thought she was doing the right thing. She got a little too close and it got out of hand. We have all gotten close to the victim a time or two. I am sure she had no idea that it was going to make this big of a mess."

"Olivia, she told two victims not to testify in court. Her statements to the victims let a rapist walk and now, we have more victims that are tied to him! She fucked up!" Fin said looking over at her.

Olivia exhaled and picked up their half of the files. "You're right. She did. But us sitting around here bitching about having to redo the foot work is not fixing anything. There is only one way out of this mess guys and we are all in this together. And for the record, what she said was that testifying wont make the pain go away. She didn't actually tell them not to."

"Now you're defending her?" Fin barked.

"Not at all. I just think if we are all going to be pissed off about things that were said, we need to make sure we all know what was actually said."

"She didn't fit in," Munch said as he took a seat at his desk.

"What?" Fin asked.

"The big shots were looking for a way to get rid of her from the moment she outed herself as a lesbian."

"Munch, I am sure her sexuality had nothing to do with this," Olivia replied.

"It shouldn't have, you're right about that. But it made her stick out like a sore thumb. She was different. She was always different. She did things her own way and not by the book. They had been searching for a reason to get rid of her for a long time. The lesbian sex cop that was making the entire department look bad. She made a mistake and they jumped on the chance to get her out of here."

"Munch, she walked out."

"Right. Now imagine how bad things had to get before she would do that. They harassed her over all of this, every day. First because she was a woman. It can't be easy," he said looking at Olivia, "then because she was a lesbian. Until she just couldn't take it anymore and she broke. She walked out, but it wasn't her choice. It was merely a reaction to the hell they put her through."

"I didn't realize that things were that bad for her. I mean some of the guys from other departments would crack jokes about both of us when we worked out together and make comments about us being a couple, but she just acted like it didn't bother her. She was my friend, lesbian or straight it didn't change the way I felt about her. I fully supported her, she knew that. Maybe I should call her."

"Couldn't hurt. She probably feels like the entire department turned their backs on her. It could have happened to any one of us. Because of our sex, or race or religion. She became the proverbial black sheep of our little family. I guess they got tired of her straying from the flock."

"John, I don't think that Cragen would have…."

"He didn't have anything to do with it. I know that. He is just in charge of the cleaning crew," Munch said picking up his stack of files and heading toward the elevator. "And until they find someone else willing to transfer in, he is my partner."

"Wow," Olivia said looking up at Fin as she opened a file in front of her.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look a little pale, maybe you're coming down with something."

"I'm fine, Fin. It is just working all the extra hours and with Rick being gone and me home alone, I am just not sleeping well."

"Melatonin."

"What is that?"

"A supplement you get over the counter and use as a sleep aid. All natural."

"No thank you."

Fin laughed. "Just trying to look out for you partner."

"I'll be fine as soon as Rick comes home."

"When is that?"

"He left four days ago, for three weeks in Boston."

"I'd better make another pot of coffee," Fin joked.

"I can't help it, Fin. I am just used to him being there when I go to sleep, that's all."

"What was your excuse this time?"

"Excuse for what?"

"Well, he has been gone for two days and isn't blowing up your phone with his little I love you, I miss you texts. That isn't the norm for Rick. So I can only assume the two of you had a fight."

"Maybe."

"Maybe, my ass. And there is only one thing the two of you fight about. He asked again, didn't he?"

"Yes," she replied rolling her eyes to look up at her partner.

"So what was your excuse?"

"Excuse?"

"I don't see that big ass diamond on your hand. You told him no."

She nodded without looking at him.

"Why?"

"Because, I'm just not ready. And if he really loved me, Fin, he would understand that. He would wait."

"He has waited, Olivia. Every time he asks you, you turn him down. And he waits. He has been waiting for how long?"

"Almost five years."

"Almost five years. And how many times has he asked you to marry him?"

"Technically he only proposed once. All of the other times he just suggested it or approached it like a business deal. It isn't right, Fin."

"What isn't right?"

"Any of it. It didn't feel right. When he proposed. Or said that he thought we should get married. It just didn't feel right. I just think that if that was the right choice for me I would have just known. Something inside me would have told me that it was right. But there was nothing. He didn't really even seem sincere. It was almost as if he was asking because we had been together and that, I guess, was what he thought should happen next."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do. I'm just not ready to get married and move off to Boston and start a family, like he wants me to do. My life is here. It always has been. I can't just give up everything I have going and move away just because he wants me to."

"But Liv, if he stays here in New York instead of taking the job in Boston….wouldn't he be doing exactly that for you?"

Olivia exhaled and stared down at her desk for a moment.

"Looks like you have a lot to think about while he's gone."

"Yeah, I guess so. Listen, I was thinking maybe we could finish scheduling these interviews tomorrow," she said tapping her pen against the face sheet on the top of the open file on her desk. "It is past seven o'clock and I am exhausted."

"I'll tell you what….I'll call the last few names on your half of the list if you handle the rest of the paperwork from the Dailey case."

"Deal," she said closing the file and stacking them neatly.

"So what you got planned tonight?"

"Hot bath and a glass of wine. Pint of Cheesecake Brownie and a black and white movie."

"Funny, I would have guessed you as more of a Cherry Garcia, girl."

Olivia laughed. "No. I need more chocolate that that," she said standing and putting on her coat. "I'll see you in the morning."

"You want me to drive you?"

"I'll catch a cab."

"You sure, I got one more phone call then I am breaking for dinner. Hittin the Philly stand across town. I drive right past your apartment."

"Yeah, okay."

"One minute," Fin said dialing a number from the list.

The ride across town was quiet. Olivia stared out the window into the city night.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Fin asked.

"'Bout what?"

"This, whatever this is that is bothering you."

"I thought we already talked about it."

"This is something different."

"Umm…okay." She leaned her forehead against the window and stared up at the buildings that surrounded them.

"Liv?"

"Huh?"

"Liv, who is Jacob?"

"What?" She asked turning to look at him across the car.

"When Munch woke you up earlier, you said the name Jacob. Who is Jacob?"

She exhaled and stared at him as tears welled up in her eyes. "Fin…I…I'm really tired." Olivia opened the car door and stepped out onto the curb in front of her building. "Thank you for the ride home."

"No problem. Liv, you know I am always here…if you ever want to talk. About anything."

"Yeah, thanks Fin."

"Night, Liv."

"Night, Fin."

He watched as she climbed the steps and entered her building. He sat staring at the living room window of her fifth floor apartment until the light came on inside.


	16. 16 An Old Friend

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Sixteen: An Old Friend )_

Olivia walked into the office to see Fin and Munch sitting on the edge of her desk trying to catch a glimpse into Cragen's office.

"What's going on?" She whispered to Fin as she draped her coat across the back of her chair.

"Cragen's got another one," Munch said as his eyes widened and he tried to focus on the words being said on the other side of the door.

"Another what?"

"Another possible partner for Munch."

"What's this one like?"

"Not sure," Fin said without breaking his stare.

"Gang banger, drug dealer or something," Munch said and Olivia chuckled. "Seriously. He had tattoos all the way up his arm."

"Easy there Munch. He's a cop. He's one of the good guys. What's his name?"

"Didn't ask," Munch said. "He cut through here like no one else even existed. He stepped off the elevator and all he said was _Cragen_. I pointed to the door and they have been in there ever since."

"Well, for your sake I hope he sticks around longer that the last guy they brought in to replace Jefferies. He wasn't here three days and decided he couldn't cut it," Fin joked.

"It's the kids," Olivia said adjusting the strap on her heel. "Not everybody can handle the kids."

"Not that any victim isn't hard enough. But to see an innocent child who has been raped or abused or murdered….you have to develop some sort of tolerance to it. Learn to handle it. Otherwise it will eat you up inside," Fin added. "Guess he just couldn't deal with it."

"Then it is probably better he got out early, because it definitely doesn't get any easier. Good luck with the partner situation, Munch. Fin, we have just enough time to grab a coffee at Starbucks before we are due in court," she said looking at her watch.

"I made coffee," Munch said handing her the cup he had waiting on her desk for her.

"That is what you call that," Fin said looking down at the thick black liquid in the cup.

"What do you call it?" Munch asked.

"Tar," Fin scoffed as he poured the gunk out.

"Thank you anyway, Munch. But I don't take my coffee that strong," Olivia said trying to be polite. "Let me know what happens in there," she said as they headed for the elevator.

That afternoon after court Olivia was running some errands after work when she thought she saw a familiar face in a crowd. She stopped on the sidewalk in front of the subway entrance and watched him as he disappeared around a corner and for a moment she felt that flutter in her heart again, the one she felt only when she was with him. She stared down the street for a moment in a daze until she realized her cell phone was ringing.

"Benson."

"Hey, Liv."

"Hi," she said for a moment not completely sure who she was speaking with.

"Olivia? Oh, come on. I know it has been a while, but I didn't think you would forget me."

"I didn't forget," she said trying to hide the question in her voice. "I was just a little distracted." She listened as she began to recognize the voice from her past.

"It's Courtney," she laughed as Olivia smiled.

"I knew it was you, Court. It's good to hear from you."

"Good to hear from you, too. Now what is this I hear you broke up with my brother."

"I…I didn't break up with him Courtney, we had an argument."

"You turned down a two karat diamond engagement ring, Olivia. That is more than an argument."

"It's a long story. And I am sure he has already told you his side and made me sound like this horrible bitch for turning him down."

"Don't you dare call my best friend a bitch," Olivia heard from behind her.

She smiled and spun around to see Courtney standing there on the sidewalk.

"Oh my God!" She laughed. "What are you doing here?"

"Good to see you too, Liv."

"Of course it's good to see you," Olivia said hugging her tight. "It has just been so long.

"Two years."

"Two years. That is a long time."

"Too long," Courtney said with a smile.

"Definitely! Let me call work and take the rest of the day off. Then we can grab a late lunch. Does that sound alright?"

"Sounds great. I am starving. I don't eat airplane food."

"I don't blame you," Olivia laughed as she dialed the number to the station.

They sat at a table at a little café down the block from Olivia's apartment trying to catch up on old times.

"So what brings you to New York?" Olivia asked.

"You."

"Me?"

"Well, Rick showed up with this crazy story about how you turned him down and the two of you broke up. I was going to call, but I decided I was way overdue for a visit. So I cashed in some of Rick's frequent flier miles and here I am."

"But how did you find me? On the street in the middle of Manhattan."

"I was taking a cab to the station to catch you at work, but the driver barely spoke English and he dropped me off in the middle of nowhere. So I took the subway, but I got off at the wrong stop. I had just come up the steps and was about to flag another taxi when I thought I saw you down the block. You turned around just as I approached you and then I knew for sure it was you. Just luck, I guess."

"I guess so."

"So are you going to tell me what is going on with you and Rick?"

"All in due time. I just would rather not talk about it here."

"Why, Liv? Most of the people in here don't care, a large portion of them don't understand English and none of them know either of us. That is the beauty of New York City."

Olivia laughed. "I guess you're right."

"So spill it. Was he cheating?"

"I don't think so."

"Were you cheating?"

"No!"

"Then what is the problem?"

"The problem, Courtney, is that we had already discussed this several times. He knew I wasn't ready for marriage and kids. He had already asked me and _we_, not _I_, _we, _agreed to wait. Then not even two months later he comes home with this ring and says all of this stuff about how he loves me and he wants a life with me."

"And that is when he proposed?"

"That's just it, Courtney, he didn't really propose. He never really proposed. He just said he wanted a life with me. Or that he could see me as his wife or picture our kids. It was almost like he just expected it. Or like it was one of his business deals. I just…"

"Wanted a little romance?"

Olivia smiled. "Rick could be romantic when he wanted to. Sometimes he would send me roses at work for no reason. Or call me just to tell me he was thinking about me. I love him, Courtney, don't get me wrong. I'm just tired of feeling like what I think doesn't matter. He is talking about moving to Boston and buying a house. He never once asked me what I thought about it. He just assumed I would be going with him. Courtney, my entire life has been in this city. My job is here. I can't move to Boston."

"They have an SVU in Boston. I'm sure you could transfer."

"That isn't the point."

"I know. He should be more understanding about what you want and need. If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you he should be openly discussing how the two of you are going to spend it, not just making all of the decisions for what he thinks is best for both of you. But he is a man, Olivia. And like most men, he doesn't see that. He is trying to tell you that he needs you and he loves you. This is his way of trying to be sweet about it, you know? Hey baby, you wanna get married and runaway to Boston with me?" Courtney laughed. "He doesn't mean to be that way, Liv. That is just how he is wired. But this argument the two of you had before he left really has him freaked out. He is worried that you don't want to be with him anymore."

"I never said that."

"I sat for two days talking with him about this. I am sure he thinks that you are finished with him. You should call him."

"Courtney, he has been gone, how long? And he hasn't called me."

"His pride is wounded, Liv. The woman he loves shot him down. He feels rejected. There is no way he is gonna suck it up and call you. I'll bet right now he is moping around my apartment, because you have not called him. He's got it bad for you."

Olivia smiled. "Okay, I'll call him. But he has got to work on his half of the communication. I can't do this on my own."

"Talk to him. He misses you. And it is obvious you miss him."

"It is?"

"Yeah, it is."

Olivia laughed. "So, you never answered my question. How long are you in town?"

"Just the weekend. My return flight leaves out Sunday afternoon. I have to work Monday morning."

"So we have the whole weekend."

"Or we only have the weekend. I have a lot to do in two days."

Olivia laughed again.


	17. 17 Back To Me

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Seventeen: Back To Me)_

Olivia laid in bed and could feel someone staring at her. She groaned softly and opened one eye to see Courtney sitting beside the bed with a coffee mug in her hands.

"Good, you're awake. Now we can go shopping!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Olivia groaned as she rolled back over and pulled the blankets over her head. "Go away! And don't come back until at least seven o'clock!"

Courtney laughed. "Well, I see someone is not a morning person."

"Morning people suck," Olivia growled from under the fort she had formed with the covers.

"Liv, please. I am only going to be in New York today and tomorrow. I want to go shopping and visit all the places we used to hang out as kids."

"Courtney," Olivia scoffed as she raised her head to peek from under a comforter, "all of those places will still be there later. I never get to sleep in," she whined hoping her best friend would take pity on her and give in.

"Fine. You have thirty minutes. Then you are getting out of this bed if I have to drag you out!"

"Whatever," Olivia said tucking her blankets back in around her and drifting quickly back off to sleep.

Half an hour later Courtney sat beside the bed once more. This time she sat quietly holding a fresh cup of coffee and just waited. Moments later the buzzing sound of Olivia's alarm clock filled the room.

Once more Olivia made an appearance from under the blankets and shut it off. She stretched and tipped her head to focus her eyes on the pajama clad being sitting beside the nightstand.

Courtney said nothing. Instead, she extended her arm offering Olivia the coffee mug. Olivia sighed and scratched her head as she took the cup and took a few silent sips.

"I'm not sure why I set my alarm clock," she said softly a bit confused, "it's Saturday."

"I set it," Courtney said with a sly smile. "Before I left the room earlier. I figured that was a bit nicer than dragging you out of bed by the ankles and throwing you into a cold shower."

"True."

"I made food too," she said pointing at the cup. "But you have to get out of the bed for that."

Olivia laughed. "Alright. We'll have breakfast together, then a quick shower and I am ready to shop."

"It is very therapeutic, you know?"

"It is, huh?"

"Yeah. Anytime I have a break up or a bad day or both, a little retail therapy always makes me feel better."

"Good to know," Olivia said with a smile as she stood up and followed Courtney to the kitchen.

* * *

They shopped all afternoon and had lunch. Olivia took the long way back to her apartment driving past their old school grounds and a few other places they remembered from when they were younger. Without even thinking she drove past the old apartment she used to share with her mother.

"The place looks so tiny now," Courtney said as they stared out the window.

"Trust me, it was tiny back then, too."

"There is your old room," Courtney said pointing to the window at the top of the fire escape.

Olivia smiled.

"What?"

"Nothing, just….memories."

"I don't know how the crappy memories of this dump could make you smile."

"There were good memories, too."

Courtney turned her head and looked at Olivia. "Like what?"

"Like," Olivia paused for a moment and smiled again, "Elliot used to climb the fire escape and visit me outside my bedroom window. "All of my memories of him are good."

Courtney smiled and placed her hand against Olivia's shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder if he were here today what it would be like. I could see you married and you would have half a dozen kids by now."

Olivia laughed. "I don't know about half a dozen, but a couple at least."

"Do you know who lives here now?" Courtney asked looking at Olivia.

"My mother."

"Still? Have you talked to her?"

"No. Not since I moved out."

"Ouch."

"Courtney she kicked me out while I was pregnant. She didn't even care that I had no other place to go. If your parents hadn't been out of town, I probably would have ended up in a homeless shelter or sleeping on the street. My mother never cared about anyone but herself."

"So if you don't talk to her….how do you know she still lives here?"

"One day a few months back, I saw her on the street. She was coming out of a bar as usual and it was obvious she was very drunk. I parked down the block and watched her until she was safe inside."

"Aww."

"All I ever wanted was for her to be a real mother. To be the grown up, be my parent. But it never would have happened. It's better that I left home when I did. Before something horrible happened to me or my baby."

"Liv, you were sixteen and pregnant. She should have let you stay."

"Why? So her stupid drunk boyfriend could rape me? She never would have noticed."

"Olivia, did something happen?"

"No," Liv shook her head, "but it was no thanks to her that it didn't. That guy Bud she used to date…."

"The creepy one?"

"Yeah. They came home from the bar one night and they had been in her room screwing around. I guess after she passed out he got back up. I was going to leave and meet Elliot. But was being an ass and tried to stop me. We argued and he grabbed me. He threw me down and climbed on top of me. I was screaming, I was so scared. He would have raped me if Elliot hadn't come in and pulled him off of me."

"What did your mother say?"

"At first she broke up with him. She started letting Elliot come around the apartment. He even came over for dinner once or twice. But then Bud showed up begging her to let him in. She did and from then on she said I was lying about it and I made it up."

"The bitch chose her boyfriend over her own kid?"

"It happens all of the time, Courtney."

"I'm sorry things were so hard on you, Liv."

"Yeah, well at least I had great friends like you and Steve and Elliot to help me out. I don't know where I would have been without you guys."

"Do you ever think about him?"

"Elliot? Now and then. Sometimes I still miss him. The other day I saw a man on the street and for a moment, I could have sworn it was him. For a moment, I felt the butterflies he always gave me. Then I had to remind myself that it couldn't have been him, because Elliot is dead."

"What about Jacob? Do you ever think of him?"

"Every second of every day, Courtney. I wonder how he is doing and if he is happy. I still miss him so much, but I know he is better off where he is than he would have been if I had kept him. I made the right decision. That was what was best for my son. He deserved two loving parents who could give him a happy home. I couldn't provide that for him. I was just a kid, myself."

"You may have been a kid, Olivia. But no one could ever love that baby more than you did."

"I still do. I always will."

"Do you think you will ever see him again?"

"I agreed to a closed adoption. When I gave him up, I signed a contract agreeing that I would not interfere with their raising him."

"Interfere? You are his mother."

"His birth mother, yes. But he doesn't know me. He may never know me. They send letters and pictures to the agency, I get them about once a month. That way I can see him grow and know what he looks like. But I can't contact him. I don't even know where he lives. The agency gets the letters and sends them to me. I have not seen my baby since he was eight months old, the day I handed him over to his new parents. I met them, though. I got to pick them. They set up meetings with four couples and let me decide who was right for Jacob."

"What are they like?"

"The man managed a bank branch and his wife was a teacher. They were Catholic. It was important to me that Jacob be raised Catholic. Elliot was Catholic and I was never really exposed to any kind of religion until I was old enough to take myself to church. I wanted God to be a part of my son's life. And I agreed that when he turns eighteen the agency will give him my name and contact information, so that he can look me up if he wants to meet me. I wrote a long letter and gave it to his adoptive parents, to help explain things when he gets older. I didn't want him to think for a second that I gave him away because I didn't love him. Giving him up was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it because I loved him so much. I did it because I wanted more for him than I knew I could provide."

"Did your mother ever see him?"

"No. I stayed in Elliot's apartment until I was about seven months pregnant. That was when the money ran out and the state took his property to help pay for the home his mother was in. I had to moved out. I was still taking those GED classes and lucked in to Mr. Kersch's daughter going off to college. That opened up the little two bedroom apartment above the café. If he hadn't let me move in there I would have ended up homeless with a baby. I had him and after I gave him up and you went off to college, I started college. Right after that I entered the police academy."

"But how did you choose Special Victims? Was it because of the stuff with your mom?"

"Partly. Because of her rape and the alcoholism and the neglect and stuff I went through as a result of that. I guess I figured that because of the life I lived, maybe I could help others through hard times. I see some horrible, awful things. And I am not even going to lie to you and pretend it is easy, it is a horrible job."

"Then why don't you quit?"

"Because, if we don't help these victims, no one will. I want to help them."

"You're a damn Saint! I am a freaking Dental Hygienist and you are a Saint!"

Olivia laughed and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I wouldn't go that far. But it feels pretty good to be able to help people and to stand up for the children who are going through everything I want through and more."

* * *

Before they knew it Sunday afternoon had rolled around. Olivia hugged Courtney goodbye and waved to her as she boarded her plane back to Boston. As she walked back out to her car she dialed Rick's cell phone number. Olivia sat in her car in the parking garage for almost two hours as they talked.

Rick really seemed to be liking the work he was doing back in Boston and things were looking good on the job offer. He said that he loved Olivia and missed her like crazy and would do anything to make this relationship work. Olivia sat and listened to his voice saying the words she had wanted so badly to hear, yet somehow now, they didn't sound as sweet.

Rick told her that he was going to get a few personal days really soon and he planned to fly home and see her.

"I miss you like crazy," his voice echoed as Olivia cried on her end of the phone.

"I miss you, too."

"I don't care about Boston anymore, Liv. I only care about you. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I want to marry you, someday. Someday when you are ready to take that step together. And if I get this job and you are not ready to move to Boston, we can try the long distance thing. I can fly home on the weekends and when you get time off you can come here. A little unconventional, but we can make it work. I love you, Olivia. And there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for you."

Olivia smiled. "I love you, too."

"I'm gonna try to come home next weekend. We pretty much have things set up here and I think I can take a personal day on Friday. I'll fly in that morning and come back here on Sunday afternoon. We will have the weekend together."

"That sounds nice. Rick, I miss you and I love you and I can't wait to see you."

"I can't wait to see you either, babe. Liv, I have to get back to work right now. I am getting ready for a big meeting in the morning. I will call you tomorrow evening, alright?"

"I'd like that."

"I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay." She listened for a moment as the call disconnected.

Olivia sighed and took a deep breath as she started her car. Right now, she had nothing on her mind, but a hot bath and a glass of wine. After her bath Olivia slipped on a tee shirt and a pair of pajama pants and climbed back into bed. She rolled over and nestled her cheek against Rick's pillow, hugging it tight.

Olivia hadn't been asleep but an hour or so when the phone rang.

"Oh, come on," she groaned as she sat up in her bed and looked at the clock. It was just past eleven. She opened her phone and placed it to her ear.

"Benson," she said with a tired yawn.

"Liv, it's Munch. You in bed already?"

"Yeah, for almost two hours now."

"I'm sorry to wake you. Do you have the Randolph case file?"

"Umm…" Olivia climbed from her bed and made her way down the hall to look at the stack paperwork she had brought home and not even touched. "Yeah, I have it right here."

"Look, I hate to bother you, but I need that file."

"Can I bring it to you in the morning?"

"Actually, something big is going down with this case and Cragen wants us all on it. Tonight. So can you just bring it in with you?"

"Yeah, munch. No problem," she exhaled in disappointment.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I know you were supposed to be off today and you were already asleep."

"Nah, it's okay. Duty calls. Listen, I am going to swing by the all night deli on tenth and grab some coffee. Can I get you guys anything? A sandwich, maybe?"

Munch laughed. "That sounds good. Maybe a couple of turkey and ham on rye. And can you pick up a cup of black coffee for my new partner, he won't drink mine either."

Olivia laughed. "Sure. I'll be there in forty five minutes."

She hung up the phone and dressed quickly then was out the door. She carried in a stack of files, a bag of sandwiches and a drink carrier with four cups of coffee. Munch met her at the elevator and took the bag with the sandwiches. Olivia made her way to her desk sitting down the coffee and was telling some story about the man behind the counter at the deli when Munch interrupted her.

"Here he is now," Munch said overexcited to introduce his new partner to the youngest cop in the 1-6 to ever make detective and the pride and joy of the SVU. "Olivia, this is…."

She spun around with the stack of files still in her hand and looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. She tipped her head and stared at the man as she dropped the stack in her hand and papers flew everywhere.

"Elliot?" She gasped, just before she collapsed.


	18. 18 Facing The Past

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Eighteen: Facing The Past)_

Olivia groaned softly as her eyes fluttered open to stare up from the floor.

"Olivia, are you alright?" She heard a familiar voice ask as his face came into focus. He reached for her as Fin pushed him aside.

"Back off man and give her some air. Liv, you okay?"

She groaned again and closed her eyes. She moved her hand upward to touch the bump on the side of her forehead she has sustained when she collapsed. In all of the thousands of times she had dreamed of Elliot coming back into her life, never had it happened like this. Now she knew she was crazy, dead men don't just appear out of nowhere. And if they did, they certainly wouldn't look _that_ good. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to look up at Fin once more. This was so embarrassing, fainting in front of the new guy! The _hot_ new guy!

"I'll be fine," she mumbled as he attempted to help her up.

"Careful," Fin said shielding her forehead from the underside of the desk she had managed to hit on her way down.

"I'll get you some ice," Munch said only then realizing he had no clue where to find any in a police station. He rushed around the room trying to think of something.

Fin helped Olivia to her feet and backed her up to sit on her desk so he could inspect the bump on her head. "You should have that checked out," he said in his over protective older brother way.

"It's just a bump, Fin. I'll be fine."

"What happened back there?"

"I don't know. I just felt dizzy and then I woke up on the floor looking at the bottom of the desk. I must have stood up too fast or something."

"How you feeling now?"

Olivia smiled and patted her partner's shoulder. "I'm alright, Fin. I promise. I am sorry to worry you."

"Olivia, you could have your arm cut off and blood be gushing everywhere and _still_ you would be fine. I don't believe you for a second. You should still have that checked out."

"Basic first aid, Fin. Apply ice or something cold to help reduce or prevent the swelling." She unzipped her purse and handed him an ink pen sized flashlight she carried for walking to her car in dark parking lots. "Do my pupils dilate?"

He shined the beam into each of her chocolate colored eyes and watched for a reaction. "Yes."

"Then it is just a bump. I am fine." She looked up for a moment noticing the attractive man across the room.

"So what's the story with him?" She whispered.

"He's a marine." Olivia tipped her head to stare at Fin in awe as he continued. "His name is E…"

"Elliot Stabler?"

He watched as tears began to rise behind her pretty brown eyes.

"You already know him?"

"Knew," she said as she cleared her throat. "I knew him. He's dead now," she said shaking her head, still not convinced this wasn't a dream.

Fin leaned in closer to her and shined the light in her eyes again.

"God, Fin! What are you doing?"

"There is definitely something wrong with you. The man isn't dead, Liv. He is standing right there."

She looked up at him again this time tears flowing freely from both eyes.

"Is everything alright?" Elliot asked handing her the stack of papers that had scattered across the room as she fainted.

Olivia stared for a moment into the same blue eyes she had fallen in love with years earlier, the same blue eyes as her infant son.

Elliot reached to touch her hand, but she pulled away from him. She stood up from the desk and ran down the hall to the ladies room.

"What did you do to her, man?" Fin asked staring at him.

Elliot stood quietly and didn't speak. He had known this man for all of ten minutes and already managed to get on his bad side.

Olivia sat leaned over in one of the bathroom stalls so sure she was going to be sick, but she never was. She leaned back against the door of the stall and just sat there for a moment. She had to pull herself together.

She sat for a moment wondering why she felt this way. All of these years she had wished she could see Elliot again, she had prayed for this very miracle and when it finally happened, she felt like this. She felt happy and hurt and betrayed and nauseas and wanted to laugh in excitement and cry at the same time. She wasn't sure how she even felt about him anymore or how she was supposed to feel for that matter. Was there any definition for how someone should react to a situation like this?

The love of her life and father of her child was killed in a war eleven years ago and yet somehow here he stood in one piece, _one very sexy looking piece_, in their squad room.

"Ahh," Olivia growled as she raised her hand to her forehead once more. What the hell was going on here? How dare him! Stand there in front of Munch and Fin and act all innocent, like nothing had ever happened!

If Elliot wasn't really dead, then where the hell had he been all of these years? Why hadn't he contacted her or come back for her? Eleven years, she thought as she began to cry once more. Eleven years without him, thinking he was dead, thinking she had lost him forever. She had lost. She had lost so much in this arrangement and that, she could never forgive him for. If Elliot hadn't _died _all of those lonely years ago, then Olivia never would have given their son up. His absence had wounded her. And seeing him again now brought back all of the pain she felt the day she had learned of his death. She sat in the floor and burst into tears.

She was crying pretty hard when she heard Fin's voice at the door of the restroom.

"Liv? Are you alright in there?"

"No," she whimpered.

"Can I come in?"

She sat quietly nodding her head and not thinking about the fact that he could not hear that response.

"I'm coming in, sweetheart."

As Fin pushed open the door Elliot approached the bathroom.

"What do you want?" Fin growled looking at him.

"I brought this," he said holding up a soda can.

"You think a diet soda can fix all you have done here?"

"It's cold."

"So."

"For the bump on her head. Wrap it in paper towel or something. It will help bring the swelling down. I also brought some aspirin. Can I just give them to her?"

"You gotta be smoking some really good shit if you think I am letting you past that door. You are the reason she is in there in the first place. I don't know what it was that you did to her, but you will stay the hell away from her if you know what's good for you!"

Fin took the soda and the bottle of aspirin from Elliot's hand and stepped inside the bathroom slamming the door in his face.

"Nice to meet you too," Elliot said as he took a seat in the floor to wait in the hall.

* * *

"Olivia," Fin said as he walked across the ladies bathroom to find her sitting in the floor of one of the stalls. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be alright," she said wiping tears from her face and standing up. "It just caught me off guard."

"What did? Did he say something to you?"

"No. He didn't do anything, I just…."

"So you know him?"

"Yeah. I used to date him."

"He must have really worked you over, to get a reaction like that out of you."

"He was good to me, Fin. He never treated me bad. But something happened years ago and…."

"And?"

"I thought he was dead. I got a letter in the mail and his dog tags and he was declared dead. He was the love of my life. It killed me to have to go on without him. But I had to."

Fin stared blankly at her.

"I was pregnant."

"So he doesn't know about the baby?"

"I never had the chance to tell him. I just don't know how to feel about this. I mean, I am glad he is alive. But it is so strange. I have so many emotions running through me right now, so many questions and so much I need to tell him. I don't even know how to face him right now. Let alone tell him I gave our son away."

"Olivia, you did the best thing for your child. There is nothing wrong with that."

"I know. But what is eating at me is that if he had been here and we had been together, I know in my heart I never would have given the baby up."

"You cannot let that choice haunt you. There is nothing you can do to change it. You just have to accept the past and move forward."

"Yeah. But he needs to know. I cannot keep this secret from him. Jacob was his son, too. I feel like I have let him down. I don't even know how to face him."

"Then don't."

Olivia looked up at Fin.

"Go home. Get some rest and give yourself a little time to think about this. You will figure out how to handle it. You have personal time. Take a few days. You will figure this out."

"Maybe."

"You will. And everyone out there just saw you faint. Just tell people you are not feeling well. They will just think you are coming down with something. Your personal reason for taking the time off can just be between us."

"But how do I get out of here?"

"What?"

"Well, Cragen wants me here and you know as well as I do that Elliot is sitting just outside that door."

"I will handle them both."

Olivia laughed.

"Cragen wont mind if he knows you are sick. And I can handle Elliot no problem. I'll just give him something to do and keep him away from the door.

"Go home and get some sleep. I will call you tomorrow."

"Thanks, Fin."

Fin walked out of the bathroom and looked down to see Elliot sitting in the floor against the wall.

"Is she alright?" Elliot asked with a look of concern.

"She'll be fine. I think she's coming down with something. Lets get to work."


	19. 19 Strangers

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Nineteen: Strangers)_

Olivia was sleeping soundly on her sofa when she heard the buzzer letting her know that someone was at her door. She groaned and opened her eyes rolling over to look at the clock on her cell phone.

"Ten o'clock," she said softly as she sat up and realized it was now daylight outside. She scratched her head and walked across the room pushing the button to let the visitor in the building. "Come on in Fin," she said as she started a pot of coffee.

Moments later she heard the doorbell to her apartment and pulled the door open. There standing face to face with her was Elliot and this time, she had nowhere to hide.

"Elliot?" She asked looking a bit confused as she tipped her head to the side to stare at him.

"I'm not Fin."

"How did you find me? I mean…umm…how did you…"

"John told me where you lived," Elliot said handing her a bouquet of pink roses.

"Yeah, remind me to thank him for that later." She pressed her lips together and stepped aside letting him into the apartment. "What are these for?"

"Fin said you were coming down with something. I was worried and wanted to check on you. Look, I know I am probably the last person you want to see right now."

"You don't know anything," she said walking toward the kitchen and laying the roses on the counter as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "If Fin finds you are here, he will probably kill you."

"I'll take my chances," Elliot said sitting down at the bar to stare at her. "I don't know what I ever did to him to make him so angry at me anyway."

"You didn't do anything. He is just very protective, all of the guys are. It kind of surprises me that Munch gave you my address."

"I had a heart to heart with him."

"What did you tell him?"

"No details. I just told him I was an old friend."

"And with that he gave you my address?"

"Well, that and a twenty dollar bill. Then he reminded me how badly Fin would like to hurt me for even looking at you."

"Fin, is a very good friend of mine."

"A friend. Like we were friends?"

"You are asking if I ever slept with my partner?" She spat at him as she shot him a glare over the kitchen counter. "Not that it is any of your business, but no. Fin looks out for me. We are family, he is like an older brother."

"A very defensive older brother."

"Exactly."

Olivia stared at him for a moment then slid the cup of coffee she had poured for herself across the counter to him and poured herself another one.

"Olivia…"

"Don't! Look, I don't…I don't even know how to handle this. I don't mean to be rude or bitchy or…whatever, I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't even know what to say to you."

"I'm glad you're not dead, would be a nice place to start."

"Of course I'm glad you're not dead. But Elliot, so much of my life revolved around the fact that you were. When you were killed…or I thought you were, it changed everything for me. I'm just not sure that I am ready to talk about this right now."

"Then we wont."

She stared at him still unsure of how to read him.

"Why are you here? Really?"

"I'm not sure."

"Elliot, how did you find me?"

"I wasn't looking for you. I wasn't stalking you or anything creepy like that. I swear, I didn't even know you worked there when I took the job. I never would have dreamed that I would show up at work one day and be face to face with you."

"Elliot, a lot of things have changed since you left. I am not even sure who you are now and you have no idea who I am. We are strangers."

"I would imagine things have changed, Olivia. It has been almost eleven years."

"I'm seeing someone. And it's serious."

"Good. I always hoped that you would be happy."

"You really shouldn't be here."

"Like I said, I was just worried and I wanted to drop off the flowers. Thank you for the coffee," he said as he stood up and walked toward the apartment door. "Olivia," he said standing in the open doorway for a moment and turning to look at her. "We could still be friends, you know? There is no reason I should have to lose you as a friend, too."

She stared into his eyes and couldn't speak. Instead, she just nodded softly.

"I'll see you back at work," he said as she watched him step into the elevator and the doors closed in front of him.

She had never been more confused about how she should feel about anything in her life. She was hurt and wanted to be angry and cry and pour her heart out to him and tell him how much she had missed him all of these years. She wanted to hug him tight and thank God for bringing him safely back to her. But she also wanted to slap him for making her remember the feelings she once held for him, for making her heart flutter the way that it always did when she was with him.

She couldn't feel this way anymore, not for Elliot. She was with Rick and she was happy and she loved him. Olivia closed the door and leaned against it for a moment replaying their entire conversation in her mind. She raised her eyes to look at the beautiful pink roses on the kitchen counter. It was so sweet of Elliot to bring her flowers, she thought for a moment as she let a smile slowly spread across her face. How was she going to explain Elliot to Rick.

Elliot leaned against the back wall of the elevator feeling like a fool. He had finally gotten up the guts to go to her apartment and he didn't even know what to say to her once he got there. God she was beautiful. She looked exactly as he remembered her waving to him from the runway as his plane took off from San Diego all of those years ago.

He thought for a moment about the way she looked when she had opened her apartment to him today. Standing there still half asleep in an old tee shirt and some other guy's boxer shorts. It killed him to think of her with another man, but somewhere inside of himself he knew that after nearly eleven years of thinking he was never coming back to her she would have moved on. Somewhere inside as much as it hurt him to admit it, he was glad that she had moved on and allowed herself to be happy again. He wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him.

Olivia walked across the room and picked up her coffee mug from the counter then returned to the comfort of her sofa and blanket. She picked up her cell phone and dialed a number.

"Courtney, I have a big problem. I really need to talk to you, but I don't want Rick to know anything yet."

"You're pregnant?"

"No. I just really need to talk, is he there?"

"No, he just left for work. What's up?"

Olivia smoothed her hand over her face trying to think of an easy way to break the news to her best friend.

"Liv?"

"Elliot's back," she blurted out.

"What? Hold on, we must have a bad connection. I swear it sounded like you just said Elliot is back."

"I did. He is."

"Olivia, Elliot has been dead almost eleven years. Have you been drinking?"

"No, Court. Please, I need help here."

"You've got that right."

"Seriously. Remember when I told you I thought I saw him on the street?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it was him. Or probably was. He isn't dead. He is alive and he works with me now and I don't know how to handle this!"

"Wait, he really is alive?"

"Yes."

"And other people have seen him, too?"

"Courtney!"

"I'm sorry. It is just…do you have any idea how crazy this sounds?"

"Yes, I do. But it is real. And he is real. And I think I am still in love with him."

"Whoa, what? Wait a minute, back up. Still in love with him?"

"I know. And I feel horrible and I am trying really hard not to even notice him. But then he came by and brought me roses and I…"

"Time out! He was in your apartment?"

"Yes. And he brought me these beautiful pink roses…"

"Olivia, are you screwing around on Rick?"

"God, no!"

"Good. Because I love you and I would hate to have to kill you. So, umm, what was a certain sexy blue eyes Marine doing in your apartment with roses?"

"I passed out at work."

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. I passed out when I saw Elliot. It was so humiliating. Anyway, I hid in the bathroom and I thought I was having some kind of mental breakdown or something. I was seeing my dead fiancé walking around at my work. I left work and took a personal day today. Fin told him I was sick. Munch, told him where I lived and Elliot stopped by with roses, looking all dreamy and... He said he was worried about me."

"That is adorable."

"Courtney, you are not helping here."

"Oh, sorry. But it is really sweet."

"I know. But I am with Rick. And we are trying to work this out, whatever _this_ is."

"Do you love Rick?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to marry him?"

"I don't know. But I am not going to cheat on him. I would never do that."

"But you still have feelings for Elliot?"

"I'm not sure. I want so bad to say no. But I loved him so much, Courtney. And I think maybe it is the idea of that first love that I am holding on to. I don't even know who Elliot is anymore. We were just kids the last time we saw each other. I am nowhere near the same girl I was then and I am sure he has changed as well."

"So don't talk to him anymore."

"I can't not talk to him, Courtney. We work together. He is Munch's new partner."

"Hmm. I don't know what to tell you dear. Except that if you really want this thing with you and Rick to work out, maybe now is a good time to consider transferring to Boston."

"I don't want to transfer to Boston. I cant run from my past, Courtney. Elliot wants to be friends."

Courtney laughed. "That is about the worst idea I have ever heard."

"Why?"

"Because, guys don't just want to be friends with girls, Liv. Especially girls they have already slept with."

"I don't even know where you get some of these ridiculous ideas of yours. So you're saying that because we had sex eleven years ago we can't be friends now?"

"That is exactly what I am saying."

"You're wrong. We were kids then. We have both grown up a lot since then."

"Listen, I have a couple of weeks vacation built up. Would you like me to come stay with you for a few days? Just until all of this Elliot stuff is settled."

"You would do that?"

"Of course I would. I cant leave until the end of the week, but I could be there by Saturday afternoon."

"That would be so great, Court."

"And don't worry, I wont say anything to Rick about Elliot. But you should really tell him."

"I'm going to. I don't keep things from him. I just don't want him to flip out over this, he is going to freak."

"Do you blame him? I mean what would you do if Rick had an ex-fiancée? Who just happened to be the mother of his child and his first love, who he lost his virginity to and she ended up working with him? And she still wanted to be friends?"

"You're right. I would probably freak out, too. I will tell him. I just need a little more time to process things first."

"Okay, I will see you in a few days. And I will call you when I get my flight information."

"Yeah, I'd probably aught to pick you up at the airport this time instead of you wondering all over the city lost."

"I wasn't lost. I am from New York, I cant get lost. My cabbie was the one who was lost."

Olivia laughed. "Thank you so much for helping me through this."

"Hey, you were there for me through my divorce. Both of them."

"You are my best friend. I love you Court."

"Love you too, Liv. I'll see you in a few days."

Olivia hung up the phone and combed her fingers through her hair. She still wasn't sure exactly what she was going to do about any of this or how to feel about it, but knowing that Courtney was here for her was a comfort. She laid back down on the sofa and closed her eyes.


	20. 20 Girl's Night Out

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty: Girl's Night Out)_

Elliot sat at the bar watching as she spun around dancing with her friend. Olivia had no clue Elliot was even there and with the crowd of people in the room he could probably watch her safely from this distance all night without her even realizing his presence.

As another fast song came on, Olivia raised her arms above her head as she danced around and flipped her hair. In one hand she held a Bud Light and the other hand roamed freely over her body as she moved. She was so beautiful. Even more so, if it was at all possible than the girl he had fallen so madly in love with all of those years ago. And more than anything he longed to touch her, to hold her and just be there beside her.

Elliot turned around to the bartender and ordered another beer. Suddenly it was getting a little hot in here. He took a sip from his bottle and returned his attention to the angel dancing across the room. He knew he wasn't the only man in the room who was watching her. He had seen guys approaching her all evening, offering to buy her a drink and asking her to dance. But she turned them down. She always did. She wasn't here to meet guys. This was a girl's night out. She was here to relax and have fun with her friend and the smile on her face as the two women moved together told him she was doing just that.

She wore a tight fitting pair of dark jeans that showed off her amazing curves and a black satin camisole and around her neck, a small heart shaped diamond pendant that he remembered from that first day back at the precinct. Elliot smiled and shook his head as he remembered the day he had given it to her, he promised to love her forever and he gave her his heart. But that day had long past now. And it if weren't for the little reminders like the necklace, he would almost wonder if it hadn't all been a dream. A wonderful, but distant dream.

"Let's get a shot," Courtney shouted over the music.

"A shot of what?" Olivia asked raising her beer to signal she was ready for another.

"Tequila sound good?"

"Tequila sounds great!" Olivia replied and they both laughed as they walked toward the bar.

"Two shots of tequila with lime, not lemon. And two Bud Lights," Courtney said as she leaned over the bar smiling at the bartender as she fidgeted with her necklace and flirted.

"Courtney?" Elliot asked from down the bar.

"Oh my God," she said walking over to hug him. "Look at you, Mr. Sexy Marine!"

"You look…..amazing! So grown up!"

"Yeah, well a lot has happened in eleven years," she said with a smile as she waved to the bartender to bring them a third shot. "Liv told me you were back."

Elliot looked up to smile at Courtney as his eyes met Olivia's.

"Liv," he said with a smile.

"Hey," she said almost as if she were speaking to someone she didn't even know.

Courtney handed Olivia her shot and slid one over to Elliot as she raised her shot glass. "To old friends," she said with a smile as she licked the salt from her hand and slammed the shot chasing it with the lime wedge. "Woo!" She yelled making an odd face. "I love that shit!"

Olivia laughed as she dropped her lime peel into the shot glass and slid it back across the bar.

"So what have you been up to?" Elliot asked Courtney.

"Not much. I actually live in Boston. I'm just in town for a few days to visit Liv. What about you?"

Olivia tried to pretend she wasn't paying attention, but secretly she wanted to know the answer to this million dollar question as well.

"Just working and still doing work with the Marine Corps. I have been back around New York for a few years now."

"Oh, Liv tells me the two of you work together now."

"Yeah."

"You know, Olivia," Courtney said putting her arm around Olivia's neck and hugging her, "it dating my brother Rick."

Elliot's eyes jumped to stare into Olivia's.

"And if I am lucky, my best friend will soon be my sister in law."

"That's great, Court. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You married? Have kids?"

"Divorced. Twice. No kids."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"You?"

"Never married."

"Never found the right girl, huh?" Courtney asked as Olivia took a sip of her beer.

"I found her. I just…" Elliot looked over at Olivia as she quickly looked away from him. "It didn't work out. Now she is happy with someone else."

"You gonna fight to get her back?" Courtney asked a little too intoxicated to realize that Elliot was talking about Olivia.

"I'll never give up on her. And I hope that somewhere inside she will never forget how much I loved her. I still love her."

Olivia stared into Elliot's eyes for a few seconds then sat her beer on the bar.

"Let's dance," she said to Courtney. "I came here to dance."

"Yeah!" Courtney shouted raising her hands above her head once more as she took Olivia by the hand and dragged her back to the dance floor.

Several fast songs later, Olivia found herself the odd man out as a guy Courtney had been eyeing all night finally made his way over to speak to her. Olivia made her way back to the bar and ordered another beer.

"I didn't mean to crash the party," Elliot said as he stepped up to the bar beside her.

Olivia turned and looked at him as she took a drink from her beer.

"And I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Elliot, Courtney may be too drunk to pick up on what you were insinuating before, but I am not."

"I wasn't insinuating anything. I was simply saying that I had feelings for you. I have feelings for you. Why does that have to be bad?"

"Because," she said looking up at him, "I am with Rick now. What you and I had, was a long time ago. And it meant the world to me. But when I lost you it broke my heart. It took me forever to learn how to love again and when I finally did, it was Rick I fell in love with."

"Are you going to marry him?"

Olivia stared into his eyes for a moment. "Probably. Don't do this, Elliot. Don't do this to yourself and don't do it to me."

"Don't do what? Have feelings for you? Fall in love with you? Because I did that a hell of a long time ago. I can't just stop caring about you because you are dating someone else."

"I don't want this to hurt anymore," she said softly as she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I can't make this right. No matter what I do. I can't be with him and love him and be happy knowing that I am hurting you. But I cannot be with you if I love him. Can't you just try to understand that? What we had before, that is over now. I finally moved on. I fell in love again and I found a good guy who loves me. And right now, he is in Boston securing his job and searching for us a house, so that in a few months when I transfer there we will have a place to live when we get married."

Elliot watched as Olivia sat her beer bottle down on the bar and walked away from him.

"Court, I'm ready to go," Olivia said pulling her aside.

"It is still early," Courtney said looking over at the cute guy she was dancing with. "He hasn't even asked for my number yet."

"So, stay. You have a key to the apartment. Stay and have fun. Be safe and be careful. Do you need cab money?"

"No, I got it."

"I love you," Olivia said hugging her tight.

"Love you too, Liv. I'll cook us breakfast in the morning."

"Okay," Olivia laughed as she walked outside and caught a cab back to her apartment.

In the cab on the way home she sat in the back seat staring out the window and thinking. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind, but they all seemed to come back around to Elliot. She stared out into the city lights as tears began to fall form her eyes. The truth was she wasn't really sure of anything in her life anymore. And she had no idea what she should do about the situation with Elliot. She felt horrible being so harsh on him. But she couldn't exactly walk away from Rick either. They had nearly five years together. She had no idea what she was going to do."

She exhaled softly and wiped her the tears from her cheeks as she handed the driver a twenty and climbed out of the cab. She pulled her keys from her purse and made her way to the apartment door.

Olivia opened the door and stepped inside as she turned on the light to see Rick sitting at the bar in the kitchen.

"Oh my God! Baby, you're home," she said as she rand to hug and kiss him.

"I missed you, too. You smell like an ashtray."

"Court and I went out. I had a few beers and a shot of tequila. God I missed you. You're early," she said with a smile as he stood and she hugged him tight. "I am so glad you are home."

"Me too, baby," he said softly kissing the top of her head. "Liv, we need to talk."

"Talk? Tonight?" She asked as she kicked off her shoes and began to unbutton her jeans. "Are you sure there isn't something else you would rather do before Courtney gets home?"

"Liv," he said placing his hands on her arms to stop her from undressing and pulling up a chair, "we need to talk."

"Okay. Shoot. What is going on?"

"I found us a house. In Boston."

"You found a house," she repeated as her words to Elliot echoed in her head. "When can I go see it?"

"Anytime you want," he said placing a key into her hand. "I bought it."

Olivia stared at the key for a minute, then looked back at Rick.

"You bought _us_ a house without me even seeing it first?"

"I didn't come here to fight." She watched as he slid a black jewelry box across the counter to her. "I know what I want. I want you. My work, my life is in Boston now. I want you to be a part of that life. I came back here for you."

"Rick, we have had this talk a thousand times. I asked you to wait. I am just not ready for this."

"Yes or no, Olivia? I have waited five years, I don't know how much longer I can wait. I am not asking you to run out and get married tomorrow. A long engagement is fine with me. I just need an answer. Right now. Yes, or no?"

Olivia stared at him frustrated at the entire situation. "No." She placed held the ring box in her hand as she stared at him for a minute.

"No because of me? Or no because of Elliot?"

"What?"

"I saw you with him. Tonight at the bar. Courtney told me you were going out. I know that is the only bar you really go to, it wasn't hard to find you. But as I walked in to surprise you I saw you sitting at the bar talking to him. I saw the way he looked at you."

"I cant control the way someone looks at me."

"No, but you can control the way you looked back. It was obvious."

"What?"

"You still have feelings for him. Don't you? That is why you wont marry me and that is why you wouldn't leave New York. Elliot is alive and you still have feelings for him."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I came back to offer you my ring. To ask you one more time to be my wife."

She turned her eyes away from him for a minute as she rubbed her hands over her face. She took a deep breath as she looked around the room, noticing his bags beside the door.

"How long have you been here?" She asked.

"A few hours."

"You didn't come here for me," she said softly as she looked over her shoulder at him. "You came for your things and figured you would give it one more shot."

"Olivia…"

"Don't you get it? I don't want to be your possession."

"I love you."

"You don't know how to love me. You are just used to having me there. But neither of us are happy anymore. We can't make each other happy, Rick. Because as long as we are together, neither of us will have what we really want. You want someone who will be a good wife. I am not even sure I want to get married. Ever. And I don't exactly know what I want. But I know it isn't some instant life in Boston. We're not happy. Neither of us are and we haven't been for a long time. I care about you, but it isn't fair to keep lying to ourselves like this."

"So that's it? You are not going to Boston and I cant stay here. Just like that, it's over?"

Olivia pressed her lips together unsure of what to say. She extended her hand and placed the ring box in his palm. Rick walked across the room and picked up his bags.

"Good bye, Olivia."

"Good bye," she said softly.

And just like that, he was out of her life.


	21. 21 Solitude

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty One: Solitude)_

Olivia reached over and turned off her buzzing alarm clock. She had barely gotten any sleep at all the night before and now had to go into work feeling like hell. She had a feeling that something like this would happen when she allowed Courtney to talk her into going out on a Sunday night, but she had no idea it would be for this reason.

She climbed from the bed and stumbled to the kitchen to push the button on the coffee pot and start some STRONG coffee, it was going to take everything she had to pull her through today. On her way to the bathroom to get ready for work, Olivia pushed open the door to the guest room to see Courtney passed out and hanging half way off the bed. At least she was alone, Olivia thought as she shrugged her shoulders.

"So much for you making breakfast," she mumbled softly with a smile as she pulled the door shut once again.

Olivia stood under the hot water of the shower and just let it stream over her body. She felt like shit. And she wasn't exactly sure how much of that was the quantity of alcohol she had consumed the night before and how much of it was due to this lonely depressing void she called her love life. Whatever it was, it sucked!

She stepped out as the water began to run cold and wrapped a towel around herself as she made her way to the bed to slip into a comfortable pair of jeans and a nice blouse. No way in hell was she dressing up today, she just didn't have it in her.

Olivia blow dried her hair and smoothed a brush through it then poured herself a cup or coffee. She returned to the guest room and climbed onto the bed beside Courtney.

"Court," she said softly as Courtney groaned. "I know exactly how you feel," Olivia said looking down at her friend. "How did it go last night?"

Courtney moaned and pulled the blankets back from over her head to look at Olivia. She smiled and combed her fingers through her hair as she took the extra cup of coffee from Olivia's hand taking a sip.

"Good," she said with a smile. She reached beside the bed and picked up her cell phone. "He asked for my number. And he called me last night to make sure I made it home alright."

"That was sweet."

"He is sweet. Where are you going?"

"Work. It's Monday."

"Oh, shit. Liv, I'm sorry. I promised to fix breakfast."

"It's cool. I'm not a big breakfast person anyway."

"Well, what if I make dinner then. Tonight?"

"Now that sounds good."

"Okay," Courtney laughed.

"There are a few things I think we should talk about anyway," Olivia said pressing her lips together nervously.

"Like what? Liv, what's going on?"

"Rick and I broke up last night."

Courtney looked confused. "When?"

"He was here when I got home from the bar. It's a long story and I don't really have time to talk about it now. But he handed me the ring and said he couldn't wait anymore. He needed an answer right then. Yes or no?"

"You said no?"

"I am not ready to get married, Courtney. He knows that. Then he picked up his bags and he left. It's over."

"Liv, I'm sorry."

"I really have to go or I'm gonna be late for work. I just wanted to tell you before you spoke to Rick and had no idea what was going on. Help yourself to anything. Call me if you need me, I'll be home around six."

"Okay," Courtney said with a yawn as Olivia climbed out of the bed.

* * *

That afternoon Elliot returned from court to see Olivia sitting at her desk trying hard to concentrate on the stack of paperwork in front of her. It was obvious she was more than a little distracted.

"What are you staring at Stabler?" Fin asked catching him watching her.

"Is she alright?" Elliot asked. "She's not acting right."

"She said she's a little hung over from her night out last night. Not that it is any of your business. She'll be fine."

Elliot watched as she smoothed her hands over her face and combed her fingers through her hair. Olivia stood and made her way toward the ladies room. Elliot stood to go after her.

"Where are you going?" Fin asked.

"She's been crying," he said pulling away from Fin to go and check on her.

Elliot waited outside the bathroom for a few minutes, then tapped on the door.

"Liv? Is everything alright?"

He pushed the door slowly open to see her sitting in the floor crying. She wiped her face and looked up at him with tears in her big brown eyes.

"Are you alone in here? Can I come in?"

"This is the women's bathroom. What are you doing here?"

"I thought maybe you could use a friend. I'm a really good listener," he said as he stepped inside and locked the door behind him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She just stared at him for a few minutes, then he turned to go.

"Wait," she said softly. "You can stay."

Elliot watched her as she drew a staggered breath. He sat down beside her in the floor and handed her a bottle of water from the machine.

"What is this?" She asked gazing into his eyes.

"A peace offering," he said and she forced a smile. "Liv, I know that things are different now, than they were. And I understand that you have moved on with your life. But you know, we were so much more than just lovers. We were also really good friends. I miss that. I miss my friend. I came back here after all of these years and everything has changed. You were gone, Courtney moved away and got married, twice." Olivia smiled. "And I have no idea what happened ever to Steve."

"He is a lawyer in Chicago."

"He is?"

"Yeah," Olivia said with a smile. "I hear from him now and then. Last I heard he and his wife had a baby boy. It's been a few months."

Elliot smiled. "It's just strange. I don't have any friends anymore. I was hoping that would change once I settled back in Manhattan and started work. And Munch is cool, but Fin hates me. And no one else will even speak to me. It's lonely, you know?"

"Yeah. I know," she said staring into his eyes.

"I guess I was hoping that we could still be friends."

"I'd like that," she said with a soft smile.

Elliot exhaled as he stared into her eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked down at the floor for a moment. "Rick and I broke up last night. He took his things and went back to Boston. After five years together, it's just over."

"I'm so sorry, Liv."

"You are? I figured you would be happy about it."

"Of course, I'm sorry. Olivia, you cared about this guy. And the last thing I would ever want is for you to get hurt. I might have this crush on you, but I that doesn't mean I want you to have bad relationships because we're not together. The one thing I want more than anything in the world is for you to be happy. Even if that happiness is shared with another guy."

"That is sweet."

"You are my friend. I don't want to see you cry," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're beautiful, Olivia. You are a sweet, caring, wonderful person. And you deserve to be happy. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't want the best for you?" Things were quiet for a few minutes then Elliot opened his hand as she placed hers into it. "Was this because of me?" He asked as he looked at her.

"No. It's been coming for a while, now. We just don't want the same things anymore. He has asked me, probably twenty times to marry him. I keep asking him to wait. Trying to explain to him that I am just not ready for that right now. When I got home from the bar the other night he was sitting at the kitchen counter. I was a little shocked, he wasn't supposed to be home for another week and a half. But I was so happy to see him. He said he saw us at the bar and I told him nothing was going on. I'm not sure he believed me. He said he bought us a house in Boston and he wanted me to go back with him and marry him. That we were going to build a life together there. But I am just not ready for that. He didn't want to listen, so he told me goodbye and he picked up his bags and he left."

"He bought a house without you seeing it first?"

"There, that is what I said. He just didn't understand why I should be hurt by that."

"Well, I understand how he thought he was doing good for you guys getting everything lined out. But if this was supposed to be your life together, your dream together. He should involve you in the important decisions as well."

"I try to talk to Courtney about all of this, but she is kind of caught in the middle. She's my best friend and his sister and I am not sure she is the best person to take relationship advice from."

"I'm sure she learned a few things from being divorced twice."

"From the same guy, Elliot."

"Oh. She married the same guy twice?"

"Yes."

"Maybe she isn't the best person to ask for advice on this."

Olivia smiled. "It's nice to be able to talk to you again."

"Well, I am always here if you want to talk. I want us to be friends, Olivia."

"So do I."

"You gonna be alright?"

"I will, I just needed a moment. But talking to you really helped."

"Good," he said kissing her forehead. "I'm gonna head back out here and get to work before I get into trouble with Cragen."

"Elliot…"

"Yeah?"

"I really am glad that you are okay. And I didn't mean to be harsh toward you. I just didn't know how to react."

"It was a lot to handle."

"I just can't help but think how different my life would have been if you hadn't…." she stared at him for a minute. "If you had come back home, if I hadn't lost you, everything would have been so different."

"I know."

"We should get back to work," she said as he helped her up from the floor.

"I meant what I said, Olivia. About us being friends. If you ever want to talk…"

"Thanks El," she said with a smile as he watched her walk back to her desk.

That was the first time in eleven years that he had heard her call him El. Elliot smiled as his new friend grinned at him from behind her desk. Together, neither of them had to be lonely anymore.


	22. 22 Deep Dark Secrets

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Two: Deep Dark Secrets)_

_**THREE MONTHS LATER….**_

"You lose, Stabler." Munch reached over and took the pool cue from his partner. "I told you Benson could kick your ass in pool."

"How about another game?" Elliot asked shaking his head not sure if he was more wounded by the fact that he lost to a girl or that he lost to _this_ girl.

"Nope. That's it for me. I have a ton of paperwork waiting at home for me."

"Aww, come on Liv. Don't leave yet. The night is still young," Fin said from the bar.

"Yeah and you have to at least give me the chance to win back some of my money," Elliot said with a smile.

She shook her head as she looked toward the door.

"Olivia, it is Friday night. Cragen doesn't have to have that stuff turned in until Monday morning. Stay," he said reaching out to hand her a pool cue. "I will even buy you a beer."

"You can keep the money," she said placing a wad of cash into his palm. "But, I'm really starting to get tired. I think I should go."

"One beer," Elliot said staring into her eyes as he curled his lip and a sexy grin creeped over his face."

"One beer. Then I am going home. You are a bad influence on me."

"I am?" He asked pointing to himself. "Never." He shook his head as he smiled at her again. "Bartender! Get the lady a beer!"

Olivia laughed and sat on a barstool to watch Munch play the next game of pool. Moments later she found Elliot sitting beside her as Fin finished his game. Two hours and four games worth of conversation later, Elliot and Olivia walked out of the bar together.

"Wanna share a cab?"

"My place is only a few blocks from here," she replied.

"It is six blocks and it is dark and cold out. Come on. I'm going right past there anyway. I insist."

"You have been doing a lot of that tonight, haven't you?"

"Just get in the car, stubborn."

She smiled and climbed into the back seat as Elliot gave the driver her address and sat beside her closing the door.

"So," Elliot said looking over at her from across the seat. "How are you?"

She laughed and smiled. "What do you….I'm a little tired."

"I mean how are you doing?"

She smiled and rolled her eyes.

"I'm doing good I guess. Are you hitting on me Stabler?"

"I am just inquiring about the social life of my friend. Are you seeing anyone?"

Olivia laughed.

"Subtle is not your strong suit."

"No, it isn't. Seriously. I know things were rough on you there for a while after you and Rick broke up. I was just wondering how you were doing."

"I'm okay," she said with a soft smile. "And no, I have not dated anyone yet."

"It's a shame. You deserve someone who treats you nice and can make you happy."

"Who says I need a man in my life to be happy?"

"Well, I guess it could be a woman," he replied scratching his head.

"Smart ass! No, I'm just not sure if I really want to date right now. I think maybe I just like being single."

"Single does have it's perks."

"Oh, yeah," she agreed.

"No one to hog the remote control or use up all of the hot water just before you shower."

Olivia pressed her lips together as she laughed.

"It gets lonely, Liv. Trust me, I have been single for far too long."

"We should get you a girl, Elliot."

"Ahh. Well, I kind of have my eye on one already."

"Really? What is she like?" She asked tipping her head as she stared into his eyes and her heart pounded wildly in her chest.

"Oh, she's smart. And funny."

"Pretty?" She asked with a smile.

"Gorgeous," he said staring into her eyes. "Long legs and an amazing body. Dark hair and full ruby lips, any man would just long to kiss. And the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen," he said softly as he moved in leaning his forehead against hers.

Elliot brushed his nose against hers as if asking permission to kiss her and Olivia leaned in and closed her eyes. The kiss was sweet and sexy and magical, just as every kiss between them had ever been. And for a moment it was as if they had never been separated.

Elliot broke the kiss and pressed his fingertip against her mouth as he stared into her eyes. Olivia smiled and he leaned in for another. They kissed passionately for several minutes in the back seat of that yellow car before the driver cleared his throat and they realized they had been sitting in front of her apartment for a little while now.

Olivia stared into his eyes as she drew a deep breath. There was something they both needed to do.

"Do you want to come up?" She asked motioning over her shoulder to the apartment building door. She opened her hand and extended it to help him from the car.

Elliot followed her into the building and up the stairs to the fifth floor.

"Elevator is out again. I'm sorry," she said smiling at him.

"It's alright. I could use the exercise."

Olivia laughed as the walked down the hall to her apartment. She turned the key in the door and stepped inside. She tossed the keys onto the table and smoothed her hand up the wall to find the switch. But before she could turn on the light, she felt his hands on her body.

Elliot kissed her as he backed her up against the wall. They kissed as he moved his hands over her body in the dark. Olivia moaned softly as she felt his warm breath against the sensitive skin of her neck.

"Elliot," she mumbled between kisses as she moaned again.

But he didn't stop.

Olivia giggled as he nipped at her earlobe.

"God, I missed you," he whispered against her ear just before he kissed her again.

Elliot looked deep into her eyes then turned his attention to the bedroom door at the end of the hallway. He took her by the hand and lead her down the hall, kissing her and slamming into walls and doors along the way.

"No, that's the guest room," she whispered as he pinned her body against the door as he fumbled to open it.

Elliot spun her around and reached for the next door.

"Bathroom," she gasped.

Elliot picked her up as he pushed his was through the last door at the end of the hall. He carried her across the room and laid her down on the bed.

Olivia giggled again as he untucked and began to unbutton her silk blouse, kissing slowly across her abdomen as he made his way up. Elliot smoothed his hands over her smooth skin as he kissed her body.

Olivia moaned softly and bit her lip sliding her hand down her chest to stop him as he reached the two buttons just above her bra.

"Elliot," she said pushing him gently back from her.

He raised up and stared into her eyes.

"El, I didn't invite you back here for sex," she said combing her fingers through her hair and trying hard to focus on her reason for having her former lover, this sexy blue eyed Marine _and_ cop in her apartment.

She exhaled and drew a deep breath as she stared into his eyes. She raised her hand to her right and turned on the bedside lamp as she sat up and blinked at him.

"We need to talk."

Elliot exhaled and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Talk. Okay."

"I'm sorry," she breathed as she began to rebutton her blouse. "I shouldn't have let it go this far."

She looked over at him as he waited for _the_ question.

"What's on your mind?"

"I have something I need to tell you. I have been trying hard to find the right time, but there never seems to be a right time."

"I'm listening."

He watched as she refused to make eye contact with him for a moment. She drew a deep breath and exhaled. When she finally did look back up at him she had tears in her eyes.

"Elliot, I had a baby."

He looked into her eyes as a tear slid down her cheek.

"You have a kid? That's not bad….I mean, I like kids. I'm not going to lose interest because you have a child. I don't know how I went this long without knowing."

"No. I don't _have_ a kid. I _had_ a baby. It was a long time ago and I was very young."

"Olivia, why are you telling me this?"

"Because Elliot, I had your baby. You were the father."

"I got you pregnant?"

"The time in San Diego, right before you left out for Iraq."

"We used condoms." He laughed nervously. "We used many condoms."

"There was one time we didn't," she said softly tipping her head to look into his eyes.

Elliot thought for a moment to try and remember what she was talking about.

"The shower."

"Anyway, I got pregnant. I didn't find out until a few months after you were gone. I wrote you a letter to tell you about the baby. But I got it back a few months later. It was in a box of letters I sent to you. I desperately tried to reach you, but you never answered any of my letters. After you were ki….after they told me you were dead, I received a package from the Marine Corps. Inside were just over a dozen letters I had written to you, including the one where I told you about the baby and your dog tags. That was all I had left of you."

"You had the baby. Was is a boy or a girl?"

"A little boy. Jacob. He looked just like you."

"Olivia, what happened to our son?"

He watched her as she began to break down.

"I tried to keep him. I didn't want to give him up, Elliot. I went to night school and got a job. I got my GED just before he was born. But I couldn't do it alone."

"What about your mother?"

"No! She never saw him and I wanted it that way. When she found out I was pregnant she demanded I get an abortion, but I refused. So she threw me down the stairs of our apartment. I was in the hospital for a while and nearly lost the baby. As soon as I was well enough, Steve and Courtney helped me move into your mother's apartment. But a few weeks later I got a letter saying that I had to move. The state was selling the apartment to pay for your mother's care. I was big pregnant with nowhere to go. Courtney's parents were off on one of their trips and I stayed in their guest room until, the owner of the little diner I worked at let me move into the tiny apartment above the restaurant. I stayed there until after I had the baby."

"Liv, I am so sorry."

"I kept him for a while. I loved him so much. I still do. But I was barely making it and I hardly ever got to see him because I had to work so much to pay for us to live. I finally realized that I wanted more for him. That our son deserved two parents. And I gave him up for adoption. I am so sorry, Elliot." He watched as she began to cry again. "I never thought I would see you again. I thought you were dead. And I can't help but think that if you had come home from Iraq and come back here to me how different things could have been. If I had thought for a moment that you would ever come back, I never would have given our son away."

"Olivia, you did what you had to do sweetheart. You did what you thought was best for the baby and that makes you a wonderful mother. You loved him enough to make the hardest decision you will ever have to make. I am sorry that I wasn't here for you. I'm sorry I wasn't here for him."

Olivia laid against the bed as she cried. She took a deep breath and rolled her head to look at him.

"Where were you, El? I needed you. You promised me that you would come back for me and you never did. Where the hell were you all of this time? I waited for you to find me. Why didn't you look for me?" She gasped through tears.

"I did, Olivia. When I came back, the second I got to New York the first thing I did was try to find you. I went back to your mother's apartment looking for you. She told me you were gone and she didn't know where you were. Then she closed the door in my face. I did everything I could think to try and find you, but you were gone. It was like you had vanished. You and Steve and Courtney. My mother's apartment had been sold and they tore down the house. I left and went to Iraq and left my life back here. But when I came back, I had lost everything."

"What happened in Iraq? Why would they say you were dead?"

"It was all a big mix up."

"They sent me your dog tags," she said through tears trying to wrap her mind around what he was telling her.

"Some buddies and I were playing poker. I had a good hand, but nothing left to bet. So we went all in. We tossed our tags on top of the pile. The deal was the loser had to be the winner's slave for a month. They had to do their dirty work and take all of the night guard shifts. I had a good hand. But his was better."

"He took your tags?"

"Unofficially. During the day and anytime we went somewhere I wore them,, but during downtime he kept them. It was kind of a joke, between us guys. He was one of my best friends."

"Elliot, what happened?"

"One night I was standing guard over this little village, when there was a loud explosion. I was knocked out and when I woke up a few hours later the place had been blown to bits. There were bodies everywhere. The village was destroyed and our other four guys in that village were killed. I tried to walk the few miles to our main camp, but I collapsed. I woke up a few days later in a prisoner camp. Their people nursed me back to health, only to hold me prisoner for nearly four years. There were three more of our guys in the camp. We survived on scraps of food and very little water. We were kept weak and beaten routinely."

"Oh my God," she whispered staring into his eyes.

"Finally, one night the four of us found a way to make a break for it. We ran off in the night and managed to get several miles without being spotted. The next afternoon was so hot and we were surrounded by miles of desert in every direction. We had no food and no water, no way to tell what direction we were even traveling. I walked until I couldn't walk anymore, then I collapsed right where I stood. I woke up four days later in an American camp. They sent me back to San Diego. I caught the next flight back to New York. I stayed around the city alone for a while. Everyone and everything I ever cared about was gone. Well, everyone but my mother and she didn't even remember who I was. I was back here about a year when the actual war broke out and they started looking for people to send back over there. So I volunteered."

"Why would you go back?"

"They needed the help. Thousands of men died over there. I was gone about two more years before I came home again. I came back here and entered the academy. I never would have dreamed that I would have run into you at the precinct. But, I am glad I did," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But I never forgot about you and I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving you. I thought about you every second I was away. It was you who kept me alive. The memories of being with you and the hope that someday we would cross paths again. And we did. I missed you so much, Olivia," he whispered as he kissed her tenderly.

"I have something I want to show you," she said standing and making her way to the closet.

From the top shelf between some boxes she pulled a book as she returned to the bed. Olivia sat down on the bed and opened the pages to show them to him.

"This is our son, Jacob." She opened the baby book to a page with a photo of the newborn and his stats.

Elliot began to feel tears fall from his eyes as he looked at pictures of his son from over the years.

"You know where he is?"

"No. I have not seen him since the day I gave him up. But his adoptive parents send photos and letters to the agency and they give them to me. That way I can keep up with how he is doing and still see him. I don't even know where he is. But I got to pick his new parents from a list of profiles. They seemed like really good people. And he looks happy and healthy," she said staring down at his latest picture. "He looks like you."

Elliot smiled as he stared at the picture of his son.

"You know, we could find him. We could try to get him back."

"Elliot, no. He doesn't even know who we are. These people are his family now and he is safe and healthy and loved. We cant take a boy away from the family who has raised him for over ten years. That wouldn't be fair to him. I signed a paper, so that when he turns eighteen, the agency will give him my name and contact information so that he can contact me if he chooses to do so. Sometimes, I wonder if he will."

"I'm sure he will. And he will understand that you were young and alone when you had him. I am sure that he will understand the reason you placed him up for adoption. That you did it because you loved him so much and you wanted to give him a family. He is too young to understand any of that now. But someday, he will. And he will find you."

"I hope so," she said softly as she smiled at him.

Elliot pulled her back against the bed as he stared into her eyes.

"I really want to try this again, Olivia. I am sorry for the way things worked out before. I swear I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't."

"I would never do anything I thought would hurt you."

She smiled softly and nodded.

"Stay with me," she said softly. "Stay here with me tonight. I don't want you to leave."

"Olivia, I will never leave you again."

She smiled.

"Never?"

"Never," he said taking her hand and locking his fingers in hers. "I promise. I will always be here for you. No matter what."

"No more disappearing acts?"

"Nope."

"Good," she said with a smile as she kissed him tenderly. "Because I like you here."

"I like being here," he said snaking his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek.

"And I don't think I could go through that again."

Elliot watched as she pushed his arm from around her waist and climbed from the bed.

"Hey," he laughed.

She turned and looked at him over her shoulder.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. Just changing into something more comfortable to sleep in."

"Oh," Elliot said as she pulled unbuttoned her blouse and stepped out of her jeans.

His eyes smoothed over the curves of her perfect body as she stood across the room in her black bikini panties and matching bra.

Olivia slipped on an old tee shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.

"Here," she said tossing him a large tee shirt. "I'm sure it is more comfortable than what you're wearing."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing. Just doesn't look comfortable to sleep in."

"Is this his?"

Olivia stared at him from across the bedroom.

"No."

"And the boxers?" Elliot asked shifting his attention to the shorts she was wearing.

"Just underwear, Elliot." She climbed back into the bed and pulled the blankets up around her. "Does it really bother you that much what I sleep in?"

"It does if it is another man's boxer shorts."

"Relax. I bought them to sleep in. No man has ever worn my boxers."

"Good."

Olivia smiled. She smiled as Elliot undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He looked down at the tee shirt in his hand.

"That wasn't his either."

He looked back at her and grinned.

"There is nothing here that belongs to Rick anymore. He is out of my life, Elliot. For good. I have moved on."

"Good."

Olivia smiled. She watched as Elliot put on the tee shirt and took his pants off dropping them beside the bed. He smiled back at her as she pulled back the blankets for him to climb into bed beside her.

She scooted in against him and laid her head against his chest as Elliot closed his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Do you still have that stuffed dog I got you for your birthday?" Elliot asked.

"No, that is kind of a strange question."

"You just seem like someone who holds on to things."

"I do?"

Elliot nodded.

"It was a bear," she corrected him. "I sent it with the baby, when I gave him up. That way he had something from you and me."

"That was a good idea."

"I have never belonged anywhere," she said softly staring into his as her tears began to well up again.

"You belong with me," he replied kissing the tip of her nose. "You always have. We belong together."

"Elliot, what if we try this and it doesn't work out? We are completely different people than we were all of those years ago."

"We're still friends, right? No matter what?"

"Yeah."

"Liv, I am always going to be here for you. No matter how the romantic part turns out. And I am always going to have your back. We're like family, you and I. We have too much history not to take care of each other forever."

Olivia smiled and kissed him tenderly as she snuggled in against him.

"Goodnight, Olivia."

"Goodnight Elliot," she said softly. Then she closed her eyes and fell asleep in his arms.


	23. 23 A Good Life

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Three: A Good Life)_

"Are you free for lunch?" Elliot whispered in her ear as he leaned in over her shoulder.

"I just might be," Olivia replied with a smile. "What's up?"

"I was hoping you would go somewhere with me. It wont take long and I'll buy you lunch afterward."

"Go where? So lunch is a bribe?"

"Please, Liv?"

She stared into his eyes and smiled. "Of course, I just wish that you would tell me where we are going."

"You'll see. You trust me, right?" Elliot opened his palm to her and she placed her hand inside it as she stood up from her desk.

"Yes, I do."

"Good. I will never give you any reason not to. Cross my heart."

Olivia smiled as he lead her to his car. Elliot opened the car door for her and she smiled at him as she climbed inside. There was something sexy and exciting about not knowing where he was taking her and it really made this feel like some kind of romantic adventure.

"So, how far are we from this place?" She asked gazing into the blue of his eyes.

"Not far. But I need to make a couple of stops first. You'll wait in the car."

Olivia tipped her head and tapped her fingertips against the arm rest.

"Don't want any witnesses when you stop to pick up the drugs?"

"Very funny, smart ass. I have to pick up a few things. Not drugs. And I would like for you to wait in the car if it is alright so that it doesn't ruin the surprise. If that is alright?"

He looked over at her as he drove and smiled the same smile he used to give her when he was trying to be romantic.

"It is perfectly alright with me," she replied with a smile.

"Good," he said kissing the tip of her nose.

A few minutes later she waited in the car as he walked around the flower market. Olivia watched until she could no longer see him, then flipped down her visor to check her hair and makeup in the mirror.

When Elliot returned to the car he had two bags with him. The first containing the flowers from the market and she wasn't quite sure what was in the other.

"Everything go alright?"

"Yup."

"Are you going to tell me what this is all about?" She asked looking in to the bag of flowers.

"You'll see."

"Okay," she replied slipping her hand into his and resting her head against his shoulder. The truth was she didn't really care where he went, she would follow Elliot to the ends of the earth.

He drove for a while then they pulled into the parking lot. The place was not quite haw she had remembered it, but it had been years since she had been there. The flowers out in front were different and the facility had been expanded and more buildings added over the years.

Olivia smiled as Elliot opened the door and reached for her hand.

"Surprise," he said as he leaned in to kiss her gently. "I hope this isn't weird for you."

"No," she replied as she tried to remember the last time she had been here.

"I have not been here in a little while. I needed to come and visit my mother anyway and I thought it would be nice if I brought you along. She adored you. She still asks about you sometimes."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She asks me about that pretty girl we had the picnic with the last time. She gets confused about times and confuses events. But she remembers you."

"I used to come here after you left. Steve and Courtney and I for a long time used to come and take her to lunch or church. Then we all kind of went our separate ways. I have not been here in so long. I don't even know if she will remember me."

"She will. She asks me about you every time I visit."

Elliot took her hand in his and picked up the bags from the car.

"I got fried chicken and some flowers. I thought maybe we could have a picnic like we did before."

"That is so sweet."

"You don't mind?"

"No, I'd love to."

"And these are for you," he said handing her a bouquet of solid white roses.

"El, white roses are…."

"Your favorite," he said with a smile as he kissed her tenderly. "Exactly why I bought them," he replied taking the mixed bouquet from the bag as well. "That was why I wanted you to wait in the car. I wanted to surprise you with them."

"It was a wonderful surprise. All of this," she said looking around them at the facility. "I wonder if they still have that old garden out back."

"Let's go fine out."

They walked inside and found room 448. Sitting across the room in her recliner watching her soap operas we Bernadette Stabler.

"Mom?" Elliot called to her as she looked over at him.

"Elliot? Is that really you?"

"It's me mom," he said hugging her tight. "I brought someone special to visit today. Do you remember Olivia Benson?"

The woman stared up at Olivia for a moment then smiled.

"How could I forget such a beautiful girl? It is very good to see you again Olivia."

"It's good to see you too, Mrs. Stabler." Olivia extended her hand to shake the woman's.

"Call me Bernie, dear. I have not been Mrs. Stabler in years."

Olivia smiled as the woman reached past her outreached hand and pulled her closer for a hug.

"Shaking hands is so formal. Hugs are better between friends. Don't you look pretty? Bright eyes, beautiful smile and that perfect little figure."

"Mom," Elliot warned as Olivia tried not to giggle. "That's rude."

"I don't mind," Olivia said with a smile.

"I was simply reminding her that she is a very beautiful young woman," Bernie replied looking at her son still holding on to Olivia's hand. "Women like to be reminded of these things, Elliot. Never hesitate to tell a woman that you appreciate her."

"Olivia knows that I appreciate her, mom."

"Still, tell her. It is always nice to hear. Why aren't you in your uniform?" She asked looking at Elliot. "He looks so handsome in his uniform," she said smiling back at Olivia.

"I'm working as a police detective now, mom. Remember? I don't wear my uniform unless I am doing work for the marines."

"Oh."

"Olivia and I brought some lunch. Have you eaten, yet?"

"No."

"It's a picnic. Like before," Olivia explained.

"That sounds just lovely dear."

Elliot pulled around her wheel chair and helped her into it. Olivia carried the blanket from the car and the bag of food as they made their way to the garden.

"Not quite what it used to be, is it?" Bernie asked as they looked around. The flower garden they remembered had been reduced to a couple of trees and a few flowers here and there. "They sold off part of the property to build extra parking for that mini mall. The cut down our trees and flowers and poured more pavement," she explained.

"At least it is a pretty day," Olivia replied trying to redirect the conversation as she spread the blanket over a picnic table to use as a table cloth and Elliot parked Bernie's chair.

They set the table and Elliot presented her with the flowers. They enjoyed conversation as they finished their lunch and took Bernie for a walk around the property in the warm sunshine.

"We have to get going back to work, mom. But I will be here on Sunday to pick you up for work. I left some money with one of your nurses so she can take you to get your hair done."

"Such a good boy," she said smiling as she cupped her hands on the side of his face and kissed her son. "Will you be joining us for church, Olivia?"

Olivia looked up at Bernie and then over at Elliot.

"Well, I…I…"

"We would love it if you could come," Elliot said with a smile. "But mom, she may have other plans."

"No. I don't have plans."

"Would you like to join us for the service? Sunday service is always wonderful and afterward, we go for a lovely dinner. It would be so nice if you could join us."

"I would love to," Olivia replied with a smile as she knelt to hug Bernie goodbye. "I will see you on Sunday."

"You know you made her day?" Elliot said as he walked Olivia back to the car.

"She is a sweet woman."

"She adores you. She's not the only one," Elliot said with a soft smile.

Olivia smiled and kissed him tenderly. "I'm glad you brought me here."

"You're a part of my life, Olivia. I always want you to be a part of my life. And I want her to know you and love you. Because someday I intend to marry you and I want my mother to know what a wonderful person her future daughter in law is."

That Sunday Elliot and Olivia picked his mother up and took her to church. Afterward they took her out to dinner at one of her favorite restaurants and spent the afternoon together.

* * *

_**THREE WEEKS LATER**_

Olivia walked in to work and laid her things down on her desk. She hadn't heard from Elliot in a couple of days and he wasn't at work yet.

"Munch, is Elliot here yet?"

"I haven't heard from him all weekend. He's probably just running late."

"Yeah," she said softly as she sat down in her chair and pulled her cell phone from her purse.

Olivia dialed Elliot's number and waited for him to answer, but it just went to voice mail.

"El, it's Liv. I was just calling to see what is going on. I have not heard from you in a few days and when you weren't here when I came in this morning….I'm just a little worried about you. Umm….give me a call."

Half an hour later Olivia's phone rang.

"Detective Benson," she answered without looking at the phone.

"Liv, it's El."

"Hey, is everything alright? Where are you?"

"I'm here in my mother's room."

"Is she alright?"

"No, Liv. I got a call early this morning. She was already gone when they found her."

"Elliot, I'm so sorry."

"I talked to Cragen and took a few days off. I should have called you, I have just been dealing with all of this."

"It's alright. El, are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. It was just kind of a shock, you know?"

"Listen, I could take off the rest of the afternoon. You shouldn't go through this alone."

"Thank you. But it's okay, Liv. I am going to meet with the guys from the funeral parlor in a little while and then come back here and pack up her things. I'll meet you for dinner tonight, alright?"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm okay. I think I just need a little time to let it all sink in."

"Okay," she said softly. "I will see you later then. Elliot, I love you. And I am so sorry for your loss."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Olivia closed her phone and sat at her desk for a moment with tears in her eyes.

That evening Elliot sat alone in his apartment as the doorbell rang.

"Liv."

"Hey, I brought food."

Elliot forced a smile as he invited her inside.

"You brought food _and_ beer."

"I did. I thought maybe we could just unwind together and relax. Talk if you'd like. Whatever you need. I'm here."

"You're here," he said leaning in to hug her.

Elliot exhaled slowly and just held tight to her for a moment.

"I have never felt more alone," he whispered softly.

"But you're not alone, Elliot. Not anymore. Neither of us are."

"The visitation is tomorrow afternoon, funeral is Wednesday."

"Is there anything you need help with?"

"It has all been arranged. Liv, thank you for being here."

"You are my best friend, Elliot. More than that. There is nowhere else I would be."

"Can you stay? Here, with me? Just for tonight."

"Of course. As long as you'd like."

"Thank you."

Two days later after the funeral Elliot drove by the place where his mother had lived for the last twenty years. He sat in the parking lot for a few minutes.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly from beside him.

"I'm fine. I just need to go in and pick up a few boxes of her stuff. Most of it is already packed up. It wont take but a few minutes."

"Would you like me to come in with you? Or would you rather do this on your own?"

Elliot looked over at her and placed his hand in hers locking their fingers together. He raised her hand and kissed it gently.

"You can come in with me. I'd like that."

"Okay," she said with a smile.

Elliot held her hand in his as they walked down the hall and into the room that used to belong to his mother. He looked around the room for a moment.

"I'm only taking the personal effects. The books and things have already been boxed up. Her clothes are being donated."

Olivia picked up a box and began to fill it with little figurines that Bernie had collected over the years. She found a box of old letters that Elliot had send to his mother while he was away in Iraq and sat on the edge of the bed as she looked through them.

Elliot flipped through photo albums he found on the book shelf. There were pictures of him as a boy and old photos of his mother and father. He opened one of the books to find a five by seven photo of his mother holding a baby. The boy in the picture was about seven or eight months old and had Elliot's eyes.

He stared down at the book as he began to flip through the pictures of the infant. They formed a sort of time line from the time he was a newborn until he was about seven or eight month old.

"She knew?" He asked looking up at Olivia with tears in his eyes.

"What?"

"About the baby. She knew about Jacob?" he pulled the picture of Bernadette holding his little boy from the book and held it up for Olivia to see. "She knew I had a son?"

"Yes," Olivia said nodding her head as she walked to his side to see the photos. "I wanted her to be a part of his life. I had lost you. And she was the only grandparent he had. She loved him so much. She used to tell him how much he looked like his daddy. God, Elliot. He does look exactly like you," she said holding the baby's picture next to the picture of Elliot as a toddler. "I brought him here every week. Until I gave him up. That picture was taken on our last visit, the day before he went to his new parents. After that, I couldn't bring myself to come here anymore. She asked about Jacob and wanted to talk about you, then she couldn't remember who I was. It was so hard."

"At least she got to meet her grandson."

"And she got you back."

"She got us both back," he said kissing her forehead as he closed the photo album.

"She had a good life, Elliot."

"Let's get out of here."


	24. 24 A Way Back To The Past

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Four: A Way Back To The Past)_

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked as she stared at Elliot's computer screen over his shoulder.

"Nothing," he said trying to cover the screen before finally turning off the monitor.

"Elliot, don't."

"Don't what?"

He just stared at her.

"I can't help it," he replied pushing the button to turn his computer monitor back on. "He is my son, Liv. I need to know where he is."

"I agreed not to do this when I gave him up."

"_You _agreed. _I _didn't agree to anything."

"No. Because _you_ weren't there," she said softly with tears in her eyes.

Elliot just stared at her for a minute.

"Maybe I deserved that. I left. I promised you that I would come back and marry you and I didn't. You were hurt and it was all my fault. I get that. But this is our son we are talking about here. Don't look at me and tell me that you don't still think about him. That you don't worry about him and wonder where he is. That you don't long to see him again and just meet him and know that he is a happy healthy little boy."

"I do. At least thirty seconds of every minute of every day of my life is filled with thoughts of Jacob. But he is not our son anymore. He has a different mother and father now and they are the only parents he has ever known. He has no idea who we even are."

"What if we could meet him, Liv? Or just see him and know that he is well. Even if he didn't know who we really were."

"Elliot…"

"I know people. Some people who can help us find him."

"This is crazy. The adoption records are sealed. And I have no idea who the couple was. How are we going to find him?"

"We? So you're in?"

"I don't think I agree with this. I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't go looking for him later. I know that I did what was best for him. I don't think we should disturb him. Finding out the truth before he is ready could ruin him, Elliot. And if the agency or the adoptive parents find out we are trying to find him, we could both end up in so much trouble."

"So we'll be careful. We'll be quiet and fly under the radar. And we wont tell him who we are. I just have to see him, Olivia. I have never even seen my son. Please try to understand this. You are the only person in the world who could possibly know how I feel about this."

"I know you well enough to know that you are going to do this with or without me. All I ask is that it in no way disrupts his life. I need you to understand that and to promise me that. We can't go into this with the false hope that we are going to get him back. We are not his parents anymore, Elliot. Just promise me that this is not about trying to get him back." She stared at him for a moment as Elliot turned to walk away. "Elliot!"

"Okay, okay. I promise. But I would be lying to you if I said that it wouldn't always be there somewhere in the back of my mind. This fantasy that someday we could have our son and be able to raise him together."

"That's just it, El. I think that maybe we are just setting ourselves up for failure. Don't you think that seeing him is only going to make you want him more. It can't work that way, Elliot." She was quiet for a moment then sat on the edge of the desk to look at him. "I know that you are going through a rough time right now after losing your mother. But Elliot, we can't just take Jacob back. He isn't a possession. He's a child. And since he was eight months old, he has been their child."

"I just want to see him. To actually see my son in person. I'm not going to cause any trouble."

"Okay. So what do we do?"

"I'm gonna contact a buddy of mine. And see if he can help us track Jacob down. If we try, if we really give it everything we have and we can't find him, then I'll give it up. But I have to try, Olivia. I need this."

She raised her hand combed her fingers through his short hair.

"Maybe you should have taken a little more time off of work. You have been through so much."

"I'm fine, Olivia. I've just been thinking a lot about the things that are missing from my life. I just need to see him."

"We'll find him," she said with a soft smile.

* * *

Two days later Olivia was sitting at her desk when Elliot sat on the edge of her desk.

"What's up?" She asked as she continued to type up her report.

"I spoke to my friend," he said softly.

"Any luck?"

"He said it shouldn't be too hard to track Jacob down. But he needs your social security number. He can hack into the agency system and run your social security number. That should bring you file right up."

"He does realize that is a federal offense, right?"

Elliot thought for a moment and a smile grew across his face.

"Right?" Olivia asked again.

"Yes. Liv, he works for the U.S. government. He does this for a living."

"I thought you said he was a Marine buddy of yours?"

"He is. He was our computer tech when we were in Iraq. The man is a freakin genius. He was recruited by the F.B.I. He could do this blindfolded."

"And he doesn't mind?"

"He said he would be glad to help."

"This guy really is a good friend," she replied handing him a slip of paper with some numbers on it.

"I'll call him after lunch and give him the number so he can get started."

"I hope we're doing the right thing."

"I know you are worried. But this is in no way going to disrupt his life. He isn't even going to know that we're there."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

_**TWO WEEKS LATER….**_

Elliot and Olivia sat on a bench in the park watching some boys warm up for a game of baseball.

"Which one do you think he is?" Elliot asked as she scanned her eyes over the group of ten and eleven year old boys.

"There," Olivia said raising up at attention as she pointed at one of the smaller boys. "That is him Elliot, I feel it."

He watched as her eyes filled with tears.

"How do you know?"

"I'm his mother. I carried that baby inside me for almost ten months, I would know him anywhere."

Olivia took a deep breath and made her way over to the fence near where the boys were playing to get a closer look.

"He's a lefty, like you," Elliot said watching as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Olivia stood there with her fingers through the chain link of the fence.

"But he looks like you."

"That is our son," Elliot said fighting back tears. "And he is beautiful."

They watched as the boy hit a ball out into left field and all of his teammates cheered him on calling out the name Matthew.

"Matthew, they changed his name."

"It means gift from God," Olivia said softly. "I almost named him that, myself. I am so sorry, Elliot. I am so sorry that I gave our son away. I thought I was doing the right thing," she sobbed as she looked at him.

"Maybe you did. He is a happy and healthy little boy, Olivia. That is all any parent wants for their child. You were young and alone and had no way to know if you could give that baby everything he deserved. So you gave him up to a family who could. Olivia, I have no doubt in my heart and in my mind that you loved that baby more than anything in the world."

Elliot brushed his thumb across her cheek brushing away tears as he kissed her tenderly. "That beautiful little boy over there, is our little boy. And he is safe and happy and healthy and has the kind of life that any parent would want to give their child, because you made a choice. You made the hardest decision you will probably ever have to make, when you gave him up. I know that. And I don't blame you."

Elliot kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms. "You are the strongest person I have ever met and I love you more than anything in the world. Our little boy is safe and happy and loved, because you loved him enough to let him go."

Elliot hugged her tight in his arms and kissed her again. Elliot locked his fingers in hers and lead her over to the bleachers. They sat down and watched as the actual game began. Elliot and Olivia watched for nearly two hours, taking a new interest in the Tigers baseball team.

The blue eyed boy played very well, just like his father did at his age. They watched as he interacted with his teammates and displayed so many characteristics of both Elliot and Olivia, there was no doubt in either of their minds that this was the child Olivia had given birth to all those years ago.

After watching Matthew's team win the ball game, Elliot and Olivia were walking back to the car. Elliot held her against him as they laughed and talked about the characteristics this child shared with each of them. As they walked they heard a child's voice yell from behind them.

"Look out!"

Elliot turned around just in time to catch a baseball barehanded as it flew through the air toward them.

"Wow, great catch, mister!"

Elliot knelt to look into his own blue eyes. He smiled as she boy grinned up at him.

"That was so cool!"

"Thanks," Elliot replied with a smile. "I'm Elliot. What's your name?"

"Matthew."

"You played pretty good out there, Matthew."

"Thanks. Did you ever play baseball?"

"Sure did. First base. But that was along time ago. Before you were even born."

"I bet you were really good."

"Ehh, I did well. Football was my favorite."

"I get to start football next year. I wasn't big enough this year."

"You like sports?"

"I love them. My favorite thing to do is play sports."

Elliot laughed.

"Matthew, I would like for you to meet a very special friend of mine. This is Olivia," he said locking his fingers in hers and bringing her to his side.

"Hi, Olivia."

"Hello, Matthew."

He smiled at Olivia.

"You're pretty."

She laughed softly.

"Thank you."

"It was nice meeting you, both. I'd better get back to my friends. We're gonna go get pizza with my dad because we won our game!"

"That sounds like fun," Olivia said with a smile.

"It was nice to meet you too, Matthew."

Elliot shook the boy's hand and placed the baseball back into his hand. He stood up and placed his arm back around Olivia as they watched the boy scamper back to the group of children across the lawn.


	25. 25 Making Time For Love

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Five: Making Time For Love)_

Olivia sat at her desk typing up a report on her computer when she felt someone staring at her. She raised her eyes and scanned them over the room, landing on Elliot. He smiled realizing he had been caught staring and winked at her. Olivia smiled shyly and shifted her attention back to the document on her computer.

Moments later she heard him clear his throat and turned around to see Elliot standing behind her. He leaned in and whispered softly against her ear.

"Would you like to join me for some lunch?"

Olivia smiled at him.

"I could use a little lunch," she agreed nodding her head as she saved her file and turned off the computer.

Half an hour later they sat at a little café drinking coffee and waiting for their food.

"So I was thinking," Olivia began.

Elliot raised his eyes to look at her over his coffee cup.

"You were thinking what exactly?"

She smiled and reached for his hand.

"I was thinking that we have kind of been dating for a few months now."

"You breaking up with me?" he asked with a smile and a wink.

"No," Olivia laughed. "I wanted to take things slow. I think that was what was best for us. I mean, this has been a very odd situation for both of us and I didn't want to jump into anything with out us getting to know each other again."

"And that made perfect sense. Liv, I just want us back. And you are right, we needed to get to know each other again. We both changed a lot over those eleven years. We were just kids before."

"We grew up, El. We both did. We changed and we became very different people than we were before you left for Iraq."

"But we know each other now, Olivia. I know you, sweetheart and you are the only person in the world who has ever really known me. I love you."

"El, I love you, too. And what I was trying to say is that I was thinking maybe we could spend the weekend together."

"We spend every weekend together," Elliot said as the waitress sat their food onto the table.

Olivia thanked the waitress and watched her walk away.

"No Elliot, I mean spend the weekend _together_. As in together at my apartment."

Elliot looked up at her.

"_Together_, _together_?"

Olivia pressed her lips together and smiled at him.

"Yes. _Together, together_. I mean, if you want to."

"Of course I want to. I just want to make sure we are talking about the same thing here."

"We are if you are talking about spending the weekend with me at my apartment and partaking in some….hopefully amazing sex."

Elliot almost spit his drink across the table. He never thought she would be this forward with him.

"Well," he said wiping his mouth with his napkin trying to hide the shock. "The I guess we are talking about the same thing. I was kind of hoping that was what you were talking about."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I have been trying to think of a way to bring it up, but I wanted to make sure that we were both ready to take this step together in our relationship."

"You don't usually date a woman for four months without sex, do you?" she asked as she combed her fingers through her hair.

"I don't usually date. Period."

"You mean to tell me that there hasn't been at least one special girl in the last eleven years?"

"One," he said staring into her eyes. "One that I never really got over. That makes it hard to try to date someone new."

"I know what you mean."

Elliot smiled at her clever little admission as his cell phone began to ring.

"Stabler," he said placing the phone to his ear as she took a bite of her salad.

Olivia watched him for a moment as he scribbled down an address onto a napkin.

"Got it," he replied to the voice on the phone as he nodded his head in agreement. "No, I will meet you there. Fifteen minutes?" Elliot looked down at his watch. "How about twenty? Okay, I'll see you in a little bit."

He closed his phone and took a bite of his cheeseburger, then stood slipping his jacket back on.

"El?"

"I have to meet Munch. I think he just got us a witness and we go to court in four days." He took a drink from his full glass of tea then sat it down beside his coffee cup.

Elliot pulled out his wallet and laid his credit card onto the table.

"You enjoy your lunch. And whatever else you would like. I will just get the card back from you later," he said kissing her tenderly. "I'm sorry, baby. I love you."

"It's all part of the job, I guess. I definitely understand that. Am I still going to see you tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"We were supposed to have dinner together and work on a report? You said you would help me with it."

"I will. Umm… this is liable to run late. We have to interview this guy and hopefully get him prepped for court. What if we have dinner tomorrow night and I will help you then?"

"Elliot, tomorrow is Friday."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow night starts the weekend we are supposed to spend alone together at my apartment. And I would really rather not have to deal with any work during our weekend. This is a big thing for us."

"It is a big thing for us. And it is going to be wonderful, I promise. But I have to do this, Liv. You know how this job works."

"I know. And I can't count the number of times I have backed out on dinner with friends or a date with Rick because something came up at work. I understand it, Elliot. I guess I am just not used to being on the receiving end of it. You go and help make Casey an amazing case for work. I will get my report finished and this weekend will be opened to just you and I. No work what so ever! Deal?" she asked extending her hand for him to shake.

"Deal," he replied with a smile placing his hand in hers. "I will even turn off my cell phone. Just you and I for one incredibly romantic weekend. I love you, baby."

"I love you, too. You should get going."

"I know," he replied kissing her once more. "What do you have going on today?"

"I thought I would do a little shopping," she said with a grin picking up his credit card.

Elliot laughed.

"Well, you have fun. I will call you later."

"Alright."

Olivia sat alone at the table and watched him hale a cab.

After lunch Olivia returned to work to try and finish up her paperwork and the report. That night she laid alone in her empty apartment thinking about him.

The next morning as Olivia got ready for work, her doorbell rang. She walked to the front of the apartment and buzzed in the visitor assuming it was Fin. Moments later she opened the door to see Elliot with coffee and fresh scones from the bakery on the corner.

"What are you up to?" She asked with a smile as he walked into the apartment.

"I was in the neighborhood. I thought I would grab us a little breakfast and offer my girlfriend a ride to work."

"What is going on?"

"What are you talking about? I can just do a nice thing for you with no strings attached?"

"Spill it Stabler. I know you. And I know by the look in your eye and the fact that you showed up forty five minutes before I even leave for work that you are up to something. So what is going on, El?"

"Something is going on," he said handing her a cup of coffee. "I got a call this morning."

"About your case?"

"No. It isn't work related. Well, not this job anyway."

"Something to do with the Marines?"

"Yes."

Olivia could feel the fear begin to knot up in the pit of her stomach.

"Elliot, what is it?"

"Liv, I'm sorry sweetheart. I am not going to be able to spend the weekend here with you. I have to go down to San Diego and help run drills with a training class."

"Oh," she said trying not to sound disappointed. "I guess if you have to go…"

"If I had a choice, I would choose you. Hands down. I want you to know that."

"I do know that. It just seems like this is never going to happen for us."

"It will happen, honey. But I'm afraid it isn't going to happen this weekend." Elliot watched her turn from him and sit her coffee cup on the counter. He knew her well enough to know that she was hurt and trying not to let him see her cry. "Unless…"

"Unless, what?" she asked wiping her cheek with her hand and turning to look at him.

"What if you went with me?"

"Me? Go to San Diego?"

"Why not?"

"I have a job to do here for one."

"I know this is all last minute. But we could get a suite at a nice hotel. And you could order room service and watch pay per views. I will only actually be working for a few hours a day and we can spend the rest of the time together."

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"I leave tomorrow morning. I will train them the first three days of the week and they have their graduation next weekend. I remember my graduation."

"So do I," she said with a soft smile.

"We had a great time. We could do it again. Only this time I am not graduating. And I don't have to ship out afterward. When it is all over, I get to come home with you. And there is the dance and dinner. I can introduce you to some of my Marine buddies. Finally. They have all heard so much about you. It would be nice for them to meet you in person then they can all stop wondering if you are even real."

Olivia smiled.

"That don't think I'm real?"

"It is kind of a running joke. When I am with them I talk about you all of the time and they all tease me that a woman this perfect has to be a figment of my imagination."

"Well, I don't know about perfect, but I am definitely real."

"I think you're perfect."

"Maybe you are just saying that to get me to go to San Diego with you."

"No, I really think you are perfect. But I would still love for you to go to San Diego with me. Promise me you will at least consider it?"

"It all sounds spontaneous and romantic, but what about reality?"

Elliot stared at her unsure of what she meant.

"What if Cragen won't let me go?"

"You have a ton of personal and vacation time."

"Yes, but this is giving him no notice at all. I will just be gone all next week and not have anything prepped, I don't even know if this is a good time to take off on a romantic getaway."

"Do you have to be in court next week?"

"Once, on Thursday. But Fin can cover that."

"Liv, if you don't want to go I will understand. It is very last minute. And if you can't get the time off that sucks, but I will understand that, too. I just thought since I have to be there anyway and am only going to be working part of the time we could share a few romantic days together. But if not, we can pick a weekend and go away together some other time."

"No, I want to go. I'm just not sure if I can."

"Why don't you let me talk to Cragen?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think I can make him understand why this is so important to us both."

"Okay. But we should get going. If I am late to work he will definitely say no."

"Good point," Elliot said kissing her gently and holding open the apartment door for her.


	26. 26 Made For Each Other

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Six: Made For Each Other)_

"This will do," Olivia said with a smile as she laid her purse down on the foot of the king sized bed.

"Nice, huh?" Elliot asked with a smile.

"It's beautiful," she replied wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. "I still cannot believe you talked Cragen into letting me go. I figured he would put up a fight."

"He tried to."

"So, how did you talk him into it?"

"I reminded him how unpleasant the next week of work could be if you were unhappy and missing me."

Olivia laughed.

"Whatever works, I guess."

She kissed him again and moved out to the balcony to check out the view.

"El, seriously, this place is incredible."

"It has really changed since the last time we stayed here, huh?"

"This is the same place?" she asked trying to remember the place where they spent their last night together.

"Well, the same building. Completely renovated, obviously. That place was a dump compared to this. But I wanted to get us a suite here, this place had history."

"Yeah, you knocked me up in the shower. Some history," she replied with a sarcastic grin.

"So, this time we use condoms. Even in the shower."

Olivia laughed.

"We don't have to use condoms," she said patting her hand against his chest. "I'm on the pill," she whispered with a wink as she crossed the room to check out the bathroom.

"Sweet," Elliot said fighting back a grin as she looked back at him.

"What was that?" she asked.

"I said neat….the mini bar….it is…neat. Completely stocked," he pointed out opening the cabinet. "Look at that."

Olivia laughed and shook her head as she disappeared into the other room.

"Oh El, there is a Jacuzzi tub," she said poking her head out from around the doorway. "We could have a lot of fun in here."

"Only the best for my girl," Elliot said picking up the remote control to check the score of the Yankees game on television. "There is also a really great restaurant downstairs. And the beach and several shops are within walking distance. Now aren't you glad you took a little break from work, Detective Benson?"

"I am, Detective Stabler."

"No baby, in San Diego, I am a Marine. Not a cop."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, beautiful. For you, I would be anything you like."

Elliot kissed her tenderly.

"I'm starving," Olivia said with a smile.

"What do you say we freshen up a bit from the flight and then we go check out that restaurant?"

"That is a great idea!"

Elliot moved to the side of the bed and pulled a paper from his wallet as he picked up the phone.

"I just need to call and check in. See when they need me on Monday."

"I'm gonna…" Olivia said grabbing her hanging garment bag and motioning toward the bathroom behind her.

Fifteen minutes later Elliot knocked on the bathroom door.

"I'm almost ready," she said from the other side of the door.

"Alright. I'm ready whenever you are. I'll just be out here watching the game."

Ten minutes past before the bathroom door finally opened and the scent of her seductive perfume lingered his way. Elliot turned his head to look at the beautiful woman standing across the room. Olivia's hair was long and wavy and she had a small section of it binned back. Her make up was flawless and seemed to highlight her beautiful brown eyes. She wore a soft cotton halter dress, yellow with matching strappy espadrille wedge sandals. And around her shoulders laid a pale blue wrap.

"You look gorgeous," Elliot finally managed to spit out after staring at her for about five minutes.

"Thank you," she said with a smile as he leaned forward to kiss her.

"You are wearing your necklace," he said staring into her eyes. By her necklace, he meant the small heart shaped diamond pendant he gave to her just moments before he flew off to basic training leaving her behind all those years ago.

Elliot placed his fingertip against the little pendant as it laid against her golden skin.

"See, I told you I would never give my heart to another girl. You have kept it right here safe and sound for me all of these years."

Olivia looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"And now you want it back?" she asked tipping her head slightly.

"No baby, it belongs to you. Forever."

"El," she said drawing a deep breath, "I want this to work so badly."

"So do I," he admitted.

"I just think maybe it is a little soon to talk about forever."

She stared into him and as he gazed into her big brown eyes, he knew with out a doubt that there was no other woman in the world who could make him feel the way he felt when he was with Olivia. She was his soul mate, his perfect match and his other half. Now all he could do was give her the time she needed to hopefully realize that he was hers as well.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to know that my heart is yours, as long as you want it. I am not going to be looking for something else, so you don't have to worry about that. I wont cheat, I wont stray. Because what I want is to be right here with you. I love you so much, Olivia."

"And I love you. I just think that we should just be together for a while. I don't see any reason to be in a rush. I'm here with you and you with me. And I think this is a good place for both of us. I just want us to be able to enjoy this. I have never loved someone the way that I love you. Rick is the only other guy I have even been serious with and that was nothing like this. This, what I feel for you right now….it is exactly the same thing that I felt all of those years ago when we were just two stupid kids trying to find out place in the world. I may have grown up, Elliot, but I haven't really changed. Not much anyway. I still want all of those dreams I shared with you back then. I just am afraid that if we jump into this too fast…."

"I understand. We have waited eleven years to be together, Olivia. We can wait a little while longer," Elliot replied gently kissing her forehead.

"I don't mean that we have to wait on everything," she said with a smile.

"Just the forever part?"

"Exactly."

"Deal," Elliot said pulling her tight into his arms. "Now lets go get some dinner."

"Okay," she laughed.

After dinner they danced and he held her tight in his arms. They kissed slowly and passionately all the way back up to their floor in the elevator. Inside their room, Olivia tossed her purse on the dresser and let the wrap around her shoulders fall to the floor.

Elliot held her close and stared into her eyes as he rocked her gently against him as if the music was still playing around them. He traced his thumb gently over her lips and placed another soft kiss against them.

Elliot pulled back for a moment and just watched her.

"What?" she asked softly.

"Nothing. Just that I have thought about this moment for so long. Dreamed about it even and now that we are standing here, I don't even know where to start," he said softly. "I want this to be everything you have ever wanted," he said tracing the fullness of her lips once more.

"You are everything I have ever wanted."

Elliot smiled.

"El," she whispered as she reached for him. "It is just you and me and a hotel bed. Kiss me," she whispered moving slowly toward him. "Kiss me," she whispered again giving him a seductive smile.

Elliot moved slowly forward brushing her lips against hers, but leaving her wanting more. He kissed her slowly and passionately as he slipped his hands up her thighs, bunching up the material of the skirt and pulling the dress over her head and dropping it into the floor.

"That's better," he said cupping his hand against the side of her face and kissing her.

Olivia giggled feeling almost intoxicated by his touch. Elliot lowered her slowly to the bed and began to kiss his way down her body.

"El," she said softly as his lips met hers once more.

"Yeah, baby?"

Olivia pushed him back for a moment.

"I was with someone else," she blurted out as she stared into his eyes.

Elliot smiled.

"It has been eleven years, Liv. I kind of figured you had been. You were engaged to Rick and you were together for years. I know you slept together. It's alright."

"I just needed to say it, I guess. I needed to tell you. What about you?"

"I didn't sleep with Rick."

"El?"

"Liv, I don't know what this is going to…."

"I told you."

"You really want to know?"

He watched as she nodded her head.

"I really do," she said softly.

"This is…" he began to protest as he watched the disappointment in her eyes. "There were a few woman. But it was only sex and it didn't mean anything. I don't even remember their names."

"A few?"

"Maybe three."

"Oh."

"Oh? What about you? Only Rick all that time?"

"No. Four."

"Four?"

"Four, my whole life. There was a guy in college. Court set me up with him to help me get over you. He went to her school. Another guy that was a friend of her boyfriend's, years ago. If that even counts."

"If it counts?"

"Well, he was fast and all over the place and I cried the whole time."

"He hurt you?"

"No. But we were drinking and I was thinking about you. It was all over in a few minutes and I am not even sure either of us enjoyed it. And Rick… Courtney sat me next to him at her wedding reception. She sort of hooked us up. We were together a long time."

"And?"

"And then you. Four."

Elliot smiled.

"Maybe we should try to concentrate on this….right now."

"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous."

"Don't be. It is just me. Besides, confidence is extremely sexy."

Olivia smiled and kissed him slowly as things began to heat up once more. Every kiss and every touch between them was exactly how she dreamed it would be.

The sex was incredible, of course. But this was so much more. Olivia kept pausing to stare into his eyes, part of her still a little unsure if this wasn't all some wonderful dream. But he was real. She could touch him and kiss him and feel him inside of her. And they made love until they just couldn't take anymore, then she fell against his chest.

Elliot kissed her tenderly as he wrapped his arms tight around her and kissed her again.

"I love you," she whispered raising up to look into his eyes.

"I love you too, angel. Always you and only you, forever."

Elliot held her as she drifted off to sleep in his arms the way she had done so long ago.

Several hours later Elliot awoke to the sound of thunder. He opened his eyes in the darkness and smoothed his hand over her side of the bed, but there was no one there. He exhaled softly, thinking she must have been a dream. He rolled over and pulled the empty pillow in against his chest as he felt a summer breeze blow across the room. On that breeze, the smell of her sweet perfume surrounded him pulling him from the bed.

Elliot walked slowly in the darkness across the suite to see the long curtains on the balcony door floating on the wind. Thunder boomed in the distance as the storm moved in and lightning lit up the room. It was then that the shadow appeared to him. The silhouette of a woman's body as she stood on the balcony looking out over the ocean in the distance.

"I thought you were a dream," he said softly leaning against the door frame to look at her.

Olivia stood covered only by the thin sheet from the bed looking out at the lightening as it danced across the water. The way the sheet twisted and draped around her body it appeared almost dress like with a long train fanned out behind her on the balcony.

She turned her head slowly to look over her shoulder at him.

"I love the smell of the air just before it storms," she replied softly looking back out at the water. "It is so beautiful. The lightening….the way it illuminates everything around it. I love thunder storms. You can just feel the electric in the air."

Elliot reached out to touch her warm skin as he slipped his arms around her.

"Come back to bed," he requested softly kissing her cheek.

Olivia smiled and kissed him tenderly as lightning lit up the midnight sky once more.

"Come back to bed," he whispered again as she smiled at him.

Elliot picked her up and carried her back to the bed. He laid her down and crawled in beside her. Olivia rolled over and stared up at him over her. She reached up and touched his bare chest with her fingertips as she smiled at him. She kissed him passionately then backed away laying against the bed and staring up at him with a fire in her eyes.

"Make love to me," she breathed smoothing her palm over his chest longing to feel his touch once again.

Elliot smiled a shy smile as he nodded his head in agreement, it were as if she read his mind. Elliot positioned himself over her and kissed her passionately with slow scorching kisses as he entered her once more. Olivia moaned and trembled at the feel of him as she stared deep into his soul.

Elliot moved slowly with her, inside of her as he kissed her tenderly. Within moments they both gasped for breath and moaned softly, their mouths barely parting. Olivia gazed into him knowing she was so close already, but refusing to let go so soon in fear it would all be over.

She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes only for a moment remembering a time when Elliot had to guide her through her very first orgasm. She moaned softly, on the edge merely moments after their union. They all came so easily now. Starting out slow and rolling like the thunder through her body. Building up power and emotion as they ripped through her. One after another like an electrical storm until every hair stood on end, sweat covered her body and she couldn't form the words to speak even if she knew how to describe the feeling.

It had never been this way with anyone but Elliot. No other man could touch her the way that he did. No other man could love her. She was his and she belonged to him. Fully and completely. She always had. From the first moment their eyes met when she was fifteen years old, he owned her. She could never imagine giving herself this way to any other man. Ever. And _that _was why as much as she cared about Rick, she just couldn't bring herself to marry him. Her heart and soul already belonged to Elliot.

Olivia clawed against his back as her body trembled beneath him. She moaned and tipped her head back as Elliot kissed under her neck and thrust firm, smooth thrusts inside her. She was so close she could feel it, but refused to let go until he did.

"Oh God yes," she whimpered kissing him as he moved inside of her.

Olivia stared into him and kissed him once more and she could tell he was about let go. The thunder boomed outside and the sound and smell of the rain filled the air around them as the wind blew in through the opened balcony doors. Olivia smiled up at him listening to the sounds they made together, gasping and moaning and trying hard not to scream out in ecstasy. She took a deep breath and kissed him once more studying the intensity and passion in his eyes as they finished together, moaning and moving together until she felt his release inside of her.

Elliot fell over her, kissing her tenderly and whispering softly to her. He laid beside her in the bed as she curled into him and he closed his arms tight around her. He kissed her slowly and passionately, mumbling little _I love you's _between kisses. He combed his fingers through her dark wavy locks as she kissed him back.

"I love you so much," she whispered staring into his eyes and trying so hard not to cry.

"And I love you," he replied kissing her again.

"It was never like this. With Rick….it was just sex, El. Nothing like this at all."

Elliot smiled.

"I wish I had waited," she said softly and he could feel her tears against his chest. "If I had known….If I had ever thought that I would see you again….I was just so lonely."

"I don't blame you," Elliot said kissing the top of her head. "I am glad that you found someone. That you weren't alone and someone cared about you."

"Really?"

"Yes. Liv….with those girls, it wasn't anything like this either. The only time the sex was any good was when I would close my eyes and pretend I was with you."

"You really did that?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Those poor girls."

"It wasn't love, Liv. We knew that before it started. It was just sex. Plain and simple, from the start. I never lied to them or told them I loved them. And they never pretended to love me. It was sex and it wasn't always even good."

"Not like this?"

"Not even close. Baby, I have only had this with you."

"Maybe we really were made for each other," she said with a soft smile.

Elliot kissed her tenderly.

"I like to think so."


	27. 27 Taking It Slow

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Seven: Taking It Slow)_

Olivia opened her eyes in the dark and realized she was alone in the bed. She pulled the sheet around her body and sat up to look around the room. Under the bathroom door she could see a little sliver of light. She slipped from the bed and walked over opening the door.

"El?"

"Hey," he said softly tucking the towel around his waist.

"It is like four in the morning. Why are you up so soon?"

Elliot kissed her tenderly.

"It is four thirty and I have to be on base by five thirty. I have to work, baby. I am sorry if I woke you, I will try to be more quiet."

"You weren't too loud. I just woke up alone in bed and didn't know where you were."

"I'm here, sweetheart. And I am never going to leave you again. You should go back to bed," he said softly.

"Can I watch you get ready?"

"Sure," he said with a kiss. "But it is probably going to be boring. Just shaving and getting dressed."

"It's alright. I just want to be with you. I won't get in the way, I promise."

"Olivia, you have never been in my way. If you want to watch me shave, you are more than welcome to."

She smiled and sat down on the edge of the bath tub to watch him. She wasn't sure what about this was so comforting, but it was. She watched him quietly from across the room not making a sound as he shaved and rinsed his face patting it dry with a hand towel.

"I need to get dressed," he said reaching for her hand.

Elliot lead her into the next room where she sat on the bed and watched as he buttoned each button neatly and straightened his tie. She had never seen such an attractive man in her life. And Elliot was even more attractive when he was in uniform.

"There, how does that look?"

"You look really nice," she said with a smile. "And very handsome. Is there a particular lady you are trying to impress?"

"Well, there is this one….come here, beautiful," he said pulling her to him to kiss her. "You are the only one for me. You know that, don't you?"

"I do," she said with a smile.

"Good," Elliot replied kissing the tip of her nose. "I may joke, Olivia, but I love you. Other women do not even interest me. I am a one woman man."

"You'd better be," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love you," she said smoothing her fingers over his tie.

"I love you too, baby. You should go back to sleep. It is still dark out. I will try to come back here and take you out for lunch. But I will have to see how things work out. I left some money for you on the dresser…."

"Oh, this is that kind of arrangement, is it?"

Elliot laughed.

"You are worth way more than that," he said as she laughed. "It is only about a hundred bucks, but if you want to go out and do something while I am off at work it is there. My credit card is there as well if you need more. I don't want to leave you stranded here in this room the entire time I am away working. Tonight is a dinner on base. I cannot wait for all of my buddies to meet you."

"I can't wait to meet them either."

"I talk about you to them all of the time. They are going to be excited when I tell them you will be there with me."

"You should get going. You don't want to be late on your first day back."

"You're right." Elliot kissed her and traced his fingertip over her lips. "I love you and I will be back around three or four. I will call you when I know for sure about lunch."

"Okay. I love you. Have a good day."

Olivia watched from the doorway as Elliot made his way down the hall, blowing her a kiss and waving to her until the elevator doors had closed. She climbed back into bed and turned on the television until she fell back to sleep.

Somewhere around nine o'clock in the morning the hotel phone rang. Olivia moaned softly as she rolled over to pick up the receiver.

"Hello," she said with a yawn.

"Hey there sleeping beauty."

"El," she replied with a smile.

"You were expecting one of your other boyfriends?"

"I was wondering how they got this number," she joked running her fingers through her hair.

"Funny. Listen Liv, I am not going to be able to make lunch."

"Oh," she said and he could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"I have to stick around here. But I should be able to leave by about two or so. I thought maybe we could go down and check out the beach for a little while before we came back here for dinner. The banquet is at seven, so that should give us a little alone time before we have to get ready. Maybe we could take a walk on the boardwalk like we used to do. Just you and me and the summer breeze in your hair."

"That sounds nice."

"If you don't feel like going out for lunch you can just order room service and charge it to the room."

She moaned softly as she stretched.

"I might consider that. I didn't realize how long it had been since I slept in. This is probably the latest I have ever slept. I am just so tired."

"Well, in your defense you have not gotten much sleep the past few nights. Somebody has been keeping you awake."

Olivia laughed.

"Yes, but I have thoroughly enjoyed it."

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, trust me there is more where that came from."

"You are so dirty," she giggled.

"Yes, but you love me anyway."

"I do."

"I have to go now, sweetheart. I will see you in a few hours."

"I'll be waiting," she whispered enchantingly. "I love you."

"Love you too, baby. Bye."

She listened as Elliot hung up the phone. Olivia rolled over and hung up the receiver, then laid back in the bed smiling as she thought about him. He was such an incredible boyfriend. An incredible man. And there was something about the fact that he sat around at work thinking about her all day that mad her smile. No man had ever loved her like Elliot did, no man ever would. He was the one.

A few hours later Elliot returned from work. They changed and gathered up a few things, then headed down to enjoy the beach together for a little while before it was time to get ready for the banquet.

"It is really beautiful down here by the water," Olivia said as they walked hand in hand.

"You won't see a view like this in New York City."

Elliot spread out a blanket in the sand and smiled over at Olivia as she pulled her white sundress over her head to reveal her amazing bikini body.

"Wow," Elliot said before he could catch himself.

Olivia looked at him over her shoulder and laughed as he stared at her.

"Come on," she said extending her hand to help him up from the blanket. "Come get in the water with me."

"I'd rather sit here and watch you."

"Ha ha. El. Come on. We are here in sunny California, a million miles away from the noise and static of New York. All of our stress and all of our troubles are gone, for the moment anyway. And I am standing here asking you to come swim with me."

She stared at him playing up the big brown puppy dog eyes. Elliot watched as her pretty smile suddenly turned into saddened pucker and she looked as if she were threatening to cry.

"Oh now, don't do that."

"What?"

"That isn't fair. Alright, I'll get in the water with you. Just please stop with the look."

"What look?"

"The sad little puppy dog, my heart is breaking because of you look."

She stared at him as her smile began to reappear.

"Yeah, you know how to work that look, don't you?"

"Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do," she said shrugging her shoulders as she grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet dragging him toward the water.

Olivia squealed a bit as she ran ahead of him into the waves. She turned splashing him as he took off after her.

"That's it! You are really in trouble now," Elliot called running down the beach after her.

She screamed and ran as he chased her, splashing water at her as they ran. Finally, he caught up to her locking both arms around her waist and dragging her toward the deeper water to throw her in.

"You are in trouble now," he taunted as she screamed.

As Elliot turned to throw her into the water, Olivia wrapped her arm tight around his neck pulling him in with her. His plan had backfired. She came up laughing so hard she could barely breathe as they splashed around playfully in the cool crisp waves for a while.

Before long they were tangled in each other's arms sharing one of the most romantic kisses of her entire life. She moaned softly and wrapped her arms around his neck as she stared into his eyes.

"I love you," she breathed as she placed little baby kisses against his mouth.

"I love you," he replied staring into her eyes as if she were the only woman he had ever seen.

Olivia smiled and winked at him.

"I am in so much trouble," Elliot said with a smile.

"Why do you say that?"

"You and those eyes and those looks. I don't stand a chance. I would do anything to make you happy."

"What you are doing right now is working pretty good."

"Do those looks work on everyone, or is it just me?"

She laughed.

"It works with Cragen, too."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile.

"I am in so much trouble."

She laughed again.

"I am. Think about it. You and I and if our kids have those eyes, I am really in trouble."

"You want kids?"

Elliot stared into her eyes and kissed her tenderly.

"I do. With you."

"Boys or girls?"

"A little girl who looks just like her mama. Who has your smile and your pretty brown eyes. She'll be daddy's girl."

"And if we have a boy?"

"Well, then he will look like me. And I will play football with him and we will just have to keep trying until we get our little girl."

Olivia smiled and brushed her nose against his as she kissed him.

"I love you so much," she said softly.

"Then marry me," he said cupping his hand against the side of her face and staring into her eyes.

"El….so much for taking it slow, huh?"

Elliot smiled.

"We don't have to get married right now. I'm okay with a long engagement. I just want to hear you say that someday, you will marry me."

"Okay, I will marry you. I love you more than anything in the world and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Really?"

"Really."

Elliot smiled and kissed her again.

"So, would you object to picking out a ring together while we are here so we can make it an official engagement."

Olivia smiled and tried to contain her excitement.

"Not at all. We're engaged," she giggled. "We are engaged. You and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together."

"As husband and wife. And all I want is to make all of your dreams come true."

"You are going to be the most amazing husband. And I want to be the best wife, I can possibly be."

"And we will have more beautiful babies together."

"This is what love is all about, El. This right here. Making plans and dreams come true together. I think that together, we could do anything."

"I know we could. And I cannot wait to take you home and introduce you to everyone as my fiancée."

"Slow down, I am not even close to ready for this getaway to be over yet. I'm not ready to go back to the city."

"You're right. Besides, it might be fun to just keep it between us for a little while."

"Does that mean I can't call Courtney and tell her?"

"Well, we can tell people. I just meant not tell people at work just yet."

"You're afraid of what Fin will say?"

"I'm not afraid…." Elliot stopped and looked at her. "Maybe just a little."

"Don't be. Let me handle him. He can't resist the puppy dog look either."

"You are bad."

Olivia laughed.

"I am happy. For the first time in a long time, I am truly happy. I think Fin will be able to understand that."

"We should get back to the hotel and start getting ready for dinner."

"We have to go already?"

"I'm afraid so. But we will come back here before we leave. I promise."

"Good. It is so romantic here."

Elliot lead her by the hand out of the water and wrapped a beach towel around her. He held her for a moment and kissed her.

"I was thinking, if we have time before we have to leave….maybe you could join me for a shower to celebrate our engagement," Olivia said with a seductive look.

Elliot smiled as he looked down at his watch.

"For you, I will make time. We could always be….fashionably late."

"No El, we can't. Even I know that."

"We will have to hurry getting ready. But I am pretty sure we will be just fine. I was going to leave here a little early so that we could grab a funnel cake at that stand on the boardwalk and have a little time to sit down and eat it. But we can do that tomorrow."

"Hmm, lets see. Funnel cake on the boardwalk or really hot sex in the shower. I don't know, El. Funnel cake does sound pretty good."

She laughed as Elliot tossed her sundress to her.

"Get dressed. I promise I will buy you a funnel cake before we go back to New York. "But tonight, I have _other_ plans."


	28. 28 Until The Time Is Right

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Eight: Until The Time Is Right)_

Elliot and Olivia strolled hand in hand alone the boardwalk as a warm breeze blew through her hair. Tomorrow, they would leave this world and head back to the hustle and bustle of their lives in the city, where everything has a time and there was no time for anything. But here, together, their world was at peace. No plans were made and life was just sort of lived moment to moment. Other than Elliot's work for the Marine Corp. they followed no schedule at all.

He watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the salty sea air. Seagulls squawked and screeched as they circled the sky above them in search of food, diving low to pick up little bits of bread and popcorn that had been left for them by tourists.

"It's nice here, huh?" he asked.

"I love it here. I almost don't want to go home tomorrow."

"But if we stayed here, you would miss the city."

"You're probably right. Although it would be one hell of a trade off. All of the pollution and noise for fresh air and beautiful beaches. This place is like a little piece of Heaven to me."

"It is great out here. Much better than some of the places I could have been stationed or gone to do training."

"True."

She leaned against the rail and watched as a couple of seagulls landed, combing the sandy beach for food. They almost seemed to play together as they chased each other around over a couple of French fries someone had tossed out for them.

"You know, we could try to come back here to visit. Anytime you want."

"That would be nice," she said with a smile.

"I talked to some of the guys on base today."

"Oh," she said shifting her eyes to focus on his. "About what?"

"About us. About us getting married here."

"Here?"

He watched her for a reaction and a smile spread across her face.

"If you want to."

"Get married in San Diego? El, I would love to. This would be the perfect place."

"There is more. What I was actually doing is asking permission."

"You have to ask permission to marry because you are a Marine?"

"No, I have to get permission to hold a military wedding, on base."

"A military wedding?"

"I just thought it could be an option. If that is something you are interested in. I have that privilege because of my years of service to the Marine Corps."

"You mean with uniforms and swords and stuff?"

"Well, yeah. That is the tradition. If you want a military wedding."

"Is that what you want?"

"This is your day. I want you to have everything you want."

"No, El. It is _our_ day. It should be exactly what we both want. This is our wedding."

"I have always thought it would be kind of neat. I have been to a few of the ceremonies and they are kind of neat."

"It would be neat. And everyone in uniform….it would make amazing pictures. But what about everyone back in New York?"

"They are invited, of course. If it weren't for Cragen hiring me, I never would have found you again and we wouldn't be getting married in the first place."

"I mean, they don't have military uniforms to wear."

"The people who are not Marines can just wear tuxedos and dress like they would at any wedding. You will wear what ever dress you choose and pick out a dresses for bridesmaids."

"Bridesmaids?"

"You don't have anyone in mind?"

"Just Courtney. And Casey."

"It doesn't have to be a large wedding, Liv. I am happy with just you and me and a judge. But I want to give you what ever kind of wedding you want. I only plan to do this once. I wanna make it good."

Olivia smiled.

"So do I."

"We can think about it for a while if you want. There is no rush, we haven't even set a date. I just wanted to let you know that I got permission and it is an option if that is something you think you might like to do."

"I think it is a great idea. We just don't have a very big wedding party. Definitely something to think about," she said as she hugged him.

"There is one more thing, I have been meaning to talk to you about."

Olivia focused her attention on the seriousness of the look on his face.

"What, El?"

"This," he said dropping to one knee and holding up an opened ring box.

Olivia laughed a little in excitement and smiled.

"Elliot, everything we looked at in that store was way out of our price range."

"Yeah, well….true love doesn't have a price range. This is the one."

Olivia stared down at the ring in the box.

"This is the one," she repeated with a smile.

"I saw the way you looked at it when the man pulled it from the case. The way your eyes lit up and the smile on your face, there was no substitution. This is the one. The one ring that made you feel the way I want to be able to make you feel every day for the rest of our lives together. Liv, this is just the first of a thousand dreams that I intend to make come true for us. I love you baby, I have from the first moment we met. I always have and I always will."

Olivia smiled at him with tears in her eyes as a warm breeze blew through her hair. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life.

"This is the exact spot where I stood all of those years ago when I proposed to you for the first time. I want this to be the place where you agree to be my wife for the second time," he said with a sexy smile. "Olivia Dawn Benson, will you marry me?"

"Of course I will," she said with a grin as he stood to kiss her.

"Once again, you have made me the happiest man in the world."

"Well, I try," Olivia said slipping her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. "I love you so much." she whispered.

"I love you too, baby."

The next morning Olivia rolled over in their hotel bed as the hotel phone rang. She smiled at Elliot still passed out after staying up all night with her….celebrating their engagement. She smiled as she reached up and picked up the phone.

"Yes," she said softly looking at the clock across the room as she realized it was the automated system phoning in their wake up call.

She groaned a little as she sat up and hung up the phone. Olivia wrapped the sheet around her naked body as she slipped from the bed. She picked up her cell phone from the dresser and headed into the bathroom.

Elliot opened his eyes and stretched as he looked beside him at Olivia curled up against him. He looked over at the clock across the room and realized they had over slept.

"Shit," he said as he sat up almost dropping her against the bed.

Olivia groaned and combed her fingers through her hair.

"What's wrong?" she asked with a yawn.

"Baby, we have to get up. Now," he said as he leapt from the bed in search of his clothes. "We are going to miss our flight back to New York. I don't know why we didn't get our wake up call, but I am going to have a few words with the front desk about it!"

Olivia laughed and laid back in the bed.

"Relax, El. They called."

"Baby, why didn't you wake me? We are going to miss our flight and be late for check out."

"I don't want to check out."

"I don't want to leave either, Liv. But we have to get back. I promised Cragen we would be back in time to make it to court for this case."

"I already took care of that."

"What do you mean, you took care of it?"

"I called Cragen and I told him that we wanted to take a few more days. You have been so busy with the Marines that we have not had much time alone together. I thought we could take a few days just for us. No work what so ever! Before we go back home."

"And Cragen is okay with this?

"I got Fin to cover us for court. And I promised to do all of the back paperwork when we get back."

"That worked?"

"It did. He gave us a week of vacation."

"You are so amazing."

She giggled.

"I know, right? Listen, El, I was also thinking about the wedding."

"Yeah? Did you decide what kind of wedding you want?"

"A quick one," she said watching him for a reaction.

Elliot looked over at her.

"What did you have in mind?"

"What if we got married here?"

"I'm up for that."

"No, El. I mean now, while we are here. Like this week."

"I thought you wanted to wait?"

"I did. But then I was thinking that maybe we have waited long enough. I was thinking about what you said yesterday on the boardwalk about how that is where you asked me to marry you all of those years ago. I said yes then. I have waited….we have waited long enough already. What if we just got married here and spent the week together as a kind of honeymoon?"

"That sounds great, honey. But what about everyone back home?"

"Well, I thought we could keep the actual wedding part private. Then when we get home we can have a reception with everyone to celebrate."

"Are you sure you don't want a big wedding?"

"The wedding isn't important to me, El. All that matters is that we will finally be husband and wife."

"Alright, then we have wedding plans. We can go down to the court house this afternoon and make it official."

"It is Sunday, Elliot. The courthouse is closed."

Elliot laughed.

"Monday then. Tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon we will be husband and wife. Today, I think we should lay around in bed and rest up for our honeymoon."

"Now that sounds like a plan," she said with a smile as they climbed back into bed.

The next morning Elliot and Olivia were awakened by a loud knock on their hotel room door.

"El, can you see who that is?" she asked softly. "El?"

She looked over at him, but he didn't answer.

"Fine," she mumbled as she pulled a tee shirt on and put back on her pajama pants.

Olivia moaned as she scrunched her toes in the carpet and walked across the room in the to open the door.

"Oh my God," she screamed as she stood face to face with her best friend since childhood. "Court….what are you doing here?"

"What?" Courtney laughed. "You didn't think I was going to let you get married without me being here, did you?"

"How did you…." Olivia paused as she turned around to see Elliot sitting up in the bed behind her smiling. "You did this?" she asked with a big smile.

"Guilty," he said.

"Elliot called me yesterday and told me that the two of you were getting married today. I couldn't miss the day you finally become Mrs. Elliot Stabler. So I jumped the first flight from Boston to San Diego and here I am."

"I missed you," Olivia said hugging her tight. "I am so glad you are here. This is the biggest day of my life and I want to share it with the two most important people in my life."

"Well Elliot, if you don't mind, I would like to steal your girl for a few hours for a celebration breakfast and a little shopping. We can meet up with you later."

"That is fine by me. It will give the two of you a little girl time. Then we can all go down to the court house and Courtney can be our witness."

"I'm gonna go back to my room and you head on over after you get dressed," Courtney said.

"You already got a room?"

"Yeah, I took the redeye and got in early this morning. I have been waiting since three o'clock this morning to come over here and see you. I'm just down the hall in twenty two seventeen."

"Do I have time to grab a shower?"

"A quick one. I'm starving."

"Okay," Olivia laughed. "I will be down there in a few minutes."

"I'll be waiting," Courtney said as she walked toward the door. "Bye, Elliot."

"Bye, Court."

Olivia waved to her as she closed the door.

"Thank you," she said as she crawled across the bed and kissed him.

"You didn't think I would let this wedding go through with out your maid of honor, did you?"

"You are the amazing one. The best husband. Well, you will be," she said with a smile.

"We can't get married without Court."

"Especially since she is the reason we got together in the first place. She kept bugging me until I talked to you."

"I owe her big time."

"I think we both do."

"You'd better get in the shower."

Four hours later Courtney stood and watched as Elliot and Olivia exchanged vows in front of a judge. They kissed tenderly and signed a few papers then they were husband and wife.


	29. 29 Distracted

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Twenty Nine: Distracted)_

Olivia sat curled up in her coach seat with her head resting on her husband's shoulder. It was near two o'clock in the morning and the redeye flight wouldn't put them back into LaGuardia until around half past four. Elliot stared down at her delicate fingers laced between his and the diamond that now resided on her left hand ring finger.

This was it, he thought to himself. Life could not possible get any better than this. He had finally married the one and only woman he had ever loved, making her his forever. And now they were on their way back home to Manhattan to start the rest of their lives together.

Olivia shivered a bit and he pulled the throw blanket up closer around her shoulders.

Elliot kissed her forehead and whispered softly against her ear, "I love you angel."

Olivia smiled as her eyes fluttered open.

"I love you too," she said as he kissed her tenderly.

"I cannot believe that you are finally my wife."

"Did you ever doubt that we would end up together?"

"Maybe for a little while when you were with Rick. I honestly thought I had lost you to him forever."

"Elliot," she said gazing into his eyes, "I never could have married Rick because I was in love with you."

"And I thank God every day for that."

Olivia smiled and kissed him again.

"It is after two in the morning. We should get some sleep before the plane lands."

"I have a better idea," she whispered in a sexy voice against his ear.

Elliot pulled back for a moment studying the look in her eyes. Olivia smiled and looked over her shoulder at the bathrooms in the back of the plane.

"Are you serious?" Elliot asked as she laughed playfully and kissed him.

Elliot looked around the cabin of the plane noticing that most of the staff and other passengers were sleeping or otherwise occupied. Olivia unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way to one of the tiny bathroom compartments. Elliot smiled and shook his head as she smiled and motioned for him to follow her, before pulling the door shut. Elliot took one more look around the cabin of the plane, then got up from his seat and walked back to meet his wife.

Two days later Olivia sat at her desk staring across the room at her new husband like a school girl with a crush. On her left hand was the diamond ring coupled with the gold band that matched Elliot's left hand ring. On a gold chain around her neck was the diamond engagement ring he had purchased for her just before he had been forced to leave her and go off to Iraq to fight for his country.

Elliot looked up from the file cabinet to catch her staring at him from across the room and winked at her. Olivia smiled and laughed as she returned her attention to the file in front of her.

Elliot's little daydream was abruptly interrupted when he heard a crash and found himself slammed up against the wall.

"What the hell, Fin?"

"Did you think we wouldn't find out? You just sneak off like that and….and …."

"Fin, let him go!" Olivia said pushing her way between the two men. "What the hell are you doing?"

"That was dirty!" Fin snarled as he stomped off across the room pushing Elliot's office chair out of his way.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked straightening Elliot's tie.

"I take it Fin figured out our little secret."

"He was going to find out eventually, El. I was just hoping to find a way to tell him before something like this happened."

"I'm fine," Elliot said brushing off his suit jacket. "But what are we going to do about him?"

"I'll talk to him. He will come around."

"He was just coming around to the fact that we were even dating. I'm not so sure he will get over this one."

"You go work on this," she said handing him the file he had dropped and kissing him tenderly. "I will work on him. I love you, more than anything. He will come around."

"I love you too, baby."

Elliot kissed her forehead as she brushed her nose against his and smiled. Olivia walked across the room to where Fin stood by the coffee maker.

"We should talk about this," she said softly placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Olivia, don't!" he snapped pulling away from her.

"No Fin, I need you to listen to me. He didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do."

Fin pulled away from her once more and headed back toward Elliot.

"If your intentions were so good, why did you have to whisk her off to some other state instead of getting married here with her family?" Fin demanded in a loud voice.

"Olivia doesn't have any family. She isn't close to her mother."

"We are her family!" Fin said with a glare.

"Fin, we didn't mean to hurt anyone. We were in San Diego and picked out a ring."

"And it never crossed your mind to come back here and get married?"

"It was what I wanted, Fin."

Fin turned around and looked at Olivia.

"I didn't want to wait. Elliot wanted to plan a big wedding in San Diego. Getting married right then was my idea."

Fin shook his head and walked out to catch the elevator. Just before the doors closed, Olivia stepped inside. She waited until the doors closed behind her and pulled the emergency stop, forcing him to hear her out.

"What the hell are you doing?" Fin asked.

"Serving up my defense," she said blocking him from starting the elevator again. "Fin, please don't do this. I need your support in this. You're my partner, you are like a brother to me."

"It hurts, Olivia. We should have been there. We all should have."

"I know. I wasn't thinking about that and I am sorry that I hurt you. But I never meant to. And neither did Elliot."

"He should have thought about it."

"He was trying to make me happy. That is all he wants. He loves me, Fin. He loves me and he wants to make me happy. So in a sense, you both have the same goal, here."

Fin exhaled in annoyance as he leaned back against the wall and allowed himself to slide down and sit in the floor.

"How are you sure he is the right one for you?"

Olivia smiled and took a seat beside him.

"I just am. I have known it since I was fifteen years old, the first day I met him. I knew right away that I wanted to be with him forever. And now I have the chance to do that. Elliot is my soul mate. I have waited my entire life to be this happy and I was really hoping that I would have your support in this."

"Liv, I just…."

"Why don't you like him?"

"I don't dislike him. But I don't like that he hurt you so badly before. The things he did, choices he made, they caused you a lot of pain."

"But he has caused me a lot of happiness, too. He taught me how to love. He was my first love and he is the love of my life. Fin, none of the bad things were Elliot's fault. He did what he had to do. He didn't get a choice about going to Iraq. He didn't want to leave me, he had to. And if he could have come back to me like he promised, I know that he would have."

"What about Rick?"

"Rick was….I'm not really sure what Rick was. I loved him. Or I thought I did. Now when I look back on it I think that Rick was a way to get over losing Elliot. And Rick loved me, but I think he wanted me to be his trophy wife. He wanted something I couldn't give, because that wasn't who I was. But he is back in Boston now and the last I heard from Courtney, he is dating a really nice girl from his office."

"You are really happy with Elliot?"

"I have never been happier. It is like I didn't know how to live until he came into my life. And I don't know how to live without him in it. And I really hope that you will take to time to see what a wonderful person he really is and how good he is for me. Because he is a big part of my life now, he is my husband. You are _both_ my family. I love you both and I need you both in my life. Fin, please."

"Alright, I'll back off him. But if he hurts you in any way…."

"He wont. You can trust him. He is one of the good guys."

Fin hugged her.

"I am happy for you, Olivia. If this is what you want…. what makes you happy, then you have my full blessing."

Olivia smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Good! Because someday he will be the one to make you an uncle."

"Liv, are you pregnant?"

"No," she laughed. "Not yet. But I would love to be."

"Right now? You guys have only been married, what….seventy two hours?"

"I know. But I really want to have kids."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now. Well, as soon as physically possible."

"And how does Elliot feel about this?"

Olivia laughed.

"I have not exactly brought it up to him yet. We are still just kind of in our honeymoon stage of our marriage. This is all so new to us both."

"Don't you think you aught to tell him that you are trying to make him a daddy?"

"I will talk to him. Right now I am still on the pill. But I would like to start trying to get pregnant soon."

"I think you would make a great mother."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You have a very nurturing personality. I can picture you as a mommy."

Olivia smiled and laid her head against his shoulder again.

"He promised to make all of my dreams come true," she said softly.

"And what do you think about that?"

"I know that if there is anyone in the world who could do it, it would be Elliot. I think he is going to make a wonderful husband and father."

"I think you're right," Fin agreed.

"And you know, me getting married doesn't mean that you are losing a partner."

"No?"

"No," she said shaking her head. "It just means that you are gaining a partner in law," she said with a sly smile.

"It means Elliot Stabler is here to stay."

"He'd better be."

"You're damn right he's better be. So we now officially have a new edition to our little SVU family."

"We do," she agreed.

"Can I make a suggestion?"

"What is that?"

"You should go in there and pull Cragen and Munch aside and let them know so they are not sideswiped by this the way that I was."

"You make a very good point."

That night Elliot made his bride a romantic candlelit dinner complete with her favorite red wine. After dinner, he turned on some soft music and they danced slowly on the rooftop. He wrapped her tight in his arms and held her there as they swayed under the moonlight to the sounds of the city night.

"I'm really glad that you got things all worked out with Fin."

"I told you it would be alright. He is just a little over protective."

"That is an understatement."

"I hurt him, El. I didn't mean to. But I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself when I decided to get married right then and I can understand why he would be hurt. Cragen was a little disappointed, too."

"Did he tell you that?"

"He didn't have to, I could see it in his eyes."

"So everyone we work with is disappointed that you married me?"

"Not that. But I am sure that Cragen probably thought that the day we finally said our _I do's, _he would be there to give me away. He has been like a father to me, for as long as I can remember. And I took that away from him….from them."

"I know, baby. But our wedding _should_ be about us. It was small and simple and just the way we wanted it. That is the important thing. I don't want them making you feel like we did something wrong here."

"They are happy for us, I know that. I just know that Cragen thought he was going to be able to give me away. Things are okay. And I don't regret it for a second. Our small ceremony was beautiful and absolutely perfect. You and I are legally married. We are now husband and wife, forever and Courtney was there to witness the entire event and I don't think that any big ceremony could have possibly been better than that."

"You know, if you want to we could always wait for our one year anniversary and have a big ceremony. That would give us an entire year to plan a real wedding. Fin and Munch and all of our friends from work could be there and Cragen could walk you down the aisle. Then we could have a big reception and we still have our little private romantic thing just for the two of us."

"I think that sounds like a great idea. A second wedding."

"This wedding was for us, you and I. And this one could be for the family. Well, for us, too."

"But what if something came up, between now and then. What if it wasn't quite a typical wedding?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I was kind of hoping that maybe I would be pregnant by then."

Elliot stared into her eyes.

"Pregnant?"

"As in with child."

"I know what it means. I just didn't know you wanted to have a baby right away."

"I was actually kind of hoping we could start trying now. I mean, if you want to."

"Right now?"

"You're not ready?"

"Well, no….I….I guess now is as good a time as any. I just thought you would want to wait a little while. Get used to being married before we added a child to the mix."

"Elliot, I learned the hard way that waiting for the right time for the things you want is a good way to never get them. I waited to make you my husband and that almost cost me my soul mate. I could have lived my life and died, never knowing how it felt to be your wife. I don't want to wait ever again. For anything. From now on if I want something, I plan to go after it. And I want to have a baby with you more than anything in the world. So if you are up for it, I would like to go off my pill and start trying right away."

"Alright. Then it is official. Starting tonight, my wife and I are officially trying to get pregnant."

Olivia smiled.

"I am so excited!"

"Me too, baby. But I do think that maybe we should limit our sex life to the bedroom."

Olivia laughed.

"Why? You like the excitement of doing something risky and possibly getting caught?"

"No, but you narrowly escaped a concussion from our first public sex attempt," he said brushing a bit of her hair back to reveal a small bump on her forehead from their little adventure in the airplane.

Olivia laughed again.

"But I'm okay. How could we have known that we would hit turbulence? And now we can both say that we are members of the mile high club," she said with a smile as she twisted his tie in her fingertips. "I will never forget the look on that flight attendant's face when you opened the bathroom door so that we could go back to our seats."

Elliot laughed.

"Me either. She stared at us for the rest of the flight and every time I looked at her she shook her head at me."

"She knew you were a bad boy," Olivia growled playfully.

"I was a bad boy," Elliot agreed.

Olivia laughed.

"Yes, but you were soooo good at it," she said stretching her arms out around his neck and smiling as she kissed him.

"Well, I am glad that you enjoyed our little counter top romp at thirty thousand feet. Not bad for a quickie under pressure, while some old woman bangs on the door the entire time and half way through the plane shakes violently threatening to turn over, then nosedives slamming us both into the wall. Me on top of you of course, cracking your head on hand dryer."

Olivia smiled.

"You tried. You tried for me and the effort was greatly appreciated. Definitely one of the more interesting sexual experiences of my life. But the sex part wasn't bad, though."

"Right. Probably because we were hot and horny newly weds. When you want it that bad any sex is good sex."

Olivia laughed again.

"See, we are perfect together."

"We are, huh?"

"Yeah. Between us, even bad sex is good sex. It's a sign."

"A sign that we shouldn't have sex in public places," Elliot laughed kissing the bump on her forehead. "But I am up for all of the bedroom sex you wish to partake in. And I am willing to do this as many times as it takes to get you pregnant."

"Well, aren't I a lucky lady to have a husband who is willing to sacrifice so much for my happiness? I love you so much," she said kissing him tenderly.

"And I love you. You and only you. Forever."

"Forever," she said with a smile as Elliot kissed her again.

"What do you say we head to bed, Mrs. Stabler?"

"I think that is an amazing idea," she replied as her eyes lit up.

"Maybe we'll get lucky," Elliot joked as picked her up in his arms kissing her and carrying her off to the bedroom.

"Lucky? Lucky would be getting pregnant."

"Tonight?"

"The very first time we tried."

"That would be pretty lucky," Elliot agreed.

He laid her down on the bed kissing her passionately as he turned out the light and began to unzip her dress.


	30. 30 Crossroads

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty: Crossroads)_

"Wake up!" Munch shouted as he dropped a stack of files onto Elliot's desk startling him.

"What the hell, man!" Elliot growled as he scratched the back of his head and looked around the room.

"No, he didn't see you. But you have got to stop doing this or you are going to get caught sleeping on the job and Cragen is going to have a foot up your ass!"

"I know," Elliot agreed moving to the coffee pot for another cup of caffeine. "I can't help it. I have not been getting much sleep lately."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Yeah, but not the kind you think."

"The two of you have barely been married six months. You have not had time to screw it up that badly. What's the problem?"

"I'd rather not discuss it with you."

"Olivia discusses your relationship with her partner."

Elliot cocked his head for a moment at the thought of her discussing the details of their sex life with Fin.

"What my wife does….or doesn't choose to discuss with her partner for that matter, is between the two of them."

"I'm just saying. I have been married a few times. Maybe I could offer you a little advice."

"John, if….and that is a BIG if, I wanted marriage advice….don't you think I should ask someone who had a little better luck with the subject at hand? You have been divorced three times."

"Four."

"You were married four times?"

"I was married five times, divorced four."

Elliot looked confused for a moment.

"What happened to the fifth wife?"

"She died."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I hated her."

"Then why did you marry her?"

"Because I loved her. Son, you have a lot to learn about the effect a woman can have on a man's heart….and bank account. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, but Louise was on her way out the door when she died."

"She was filing for divorce, too?"

"No, she was moving out. Tried to drag the sofa out by herself and had a heart attack. Killed over right there on the porch."

Elliot just stared at the man waiting for him to smile or laugh or show some sign that he was joking. But he never did.

"You are serious?"

"As a heart attack."

Elliot watched as Munch smiled.

"Get it, heart attack….she died of a heart attack."

"I get it," Elliot replied. "That is quite possibly the saddest story I have ever heard."

"Anyway, what is going on with you and Liv?"

"Nothing serious. She just really wants a baby."

"So you're trying to get pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Congratulations. How long have you been trying?"

"Just over six months," Elliot said. "Since we got married."

"What's the problem?"

"The problem is that my wife is not pregnant yet."

"Give it a little time. It will happen."

"I know. I mean, I have faith that eventually we will get pregnant. But Olivia wants this so bad. We have already had two false alarms and we both got so excited and I just don't want her to be let down again. I want to make her happy, I want to give her everything she has ever dreamed of. I just didn't think it would take this long. I mean, before it was one time without a condom and boom she was pregnant."

"Before you were a couple of teenagers. You were younger, your bodies were younger. Maybe more fertile."

"You think maybe there is a problem? Like should I get tested or something?"

"Calm down. I'm just trying to say that before you were young and in love and making love. Now, you are making love, but you are stressing yourselves out trying to get pregnant. Maybe you should just relax and take a little break. Just let it happen without trying."

"Yeah, maybe. It has been so crazy lately. She has this schedule and strange things she does or wants me to do that she read somewhere can help increase chances of getting pregnant. She wakes me up at all hours of the night and….well, I am sure you can guess why she does that."

Munch laughed.

"You sleep next to a beautiful woman like her and complain because she wakes you up two or three times a week to make love to her?"

"Two or three times a night," Elliot corrected with a yawn.

"My God. You are my new hero."

Elliot laughed.

"I'm not complaining. I love her. I love being with her and I want this baby just as bad as she does. I guess I am just having a little trouble finding time to sleep."

"Hang in there, man. It will happen."

"Tell my poor wife that," Elliot said as he sat down to get started on the mound of paper work he had on his desk.

Olivia sighed as she sat the bag of groceries on the kitchen counter.

"It can't be that bad," Casey said in an attempt to cheer up her friend.

"I'm just so worried it isn't going to happen for us."

"It will happen. You just have to give it a little time."

"We have given it six months. We have had non stop sex in every place and position we can think of that could possibly help us conceive. And I made him try things…."

"Wait….things? What kind of things?" Casey asked raising an eyebrow.

Olivia laughed.

"You don't want to know. Lets just say I know without a doubt the man loves me. A man who didn't truly love a woman would never put himself through the things I have subjected him to in an attempt to get pregnant."

Casey laughed.

"Now you have to tell me."

"Just stuff. Some of it kind of crazy. Things I read online can boost sperm count or increase your chances of getting pregnant during sex."

"Go on," Casey replied leaning closer in interest.

"El, would kill me if he ever found out I told you."

"Who's gonna tell?"

Olivia smiled.

"For starters, I took his underwear."

"What?"

"The briefs. All of them. And I forbid him to ever wear them again."

"Why in the world do you want the man's underwear?"

Olivia laughed.

"I told you it was crazy. I read online that wearing briefs holds the testicles too close to a man's body. It raises the temperature and reduces sperm count. Boxers allow more room and…."

"Let the boys hang free?" Casey asked.

"Exactly. The lower temperature keeps the sperm alive longer."

"Ahh, okay. Anything else I should know?"

"I am tracking my fertility, eating foods that have been said to help a woman conceive and we have sex all of the time. Did you know that a woman is much more likely to get pregnant if she orgasms during sex?"

"No, I didn't."

"I am just so worried that it is never going to happen. Like maybe this is God's way of saying _'remember that beautiful baby boy that you just gave away?' _He was perfect, Case. He still is. What if that was my one chance at being a mother and I just threw it away?"

"First of all, you didn't throw anything away. You gave your child the chance to have the family you couldn't give him. I don't think God would punish you for doing what was best for you and that little boy. I am pretty sure he would understand on this one. Not to mention the wonderful gift you gave to some couple who would have never had a child with out your help. You did a good thing, Liv. And I think that you will get pregnant again. Maybe you guys are just trying too hard. I mean going through all of this has to be stressful on you and Elliot. Maybe you should take a little break and just rest for a while. Then maybe after a few months of down time you could try again."

"No, Casey. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired of the hoping and praying and the trying and being let down. That is why I am setting up this dinner for Elliot tonight. I want to find the right way to tell him that I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I want to stop trying."

"How do you think Elliot is going to take this?"

"I don't know. I hope he will understand. For now at least, I can't handle the emotional stress anymore. And it is putting a strain on our relationship. Every time one of those tests comes out negative, we are both crushed. And I know he feels like he can't provide this for me, but maybe it is me who can't provide it for him."

"Liv, what about getting tested. Both of you. Just to make sure things are in order."

"I just want to stop. Maybe just for now, maybe for good. I don't know. All I know is that I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. I know he is, too. And if we keep going on like this….I am going to lose him. We have hit a point where making love isn't really even fun anymore. It is just something we do….routine to hopefully conceive. It isn't sexy or romantic. It is just sex. And we have only been married for six months."

"Liv, I am sorry. Honey, I didn't realize things were this bad for you guys."

"They aren't really bad. I just want to quit while we are ahead, I guess. Before things do get bad and there is a problem. Maybe we just aren't ready to have a baby yet. Maybe this is some sort of sign that we should wait a few years and try again."

"Are you okay with waiting a few years?"

"I guess I'm going to have to be," Olivia said placing a candle in the center of the table. "I can't make things happen any faster than they do. Believe me, I have tried. I have tried so hard that my husband would rather roll over and go to sleep than have sex with me every night. I am afraid that if we keep going the way we have been, we are going to get burned out on each other. Forever is a long time to be with someone you are sick of."

"Elliot would never be sick of you. He loves you. And I mean really loves you, the way every woman in the world wants to be loved. He loves you in a way I wasn't even sure existed until I saw the two of you together. You guys are the real life Cinderella and Prince Charming. But it is real life, Liv. And in life nothing comes easy. You know that. You have to keep fighting for what you want and never give up on it. And one day, it will just happen."

Olivia smiled.

"I hope you are right."

"Yeah, me too. Otherwise you got the only Prince Charming out there and I have just been kissing frogs all of these years for no reason."

Olivia laughed.

"Thanks, Casey."

"You're welcome," Casey replied hugging her friend.

"Elliot will be here any minute. You have to go."

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need to talk later."

"I will."

Olivia saw sitting alone at the table moments later when Elliot walked in the door.

"Hey," he said kissing her tenderly and laying a dozen roses beside her.

"They are beautiful, El. Thank you."

"You're welcome. This is nice. You cooked?"

"I ordered in," she laughed.

"Was that Casey I saw leaving?"

"Yeah. She just helped me carry the stuff up."

"How is she doing?"

"Good. Still kissing frogs, as she says."

"So what is the occasion?"

"There isn't one, really. I just wanted to talk to you about something. Something I have been thinking a lot about lately."

"The baby thing?"

"Yeah, the baby thing. El, we have tried everything."

"Not everything."

"Everything we can do without seeing all those fancy doctors and specialists."

"Maybe that should be our next move."

"I don't think so."

"No?"

"Not now anyway. Look, what I am trying to say is that I think maybe we should stop trying for a while."

Elliot looked up at the tears in her eyes.

"You don't think it is going to happen? Baby, it will."

"It just takes a little time. I know. We have been saying that for months."

"Olivia, some couples try for years before they finally conceive."

"Some couples try for years and never get pregnant."

"But we know we can. We have before. We made a beautiful little boy together."

"But what if he was our only one. What if we can't have anymore?"

"I don't think that six months of unsuccessful trying is enough to say that it isn't going to happen. But if we give up completely, we know it wont."

"I don't mean give up for good. I just think maybe we should stop for a while. Maybe wait a year or so and then try again."

"A year or so?" Elliot tried hard not to look disappointed.

"I just don't think I can keep going through this. The exhaustion and disappointment. Being let down each time we take one of those tests."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm just not sure that giving up is the answer."

"I have been thinking about this, Elliot. Thinking a lot about it for the past few days, trying to think of a way to tell you that I don't want to do this anymore."

"What brought this on?"

"Nothing."

"Liv?"

"I thought maybe I was….but I'm not. Again. I took three stupid tests and nothing. Well, two tests. Two negatives. The third one didn't work at all."

"It didn't work?"

"Nothing happened. I waited and never got any lines at all. But that isn't the point, Elliot. The point it that I don't think I can put myself through this anymore."

"So the real question here is do we want to stop trying completely and just sort of give up on the idea of ever having children together? Or do we want to just post pone it for a while and then try again in a few months or a few years? Because I have to tell you, Olivia, I still really want to have children with you."

"And I want them with you. I just think maybe we are trying too hard. And each time, we get let down so badly. I want kids, El. I want them with you. I just think that we may have put a little too much pressure on ourselves to make this happen right away. Maybe it will happen for us, maybe it wont. But I honestly do not think that putting all of this pressure on ourselves to hurry up and start a family is helping us at all. We have not really even gotten to be newly weds, yet. We got married and a few days later we were back here dealing with the drama of work and everyone here finding out about us. We never had any downtime to just be together as husband and wife. We had a few days before we came home and all hell broke loose."

"Okay. If you want to stop for a little while, then we sill stop. We'll give it a rest and just be together. I'm cool with that. But Olivia, I promise you we will have children, even if we have to adopt them. And I hadn't thought about it until you brought it up just now, but we never really had a honeymoon. I had planned to take you somewhere nice, but we got back here and got tied up in work. We should go somewhere. We should take our honeymoon."

"Now?"

"Can you think of a better time? We are exhausted and stressed and just need some downtime together. I think now is a better time than ever. We both have vacation days built up. We can go somewhere warm where you can just lay around in a hammock and wear your bikini all day," Elliot said with a wink.

Olivia laughed.

"No stress, no pressure, no plans. We do what we want when we want. Hell, we can even walk on the beach at midnight, if that is what we want to do. Just you and me baby," he said kissing her tenderly. "Doesn't it sound nice?"

"It sounds amazing."

"And we can put this baby business to the back of our minds for a while. If we make love it isn't on some schedule or because you are ovulating. It is because we want to be with each other and the thought of being apart any longer is more than we can bear. We can stand a little romance with wine and roses. I'm thinking maybe a week."

"A week is perfect. But where do you want to go?"

"What about Cancun?"

"I have never been."

"Neither have I. It would be a first for both of us. A romantic weeklong honeymoon in Cancun. Then when we get back we can reevaluate some things and decide what we want to do about this baby situation."

Olivia pulled some strings with Cragen to get them a little time off while Elliot went to work trying to book their trip. One week later they were relaxing together in a beautiful resort and having the time of their lives.

After six days in paradise, the happy and well rested couple boarded a plan and headed back home to Manhattan. Olivia slept most of the flight with her head resting against Elliot's shoulder. He smiled as he counted the handful of new freckles across her nose that had been brought out by the sun.

That evening while getting unpacked Elliot carried some of their things back into the bathroom to put them away. While in there he began to bag up the bathroom trash that he had neglected to take out before leaving on their trip. Before he could tie the bag shut he dropped it, spilling out some of the contents onto the bathroom floor. There among the dozens of dirty cotton balls his wife had used to remove her nail polish, laid the three pregnancy tests. Elliot shook his head as he began to clean up the mess he had made, tossing the trash back into the bag. But as he picked up the last item, he noticed something a little strange.

"Liv, baby, can you come in here a minute?"

"Yeah," she said stepping around the door. "What do you need?"

"What is this?" he asked.

"We forgot to take the trash out."

"I know. But what is this?"

"I told you, I took the last three tests before. I shouldn't have wasted them, but I think the one was defective anyway."

"Why would you think that?"

"It is supposed to have lines on it. One if you are not pregnant and two if you are. The first two had one line, but nothing ever came up on the third test."

"Liv, look again."

Elliot held up the tester for her to see as she focused her attention to the two blue lines clearly printed in the box.

"Is this some kind of joke," she said pulling it from his hand.

"What? You don't think I peed on it do you?"

"It doesn't matter anyway. This one was messed up. It was supposed to appear in three minutes. Nothing ever appeared. This one probably isn't accurate anyway," she said tossing it back into the bag.

"What about these two?" he said laying the other two tests down in front of her, each of them displaying two blue lines.

"No way," she said shaking her head in disbelief. "Those weren't there before."

"They are there now."

"You don't think that I could actually be pregnant, do you?"

Elliot stared at the look of confusion on her face.

"I must have screwed them up. Look at the paper again."

Elliot pulled the instructions for the tests from the trash bag and read through it once more.

"It says one line, is a negative and two lines are positive."

"Positive is pregnant, right?"

"Yes, Liv."

"I'm sorry. I just…. I just….I want this so bad, El. But I don't want to get all excited if this isn't really happening."

"Okay, I have an idea. I will take out the trash, then we will get cleaned up and go to the pharmacy and get another test. We will get a couple of tests, different kinds. Just to be sure. Then we wont even have to go by these. We will just go by the results of the new tests."

A few moments later they stood once more in the pregnancy test aisle of their local pharmacy.

"Did we get one of these, yet?" Elliot said holding up a box with a smiley face on it.

"Are you kidding me? A smiley face if you are pregnant and a frown if you're not. They are taking this way too far," Olivia replied as she flipped it over to look at the back of the box. "Throw it in the cart."

Back at home Elliot opened all five boxes and read through the directions as Olivia drank as much iced tea as she could to try to make herself have to go.

"Okay, rather than make you pee on all of these just go in here," he said handing her the specimen cup that came with one of the more expensive kits. "Then we will use the eyedropper to put the urine on the others, also."

"Give me the cup," she said taking it from his hand and heading into the bathroom.

Elliot stood in the doorway and waited nervously for her to finish.

"El, I can't go with you watching."

"Sorry," he said stepping around the corner and closing the door.

"You can still hear me."

"Turn on the water. That might help."

A few minutes later Olivia opened the door and let him back inside. Elliot lined up ten pregnancy tests in two rows, one across the bathtub and the other across the sink. Olivia watched quietly as he placed a few drops of her urine on each tester and set the timer for them to wait.

She paced the floor for a few moments, then stepped into the bathtub and sat down to study each of the test strips for any sign of hope.

"Most of them say three minutes, but a couple of them say five. I set the timer for five."

"Five minutes isn't that long," she said aloud as if giving herself a pep talk.

"So what do you think about all of this?" Elliot asked.

"It's kind of crazy," she replied. "I am sitting in the bathtub, fully clothed waiting to see if any of the pregnancy tests you dripped my pee onto come out positive."

"Well, when you put it that way…."

"Is there a way that wouldn't make this sound crazy?"

"Good point," Elliot agreed.

He exhaled softly and folded his hands behind his head.

"Have you thought any more about it though? Having kids, I mean."

"Elliot, having kids is all I think about. I think we both want this more than anything."

"I mean, have you thought about when you would like to try again. If this doesn't work out, I mean."

"I definitely want to try again. I just think maybe we should just kind of let things just happen for a while. Like not really try, but not prevent it either. Then maybe after a while if it doesn't work….maybe we should see someone."

"Like a doctor?"

"Like a fertility specialist. Someone who can examine you and I both and make sure that everything is still in working order. Then they can give us tips on the best way to do things to help us get pregnant."

"Olivia, I promise you I will do everything in my power to get us a baby," Elliot said as he traced his thumb over the curve of her face.

He leaned across the edge of the bath tub and kissed her tenderly as the timer went off.

"Okay," he said. "I will look at these and you look at those. At the same time. Ready?"

"I'm ready," she said taking a deep breath.

"The first test…."

"Two lines," she replied with a smile.

"Two lines on mine, too. Second?"

"Two lines," Olivia replied as Elliot nodded. "My next one is a pink plus sign," she said nervously.

"Mine too," Elliot said with a grin. "Number four….I have the word pregnant."

"So do I," Olivia nodded wiping a tear from her cheek.

"And number five?" Elliot asked as she picked up the tester for a closer look.

Olivia laughed as tears slid down both sides of her face.

"I have a smiley face," she whispered.

"So do I," Elliot said holding his tester up for her to see.

Olivia laughed again as Elliot leaned forward and kissed her.

"Baby," he said as he wiped tears from her face, "it looks like we're gonna have a baby."

Elliot hugged her tight and kissed her again, then climbed into the bathtub beside her. He leaned back and pulled her into his arms and they just laid there together for a little while crying and kissing and being so much in love. Finally, all of their dreams were about to come true.


	31. 31 Breaking Her Heart

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty One: Breaking Her Heart)_

_**THREE MONTHS LATER….**_

"Are you almost ready?" Olivia asked from the other room as Elliot folded up an envelope and tucked it away into his pocket. "El?" she asked stepping into the room.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

"I don't want to be late," she said smoothing her hand over her five month baby bump. "They are going to try again to see if they can tell the sex of the baby."

"Do you think she'll cooperate this time?"

"She? What if it's a he?"

"I have a feeling It's a girl," Elliot said placing his hands on her belly to feel the baby move.

"Oh, well who needs an ultrasound when we have your feeling to go by," she said patting him on the back. "I have to pee again, then I'll be ready to go."

At the doctor's office, Elliot watched as the doctor squirted a clear gel over Olivia's belly and placed the ultrasound wand against it. They watched the screen as the woman moved the wand around until the baby appeared.

"There we go," she said as she moved the mouse on her computer to take a few measurements. "Good strong heart beat. Lungs look good. Everything seems to be developing right on schedule."

Elliot studied the smile on Olivia's face. He had never seen her happier than she was right now.

"Can you tell the baby's sex?" he asked.

"Let me see here," she replied studying the monitor. "Do you guys have a preference?"

"Not really," Olivia said with a smile. "We just want a healthy baby. But Elliot had a feeling it's a girl. But, I'm not sure how dependable that is."

"Well, I'd say in this case his feeling was right on track."

Elliot raised his eyes to look at the doctor.

"I hope you like pink," the doctor said, "because you are having a baby girl."

Olivia laughed and smiled with tears in her eyes.

"It's a girl."

"It is," the doctor answered. "And she seems to be doing just fine in there. Everything appears healthy. Have you had any pain or spotting?"

"No," Olivia answered.

"This is your second pregnancy?"

"Yes. But it has been almost fourteen years since the last one."

"Did you have any complications with that pregnancy?"

"No."

"Premature delivery?"

"No. A healthy eight pound, two ounce little boy," Olivia said.

"That is good. If there had been any complications in your last pregnancy we would want to keep a look out for similar complications during this pregnancy."

"No complications. Unless you count the fact that I was seventeen years old when I had him and ended up giving him up for adoption because I couldn't give him the family he deserved."

"That sounds more like being a responsible parent than a complication to me. Sometimes being a good parent means doing what is best for your child, no matter how much it hurts."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded slowly as she stared at the baby on the screen.

"But I'm going to do it right this time."

"We are," Elliot corrected her. "And our daughter will have everything she ever needs or wants. She and her mommy, both. Daddy will make sure of it."

"Right now all mommy wants is a little lunch," Olivia joked. "The only time I seem to get nauseous is when I get hungry. I am pretty much eating all of the time," she said looking at the doctor.

"That is how it is for some women. But your weight is good and your little girl is healthy. I think if your body is telling you to eat, it probably needs something. I'd like to see you again in one month. If you start having any cramping or spotting call me and get to a hospital. If you have any questions or concerns give me a call. Everything seems right on track and I'll see you in a month."

"Okay," Olivia agreed as the woman handed her the ultrasound pictures.

"So, where would you like to eat?" Elliot asked as they walked across the parking lot to the car.

"Umm, Italian sounds good. I think," she replied as he studied the pictures of their baby daughter.

"Liv, look at this one. She has your nose. She has your profile. This kid looks just like you."

Olivia laughed.

"She kind of does, doesn't she?"

"Well, I guess it is better our baby girl looks just like her beautiful mother than her father."

Olivia laughed again as she pulled her phone from her purse.

"I have to call Courtney. I recorded the baby moving around on the monitor and I'm sending it to her now. I can't wait to tell her she is getting a Goddaughter. She is going to be so excited."

After lunch Elliot and Olivia returned to work. Elliot watched from across the room as Olivia showed off the ultrasound pictures of their little girl to Fin. Elliot had never seen her so happy. She smiled and laughed as pointed out how much the baby looked like her mother.

"Hey," Fin said looking up at Elliot across the room.

Elliot gulped as he stared at the man unsure of what he was going to say.

"Congratulations man," Fin said with a sincere smile.

"Thanks," Elliot replied with a grin.

"She is beautiful," Fin said staring at the baby's sonogram picture.

"Yeah well, she looks like her mother."

"Probably for the best," Munch joked.

"That's what I said."

"So, everything is doing alright?" Munch asked Olivia.

"Everything is perfect."

"Just the way it should be," Fin reminded her as he hugged her tight. "I'm really happy for both of you."

"Thanks Uncle Fin," Olivia said with a smile as she made her way back to her desk. "So what are you guys up to this afternoon?"

"We," Fin said pointing to Elliot, "have to track down a few people and get a few answers. "

"And I get to go sit through an afternoon in court."

"Hey, I would trade you an afternoon in court for eight months behind the desk any day."

"Yeah, but it's for a good reason," Munch said as he grabbed his suit jacket and heading for the elevator.

That evening Olivia took a bath when she got home from work. Her back was aching and her head was pounding and all she wanted to do was relax. Twenty minutes later she walked into the living room wearing a pair of boxer shorts and one of Elliot's old tee shirts.

"Did you decide what you wanted for dinner?" she called to him in the other room. "I'm starving."

"Liv, baby, can you come in here and help me for a minute?"

"El? What are you doing?" she asked as she walked into the dining room to see a romantic candle lit dinner for two laid out in front of her.

Elliot watched as her small grin stretched into a large smile. He walked to the end of the table and pilled out the chair for her.

"This is so sweet of you."

"I hope you're hungry for Italian."

"Right now I could eat anything. But this smells wonderful."

"I got the grilled chicken alfredo for you. Extra breadsticks and no onion on your salad, dressing on the side."

"Just the way I like it. I don't mind the onion on the salad, but I can't handle it while I'm pregnant. It gives me wicked heartburn and the baby doesn't seem to like it much either. What did you get?"

"Linguini in a portabella cream sauce."

"That sounds good, too."

"Would you like to try it?" he asked offering up a bite to her.

"That is amazing."

"It is pretty good. Maybe you should get it next time," he suggested knowing very well that she always ordered the exact same thing the exact same way every time they ate at Vietti's.

"No, I think I will stick with the usual."

Elliot laughed and kissed the tip of her nose.

"So what is this all for anyway?"

"I can't make a nice dinner for my wife without having a reason?"

"First of all you didn't make it, you ordered in. Not that I don't appreciate it, because I do. And second of all, whenever you do things like this it is usually because you have a reason. Something to celebrate or something to discuss. It isn't our anniversary or either of our birthdays, so spill it."

"There is something," he said directing his attention to his plate and trying to avoid eye contact.

"What?" she asked laying her fork on her plate and smoothing her hands over her belly.

"I got a letter, a couple of days ago."

"No," she said shaking her head.

"And they called this morning to confirm."

"No," she repeated as tears rose in her eyes. "You promised me."

"Liv, I have no say in this."

"When?"

"I leave out next week."

"So once again you are just going to take off and leave me pregnant and alone?"

"It isn't like that and you know it."

"I know exactly how it is, Elliot. I am here, alone and pregnant. Scared to death that I am going to get a phone call or another letter telling me that my husband isn't coming home. Damn it!" she sobbed tossing her napkin onto the table as she walked away from the table and into the bedroom.

Elliot picked up his wine glass and took a big drink, trying to think of something to say to her to make this better. He didn't blame her for being upset, she was exactly right. Once again she was going to be pregnant and alone and he had no way to change that or make this any easier on her.

He stood up and made his way down the hall to their bedroom. He took a deep breath as he reached forward and opened the door. Olivia was laying across the bed crying and it killed him to know how scared she must have been.

"In just over four months your daughter is going to be born," she mumbled against her pillow. "And she is coming whether you're here or not." She drew a deep breath and sat up with tears streaming down both sides of her face. "I don't want to do this alone," she sobbed. "I can't. I tried once before. You promised me when we decided to start trying to have a baby…."

"I know. And I am sorry. If there was anything I could do to change it, I would. My God, Olivia, don't you think I would rather be here with you than to run off to some desert in the middle of a war? They promised me. They told me that the last time was the last time, but I still owe them another full year of service. That means that they own me and what they say is what I have to do. I just pray that does not mean missing the birth of my daughter."

"Where are they sending you?"

"Bagdad," he said softly. "I have to go over with a group of new men and help oversee things until they get on their feet."

"How long does that take?"

"Sometimes weeks, sometimes months. It all depends. And I don't mean to scare you, but if things get worse over there….they could require me to stay."

"I'm sorry I got so upset. I know this isn't your fault. I am just so scared. I don't want to have this baby alone or raise this baby alone. I want to be here with my husband and raise our child together. And I want the damn Marine Corp to back the hell off and leave you alone. Haven't they stolen enough from you over the years?"

Elliot sat down beside her on the bed. He brushed some of the tears from her cheek and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you. I love both of you so much," he said as he fought back tears of his own. "In one year my commitment with the United States Marine Corp will be fulfilled. And I promise you, that is it. One more year. I'm not resigning. No more war, no more training, no more letters and no more calls. I will be home with you and her," he said placing his palm on her belly, "to be the husband and father I promised you I would be. No more Marines. I will once again be a civilian, except for the police department thing, and I will spend the rest of my life happy at home where I belong spoiling my wife and my daughter and how ever many other kids we decide to have. That is what you deserve."

"I don't want to be apart from you for that long," she said cupping her hand against the side of his face. "But I will do it. Because I love you and I only want to be with you for the rest of my life. I'll make you a deal," she said forcing a smile. "You do everything you can do to get back home to me as soon as you can, safe and sound and all in one piece."

"Sounds good so far."

Olivia smiled and brushed her nose against his.

"And?" he asked.

"And I will do everything I can to convince our daughter that she should stay in here until daddy is home and we are ready for her to be born."

"Do you think you can really do that?"

"No," she laughed. "But I will definitely give it one hell of a try. You just come home safe to me….to our little girl. Because she is going to be here waiting to meet her daddy," she said as she began to cry once more.

"I will do everything in my power," Elliot whispered placing his forehead against hers to stare into the saddest brown eyes he had ever seen.


	32. 32 Dinner Among Friends

_**Beautifully Broken**_

_**(Chapter Thirty Two: Dinner Among Friends)**_

"**He will be here any minute," Elliot said kissing the back of her head.**

"**It's almost ready."**

"**It smells wonderful."**

"**Thank you," Olivia said with a smile as she sat the third place at the dining table. "Did you get the wine?"**

"**You are in no condition to be drinking wine."**

"**It is for our guest. And I am allowed a glass of red wine now and then. This man is your best friend, Elliot. I want to make a good impression."**

"**He is going to love you. He has heard me talk about you for years. I am just glad I can finally introduce you to him."**

"**I am glad that you will have someone there with you watching your back." **

"**Riley and I have had each other's backs since boot camp. He is the only one of the guys that I have been able to keep in contact with. Some were killed, some lost and some came home and never looked back. Riley and I were lost touch for a little while, then the last time I was in San Diego, he arrived on base. After I got these new orders I called Riley and he said he had received the same ones. It doesn't make it any better leaving you here alone, but I think having him there will help keep me occupied until I can come back home to my wife and baby."**

"**I'm glad that you will have a friend there with you," she said kissing him tenderly. **

**Elliot smoothed his hands over her baby bump as he stared into her eyes. "I am going to miss you both like crazy. Oh, I almost forgot," he said moving across the room to pick up the laptop. "I wanted to show you this. I had a buddy of mine set this up so that we can do video chats through the internet while I am gone."**

"**So we can see each other?" she asked with a smile.**

"**Yeah, it uses the webcam and there is a bit of a delay, but it is better than not being able to see your beautiful face while I'm gone."**

"**This is great," she said with a smile. "A little more personal than letters."**

"**Oh, I still want letters."**

"**I will write you every day. I promise."**

"**I am going to miss you like crazy," he said kissing her once more as the door bell rang. "That's Riley," Elliot said in excitement rushing to the door. "Riley," he announced hugging his buddy as the man entered the apartment.**

"**Stabler!"**

"**How have you been, man?"**

"**Good. And you?"**

"**Great. Things are great," Elliot said as Olivia walked into the room. "David Riley, this is…."**

"**You must be Olivia."**

"**I am," she said with a smile as he kissed the top of her hand. "It is very nice to meet you and to finally be able to put a face with the name. Elliot, you told me she was pretty. But he didn't do you justice." **

"**It is nice to meet you, too. Dinner is almost ready. I hope you like lasagna."**

"**It happens to be my favorite."**

**Olivia turned and smiled at him.**

"**Seriously," he assured her.**

"**I know," she said smiling again. "My husband has told me a lot about you, too."**

"**So, Elliot tells me you are expecting a baby girl. When are you due?"**

"**We still have a couple of months to go," she said smoothing her hands over her belly once more. "We are keeping our fingers crossed that daddy will get over there and get things done so that he can be here when she finally arrives."**

"**Well, I promise you that I will do everything in my power to get him back here to you in time for the delivery."**

"**I appreciate it," she laughed as she sat the lasagna on the table. "Would you like something to drink? I have wine and beer."**

"**I think he is more of a beer man, Liv."**

"**Actually, it has been quite a while since I had a good class of wine. So we need to be at the airport by…."**

"**Nine o'clock," Elliot said. "Flight leaves at ten. I hate the red eye, but it allows me a few more hours with my girls."**

"**I don't blame you a bit, man."**

"**We leave out of San Diego in three days. You got anyone you wanna call before we head out?"**

"**I got a girlfriend, back home. I'll call her once we get to San Diego."**

"**What's her name?" Olivia asked.**

"**Celia," Riley answered smiling up at her.**

"**Celia," she repeated softly.**

"**Still trying to think of names," Elliot said looking up at him.**

"**I like Amelia," she said looking to Elliot for approval.**

"**Reminds me of Amelia Earhart," he said shaking his head. **

"**I think it's pretty."**

"**I still like Gabrielle," Elliot said looking at his friend.**

"**It is a very pretty name," Riley agreed.**

"**I don't care for it," Olivia said scrunching up her nose. "What about Mia Rose?"**

"**Mia Rose is a beautiful name," Riley said with a smile as he taking a drink from his glass of wine.**

"**Yeah well, we still have a couple of months to decide," Elliot said taking a bite of salad.**

**Olivia laughed and smiled.**

"**This kid will be eighteen and in college before you and I agree on a name," she said.**

"**If you like Mia Rose, we can name her Mia Rose," Elliot said kissing his wife as he stood to pick up the wine bottle from the counter.**

**Olivia cleared her throat and looked at her husband across the table.**

"**Listen, Riley, there is something Olivia and I wanted to talk to you about."**

"**Shoot," Riley said laying down his fork and focusing his attention on his friend.**

"**We….Olivia and I….well, we were just thinking…."**

"**You are Elliot's best friend and a very important part of our family," Olivia said taking over the conversation. "We were wondering if you would be our daughter's godfather. It would mean so much to the both of us," she said with a smile.**

"**Really?" he asked looking from her to Elliot.**

"**Really," Elliot replied.**

"**I would be honored. I'm going to be a godfather," he said with a smile.**

"**In about nine weeks," Olivia said smoothing her hand over her belly. "And I pray that God brings you both back here safely so that you can be here when she is born."**

"**Amelia Rose," Riley said with a smile.**

"**Or Gabrielle," Elliot argued.**

**Riley laughed.**

"**I am sure she is going to be beautiful and I cannot wait to meet her."**

**That night, Olivia stood in front of the gate as flight 142 to San Diego began to board. She wrapped her arms tight around her husbands neck and kissed his tenderly.**

"**You come home safe to me….to us, do you understand?"**

"**I do. And I will do everything I can to make it back in time to be there when our little girl is born."**

"**I know you will. I love you so much more than you will ever know," she said pressing her forehead to his.**

"**I love you too baby. You and our little girl, Mia."**

"**Mia," she repeated. "Do you really like Mia?"**

"**I love Mia."**

**Olivia smiled and kissed him again as they announced the final boarding call.**

"**Riley, you take good care of my husband."**

"**Yes, ma'am. And you take good care of my little goddaughter," he said pointing to her stomach. **

"**And take care of yourself. I expect to see you both back here safe in a few months. Do you understand me?"**

"**I do," Riley agreed.**

**Olivia laughed.**

"**Call me when you get there," she said kissing Elliot as Riley picked up their carryon bags.**

"**Baby, it will be really early in the morning when I get there. But I will call you in the morning and let you know we made it in."**

"**I guess that will have to do," she said folding her arms in front of her as he kissed the tip of her nose.**

"**Elliot, we've gotta go," Riley called from across the room.**

"**I love you angel. And I promise you I will be home soon."**

"**I'm gonna hold you to that," she whispered as they kissed once more.**

**Olivia fought back tears as Elliot pulled away from her and handed the woman at the gate his ticket. She smiled and waved at the two Marine buddies as they boarded their plane and she watched until it had disappeared into the night sky. **


	33. 33 Fear Of Flying

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Three: Fear Of Flying)_

Olivia groaned and smoothed her hand over her belly as she rolled over in the bed. Learning to sleep without her husband beside her once again was a bit harder than she thought it would be. It had been almost a month and she missed Elliot like crazy.

She stretched and sat up in the bed looking around the room in the dark. It was early morning here, but half way around the world where her husband now resided, it was late evening. She stared at the phone wishing so badly that it would ring, that she could just hear his voice, but she knew that wouldn't be enough.

Olivia exhaled and placed her fingertips against the place where a tiny foot kicked from inside her. Just then the phone rang.

"That's your daddy," she said as a smile spread across her face and she picked up her cell phone on the second ring. "El?"

"Baby, I didn't think you would be awake. It is really late there."

"It is really early. And if you didn't think I would be awake, then why did you call," she laughed.

"Because I miss you both like crazy and I wanted to hear your voice. It's late and I have not had the chance to talk to you in a few days. I just wanted to leave you a voicemail. I didn't expect you to answer. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Elliot, you didn't wake me. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I was just laying here thinking how much I missed you and the phone rang. Baby, don't ever be afraid of waking me. I love hearing from you, no matter what time it is. I worry about you every second of the day."

"You shouldn't worry, I'm fine. I just miss my girls. How is Mia?"

"Mia," she laughed. "It sounds so strange to hear you call her by name."

"She has a name now. We should get used to it."

"Do you really like it? I mean, are we sure this is the one?"

"I think it is beautiful. It is perfect and I love it." He was quiet for a moment. "You changed your mind? You don't like Mia?"

"Oh, I still like Mia. I love Mia. I'm just not sure about Rose anymore."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well, what about Mia Abigail?"

Elliot was quiet for a moment as a smile spread across his face.

"Mia Abigail Stabler….it has a nice ring to it."

"So you like it?"

"I do. It is very pretty."

"You don't mind if we change it from Rose?"

"Baby, I don't mind at all. I just want a name that is as beautiful as our little girl."

"How do you know she will be beautiful?"

"I've seen the pictures," he said with pride.

"El, they were ultrasounds. You can't really even tell what she looks like."

"Oh, I can. She has her mother's nose and her mouth is shaped like your's, too. I have a feeling she will look just like her mama. And daddy and uncle Fin are going to spend a lot of time fighting the boys off. Besides, you and I both have pretty great genes. It only makes sense that we would make pretty babies."

Olivia laughed and got quiet for a moment as she tried to keep herself from crying.

"God, I miss you," she whispered softly.

"I miss you too, angel. I miss you both so much. I have never wished for anything more than I wish I could be there by your side right now. That my time with the Marines was fulfilled and I could be at home with my beautiful wife preparing for the arrival of our little girl. Liv, if there was anything I could do to make it happen….baby…."

"You would," she said cutting him off with a sigh. "I know you would."

"Is everything going okay?"

"Yeah. My doctor said everything looked good. He said if things keep going the way they are, he expects me to deliver a healthy six to seven pound baby girl in a few weeks."

"He can estimate her weight?"

"Well. It is just an estimation. Going by how she has developed so far and the history with my previous pregnancy."

"Six or seven pounds. That is good, right?"

"That is really good. Somewhere between six and eight pounds is average for babies these days, so she is right on schedule."

"That is great. Listen, sweetheart, I have to go for now. But I will try to contact you so we can talk over the computer tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed as a smile spread across her face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby."

Things were quiet for a moment and she didn't want to hand up.

"Sweet dreams," Elliot said softly.

"Be safe," she replied and the call was disconnected.

Olivia wiped a tear from her cheek as she prayed to God to bring him safely home to her in time for the delivery of their little girl. She placed her hand against the place where her daughter now slept and forced a smile.

"Mommy and Daddy love you so much," she said softly. "Mia Abigail," she whispered.

Then she pulled her blankets up around her and tried to fall back to sleep.

The next few days at work, Olivia was more than a little distracted.

"Everything alright?" Fin asked sitting down at the desk across from her.

"Yeah," she said forcing a smile. "I just miss him, Fin."

"I know, sweetheart. He will be home soon."

"I hope you're right."

"Why don't I get this paperwork turned in and take my partner out to lunch?"

"You don't have to do that, Fin. I'm fine. I bought a chicken salad sandwich from the deli," she said pointing to a Styrofoam container on the edge of the desk.

Fin picked it up and opened it to see the sandwich with one bite missing and an unopened bag of chips.

"This is not right," he said smelling the food and wincing. "Let me get you out of here for a while and get some real food. Not yesterday's lunch special."

She laughed.

"Liv, I promised Elliot I would take care of you and this baby while he was gone. I might do a lot of things, but I never break a promise. So put on your jacket and lets go get you a real lunch. You gotta feed that baby."

"Trust me Fin, she eats. She eats all of the time."

"I won't take no for an answer."

"Okay," she said as he tossed the deli box into the trash can beside her desk.

"Besides, it will be nice to have good company and a nice meal," he said with a smile as he walked toward Cragen's office.

At lunch she sat and stirred her food with her fork, taking only a few bites before she seemed to have lost interest.

"How's your food?"

"It's good."

"You know, Liv, you're supposed to put the chicken and peppers in the shell," he said pointing to the foil that contained her fajita shells.

"I like it better this way. I just put guacamole and sour cream on the top, add a little queso and voila!" she said with a smile.

"I hope that tastes better than it looks."

"It's good. Here," she said taking a fork full of her creation and putting it into his mouth before Fin could protest. "See, good right?"

"That ain't half bad. So why is there still so much of it on the plate?"

Olivia smiled.

"I'm eating. I guess I have just been a little distracted."

"Well, you have had a lot on your mind."

"Yeah. The crib we ordered came in yesterday. It is just sitting in the nursery in a box."

"I could come over and set it up for you, if you'd like?"

"Elliot wanted so badly to set up the furniture and do the painting and everything. He missed out on everything with the first baby. This meant so much to him, to us both."

"Hey, I'm sure he will get home in time to do all of that," Fin said placing his hand over hers.

"I hope you're right," she said taking another bite of food.

"Keep you're chin up," he said with a smile. "El needs us all to think positive for him right now."

She cleared her throat.

"You're right. You're exactly right. Knowing that I am worried sick about him isn't helping him any right now either. It just makes him worry about me."

"Just hang in there, Liv. Hopefully his deployment will be over soon and you will have this beautiful baby and your family will be together again."

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Just tired. I'm always so tired. I don't remember being this tired the last time I was pregnant. Of course I was a lot younger," she joked.

"You're young and healthy. You just got a lot of stress in your life right now."

"I haven't been sleeping that well lately. I lay in bed all night and just think about…." she paused and looked up at Fin. "I guess you know what I think about."

"Maybe you should take a little time off. Rest up for a few days and take some time for you."

"I would go crazy if I didn't have work to keep me busy."

"All this stress isn't good, Olivia. Not for you or the baby."

"Don't worry about us," she said placing her hand on her belly. "My doctor says we are both doing just fine."

"That's good."

"Actually, I think maybe I will take the rest of the afternoon off. I'd like to do a little shopping for the baby and take a long bath before I talk to my husband on the computer tonight."

"You and El email?"

"Yeah, but we also do this video chat thing. It is the only way I have been able to see him the last four weeks."

"Still not as good as seeing him in person though, is it?"

"No, but it is all I have for now. I will talk to you later, okay?"

"Alright. Listen, if you ever need anything or want some one to talk to, don't hesitate to give me a call. Anytime of day. I am here if you need me. Liv."

"I know you are, Fin. Thanks for lunch."

He watched as she picked up the take out container the waitress had brought her for her left over chicken fajitas and laid her jacket over her forearm. Fin flagged her a cab and held the door as she climbed inside.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest," he said as he closed the door behind her.

Olivia waved to him as she cab drove away.

That evening she sat in front of the computer smiling into the webcam as she spoke to her husband.

"I miss you baby," Elliot said as she smiled at him.

"I miss you, too."

"How was your day?"

"Alright. I had lunch with Fin at this new Mexican place, then I was tired so I came home a few hours early."

"You feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. Just tired. Being pregnant takes a lot out of you. I get tired easily. I came home and took a bath and a nap. Then I called my doctor to ask him what I can take when I have trouble sleeping."

"What did he say?"

"He suggested a glass of red wine. He said it is common for women to have trouble sleeping their last few weeks of pregnancy."

"And it is safe for you to have alcohol?"

"He said one glass of wine in the evening will help my body to relax and unwind. He said it wont hurt the baby and it should help me sleep better."

"So my sexy wife is at home alone soaking in a bubble bath and drinking a glass of wine. Man, I'm gonna have sweet dreams thinking about that tonight."

Olivia laughed.

"You have a dirty mind."

"And it is a terrible thing to waste."

Olivia smiled.

"It's so good to see your pretty smile. You are what keeps me going, you know? You and little Mia."

"She is kicking up a storm right now. She does every time I talk to you. She misses you too, daddy."

"I can't wait to hold you both."

"So what have you been up to? How are things there?"

"They suck. I'm ready to come home."

Olivia laughed.

"They are alright. Riley and I have to run a shuttle flight tomorrow with a few other guys to deliver supplies to another camp."

"That sounds interesting. Do you get to fly the plane?"

"No, sweetheart. I'm not a pilot. And we don't go by plane. We go by helicopter. They are loud and noisy and nerve wracking," Elliot said.

"And he is afraid of flying," another man said in the background.

Olivia sat up and listened as someone else in the room with him was talking. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but she recognized the voice.

"I am not afraid of flying," Elliot argued. "I fly all of the time."

"You are afraid of flying. Every time we go up you turn three shades of green."

"Come on man, I'm trying to talk to my wife here," Elliot said.

"Hi, Olivia," a familiar voice said as Riley's face appeared on her computer screen.

"Hey, Riley. How are you doing?" she asked with a smile.

"Alright. Trying to help Elliot get this shi…." he cleared his throat, "stuff done so that we can head back home. How is my little goddaughter?"

"She's good. The doctor said that everything is coming along great. I emailed Elliot some more ultrasound pictures."

"Yeah, he printed them out and he keeps them in a frame with your picture beside his bunk. I got one in my wallet."

Olivia laughed.

"Are you taking good care of my husband?"

"Yes, ma'am. I've got El's back. We keep a look out for each other."

"Well, I am glad that he has you to keep him company. I miss you both and when you come back around here we are going to have to have dinner again."

"Definitely. Especially if you make fore of that lasagna."

Olivia smiled.

"Riley, if you bring my husband home safe to me I will fix you what ever you want."

"I will hold you to that," Riley said with a smile. "You take good care of Mia and tell her that her uncle Riley cannot wait to meet her. It is good to talk to you, Olivia."

"It's good talking to you, Riley."

A few seconds later Elliot reappeared.

"He wanted to say hello," he explained.

"He looks good. You both look good."

"We try to take care of each other."

"Any idea when you can come home?"

"Not yet. But Riley has been helping out a lot, so we're hoping to get things wrapped up soon and get to come home."

"That would be nice. That would be so nice."

"I know, baby."

"It's getting late there. I should get off here and let you get some rest. You gotta take care of our baby girl."

"We're doing good, daddy. Don't worry about us. You just try to focus on getting things in order there so you can come home to us."

"I am, sweetheart. I love you more than anything.. You and Mia."

"We love you, too."

"I have to go, baby. I will call you again as soon as I can."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, my angel."

"Good night, El."

"Sweet dreams, baby."

Olivia waved to him as his picture disappear from her monitor.

The next afternoon Olivia was sitting at her desk when she happened to look up and see a bit about a helicopter crash somewhere in the desert involving a group of Marines.

"Turn that up," she said standing and pointing at the screen as Munch turned up the volume. "Oh my God," she gasped.

"What?" Munch asked looking up at the screen.

"Oh my God."

"Olivia, what's the matter," Fin asked moving to her side.

"That's Elliot," she said as tears streamed down her face.

"I thought Elliot was in Bagdad?" Munch asked and moments later a banner with the location appeared across the bottom of the screen.

"Liv, we don't know that he is there," Fin tried to explain. "This could be an entirely different group of Marines."

Olivia couldn't speak, instead she just sobbed. Fin stood beside her as Munched moved to get her a chair. She gasped trying to catch her breath as she began to grasp as Fin's shirt.

"Liv?" he asked noticing she looked very pale.

"Fin," she said softly as she groaned. "Fin, something's wrong."

"Olivia, what's going on?" he asked as she placed both hands on her belly and groaned in pain once more.

Fin looked into her eyes as she shook her head.

"Something is wrong with the baby?" he asked.

"I think so. I think I'm having contractions and I feel like I'm leaking."

"Leaking?" Munch asked looking at Fin.

"That's not supposed to happen," Fin said.

"I'll call a bus," Munch said pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

"We don't have time for that," Fin argued catching Olivia as she collapsed. "I've got her. You drive."


	34. 34 The Dark Side Of The Truth

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Four: The Dark Side Of The Truth)_

Olivia opened her eyes in the dark.

"El?" she said softly as the figure in the chair beside the bed began to come into focus.

"No Liv, it's Fin."

"Where is my husband?" she asked trying to sit up in the bed.

As she did one of the machines began beeping loudly and a nurse came rushing into the room. She studied the monitor then moved to Olivia's side.

"I need you to roll onto your right side."

"What?" Olivia asked confused.

"The baby is in distress, I need to get you off your left side. You roll onto your right and it helps increase blood flow and gets more oxygen to the baby," she said as she helped Olivia shift in the bed.

The woman stood there readjusting pillows and rubbing Olivia's back until the beeping on the monitor returned to normal.

"What the hell was that?" Fin asked.

"A close call," the woman answered looking at Olivia.

"What is wrong with my baby?"

"The doctor will be in soon to explain things to you."

"Cut the bullshit and tell her what is wrong with her kid," Fin demanded.

"You went into premature labor. The doctor has stopped it for now but…."

"But, what?" Olivia asked.

"But you have got to take it easy," he doctor said from across the room. "The slightest bit of stress can elevate your heart rate and start up your labor again. I almost didn't get it stopped this time. If you go again, I will likely have to deliver. The baby is healthy Olivia, but she is nowhere near ready to come out yet."

"Oh my God."

"You can't do that," the doctor said brushing some hair out of her eyes. "Look here," she said turning around a monitor that displayed the baby's heart rate. She pushed a button to turn on the speaker so that they could hear the little girl's pulse. "This, this right here," she said pointing to the lines on the monitor, "this is what you need to focus on right now. Your daughter needs you to stay calm. Her life depends on it."

Olivia stared at the monitor as she pressed her lips together and nodded in agreement.

"I'm just down the hall if you need me," the doctor said as she stepped out of the room. "I'll be back in a little while to check on you. Right now the more you rest, the better it is on her."

Olivia exhaled and settled back into her hospital bed.

"My husband is missing and my baby could die," she said softly as she began to cry.

"Stay calm," Fin said. "Munch and Cragen are trying to get through to someone who can tell us for sure if Elliot was on that plane."

"Helicopter," she corrected him with a soft smile. "They don't fly planes," she said remembering Elliot's words to her.

"We're gonna find out what is going on, Liv. Right now you should try to get some sleep. You heard that doctor."

"What about you?" she asked softly. "I'm sure you have a thousand things that Cragen wants you to do."

"I am staying right here until you and this baby are out of danger."

Olivia smiled a tired smile and squeezed his hand.

"Thanks, Fin."

A couple of hours later Fin stepped out into the hall as Olivia slept.

"Any word on Stabler?" he asked as Cragen paced the floor talking on the phone.

"Nothing yet, they keep giving him the runaround," Munch answered. "Damn government red tape. They are not giving him any information and it is pissing him off."

"Damn it!" Cragen shouted hanging up his phone. "How is she doing?" he asked looking at Fin.

"She's still sleeping. Doctor said the best thing for her right now is to rest. They gave her something to help her sleep and said she will be really tired for a while. The more she sleeps the easier it is on the baby. Any luck tracking Elliot down?"

"They don't want to tell me anything. I told these people that his wife is in the hospital about to lose their baby and still they wont tell me anything. What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Every time she opens her eyes she asks about him."

Fin watched as Cragen opened his cell phone once more.

"Who you calling now?" Munch asked.

"Anybody I can until I get the answers I want," Cragen replied as he dialed the number for the tenth time.

It was a long night and Olivia was exhausted. Fin sat at her bedside and watched her sleep all night and through the biggest part of the next afternoon, dreading the moment she opened her big brown eyes and asked him about Elliot again. He prayed that somehow by then he would have news to tell her….good news.

Cragen was leaned against the wall in waiting area staring out the window into the rainy city as he sipped a cup of vending machine coffee. He took another sip of the bitter brew and remembered the days when even burn of black coffee tasted a bit more like bourbon. Until this point the had never wished so much that he could crawl back into the bottle, but it was going to kill him to have to tell Olivia that her husband was dead. Right now he could really use a shot of liquid courage.

He stood straight and turned around to look behind him as someone cleared their throat. There stood a tall thin man in dress blues.

"Are you Captain Donald Cragen? The nurse down the hall said I could find you in here," he said extending his hand.

"That is me," Cragen replied shaking the man's hand. "What can I do for you?"

"You made a large number of phone calls to my superiors…."

"I did. I need information. I desperately need information on a man, a Marine. I understand how bad this looks, but I wasn't trying to harass anyone."

The man looked confused for a moment.

"One of my detectives is in there," Cragen said looking toward the door to the hall leading to Olivia's room. "She could be losing her baby. She is in premature labor due to stress, her child could die. And another of my detectives may or may not have been on that helicopter that crashed a few days ago. That detective is her husband and that baby's father. All I want is some kind of confrontation. Was he or wasn't he on that helicopter? Is he alive. She needs to know. And if he is alive somewhere, he needs to know that his wife is in the process of losing their baby girl. His child could be dying and he should know. I just need some answers. I need something that I can tell her when she wakes up and asks about her husband. Please, just tell me something. She can't go on just not knowing."

"Is there some place we can go to talk?" the man asked. "Some place a little more private?"

"I'll ask one of the nurses about the conference room down the hall."

The next evening Olivia began to stir. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes in the darkness, unsure of what day it was or how long she had even been here. Her head felt foggy and she tried to gather her thoughts. She smoothed her hands down over her belly relieved to feel that the bump was still there. She raised her eyes to study the monitors and smiled at the one showing the baby's heart rate.

"That's my girl," she said softly as she felt a little kick. She groaned and raised up a little in the bed to see a form in the chair beside the bed. "Fin? You're still here?" she asked with a smile.

"No, baby, it's me."

"Elliot?" she gasped as she began to cry.

He leaned forward into the light from the window so that she could see his face.

"Oh my God," she said raising her fingertips to touch his face. "I was so worried about you. They wouldn't tell us anything. Are you okay?"

"I am now," he said gently kissing her.

His face was all scratched up and his arm was in a sling.

"That was you? The helicopter that crashed?"

"Something went wrong with the computer and we lost all power. We went into a tailspin and crashed into a sand dune. There were five of us on board. Only two of us made it out."

"Thank God you are okay."

"They treated us and put us on the first flight back to the U.S. When I got back to San Diego, they told me there had been a dozen or so calls from Cragen saying that my wife was in the hospital. They gave me a family emergency medical leave so that I could come here."

"I am so glad you are here," she said softly kissing him again. "Did Riley come home with you?"

"Liv," he said softly as he exhaled, "Riley didn't make it. He was killed in the crash."

She sat staring at him with tears in her eyes unsure of what to say to him.

"El, I am so sorry," she said as she hugged him tight.

Elliot wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"Right now we need to focus on getting you better and keeping our little girl in there as long as we can," he said placing his hand against her belly. "How did this happen?"

"The doctor said it was stress. I saw the helicopter crash on the news and I just knew it was you. I panicked and I passed out. I woke up here and they said I was in premature labor. The doctor gave me stuff to try and stop the labor and help me sleep and I have been here….three days….I think."

"How is she doing in there?"

"Better, now. The contractions have stopped and they told me to lay on my side to reduce the stress on the baby. I'm not really sure what they are going to do with me though. I can't stay here for the next three and a half weeks until my due date."

"If it means that baby stays in there until she can be safely delivered, we will do whatever it takes. Including staying in the hospital. Let's talk to this doctor and find out for sure what is going on," he said pushing the call button at her bedside.

"I missed you so much," Olivia said softly as she laid back in the bed. "We both did. I love you so much."

"I love you too, angel," he said kissing her tenderly.

The next afternoon Olivia was released from the hospital to go home. Her doctor suggested she take it easy the next couple of weeks and suggested a few days of bed rest. Elliot spent the next two days cuddled up to his wife in bed watching old movies and waiting on her hand and foot.

"I am so glad you are here," she whispered as she kissed him tenderly.

"Liv, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's going on?"

Elliot propped himself up on his elbow in the bed beside his wife.

"I didn't mean to wait this long to tell you, but I didn't want to bring on anymore stress."

"El, you're scaring me."

"It's alright," he assured her. "When I spoke to the people in San Diego….I have to go back at the end of the week."

"End of the week?"

"My flight leaves out Saturday. I only have two more days here at home then I have to fly back to San Diego."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. Until they send me somewhere else, I guess. They have a lot of details to sort out about this helicopter crash and I have to answer a bunch of questions. From there, they will decide where they will station me."

"You don't get to stay. Elliot, I am having this baby in three weeks. You're not even going to be able to be here, are you?"

"I am going to do everything I can."

"Will they send you back to Bagdad?"

"I'm not going back."

"Can you make that decision?"

"Legally, no. But I am going to do everything I can to stay stateside. I just watched my best friend die and my wife is set to deliver our little girl at any time. That crash happened because their equipment was faulty. They are responsible for the deaths of the three men who died. I am sure that is one secret they would do a lot to protect. I am going to go in there and give them my best argument and see if I can't get them to keep from sending me overseas. But I still don't know if they will let me come home when she is born."

"You are going to blackmail the United States Marine Corp?"

"No, I just want them to understand where I am coming from. I think that I have done more than enough to fulfill my commitment to them."

"So what do we do now?"

"I have a meeting on Monday morning. That is when they will tell me where they are sending me. I will call you as soon as I know something. Until then, we take advantage of the time we have together."

"Okay," she said forcing a smile. "I will take all of the time I can get."

Elliot kissed her forehead as she snuggled in against him.

"I love you baby," he whispered as he kissed her tenderly.

"I love you, too. We will figure this out, El. Together, we will figure this out."


	35. 35 Change Of Plans

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Five: Change Of Plans)_

"I don't want you to go," Olivia said as she sat on the edge of their bed and watched Elliot pack his suitcase.

"I have to."

"I know. But I still don't want you to."

"Hey, I will be in San Diego for at least the next few days and after that…. I am just hoping they wont send me out of the country. Then you wont have to worry."

Olivia smiled.

"If you are not by my side, I'm gonna worry."

"I know baby. I will call you when my plane lands," he said kissing her forehead on his way out the door. "You try to take it easy and if you need anything…."

"Call Fin, I know. I'll be fine, El."

Olivia sighed as she watched him climb into the back of the taxi and it pulled away. She smiled as she felt their daughter kick inside her and smoothed her hands over her belly.

"I know sweetheart," she said softly, "mommy is a little worried about him, too."

She laid on the sofa with her feet propped up watching television for a few hours, but it wasn't working. Nothing she tried helped her keep her mind off of him. So Olivia got up, slipped her shoes on, grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

"What are you doing here?" Fin asked as she walked in and laid her jacket over the back of her chair.

"I work here."

"You are supposed to be on bed rest."

"I am on light duty, not bed rest."

Fin folded his arms in front of him and shook his head.

"Fin, please. I sit around at home and all I do is think about him. I don't know what is going on with him and it drives me crazy. I need this. I need work to take my mind off things. It is just a little paper work, how stressful could typing up a couple of documents be?"

"Alright. But you sit there and prop your feet up. And if you need anything, I will get it for you. You stay off your feet."

Olivia smiled.

"I'm not broken."

"No, but I will be if your husband finds out I let you come in to work."

Olivia laughed.

"Thanks Fin, your secret is safe with me."

That afternoon Fin sat at his desk across from Olivia as they shared lunch together. They were in the middle of discussing his notes on a case when her cell phone chimed.

"Is everything okay?" he asked as she picked up her phone to read the message.

"It is just Elliot letting me know that he made it there safe and got checked in to his hotel. He is headed into his meeting and he will call me when he gets out."

"It's good of him to check in."

"He knows I worry. I can't help it, I worry about him all of the time. I have almost lost him twice and still these people insist on keeping him away from me."

"But his tour should be finished soon, right?"

"He has just over nine months to go. Until then they can really do anything with him they like. All I can do is hope that they have enough mercy to keep him close enough he will at least get to see his baby from time to time. I am just so afraid that I will loose him again."

"You have to think positive. Elliot is going to do everything he can do to be here in a few weeks when this baby is born. You and I both know there is no place he would rather be. But Elliot has a duty, to his country. A promise he made long before he knew he would ever find you again. He is an honorable man, Olivia, he does his best to keep all of his promises, including the one he made to the U.S. Marine Corp. Even if that means pulling him away from the two things he loves the most in life, his wife and his baby girl."

By now Olivia was crying.

"He is a good man, Liv. And I couldn't imagine you with anyone else. I assure you that you and this baby are the only things he thinks about each and every moment he is away from your side."

"I just miss him. All I want if for us to have the chance to live a normal life. I want to go to sleep beside him every night and wake up next to him in the morning. I want us to live together and raise our little girl together. I want to give our baby a real family. I can't do this alone, Fin. I have tried. I gave away our son, because I wanted him to have a real family. That was something I couldn't provide alone. We tried for months for this baby. He was supposed to be here."

"He will be," Fin said softly as he brushed away her tears, "just as soon as he can be."

"I'm sorry," she said wiping off her face. "I try to be strong and hold it together, but sometimes I can't help but break."

"I fully understand. Honey, why don't I take you home so you can get some rest?"

"I don't want to be in that apartment alone."

"Liv, lay down and get some sleep. I am sure Elliot will be calling you soon and I will stop by a little later and bring you some dinner. Try to relax, all of this stress isn't good for you or this baby."

Olivia stared at him for a moment.

"Liv…."

"Okay, but I am coming in to work tomorrow. I can't sit around at home all day, even just a half a day's work gets me away from the house for a while."

Fin walked her down and put her in a cab. Olivia returned home and climbed into bed turning on the television and curling up with one of her crime novels to try to unwind. Fin was right, stress wasn't good for the baby. The more upset Olivia allowed herself to get over things that were out of her control, the more risk was placed on the life of her daughter.

Several hours later Olivia awoke to the sound of the telephone ringing. She sat up in the bed and looked around the dark room. It was night time now and she wasn't really sure how long she had been asleep.

"El?" she asked as she picked up the house phone.

"No Liv, it's Fin. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"I have tried to call you about five times. I just got a little worried. I'm standing out in front of your apartment, can you buzz me in?"

"Of course," she said carrying the cordless telephone into the living room and pressing the button to allow him entry.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Fin asked sitting a bag of take out food on the kitchen counter.

"I'm fine, Fin. I just fell asleep watching T.V. that's all. I must have left my cell out here somewhere," she said beginning to search for it. "Shit! I am sure Elliot tried to call by now."

"I am sure if he had and couldn't get through he would have called me to check on you."

"You haven't heard from him?" she asked picking up her cell phone and checking it for any messages from her husband.

"No."

"I didn't get a text or miss any calls from him. It is late, he was supposed to call me after his meeting."

"Well, what time is it in San Diego?"

"I'm not sure. But he still should have called by now."

"Liv, maybe they have him busy with something. I am sure everything is fine and he will call you as soon as he can."

"He isn't answering his phone either. It just goes to voice mail."

"I am sure he is fine. Why don't you get something to eat and I will wait with you until you hear back from him?"

"Really?"

"Really," Fin said forcing a smile. "Now lets feed that baby."

It was early the next morning when Fin awoke on her sofa. Olivia had given up hours ago and turned in for the night. He sat up and looked around the apartment. It was still dark outside and the sun wouldn't be up for at least another hour or so. Something didn't feel right.

Fin walked quietly down the hall and stood in the doorway of the master bedroom to see Olivia sleeping soundly.

"Your mind is playing tricks on you man," he said softly to himself as he made his way back into the kitchen for a glass of water.

He sat his empty glass in the sink and turned for a moment to look over his shoulder at the door across the room. Just then an odd sound broke the still of the silence in the room. Fin made his way back to the sofa and picked up his service weapon from the coffee table as he heard the noise once more.

He backed slowly across the room and stood guard in the shadows of the hallway waiting for the predator to gain entry. He turned off the safety on his gun and raised it to aim at the door as the handle began to rattle once more and then turn slowly. Fin watched as the door opened slowly and a shadowy figure stepped inside. The man stood for a moment as he pushed the door shut behind him and began to look around the room.

"Hold it right there," Fin ordered as he turned on the light in the hallway and held the gun even with the back of the stranger's head.

"What the hell is this?" the man asked raising his hands in the air.

"What are you doing here?"

"I live here! What are you doing here?"

"Elliot?"

"Fin?"

"Shit, man. I'm sorry," Fin said lowering his gun. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I wasn't expecting you either. What are you doing here?"

"Liv didn't want to be alone. I fell asleep on the sofa and heard someone trying to get in. I guess the cop in me took over from there."

"At least I know my wife is safe while I'm away. How is she?"

"She would be better if you had called her. She's been worried sick all night."

"I didn't get out of the meeting until late and there were some things I had to take care of on base. I tried to call her earlier, but my phone battery died. I knew it was late here, so I just took the first flight back."

"Well, I trust you have things from here. I am gonna head on home and let you have a little alone time with your wife. It's good to have you back, man."

"Thanks Fin. For looking after things while I'm away. I really appreciate it. And it helps a lot to know she has someone looking out for her. I know she doesn't think she needs it, but it gives me peace of mind."

"No problem," Fin said shaking Elliot's hand. "Tell her I'll take care of things at work tomorrow, if she wants to take the day off and have some family time."

"I'll have her call you in the morning."

Elliot watched as Fin climbed onto the elevator, then closed the door. He kicked off his shoes at the door and crept to the bathroom to brush his teeth, then sat down on the edge of the bed beside his wife.

"Liv," he said softly as he smoothed his hand over her back.

Olivia stirred a bit and slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh my God, Elliot."

She sat up and threw her arms around his neck.

"I was so worried. You never called."

"I know, baby. They had me working late and then my phone died and I knew it was late here…."

"They let you come home?"

"For a little while," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her tenderly. "Lets talk about all of this in the morning over breakfast. We can sleep in and then I'll make us some pancakes. How does that sound?"

"My husband is home with me where he belongs. It sounds pretty darn good to me," she said as she snuggled in against him in the bed.

The next morning Elliot made her his famous pancakes and fresh orange juice.

"I missed your pancakes," she said with a smile. "And I missed you."

"I was only gone one day."

"So, just like that they let you come home?"

"Not exactly."

"There's a catch?"

"Isn't there always?"

Olivia laid her fork against her plate and leaned back in her chair smoothing her hands over her belly.

"They are sending you away again, aren't they?"

Elliot was quiet.

"Back to Bagdad?"

"No. I'll never go there again."

"Where?"

"I'm going back to San Diego. Tomorrow afternoon."

"They only let you come home for one day?"

"I wasn't supposed to come home at all. But they gave me a few days before I am supposed to start work on base."

"And you came back to see us?"

"Every chance I get," he said placing his palm on her belly. "I hate being away from you. Liv, I am not going to be able to come home again for months. I'm going to miss Mia's birth."

"What?"

"They have me tied up, I wont even get a weekend off for God knows how long. I didn't want to tell you over the phone."

Olivia was quiet and Elliot watched a tear roll down her cheek as she stared at the floor.

"Liv," he exhaled, "I have an idea. I can't come back to Manhattan to be here when you have the baby. But I was thinking, maybe you could come to San Diego with me."

"What? You mean move to California?"

"Only for about nine months. As soon a I am out, we'll come back home. Baby, I want this life with you. I want to be here for you and I want to share every precious moment of the arrival of our baby girl with my wife. I want to be there when she is born and when we bring her home from the hospital. I don't want to have to experience her first words and first steps through letters and emails. I want to be a father and a husband. I want to be Mia's father and your husband. I want us to be a family. Come with me to San Diego."

Olivia leaned her forehead into his and smiled as she stared into his eyes.

"You came back for me?" she whispered.

"I did."

"If moving to San Diego means that we get to be a real family, I'm in."

"Yeah?" Elliot asked with a smile.

"Yeah," she sighed as she kissed him and began to cry again.

"Baby, this is good news. Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," she laughed. "Hormones, I guess. But Elliot, what if they send you away again?"

"They won't."

"But what if they do? I can't be alone in San Diego with a baby not knowing where you are or if you are even coming home to me."

Elliot smiled.

"They wont," he said softly as he kissed her lips. "I am stateside for good. That was part of the agreement."

"Really?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes. They are putting me back to work training the new recruits, but only in San Diego."

"That's great. Wait, El, where will we live?"

"I spent the biggest part of yesterday afternoon getting us a place on base."

"You did?"

"I did. It isn't much, a little three bedroom place not much bigger than this apartment. But we will be together and we can set up a nursery for Mia. The hospital isn't too far from the base and you can call me when you go in labor and I will be right there. I will be working regular hours once we get this all lined out. There will be a few late nights here and there, but after the next couple of weeks it will be like a regular Monday through Friday job. We will keep in touch with everyone back here and after Mia is born, maybe I can get a little time for us to fly back and visit."

"Honey, I am almost nine months pregnant, I don't think I am supposed to fly."

"We're not flying. We are going to pack up the things we need right away and take them with us in the car. The house is furnished, so all we really need is our personal belongings and clothes. I'll see if Fin can keep an eye on the place until we can get back around here for a visit."

"What about the baby's room? Her crib and all of her things…."

"We will pack up the clothes and things we need for when she is first born. I can get another crib there and we can set up a nursery, that way we don't have to move her things back and forth. We will leave this room set up for her here for when we visit."

"What are we gonna tell the guys?"

"I expect Fin to be frustrated with me. But I think eventually they will all understand that if this is what it takes to keep my family together, then this is what I am going to do."

"I want to make sure we keep in touch and send them pictures of the baby."

"We can talk to them over the computer, too. I know it wont be quite the same, but for the next few months it is the best that we can do. It wont be long sweetheart and we will be loading up our little girl to move back home to Manhattan."

"Thank you for this."

"For what?"

"For finding a way for us to be together as a family. I was so worried that you wouldn't be able to be there and I would have to do this alone. It is gonna be so nice sleeping next to my husband every night."

"I love you, baby. And I love Mia. All I want is to be there for you both, to love and protect you and to provide for you both the family you deserve."

"I love you, too."


	36. 36 Temporary Home

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Six: Temporary Home)_

"That's the last box," Elliot said closing the hatch on the back of Olivia's black SUV.

Olivia stood on the street staring up at the apartment window.

"Baby, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said turning to look at him. "I'm just gonna miss this place, you know? This was our first home together."

Elliot slipped his arms around her and kissed the side of her neck.

"It's still ours. And in a few months we will be back. All three of us. And you can take Mia shopping and we'll take her to the park. And all of the guys at work are going to love her. Everyone is going to love her."

Olivia exhaled and forced a smile.

"We've got to get on the road, baby. If we leave now we still have time to stop by the precinct and for a quick goodbye. I hate to rush this, but I have to be back at work on Monday and I want to make sure we have time to get settled into the house first."

"I understand," she said as he held the car door open for her.

"I put your pillow here between the seats incase you want to catch a nap while we're on the road. It's gonna be a long drive."

"Even longer when I have to pee every ten minutes."

Elliot smiled.

"If you have to pee, we will stop. It isn't a problem."

"You say that now," she joked as she climbed into the passenger's seat.

They stopped by the precinct and said their goodbye's then got on the road. The first several hours of the trip seemed to last forever. Elliot listened to a crime novel on a CD while Olivia took little catnaps and stared out the window watching the world pass her by.

She closed her eyes and tried to remember the beach and that beautiful place on the boardwalk where Elliot first proposed to her when they were kids. She smiled a soft smile at the thought of their daughter being born in the city where she and Elliot had finally become husband and wife. Things were going to be strange for a little while, but it was all going to be worth it to finally be able to share her life with her husband and soon, their baby girl.

"How are you ladies doing over there?" Elliot asked as she stared out the window.

"We're good," Olivia said smiling back at him.

"There is a little town about fifteen miles up the road. I thought maybe we could stop and gas up the car, maybe get out and walk around a little bit. Are you ready for a bathroom break?"

"I'm always ready for a bathroom break," she laughed.

"We can find a place to get some dinner, get a room."

"It isn't even dark yet. Are you sure you want to stop this early?"

"You look exhausted. And you have been cramped up in this car for so long. We can turn in a little early tonight and get started early in the morning."

"I thought we were pushing for time?"

"We are actually making pretty good time. I don't want to over do it," he said rubbing her belly.

"You are so overprotective and she isn't even here yet."

"You're my wife and she's my daughter, it's my job to be overprotective. Besides, I read that stress can induce labor and I want to make sure we make it to San Diego _before_ the baby comes."

Olivia laughed.

"Alright, let's stop."

"So, what are you hungry for?"

"Actually, a big bacon cheeseburger and fries sounds really good."

"Cheeseburger, it is."

Elliot pulled into a gas station and filled up the gas tank. He found a little diner for them to eat at and ordered his wife a cheeseburger and a chocolate milkshake. After dinner he got them checked into a nice hotel and brought in snacks from the car while Olivia was taking a hot shower to unwind.

When she got out of the shower, Elliot had pulled back the blankets on the bed and the snack food spread out across it, picnic style.

"What is this?" Olivia asked with a smile.

"I thought we could find a good movie and just relax the rest of the evening. I know it is still a little early to go to bed, but being all cramped up in that car isn't good for you or the baby."

Elliot patted the bed beside him. Olivia made her way to her side of the bed. Elliot grinned at her attempt to hide the pregnancy waddle as she moved. The baby was due in just a couple of weeks, but it seemed as if Olivia's belly got bigger every day. He smiled as he stared at his pregnant wife.

He had always heard that pregnant women had a glow about them, but it wasn't until this pregnancy with Olivia that he had realized how true it really was. And though she was very self conscious, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and Elliot made it a point to remind her every day.

"What?" Olivia asked catching him staring at her as she ran her brush through her dark hair.

"I was just thinking…." he said pausing for a moment.

"Thinking what?" she asked.

"How much I love my wife and baby. I have got to be the luckiest man in the entire world."

"You are the sweetest man in the world," she said kissing him tenderly.

"Is it just me or does this belly get bigger every day?"

Olivia laughed.

"Thanks, El. Yes, I do believe I get fatter every day."

"That isn't what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"I mean….the baby gets bigger….and that makes your belly look….appear more…."

"Round?"

Olivia giggled.

"I know what you meant," she laughed as she pushed a Cheeto into his mouth.

"I love you."

"You better," she said with a playful grin. "Seeing as I am about to push a seven pound bowling ball through my vagina."

Elliot kissed her again.

"Baby, I'm nervous. Are you nervous?" he asked her.

"Nervous about the move?"

"Well, that and the delivery," he said smoothing his hand over her belly.

"Why are you nervous about the delivery, I'm the one who has to do all the work," she joked.

"You're not nervous?"

"Maybe a little. It all seems a little scary when it is happening, but it everything will be just fine."

"What if I pass out? Or what if you are in so much pain you can't stand to look at me and kick me out of the delivery room?"

"Relax, that is what the epidural is for."

"I mean it. You are going to be in so much pain and there wont be anything I can do to help."

"If you want I can walk you through some of the things we learned in birthing class."

"You took a birthing class?"

"When I was pregnant the first time. Courtney went with me. They teach me things like the best ways to breathe and you things that help you be a good birthing coach. It was a long time ago, but I am sure it hasn't changed that much."

"I wish I had been here. Then and this time. Early enough during this pregnancy that we could have taken these classes together. I am her father, I should know these things."

"And you will. Everything you need to know, you will learn."

"You sound so sure. I love her so much, but loving her isn't enough. I have never been around kids. Never changed a diaper, I have never even held a baby. And now I am about to have one. I want to be a good father for her, but I don't know anything about parenting."

"El, it will be okay. This is just stage freight. It is getting close to time and that is a bit nerve wrecking. I will show you everything I know and we can learn the rest together," she said kissing him tenderly. "You are going to be an amazing father."

"You really think so?"

"I know so, I have faith in you."

Elliot kissed her forehead.

"I love you so much, Liv. And I know together we can make it through anything. You are my strength."

"You are so sweet," she said pressing her lips to his.

"You look so tired."

"I am tired, but I am not ready to go to sleep. I think miss Mia wants to stay up and play a while," she said placing her palm against her belly to feel their baby girl kick.

Elliot smoothed his hands over Olivia's belly and kissed the place where he felt his little girl's heartbeat inside.

"She's excited," he said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, she can't wait to get to her new home in San Diego and get her room set up so she can finally come out of there and meet her mommy and daddy."

Olivia smiled.

"I can't wait either," she joked. "I getting really tired of being pregnant and I have not even reached my due date, yet."

"I thought you enjoyed being pregnant?"

"I do. Once you get over the constant heartburn and morning sickness, gas pains, raging hormones and insomnia, nasty prenatal vitamins and wicked stretch marks, pregnancy is really a beautiful thing. But the last couple of months are kind of hard. I am tired all of the time, but I can't sleep most of it. I have started having braxton hicks. My ankles are swelling and I can hardly wait to finally get to hold my baby.

"Braxton what?"

"They are like false contractions. Well, they are real contractions, but not really labor. Like my body is preparing for delivery. It happens during the last part of pregnancy."

"I didn't realize this was all so hard on you."

"No one ever said pregnancy was easy. And it all pays off the moment you get to see your baby."

"I can't wait for us to get settled into the house and get the nursery set up and then Mia can come. I just wish we could skip ahead a little bit."

"Don't skip ahead too far. Maybe just to right after the epidural kicks in. I can handle everything after that," she joked.

"Do you think you are gonna be happy in San Diego?" Elliot asked as she laid her head against his shoulder.

"I am happy where ever you are. As long as our family is together, I will be happy."

"Let's get some sleep," Elliot said turning off the lamp beside the bed as Olivia settled in against his chest.

Elliot was out within a few minutes. Olivia, however, spent the next four and a half hours watching television and waiting for Mia to settle down for the night, before she finally fell asleep.

After what seemed like a thousand hours of driving and two hundred stops so Olivia could pee, they finally arrived on base. Olivia slid her sunglasses up on the top of her head to get a better look as they drove past a several houses to a section of apartments in the back. She was sure Elliot was just playing around with her until he parked the car and walked around to open the door for her.

"What do you think?" he asked as she stared at the rundown looking building unsure of what to say.

"It's a duplex," she said trying hard not to show her disappointment.

"Is that a problem?"

"Not until we bring home a newborn baby and she keeps the neighbors up all night."

"Come on," I want to show you around.

Elliot locked his fingers between hers and lead her up the walk. Olivia held her breath as he unlocked the front door to their new home.

"It is three bedrooms. The first two are here," he said pointing to two small rooms across the hall from each other. "And the master bedroom is back here," he said opening the door to a room that except for the walk in closet was not much bigger than the other two. "Bathroom on the left and the kitchen is over here." She watched as he opened a small pantry door, "washer and dryer. And this is the living room."

"There's no dining room?"

Elliot walked a few feet across the living room to a wall.

"It's right here. Well, a dining area. It is a little smaller than I would have liked, but it was kind of last minute."

He watched her for a moment as she looked around the room a little stunned.

"Liv?"

She was trying so hard to think of something nice about this place, the last thing she wanted to do was disappoint him.

"I like the furniture," she said looking at the only pieces of the apartment that hadn't already been stained or destroyed.

"Well, I just called a furniture rental place so we had something right away. I figured we could go down and actually pick something out together once we got settled. But we need something to live on until then."

Olivia couldn't look at him. She couldn't face him, he had tried so hard. She didn't want him to know the truth about the way she felt right now. She couldn't let him seen the disappointment in her eyes or know that at this moment she was really homesick and wondering if this move wasn't some huge mistake.

She looked around the room and took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves. She felt her bottom lip quiver a bit and the warmth of a single tear as it made its escape and slid down her left cheek.

"So, what do you think?" he asked again as he slipped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

"It's…."

"Baby, are you crying?"

"No," she whined hating herself in this moment. "Yes," she whimpered.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Olivia couldn't speak. She shook her head and just stood there, tears now pouring down her face as she broke down.

"You don't like it?"

She couldn't lie to him, she could never lie to him.

"I hate it," she whined again trying not to face him and feeling like a HUGE bitch for telling him the truth.

"Liv, come here and talk to me," Elliot said leading her to the sofa to sit down.

"I'm so sorry, El. I know how hard you tried and I appreciate it. Really, I do."

Elliot listened for a moment as she sobbed so hard he couldn't even understand the words she was saying.

"It just isn't what I imagined," she said raising her head to look around once more. "It's….it's…."

"It's a dump," Elliot said staring into her eyes.

"Yeah," she sighed as she nodded her head.

"I know that. It was last minute and this was all they had open at the moment. I couldn't bring my pregnant wife all this way without a home to live in. Think of it as our temporary home."

"How temporary?" she asked in a worried voice.

Elliot laughed and smiled.

"Come here a minute," he said leading her out onto the walk in front of the apartment. "You see those," he said pointing to all of the houses they had drove past on the way in."

"Yes."

"That is the new family housing. They will be finished in just a few weeks and are assigned by rank. I am on the top of the list for a three bedroom, two bathroom as soon as they open them up."

"Really?"

"Yes, really," he replied wiping away her tears and kissing her tenderly. "I wouldn't expect to live here with my wife and raise our baby here. This place is nowhere near good enough for you or for Mia. My family deserves much more than this."

"Oh thank God," she signed in relief. "I'm sorry, El. But I don't want to live here for the next year of my life. I would do it if it meant being here with you, but I really would rather not."

"Well, I'm not sure if we will be able to get moved into the new house before the baby comes. But I will do everything I can," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I will talk to them at work tomorrow and see if I can get them to show us a floor model. Then we can get an idea of how you want to decorate. Mia will have a real nursery and we can set it up anyway you want it. And hopefully we will be all settled in before our baby girl arrives. It will be okay, I promise."

"I didn't know how to tell you I didn't like this place. You worked so hard to make things nice for us to move."

"Olivia, I am never going to be angry with you for telling me the truth about how you feel. I love you more than life and all I want is for you to be happy. I know you have kind of been on your own a lot through out this marriage, but you can talk to me. You can trust me. I want us to be able to be the way were before. You are still my best friend and you always will be."

"And you're mine," she said softly. "I was just so afraid I was going to hurt you. And I am sure that I overreacted at least a little bit, part of that is the hormones."

"No, I really should have warned you before I brought you in here. I guess I just thought telling you I found this place last minute would be enough. Listen, if you would rather not stay here, that is alright, too. I can get us into a hotel until the house is ready. We don't have to sleep here."

"It's fine. I'll be fine, we'll be fine," she said placing her hands on her belly. "As long as we are here with you, we will be just fine."

"Good," he said kissing her tenderly. "But I still hope they get the house done really soon. This place smells."

"You noticed it, too? Good, then it isn't just me."

"No, it smells like."

"An old shoe."

Elliot laughed.

"I was thinking stale cigar smoke."

Olivia smelled the air.

"Stale cigar smoke and an old shoe. Trust me, it is the pregnancy thing. I am like a freaking bloodhound. I can pinpoint a smell from a mile away."

"Well, whatever it is, I will see if I can somehow find a way to air it out. It cannot be healthy. Welcome home," he said kissing her.

"Temporary home," she corrected him.


	37. 37 The Element Of Surprise

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Seven: The Element of Surprise)_

Olivia groaned and opened her eyes as her cell phone rang a third time. The baby was due in ten days and those ten days could not pass quickly enough. Lately she was so uncomfortable between the stress and worry of getting settled into their new place, adjusting to her new doctor before Mia arrived, and the aches and pains that came along with being big pregnant that she was unable to sleep at night. Olivia tried to catch little naps on the sofa while Elliot was away at work during the day and so they could spend every possible moment together in the evenings when he came home.

"Hello," she said with a yawn.

"Hey baby," he said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Tired and sore, but fine."

"Did I wake you? You sound tired."

"I was taking a nap, but it's alright."

"How did your appointment go this morning?"

"Good."

"I'm sorry I couldn't get off work to go with you. I really wanted to be there."

"I know you did. The doctor said everything looks good. I am not dilating yet and but I'm thinning out."

"Baby, I don't know what that means."

Olivia laughed.

"After I thin out, I dilate. Dilating means my cervix is opening to let the baby come out. Some women stay dilated a little for days before they actually go into labor."

"But we're getting close?"

"Progressing. But there is still no telling how long it could take. He said that everything looks good and Mia is into position and ready to go. The rest is up to my body."

"But you only have a few days left, right?"

"I have ten days until my due date. But that is just an estimate of when the baby could come. Some women carry past their due date. The doctor said today that if labor doesn't start naturally by four days after my due date, he will admit me and induce."

"Still, we know at the longest it will be two more weeks. So we can kind of count down," he said trying to make her feel better about the situation.

"True."

"How do you like your new doctor?"

"He's alright. It's kind of strange though, I have always had a female gynecologist. He was very professional, but it is still kind of weird."

"He is the only OBGYN near base. But if you would rather have a female doctor I can ask around and find someone."

"I think it will be alright. I really don't want to have to change doctors again this close to delivery. I'm a little anxious about this whole thing anyway, changing doctors again now will only make me more nervous."

"Okay. Listen, Juarez and his wife Melissa have invited us to go out with them tonight for dinner. I thought it might be nice for us to be able to hang out with another couple. I told him I had to talk to you and I would get back to them. But I really think we should go."

"El, I am just so tired. I don't know if I am going to feel like going anywhere. And Juarez gets to spend all day with you. Forgive me for being stingy, but I would like to spend the evening with my husband."

"Liv, honey, I thought this would be a good way for you to get to meet someone. Melissa is really nice. She is about your age and they have two little boys at home. If might be nice to have a friend to do mommy things with while I'm away at work. I know ho lonely this move has been for you."

I know what you're trying to do, El. And I think it is very sweet, I do. But I am just so tired lately, I would really rather not make any plans. I sit around all day looking forward to you coming home in the evening and cuddling up next to you on the sofa. I just don't feel much like going out and meeting new people right now. Can you ask them if we can reschedule? Maybe for sometime after the baby comes and I am feeling a little more like myself?"

"No problem," Elliot said trying to understand where she was coming from. "Listen sweetheart, I love you, but I have to get back to work right now. I'll be home in a few hours."

"I love you, too."

Three and a half hours later Elliot entered the front door of their apartment. He hung his keys on the hook and slipped off his jacket.

"Liv, baby, I'm home," he called through the apartment.

"I'm back here," she called as he smelled the air in the apartment.

"Whatever you are cooking, smells amazing!"

"It's chicken," she said as she appeared from the nursery. "Fried chicken, salad, corn and mashed potatoes."

"Homemade?"

"Of course," she replied with a smile as she stood on her tip toes to kiss him.

"That is my favorite."

"I know."

"And you set the table with candles."

"This is my little way of saying I'm sorry. I know you are just trying to help me adjust to live here and I practically snapped at you on the phone."

"You haven't been feeling well, I know that. You are nine months pregnant and I should have been a little more considerate of your condition."

"El, you didn't do anything wrong," she said kissing him again. "I was thinking maybe we could plan something, ahead of time. Make plans in advance to go to dinner with some of your friends from work. I have been so tired and moody and so full of anxiety lately. I know if it is bothering me, it has to be bothering you."

"When would you like to make plans?"

"Maybe some evening next week? Why don't you ask around and mention the idea. I am up for any night, I would just prefer to know in advance so we can plan it. Things are less stressful when I know about them in advance. I was just really not feeling well today."

"It's alright," he said kissing her. "I would rather keep you all to myself anyway. And this incredible home cooked meal has to be better than any restaurant around here. That was a great surprise."

"That is only half the surprise," she said moving to the kitchen to pull a pineapple upside down cake from the oven."

"Oh yeah," Elliot said with a nod as she smiled.

"I knew you would like this part."

"I like all of it."

"We should eat before it gets cold," she said pulling him by the hand to the table where she poured him a glass of iced tea.

"You made biscuits, too?"

Olivia smiled.

"You are the best wife ever!"

She laughed.

"Much better than your last wife right?" she asked sarcastically.

Elliot laughed.

"You are my one and only love. My one and only wife. There will never be anyone else for me."

"Aww, good answer," she placing her napkin in her lap as she took a bite of her potatoes. "So, how was your day dear?"

"It was okay. This has been the best part by far. How was yours?"

"Well, I had the appointment. Then I came home and took a nap, was super rude to my wonderful husband over the phone, then I felt super bad about it and called the cab to take me to the market to get the things for his favorite meal. The best way I could think of to make it up to him….well, second best way," she said with a smile. "And sex isn't likely to happen right now. Then I came home and cleaned house. And I worked on the nursery while I was making dinner."

"How is that coming along?"

"It looks much better since you painted it. I got all of her clothes washed and put away and I got the little butterfly decals put up on the wall. All that's left is to hang the mobile and deliver the baby."

"Those decals are removable, right?"

"Why? I thought you liked the butterflies?"

"I do."

"Don't worry, they just peel right off. The next tenants won't ever know they were there."

Elliot smiled.

"Good. Because I have a little surprise, too."

He reached into his pocket and laid a set of keys on the table.

Olivia smiled.

"You got the keys for the demo home?" she asked in an excited voice. "So the houses should be ready soon?"

"They are looking to open them up to the community in about a month. I pulled a few strings."

"Can we go check it out after dinner?"

"I thought you didn't feel like going anywhere tonight?"

"El…"

"Of course we can."

"Sweet," she said as she dipped a chunk of her chicken breast into her mashed potatoes and tossed it into her mouth.

"I swear, you make the best fried chicken in the world."

Olivia smiled.

"I'm glad you like it."

After dinner, Elliot cleared the table and took out the trash. He washed the dinner dishes and cleaned up the kitchen after insisting Olivia get off her feet and rest for a little while.

When he had finished cleaning up, he escorted his wife to the car and drove them to the new community.

"These are all so nice," Olivia said looking at all of the homes around them as she stepped out of the car.

Elliot held her hand in his as he opened the front door and turned on the light inside.

"This is beautiful," she gasped as she looked around them.

"Liv, this it the foyer. The rest of the house is through here."

"It's still beautiful."

Elliot showed her around the house as they talked about what would go where things would go and what would look best where.

"So ours will be set up just like this one, right?" Olivia asked.

"Yep. Did you notice it has a besiegement?"

"I did," she said with a smile. "And the only plans I have for that are the washer and dryer. I was thinking the rest could be your man cave."

"Really? And we can put a TV down there?"

"What ever you want," she laughed. "I love this place. How much longer do you think it will be before we can move in?"

"I was thinking we could start this weekend," he said as Olivia turned around to look at him.

"What? Ours is ready?"

"Baby, welcome home," Elliot said tossing her the keys.

"This one is ours?"

"It is. I went in to ask them for the keys to look at a model. They know about our _special circumstances_," he said smoothing her hands over her belly, "and they said that the carpet and paint are not finished on the homes in the back, but if we were interested we could go ahead and move into one of the models."

"Everything is finished?"

"Brand new and in perfect condition. There is a fenced back yard and a two car garage."

"Oh El, I am so excited."

"I wanted to try to get us out of the other place before the baby came. I have to work tomorrow morning, but I took the afternoon off. I have a couple of buddies from work that are gonna help us get moved in this weekend. The first thing I want to do is get the nursery set up, so it is ready for when finally Mia does arrive."

"Elliot, you are the most wonderful husband and father in the world," she said throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him again.

"Let's get home. It's getting late and we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

"Elliot, we are home," she said with a smile.

"Yes baby, we are."

Olivia spent most of the next morning packing all of the small stuff back into boxes. Around noon she began to watch out the window in anticipation for her husband to come home. She picked up her cell phone and dialed his number.

"Hey Liv," Elliot said as he answered.

"Hey, I just made cheeseburgers and fries for lunch. How much longer do you think you'll be?"

"I shouldn't be too awful long."

Just then the doorbell rang.

"Someone is here," Olivia said. "I wonder who that could be."

"A couple of the guys are supposed to come over and help with the move. Let them in and I'll be home in a few minutes."

"How many guys, El. I hope I have enough food for everyone."

Elliot laughed.

"My wife the hostess. Just give them a beer baby, I'll be home as soon as I can."

"Alright. I love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart. Bye."

Olivia hung up the phone and checked her hair in the mirror as she made her way to the door.

"Just a second," she said as the doorbell rang once more.

She pulled the door open and stood face to face with a dark haired woman she hadn't seen in over a year and a half.

"Courtney?"

"Surprise," Courtney said with a smile.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?"

"Look at your belly! You look beautiful," Courtney said wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck to hug her.

"I have missed you so much," Olivia said softly as she began to cry.

Courtney laughed.

"I'm here now. You don't have to cry."

"Ahh, it's the hormones. I have been an emotional train wreck for the last nine months. And poor Elliot has taken it like a champ. Come on in," Olivia said holding the door for her dearest friend. "Elliot should actually be home any time, we are moving today. Wait until he finds out you're here."

"Actually," Courtney said as she paused for a moment, "Elliot will be back in just a minute. He dropped me off then drove around the block for the surprise."

"I should have known he was responsible," she said softly wiping a tear from her cheek.

"Here he is," Courtney said as Elliot pulled into the drive way.

"You," Olivia pointed as she began to cry once more.

"Were you surprised?"

"Definitely. I thought you had to work?"

"I had to find a way to get out of the house to pick Court up at the airport without you suspecting. She and I have been planning this for weeks. Courtney would have killed me if I ruined the surprise."

"You're right I would have."

"How long can you stay?"

"I took some much needed vacation time. I had been saving it up forever and decided now is as good a time as any to use it."

"So you will be here when the baby comes?"

"Do you honestly think I would miss the birth of my first niece?"

Olivia smiled.

"You are the best-best friend ever!"

"I know, right?"

Courtney laughed.

"Well, I hope you guys are hungry. Lunch is ready."

"I'm starving," Courtney replied. "I do not eat airplane food. I'm not that brave."

Olivia laughed.

"What are we having?" Courtney asked hanging her jacket on the hook beside Elliot's.

"Cheeseburgers," Olivia replied pulling it from the oven.

"Liv makes the best cheeseburgers."

"Well, look at you all domesticated," Courtney said with a smile.

"I know. Two years ago I could barely cook at all. But I have been in homemaker mode this entire pregnancy. I looked up a bunch of recipes on the internet that I wanted to try to cook, of course I changed a few things here and there to my liking and now…."

"Now you're Martha Stewart," Courtney joked.

"I prefer Rachel Ray," Olivia corrected her. "I watch her show for new recipes all of the time. Rachel Ray, Bobby Flay and Paula Deen."

"I don't know who inspired it," Elliot said as Olivia sat a stack of plates on the table, "but I love it. I don't deny I have gained a bit of weight since we got married. It's a good thing I have to stay in shape for work," he said rubbing his hand over his six pack.

"Court, I cannot wait to show you the new house. It is beautiful. And I am so excited that we will be all moved in before Mia arrives."

"Mia?" Courtney asked with a smile. "That is beautiful."

"When was the last time I talked to you? It has been so long."

"Umm, you had just found out the baby was a girl."

"I have tried to call you, but I always get voicemail."

"I'm sorry, Liv. I….have had a rough time the last several months. And I didn't do so well at taking calls….or returning them. But I will tell you more about that later. How do you like living in San Diego?"

"The weather is nice. It has been unusually cool the last couple of days, but it is usually really nice. And it's quiet. Here on base anyway. I have not really ventured out into the city."

"Really? You weren't dying to go shopping at all of the old places we shopped before?"

"I have been busy trying to get things settled here. I had to find a new doctor and we just finished unpacking here, now it is time to move again."

"But this house it our home. For at least a year anyway, then we'll head back to our real home in Manhattan."

"Very true," Olivia agreed. "But this is the perfect place to bring our new baby home to."

After lunch, Courtney helped Olivia pack up the rest of the clothes and personal belongings from the apartment. Some of the guys from Elliot's work arrived and moved all of the big furniture to the new house, as Courtney and Olivia packed up the dishes in the kitchen. Then drove over to the new house as well.

"This place is such a mess," Olivia said as Courtney carried the last box into the new place.

"I'll help you. We will have this set up in no time. Right now, lets just work on your room so you guys have a place to sleep."

"Good thinking. Then we'll have to dig out the sofa and fine the box with all of the bedding so you have a place to sleep."

"I've got that covered," Elliot said leading Olivia down the hallway and opening the door to the extra bedroom to reveal a bed and a dresser. "I had the furniture rental place deliver it this morning. I knew she was coming, remember?"

Olivia smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he said kissing her tenderly. "Why don't you go in there and help Courtney unpack her things. I will find the bedding and get these boxes organized a little better, then I say we call it a night a little early tonight. It has been a long day for us all. Right now you should get off your feet for a little while."

"Yes dear," Olivia mocked as she followed Courtney down the hall.


	38. 38 Ten Tiny Toes

_**Author's Note: I was up until well after midnight writing this update because I wanted to get it all out before I forgot it. (And had to be back up for work at 5 am!) LOL. So it is full of typos, I am sorry in advance. I keep trying to fix them as I find them and more keep appearing. Anyway, here is the chapter you have all been waiting so patiently for. The birth of Elliot and Olivia's baby girl! Hope you like it! Please remember to review!**_

_**~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~**_

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Eight: Ten Tiny Toes)_

Over the next couple of days Courtney helped Olivia unpack the house while Elliot worked. It wasn't long before they had the new house looking and feeling like home and this gave them some catch up time for girl talk.

"So how much longer until Mia comes?" Courtney asked as they folded tiny pink baby clothes and put them away.

"My doctor will let me go up to ten more days before he induces me."

"That sounds like fun. But you had Jacob a little early. That could happen again, right?"

"I hope, I am ready to be un-pregnant again."

Courtney laughed.

"De-pregnated?"

"Exactly," Olivia sighed as her daughter kicked under her ribs. "Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being pregnant. Well, part of the time. But nine months is way too long. And I can't wait to meet my baby girl."

"Neither can I," Courtney said with a smile as she placed her palm against Olivia's bulging belly.

"So what has been going on with you?"

"Nothing exciting. Hey, guess who I ran into!"

"Who?"

"Steve."

"Really? How's he doing?"

"He just went through a divorce. I ran into him at the airport during a layover and we sat had a conversation."

"Uh huh," Olivia said with a smile, "and what else did you have?"

"Nothing," Courtney laughed. "We went back to his hotel room and talked for hours about all of the things that happened when we were younger."

"Is that all you did in his hotel room?" Olivia asked with a suggestive smile. "Did you exchange numbers?"

"Of course," Courtney laughed. "But nothing else happened. He was a complete gentleman."

"How's he doing?"

"He seems good. He looks good."

Olivia smiled.

"Do you think there could still be some feelings there?"

"Maybe. I don't know. He is just coming out of a relationship and I am not supposed to date for a little while after exiting rehab, but we definitely still have a friendship. And I would love to see him again."

Olivia raised her eyes at the mention of Courtney's stint in rehab, but decided to wait until her friend was ready to talk about it.

"That is great. I really hope things work out and you can see him. I would love to see him again."

"I told him I was on my way here and I told him about the baby. I told him he should come to town, but he has some work think going on and can't be here."

"That's a shame. I know how happy it would make El and I both to be able to see him again. And it would've been neat if you both could have been here when the baby was born."

"He said he is sorry he can't make it, but he did give me something…."

Olivia watched as Courtney disappeared into the other room and returned with her purse. From it she pulled out an envelope.

"It's for Mia," she said softly.

Olivia opened the envelope and inside was a one page letter. Steve had written words of congratulations and apologies for not being able to be there. He promised to come and visit sometime soon and wrote his phone number on the bottom of the page. Folded up inside the page was a check for two hundred dollars and a sticky note instructing them to buy something nice for their new little girl from her uncle Steve.

"This is so sweet. I can't wait to see him again. I'll have to call him later and invite him out."

"The whole gang will be together again," Courtney said with a smile.

"The four of us were best friends for so long and the two of you really helped me through so much when I thought I had lost Elliot. In a sense, the two of you saved me."

"Aww," Courtney said hugging her friend again. "I have missed you so much, Olivia. I have had other friends throughout my life, but I have never had this strong of a bond with any of them before."

"Because we have always been closer than friends. We're family, Court. And I hate that it has been over a year since we have seen each other."

"You and I both know that I have not been that good at returning phone calls."

"Yeah. Until you showed up here, I wasn't sure if maybe I had done something to upset you. Or maybe you just didn't want to talk to me."

"Liv, it wasn't that I didn't want to talk to you. I really couldn't."

"Court, what are you talking about?"

"I couldn't call you because I was have been in rehab for the last seven months. The one time I did call, I called from the center."

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea things were so bad for you."

"It was court ordered. I went out one night a few months ago with some friends and I may have ran a red light on my way home and I got pulled over. I was a little over the legal limit, barely!"

"You got a DUI?"

"Yes. Because the judge was a friend of my brother's he said he would go easy on me. He sent me to court ordered rehab instead of jail."

"The judge sent you to rehab for seven months?"

"I was in for sixty days. But I relapsed and checked myself back in for another ninety days in the program. But I got sober and I don't drink anymore."

"I'm proud of you. I know how hard this must have been for you."

"That's not all. I'm not really on vacation, Liv. I was let go from my job for missing too many days. I have been searching for another, but it is hard to find a job right now."

"What are you going to do?"

"Keep looking. I can't afford to give up."

"Court, how attached are you to Boston?"

"I've been there for a long time."

"What is you were able to find a job here in San Diego? Would you consider relocating?"

"Here, to the beaches and the sun. I would love to get out of Boston, Liv. Right now I just really need to regain control of my life and be able to stand on my own two feet again."

"We are here for another year. Then we are planning to move back to Manhattan. But I would love to have you here. And I know Elliot would feel the same way. You can stay here with us for a little while, until you can get a job and an apartment."

"I don't know if they will let me do that, Liv. You live on a military base, remember. These places have rules of their own."

"We will figure something out. El and I will help you all that we can. I want you here….if you want to stay."

Olivia smiled a warm smile.

"I could really use the help once the baby comes and it will be so wonderful to have my best friend here. So far, I don't have any friends here."

"You can't say that anymore," Courtney said with a smile.

That evening Elliot came home to find his wife sitting on the sofa watching television.

"What are you doing?" he asked giving her a kiss.

"I was craving these," she said with a smile. "Do you want one?"

"No thank you, honey. I personally think that is kind of disgusting," he said as she held up a flaming hot Cheeto covered in creamy peanut butter.

"That's what I said," Courtney agreed.

Elliot laughed.

"She once woke me up at three o'clock in the morning to go to the store for Flaming Hot Cheetos and creamy peanut butter," he said kissing Olivia's forehead.

"Did you do it?" Courtney asked.

"Gladly. And I have made sure to keep them stocked up ever sense."

"This has been my main craving all the way through this pregnancy," Olivia informed her friend.

"She was craving these before we knew for sure she even was pregnant."

"That is what first made me think I was pregnant."

"She keeps trying to get me to try it, but I just cannot bring myself to do it," Elliot laughed.

"You don't know what you're missing," Olivia replied popping another chip into her mouth.

"Are we having Cheetos for dinner?" Elliot asked scrunching up his nose in protest.

"No," Olivia laughed. "I have a pizza in the oven and it should be ready in about ten minutes."

"Pizza?" He asked with a smile. "What kind of pizza?"

"Homemade," Courtney informed him.

"Hamburger and pepperoni, with cheddar cheese and mushrooms. Just the way you like it," Olivia added.

"She makes the best homemade pizza," Elliot said to Courtney. "How was everything today?" he asked placing his palms against his wife's swollen belly.

"Just fine," Olivia replied moving his hand over the place where Mia kicked.

"No pain or contractions?"

"Nope. If there had been I would have called you."

Elliot exhaled.

"Any day now daddy," Olivia assured him.

"I know. I guess I am just getting a little antsy. I am ready to meet my baby girl and finally get to hold her."

"You and me both," Olivia agreed.

Elliot kissed her belly, then raised up and kissed her lips.

"Peanut butter kisses," he said with a smile.

"Flaming hot ones?" Courtney joked.

"Her kisses are always flaming hot," Elliot said with a smile as he stole another one.

"Ha, ha," Olivia said with a sarcastic laugh.

"I'm gonna go wash up and get changed before dinner," Elliot said kissing her again as he moved back to their bedroom to take a shower.

"He is so adorable," Courtney said with a smile. "He worships you and this baby."

"He is an excellent husband and I know he will be a wonderful father. At first it was me who was really pushing to try and get pregnant immediately, but from the moment I got pregnant everything in Elliot's world has revolved around this baby. Even when he was deployed and he would finally get a minute to call me, I would answer the phone and the first words out of his mouth were always 'how's the baby?' And I think he was even more excited than I was when I told him we were having a little girl."

"I'm glad you guys are so happy and things are finally working out so well for you. God knows you both deserve it after everything you have been through together."

"Thanks, Court. I'm gonna set the table," Olivia said standing and stretching her back."

"Let me," Courtney insisted. "I am here to help, remember?"

"Okay and while you do that, I will pull the pizza from the oven."

Over dinner Elliot and Courtney worked out a delivery plan.

"I want us to have a plan incase she does go into labor," Elliot said taking a bite of his pizza. "I am so glad that you are here and that she wont be home alone all day. Especially right now when she could go into labor at any time."

"Me too," Olivia agreed.

"The emergency numbers are by the phone," Elliot said. "They are also programmed into Olivia's call phone. If she goes into labor…."

"Call the doctor, then call you," Courtney said repeating their plan.

"Yes! Call my work and tell them to find me immediately. You probably wont be able to wait for me to get to the phone, so just leave a message that Olivia is going to the hospital and I will meet you there. I showed you where the hospital was, right?"

"On the way back from the airport."

"Do you want to run by there again, just in case?"

"I'm sure I can find it."

"I know where it is El," Olivia said laughing at his seriousness.

""I know you do, baby. But you are liable to be in pain and she needs to be able to find it on her own."

"Once you get past the gate, you take the first left and go down six blocks," Olivia instructed her friend. "You can't miss it."

"Got it," Courtney said with a confident smile.

"Should there be an emergency, dial…."

"911?" Courtney asked.

"No, dial 0 for the operator. She will connect you with the guard shack and they can send help to the house. They are trained enough to deliver a baby should they need to."

"I don't want them delivering my baby," Olivia protested.

"I know you don't, honey. But given the situation, you may not have the time to be transported safely to the hospital before giving birth."

"Okay, now you're kind of freaking me out."

"I don't mean to, Angel. It is part of my training to always have a back up plan."

"Now we have one," Courtney said squeezing Olivia's hand. "I am sure everything will be just fine. You just tell me when you first feel signs of labor and we should have plenty of time."

"I hope you're right. Because I want drugs and an epidural and I am sure those guys aren't going to provide that."

"Probably not," Elliot agreed. "Pretty much all they would do is catch the baby and cut the cord, make sure you don't bleed out before we get you to the hospital."

Olivia stared at him in horror.

"I'm joking, babe. I didn't mean to scare you. They have medical training. They may not have drugs and I'm sure an epidural would be out of the question. But they would be able to safely deliver the baby and watch over you both until you could reach the hospital. It's just good to always plan for the worst."

"I guess you're right. It's better to know what to do should the situation arise than to be approached with the situation and not know how to handle it."

"Exactly right," he said kissing her forehead as he began to clear the table. "Why don't you ladies find us a movie to watch and I will make some popcorn?"

"With extra butter and Tabasco sauce?" Olivia asked.

"Any way you like it," Elliot said with a smile.

"What, no peanut butter?" Courtney joked and Olivia laughed.

"Hey, some people say that spicy foods can help induce labor," Olivia replied with a smile. "At this point it can only help the situation."

That night as they laid in bed Olivia talked over the Courtney situation with her husband.

"I really want her to stay, El."

"I'll see what I can do, but she really isn't supposed to stay here more than a week or so. They only agreed to let her stay that long because I told them she was your sister."

"She is. Maybe we don't have the same blood, but she has been in every other sense of the word. I want to help her, Elliot. There has to be something we can do. If we can help her get a job and a place to live here, we can help support her emotionally and help her to stay sober. I'm afraid that if she goes back to Boston, back to her old friends and her old life….she will fall off the wagon again."

"I promise you I will look into it. And we will do everything that we can to help. But Liv, when it comes right down to it, Courtney is going to have to be the one who chooses to stay sober. We can want her to all we want, but it is a choice she has to make for herself."

"I know. And I know it will be hard for her. But I also know that she is strong enough to do this. Promise me you will ask if she can stay, just a little longer. And maybe ask around about jobs. We're gonna go look tomorrow….and every day, until she finds something. She just needs a little time."

"I will do all that I can. Courtney is like a sister to me, too. And I agree with you one hundred percent. If she wants to be here, I think we should do everything we can to help her stay."

"You're amazing," she said with a smile as she nuzzled her nose against his and kissed him. "You know what else they say helps jump start labor?" she whispered playfully against his ear.

Elliot smiled and tossed his book off the bed and into the floor to devote his full attention to his wife.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

"You don't hurt me. It isn't always comfortable and I feel like a cow crushing you, but it is worth a try if it could help bring labor, right?"

"Good point. As long as I am not hurting you or the baby. You are beautiful, you do not look like a cow and you have yet to crush me while we were having sex. I think we'll be alright," he said with a smile as he kissed her tenderly.

Olivia smiled and turned off the light.

The next afternoon as they unpacked the last of the moving boxes, Olivia sighed.

"Are you alright?" Courtney asked looking alarmed.

"I'm fine," Olivia said with a smile. "Just a little tired. I think I'll lay down for an hour or so and take a nap before Elliot gets home from work."

"Do you mind if I use your computer to check my email and fill out some more job applications?"

"Not at all," Olivia said as she brought her laptop from the bedroom and handed it to Courtney. "Do you have any idea what you would like for dinner tonight?"

"Anything sounds fine. Why don't you let me make dinner tonight?" Courtney asked checking the cabinets for food while the lap top came on.

"I need to go grocery shopping again. Maybe we could do that after my nap."

"You have all of the stuff for spaghetti. And I could make some garlic bread. Does that sound good?"

Olivia smiled as she felt a hard kick on one side of her belly.

"Mia thinks so," she laughed.

"Spaghetti it is then," Courtney announced returning her attention to the lap top. "What in the world is this?" she laughed as the last search entered popped up on the screen.

"Elliot uses it for work sometimes. There is no telling what you might fine on there," Olivia said combing her fingers through her hair.

Courtney laughed again.

"This looks more like porn! Pregnancy porn! Something tells me it isn't for Elliot's work."

"Oh," Olivia laughed as she turned the screen around to see the cartoon drawings Courtney was talking about. "No, that was mine."

"Yours?" Courtney laughed.

"Well, ours. Elliot and I were trying to have sex again last night. BIG emphasis on _trying_. They say that sex can help jump start labor, but we couldn't find a position that was comfortable for me and didn't seem to crush him. So I googled pregnancy sex positions for pointers."

Courtney laughed so hard she almost peed her pants.

"You laugh now, but wait until you are the size of a water buffalo and trying to keep some kind of romance in your marriage. This stuff is harder than it looks when you have another person between you."

"You're right. I'm sorry I laughed."

"Don't be. I guess it is a little funny. And these pictures are about ridiculous."

"It's like pregnancy karma sutra cartoons," Courtney replied.

"It has just been a while since we were actually able to do anything."

"Did you find something that worked for you last night?"

Olivia smiled.

"Ahh," Courtney said with a grin. "Which one?"

"That one," Olivia said pointing to one of the pictures on the screen.

"Number nine, nice."

"And number three. Umm, seven and….twelve."

"My God girl, I am surprised you can walk."

Olivia laughed.

"Seriously, no wonder you are so tired today," Courtney said with a smile.

"Well, I am not sure we did any of them right. And I can only hold the position for a few minutes at a time, none of them are really comfortable….more tolerable, really. We probably only actually had about twenty minutes of sex. But it was a good twenty minutes."

Courtney smiled again.

"Good for you. It wont be long and you guys will have that part of your life back again."

"Six to eight weeks after delivery. That seems like such a long time."

"You've don't it before."

"I wasn't sleeping in the same bed as my hot marine husband before. I wasn't even dating anyone. I thought for sure I had lost the only one man I ever loved and sex was the last thing on my mind."

"I guess you're right. I guess I wasn't thinking about that."

Olivia yawned again.

"Well, good luck with the job hunt. Miss Mia and I are gonna go take a nap."

Two hours later Olivia sat up in her bed, something just didn't feel right. Courtney had just finished cooking the hamburger for the spaghetti and was about to put the noodles into the water when she heard Olivia call to her from the bedroom.

"Court, can you come in here for a minute?"

"Yeah," she answered turning off the burner as she moved into the other room to check on Olivia. "What's going on?"

"I think something's wrong."

"Are you having contractions?"

"I don't think so," Olivia said smoothing her hands over her belly. "But my back aches and something just doesn't feel right."

"Do you want me to call your doctor?"

"No, I guess it's nothing," she said reaching to turn on the lamp beside the bed.

As Olivia tossed back the blankets she realized she was sitting in a puddle of amniotic fluid.

"That looks really gross," Courtney said staring at the spot on the bed. "This isn't supposed to happen, it is?"

"Yeah," Olivia said with a smile. "My water must have broke while I was sleeping."

"That's what happens when your water breaks?"

"I guess so. The last time my water broke in the doctor's office during my exam. It wasn't anything like this. I was awake and there was a pop and then a warm gush of liquid and I could hear it pouring off the table. I honestly thought I had peed myself until the doctor told me what had happened."

"So this means it's time, right? When your water breaks, you're having the baby?"

"Yup. Can you help me up? I need to get cleaned up."

"Shouldn't we go to the hospital so we don't have to call the guard shack?"

"We have a little time, Court. Go ahead and call the doctor. I am going to change into some dry clothes and we can call Elliot on the way."

"Okay. How on earth are you so calm?"

"I don't know," Olivia said pausing as she felt a contraction. "I just feel really peaceful right now."

"Maybe they should give _me_ your drugs," Courtney said as she picked up Olivia's cell phone from beside the bed and called the doctor.

Olivia walked across the room and pulled out a fresh change of clothes. She picked up her packed bag and laid it on the bed. She groaned softly placing her hand under her belly as she felt another contraction.

Olivia moved into the bathroom and turned on the hot water in the shower. She pulled her hair back in a clip and dropped her wet clothes into the floor as she stepped into the shower.

"They are paging your doctor and he will meet us at the hospital," Courtney said walking into the bathroom. "Olivia, you're in labor and you are taking a shower?"

"I'll only be a minute."

"What if the baby comes out?"

Olivia laughed as she shut off the water and stepped out.

"I had to wash that gunk off me. I just need another minute to get dressed."

She reached onto the counter and handed Courtney her make up bag.

"Can you grab my tooth brush and put it with this in the bag on my bed? I also need the diaper bag in the nursery next to the crib and the car seat."

"The car seat?"

"She cannot go home unless we have the car seat."

"Okay," Courtney agreed nervously.

Olivia exhaled as her friend disappeared from the room. She stood beside her bed and dressed herself, then picked up her things and walked into the living room.

"I got the car seat," Courtney said rushing back into the living room where Olivia stood.

"Great. But where is the diaper bag?"

"Diaper bag, right."

Courtney turned to go back to the nursery after the diaper bag.

"Court, why don't you take this stuff out and go ahead and start the car. I'll grab the diaper bag and be out in a minute."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," Olivia assured her.

Olivia watched as Courtney ran past her and out the door with her hands full of the stuff for the hospital. Olivia laughed as she shook her head and walked into the nursery. She looked around the room for a moment in the stillness and smiled knowing the next time she came in this room it would be with her baby daughter.

"Alright miss Mia, lets get your things."

Olivia picked up the diaper bag and unzipped it. She packed a few extra newborn diapers and a couple more outfits from the baby's dresser.

"And this," she said picking up a soft pink blanket from the side of the crib.

"Alright baby girl, mommy's ready whenever you are," she said softly as she patted her hand against her belly.

Olivia wound the mobile over the crib and listened for a moment as the lullaby played. She smiled and pulled the strap of the diaper bag over her shoulder as she walked out of the room. She picked up her cell phone from the kitchen counter as she walked toward the door. She listened as the phone rang on the other end and her husband answered.

She smiled again and said the three words he had waited so long to hear, "El, it's time."

Four and a half hours later Courtney and Elliot waited in the hall as the doctor examined Olivia again and started her epidural. Elliot looked up to see a familiar face standing at the end of the hallway.

"Steve?"

"Elliot," his old friend laughed as he moved toward them.

"How did you find us?"

"I called him," Courtney said leaning forward to hug Steve.

"I talked to Courtney last night. I was going to try to surprise you."

"But we kind of had a change of plans when Olivia went into labor," Courtney said as she exhaled.

"How's she doing in there?"

"Pretty good. Dilated to a six and the contractions are getting stronger and closer together. They are putting in her epidural and the doctor asked us to step out for a few minutes so they can get things ready for the delivery."

"We should be able to go back in soon," Courtney replied.

"Liv is going to be so excited to see you."

The doctor stepped out into the hall and allowed them to renter the room.

"How are you doing, baby?" Elliot asked leaning over the side of the hospital bed to kiss her.

"Better now, that the epidural is kicking in. The contractions are getting harder. And I am now at a seven. He's going to come back in and check me again in a few minutes to see if it is time to start pushing. Until then, we just have to wait."

"Someone came to see you," Elliot said as Steve stepped into the room.

"Oh my gosh," Olivia said with a smile, "you made it!"

Steve stepped forward and hugged Olivia.

"You didn't think I would miss the birth of my niece, did you?" he laughed.

"I thought you had to work or something."

"I worked something out. This was more important."

"It is so good to see you," she said as she exhaled slowly.

"Contraction?" Elliot asked as they looked at the monitor that was keeping track of them.

"Yeah," she said softly.

"From the looks of this it was a pretty good one."

"I thought you couldn't feel them with the epidural?" Courtney asked.

"I don't feel the pain of the contraction, but I feel a pressure. They are really close now," she said watching as another contraction showed up on the monitor.

The nurse came in to checked Olivia once more and said it was time to start pushing. The doctor told Elliot that only two of them could remain in the delivery room when the baby was born. Courtney decided to step out and wait in the waiting room with Steve.

They sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, talking and making up for lost time. Nearly an hour after they had left Olivia's room, Elliot sent Courtney a text message with a picture of his newborn daughter.

"She is beautiful," Steve said looking at the picture.

Courtney wiped a tear from her eye as he phone rang.

"El, she is beautiful. When can we come back and see her?"

She listened for a moment as Elliot gave her the baby's statistics.

"Six pounds, eight ounces and she is nineteen and a half inches long," she repeated to Steve. "She was born at 11:57 pm and both mother and baby are doing really good. Congratulations, daddy!" Courtney said with excitement. "El says they are taking Liv to get settled into her room and we can come back to see them in about fifteen minutes," she said as she closed her cell phone.

"What do you say we go check out the 24 hour gift shop?" Steve said standing and offering her his hand.

Courtney smiled and placed her hand in his as he helped her up and they headed for the elevators.

Elliot knelt beside his wife and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you so much," he whispered softly as he stared into her eyes.

Olivia was exhausted as she raised her hand to touch his cheek as she brushed her lips against his.

"I love you, too."

Just then there was a knock on the door and one of the nurses entered with the largest bunch of pink roses Olivia had ever seen. She smiled a tired smile as the nurse carried them over for her to see and handed her the card.

'To: my wife and my best friend. Thank you for giving me the sweetest gift of all, our beautiful baby girl. I'll love you forever, El.'

"Elliot, they are beautiful. Thank you."

"I called the florist and ordered them on my way to the hospital. They have been sitting out there at the nurses station waiting for the baby to arrive," He said with a smile. "Not even half the thanks you deserve for making me the proudest father on the face of the Earth." He locked his fingers between hers. "Our little Mia is finally here," he said as another nurse wheeled a little bed into the room and handed Olivia the baby.

She smiled with tears in her eyes as she held her daughter.

"Mommy and daddy have waited so long to meet you," she said softly as the baby grunted and stared up at them.

"She is so precious," Elliot said looking down at the round wrinkly pink face and thick dark hair.

He laughed as she yawned and Olivia watched as tears once more flowed from his eyes.

"She looks just like you," he said as he kissed Olivia's forehead. "Our little Mia Abigail."

"I was thinking…."

"Thinking what, sweetheart?"

"Thinking maybe Mia doesn't really fit her."

"You changed your mind?" he asked looking into her eyes.

"Yes," she said softly as she stared at their newborn daughter.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I thought we could call her Riley."

"Riley?" Elliot asked with a smile.

"I know how bad we both wanted him to be able to be here to meet his Goddaughter. I thought maybe we could name her after him. You don't like the idea?" she asked as Elliot's eyes teared up again.

"No, I love the idea. And I think Riley is a very pretty name for a girl. Better than naming her David, I guess," he joked.

Olivia laughed.

"Riley," she said softly looking down at the tiny little girl. "Okay daddy, do you have any ideas for a middle name?"

Elliot thought for a minute.

"Well, what about Emma?"

"Riley Emma…." Olivia considered.

"Maybe not," Elliot said as their daughter closed her little hand around daddy's finger. "Riley Elizabeth Stabler."

Olivia smiled.

"I like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Riley Elizabeth Stabler."

"But I still love Mia. Maybe for baby girl number two?"

Olivia smiled.

"I have only had this one out of me for about twenty minutes and you are already planning on putting another one in there?"

"Well, when Riley is a little older….I think she should have a brother or sister. At least a sister."

Olivia smiled.

"And it would be a shame to waste the name Mia," he added.

Olivia laughed as they heard another knock on the door.

"Hey guys, come on in," Elliot said standing proudly to show off his daughter.

Steve and Courtney entered the room with a bundle of balloons and several stuffed toys.

"There she is," Courtney cooed at the baby.

"Welcome to the world Mia," Steve said with a smile.

"Actually, Olivia and I decided we want to call her Riley, after a friend of ours that we lost a few months ago."

"Riley is a beautiful name," Steve said.

"Riley Elizabeth Stabler," Elliot said with a proud smile.

"I love it," Courtney said looking down at the baby. "I think it fits her well."

"She is really gorgeous you guys. Congratulations," Steve said as Elliot handed him the baby.

"She has ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. I already counted them," he joked. "She is perfect," he said as he watched their friends falling in love with their daughter.

"Dark hair and dark eyes," Courtney pointed out.

"She looks just like her beautiful mother," Steve said kissing Olivia on the cheek. "You did good man," he said patting Elliot on the back. "I don't think that I have ever seen a better looking baby. Only one that even came close to this one," he said as Elliot looked at him. "And he looked just like you."

Elliot smiled as he returned to his wife's side.

"You two sure make good looking kids," Steve said kissing little Riley on the forehead as he handed her off to Courtney to hold.

"So when are the two of you gonna get around to making her a little cousin?" Elliot asked with a mischievous smile.

Steve laughed and looked over at Courtney.

"We have decided to take things one step at a time," she answered smiling down at the baby in her arms.

"Courtney has agreed to let me take her out for dinner tomorrow night," Steve replied.

"Do it right man," Elliot warned him. "Treat her like a lady and have her home at a decent hour. Don't make me come looking for you."

Steve smiled and Olivia laughed.

"Yes, sir. I will have her home by curfew, I promise. Well, we'd better get going and let the three of you get some rest. I still have to get checked in to the hotel."

"Why don't you stay at the house tonight? I'm gonna be here with Olivia anyway and it will give you guys a little time alone together. Court's in the guest room, but Liv just picked out the most comfortable sofa on the planet."

"It is pretty comfortable," she said with a smile. "I liked to nap on it while I was pregnant and I could hardly get comfortable anywhere."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I insist," Elliot said. "I will have to escort you guys back on base, though and let them know you are our guests. Will you be alright while I run them home?" he asked turning to Olivia.

"I think so. I need to feed her anyway," Olivia said with a yawn.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to grab me some clothes, all I have is the uniform I'm wearing. Is there anything you need from the house?"

"I think I have everything. If not we can get it in the morning."

Elliot kissed his wife and daughter.

"Riley, you be a good girl. Daddy will be back soon. You take care of mommy, alright?" he looked into the baby's little brown eyes as she whimpered. "Daddy loves you so much, angel."

He handed the baby back to Olivia and they were out the door. That night as Elliot settled in to sleep in the chair beside Olivia's hospital bed, he smiled at the little girl in the little plastic bed between them. He had waited his whole life for the chance to be a father and this time he vowed to do it right. He leaned forward and checked the blanket around little Riley.

"She's fine babe," Olivia whispered softly in the dark.

"I just want to make sure she is warm enough."

"You are such a good daddy already," She said with a smile.

"I hope so. I love her so much. More than I ever thought I could love anyone."

"So you like being a dad?" she asked with a smile.

"It is the best feeling in the world," he whispered as he kissed her. "I have the best life. I am married to my childhood sweetheart and the love of my life," he said brushing her hair back as he kissed her forehead, "and we have the most beautiful daughter that has ever been born."

"I sent a text to Cragen, Fin and Munch with the picture of Riley," she whispered. "Tomorrow I would like to send them some more of the pictures," she yawned.

"Definitely. If it wasn't so late I would have called them to brag."

"Well, I got three texts back telling us congratulations on our beautiful daughter. She isn't even a day old yet and already she has stolen the heart of everyone she knows."

Elliot kissed his wife.

"You should get some rest now, it has been along evening."

"Afternoon, evening and morning. The sun will be up in a couple of hours."

"I love you so much," Elliot whispered twisting his fingers in her dark hair.

"I love you, too."

As they fell asleep together in the hospital room, a few blocks away Steve and Courtney laughed and talked as they compared newborn Riley pictures on their cell phones and ate spaghetti at three o'clock in the morning.


	39. 39 Daddy's Little Girl

_Beautifully Broken_

_(Chapter Thirty Nine: Daddy's Little Girl)_

Elliot opened his eyes in the darkness and listened as his three day old daughter began to whimper from the bassinette across the room. He shifted gently to see his completely exhausted wife passed out cold beside him.

"It's okay Riley," he said softly as he sat up in the bed. "Daddy's here baby girl," he cooed as he picked the tiny baby up and cradled her in his arms. "It's alright now," he whispered as she began to cry a little louder. "Okay, here's the plan," he whispered slipping the little pink pacifier into his daughter's mouth to quiet her cries, "daddy's gonna get you a dry diaper and we'll take it from there. Sound good to you?"

Riley stared up at him with a look of concern in her little brown eyes.

"Hey, daddy is a little new at this, too. We are just going to have to learn to work together in this. Okay?"

Elliot snapped the snaps of Riley's soft pink sleeper and smiled at his achievement as the pacifier fell from the baby's mouth. Riley whimpered as tiny little tears filled her eyes and she began to cry once more.

"That wasn't it," Elliot noted as he picked up the pacifier and slipped it into her mouth again.

This time Riley wasn't falling for it. She spit out the pacifier and pouted for a moment before her soft pleas turned into much stronger cries of frustration. Elliot looked around in the dark for a moment in panic, he had never had to figure out what to do when the pacifier trick didn't work.

"Okay, okay. Daddy just needs a second to think."

"She's hungry babe," Olivia said softly from behind him. "That is her hungry cry. She wants mommy to get up and nurse her."

"I was trying to take care of her and let you sleep. I know you're exhausted and I have to go back to work in a few days. I wanted to help out while I am home and get up with her. I guess I'm not that good at this."

"It takes a little practice. But usually if she still cries after you change her, it is because she is hungry. And it has been almost four hours since I nursed her before I put her to bed, so she is probably starving."

"Did you make up any bottles?" Elliot asked as he held his daughter against his chest and patted her back to comfort her.

"I pumped and made up a couple of bottles before I went to bed."

"Then I can take her in the living room and feed her."

"Are you sure? She is liable to wake up the whole house."

"I'm sure. Riley and I are going to have a little daddy-daughter time."

Elliot leaned down to kiss his wife tenderly.

"Get some rest, mommy."

"Alright, I'm right here if you need me."

Olivia laid back in the bed and looked at the clock as Elliot carried their baby girl toward the bedroom door.

"El, don't forget…."

"To burp her," he said finishing her sentence. "I know."

Olivia smiled as he winked at her.

"You are such a good father."

"I try to be."

Olivia sighed as she settled back into the bed. She laid awake for a few moments listening to the soft cries of her newborn in the other room, fighting off the urge to intervene and feed the baby herself. She smiled as she heard Riley's cries cease, knowing that Elliot was getting the hang of fatherhood.

Elliot spoke softly to Riley as he walked around the kitchen with her. He walked through the dining room and into the dark living room.

"You are a very hungry little girl," Elliot said softly kissing the top of Riley's little head as she drank from her bottle.

He sat down on the love seat and turned on the television.

"Hey man," he heard as the light from the TV filled the room.

"Sorry Steve, I didn't realize you were there."

"Court and I got in late. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. I just figured you would be in her room. I didn't think I'd find you sleeping out here on the sofa. Everything alright between you two?"

"Everything is fine. Things are going great. I just thought….out of respect for you guys it would be better if I crashed on the couch."

Elliot smiled.

"I appreciate the gesture. There is a bed in the baby's room. It's only a twin, but it has got to be more comfortable than this sofa. Olivia picked it out and while it is attractive and stylish, it really isn't that comfortable. Riley will be sleeping in our room for at least the next few weeks, so you will have the room all to yourself."

"The little pink room," Steve said with a smile. "How's uncle Steve's girl?"

"She's good. She just woke up hungry and I thought I would give Liv a break. If you crash in the nursery we wont keep waking you up every time we get up with the baby. It will be better."

"I've got a hotel room in town. It was just late and I was tired. I am supposed to take her to an interview in the morning. I just figured if I was here when she woke up in the morning I could take her to breakfast before her job interview."

"How long are you going to be in town?"

"Well, I took a little time off work. Courtney is talking about wanting to get a place around here to be closer to Liv and the baby. I was thinking about maybe checking into getting a place as well."

"Really?"

"I'm crazy about her, Elliot. I always have been. There is something about that girl that I just can't get over. Since we were kids…."

"She was your first love. Trust me, I know how that goes," Elliot replied smiling down at the his new daughter and the evidence that a first love could infact be the love of your life. "What about work?"

"I am going to try to transfer. If that doesn't work out I am sure I could find something around here."

"You would give up your career just to move closer to Courtney? Now I know you're in love."

Steve smiled.

"I don't think that either of us are really ready for anything too serious just yet. But when we are, I want to be here. I love being around her and just hanging out with her. And some day I fully intend to date her again."

"Good for you," Elliot replied placing Riley against his shoulder as he began patting her on the back to burp her. "She's so tiny I am always afraid I am going to break her. But Olivia said this is the best way to do it."

Steve smiled.

"She is the sweetest little thing."

"She is. She is daddy's little girl. But this sweet little thing gets us up about six times a night, so if you plan on getting any sleep you might want to reconsider sleeping in the _pink_ room," Elliot joked. "Seriously man, I know it's not much, but you are welcome to stay here as long as you'd like. Save the money from the hotel and the gas you are going to waste coming over here to see Courtney anyway. It will kind of be nice to have another guy around to talk to."

"Thanks," Steve said standing from the sofa. "Good night Angel," he whispered as he kissed Riley's little cheek.

After Steve had retired to the nursery and Elliot had gotten a good burp from the baby, he sat back on the loveseat and held her waiting for her to show some sign that she was tired again. Riley opened her little brown eyes and stared up at her father.

"You are wide awake, aren't you?" Elliot asked as she grunted. "Listen kid, it is still dark outside. We sleep when it is dark and we are awake when the sun is out. You will get used to it. But for tonight daddy will sit with you and watch a little TV until you fall asleep again. First, lets change your diaper again."

Elliot changed the baby and laid on the sofa with her nestled against his chest staring at the pretty lights of the television until she fell back to sleep. He shut off the TV and moved carefully back into the bedroom where he placed Riley gently into her bassinette and covered it with a soft pink blanket.

"Everything alright?" Olivia whispered softly as he climbed back into bed beside her.

"Yeah. She took about two ounces and gave me a good burp. We talked with uncle Steve for a little while."

"Steve is here?"

"He was sleeping on the couch."

"I figured he would sleep in Courtney's room."

"That's what I said. But he slept on the couch out of respect for us."

"That is sweet. But that couch is hard as a rock. I slept on it a few times when I was pregnant and the bed was too soft."

"I sent him to the nursery and told him the bed in there would be more comfortable. You know he is planning on getting a place and moving here."

"That will be nice, to have he and Courtney around. Do you think they'll work out this time?"

"I think he is still very much in love with her. He said something about taking it slow and waiting until they are both ready to date. But he intends to date her."

"I think its sweet."

"It is. I hope things work out for them."

Elliot wrapped raised up his arm as his wife settled in against his chest for a few hours of rest before it was time to get up and feed the baby again.

The next morning Elliot and Olivia awoke to the smell of bacon. After feeding the baby, Olivia carried her into the kitchen to find Steve and Courtney making breakfast.

"That smells fabulous," she said placing her daughter into her bouncy seat.

"It's almost ready," Steve said as Courtney pulled a stack of plates out to set the table.

"Steve was going to take me to breakfast, but we decided it would be nice for us all to have breakfast together. Kind of a thank you for all that you guys have done for us."

"Well, we are glad to have you guys here."

"Breakfast is served," Steve said carrying a platter of eggs, bacon and toast to the table.

Olivia sat the baby's seat on the table as they all sat down to eat. After breakfast Steve and Courtney left to go to Courtney's job interview. Elliot fell asleep on the worlds most uncomfortable couch watching a ball game and Olivia and baby Riley sat down at the computer to make their first Skype call to their friends back in New York.

"Hey," Cragen said as Olivia waved at him. "How are mommy and baby?"

"We're good. We are all doing really good. I was trying to wait for it to be a little later so it wasn't too early for you."

"It's never to early. You call me or Skype me any old time you'd like. I'm always glad to hear from you."

"I actually have someone here who wants to meet you," Olivia said as she pulled Riley from her bouncy seat and turned her to face the webcam.

"What a doll," Cragen said with a smile as he talked baby talk to the little girl. "I have her pictures all over my desk and I cannot wait to hold her."

Olivia laughed.

"Well, it will be a little while before she can fly. But El and I were talking about trying to plan a trip to Manhattan in a couple of months. He took off some time to be here when she came home, so it will be a little while before he can take time off again."

"How is he adjusting to fatherhood?"

"Really well. Last night was our second night at home with Riley, so we are all still kind of getting used to this. He is such a wonderful daddy."

"Does he get up with her at night?"

"He does. He actually got up with her at two o'clock this morning and gave her a bottle. Then he sat up with her because she didn't want to go back to sleep. She is definitely daddy's little girl. He is passed out on the couch right now."

"If you hold on a second, honey, I'll go get the guys. They have got to see this little angel."

Olivia watched the computer screen as Fin appeared.

"Cute kid," he said with a smile. "I was kind of hoping she would look like her beautiful mother, save Elliot's looks for the boys."

Olivia laughed.

"It's so good to hear from you."

"It's good to hear from you too. How are you guys doing?"

"We are good. Riley is healthy and we are healthy. I don't think I could ask for anything more."

"Well, I hope Elliot is ready to start fighting off the boys. She's a looker," Munch said pushing his partner out of his way to take over the computer.

"Hello John," Olivia said with a smile. "I really don't think we will have to worry about boys for a little while, she is only three days old."

"She is just precious, Liv. So are you guys gonna bring our new little niece back around here for a visit? Or are Fin and I gonna have to hop the next flight out from JFK and drop in on you?"

"We are planning a trip home in a few months. I have to wait until the baby is big enough to fly and Elliot can take a little time off work. But you guys are more than welcome to come out here anytime you'd like."

"I don't know if that will happen anytime soon. We're so busy around here without our two best detectives we may never get a vacation."

Olivia smiled.

"Well, it was good talking to you guys. I'd better get off here and get her fed, it's almost nap time."

"You guys keep in touch. And keep sending the pictures and emails. Congratulations."

"Thanks guys," she said kissing her baby daughter as she turned off the computer.

Olivia stood up and carried Riley into the bedroom to nurse her. She changed the little girl's diaper and laid her down on Elliot's pillow in the bed.

"I think mommy and Riley should take a nap while daddy is sleeping on the sofa. Yes, I do," she cooed as the little girl stared at her.

Olivia smiled as she settled in against her pillow and watched her daughter close her heavy eyes.

"Mommy and daddy love you so much angel," she whispered softly as she closed her eyes as well.


End file.
